How can I stop hating my autistic brother?

Watch
Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 7 years ago
#1
Hey sorry this is a bit depressing...
My brother is 3 years older than me at 18 nearly 19. I have known he has had autism for all of my life. When I was little it didn't really matter. But now, he acts like a weirdo 6 year old. He does now go to college in Devon, meaning I only see him in the holidays, but this means when I finally see him, his annoying traits are highlighted more. I don't go out with my parents as a family any more with him because it's so embarrassing. He wakes up at 5:30 or earlier, and he bangs round the house, which wakes me up early and makes me tired during the day. :mad: Also because he is older than me he can be quite scary. He talks/whispers/sings all the time and it really annoys me when he is doing homework, if I ask him to be quiet more than once he can suddenly charge at me, and when my parents were out of the room he has hit me and kicked me before. I told them, but because I quite openly hate him they didn't believe me and said he had "reduced muscle tone" so he couldn't have had the co-ordination or strength to hit me. Yet, they know when I was younger he pushed me down the stairs. I don't have friends over to my house if I can help it when he's home, especially as his bedroom is filled with toys for kids; but this means I can't have my friends over during the holidays. He also has "Gilberts syndrome" which basically meant he lost a load of weight, so my parents and grandparents were fussing over him. My parents still make a thing of feeding him cakes, chocolate etc and because I am not exactly tiny they try to diet me all the time. And they say they treat us equal! :mad: (sorry I am ranting here!) I just want to make a point and say I don't hate autistic people! I have a friend who has autism (asbergers) and he is one of my best friends! He is kinda my replacement brother.
Is anyone out there in a simular situation to me?
I am sorry if I seem really weird/mad/*****y
I would never be horrible to any other autistic person (at the most a bit wary if they were a bit like my brother) apart from my brother. Whilst we were having an argument, my mum said "it seems like you wish you never had a brother, or you wish he was dead!" and I couldn't answer her, because I couldn't give her the honest answer.
Thanks for reading, kinda helps me vent it out, and sorry it's really weird, I know i am gonna get a lot of hate for posting this.
0
reply
satisverborum2003
Badges: 6
Rep:
?
#2
Report 7 years ago
#2
Hi, there. I also have a autistic sibling. I've bee pushed and shoved and I was angry at the time but now really looking back on it I realised that it wasn't their fault that they behaved that way. I mean if they haven't got their disability then they wouldn't have behaved the way that they did. Sometimes I wish for normal siblings but then I look around and see my friends who have disagreement with their siblings over petty things. Of course it would be great if they were normal but sometimes life isn't fair. Some people's siblings are a lot worse off or got worse disorders.; I must admit, I would have been a lot different person if I haven't got autistic siblings.
3
reply
Capricancer
Badges: 10
Rep:
?
#3
Report 7 years ago
#3
I think it's normal to hate your brother during your teen years. But once you mature out of that stage, you'll learn to appreciate your brother and hopefully your brother will learn to appreciate you.


Posted from TSR Mobile
1
reply
Tiger Rag
Badges: 22
Rep:
?
#4
Report 7 years ago
#4
Is your brother classed as high functioning or low functioning? Would he understand if you explained to him (some of us need things explained in different ways) about your problems with his noise?

You have my sympathy. I have an Autistic brother and have Autism myself.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#5
Report Thread starter 7 years ago
#5
(Original post by OU Student)
Is your brother classed as high functioning or low functioning? Would he understand if you explained to him (some of us need things explained in different ways) about your problems with his noise?

You have my sympathy. I have an Autistic brother and have Autism myself.
I think he is low functioning, he can walk, and talk if he wants to, make himself food etc. But he cant do things like look for traffic, and understand other peoples feelings and pain. My mum has to go to a chiropractor every so often for her shoulder, because when he gets nervous he pulls/pushes on it.
0
reply
mrdetermination
Badges: 10
Rep:
?
#6
Report 6 years ago
#6
i think i now how you feel i have 2 autistic brothers one is 13 the other is 7, they both cant talk, they are both in their own world, but the one which is 13 is more severe and he is always shouting all the time, cant remember the last time i had a good night sleep, then their is my 7 year old brother he cant talk but less severe and i love him so much that if he was to samurai my arm of i will still love him. in terms of embarrassment my heart has turned to stone over the years so i don't really care anymore, im 17 btw
0
reply
Dragonfly07
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#7
Report 6 years ago
#7
It's very difficult to live in the same house as a low functioning autistic person. They don't understand how their actions affect others. They can't read nor do they care about other people's emotions.

If you're scared for your safety then I would say you should avoid him as much as possible. My brother is autistic and he has an obsession with hitting my younger sister, who is very small and can never understand why he does what he does. Part of the reason he does it is because he enjoys hearing her scream - it's like flicking a light switch and enjoying seeing the light turn on, and then turning it off and on again. I think he just sees her as a machine that makes a very loud noise when its hair is pulled rather than as a human being.

Maybe talk to your parents about setting him up a safe room. It's a padded room designed especially for autistic children who occasionally have rages. It helps them calm down because there are no stimuli there.
2
reply
economist2
Badges: 19
Rep:
?
#8
Report 6 years ago
#8
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hey sorry this is a bit depressing...
My brother is 3 years older than me at 18 nearly 19. I have known he has had autism for all of my life. When I was little it didn't really matter. But now, he acts like a weirdo 6 year old. He does now go to college in Devon, meaning I only see him in the holidays, but this means when I finally see him, his annoying traits are highlighted more. I don't go out with my parents as a family any more with him because it's so embarrassing. He wakes up at 5:30 or earlier, and he bangs round the house, which wakes me up early and makes me tired during the day. :mad: Also because he is older than me he can be quite scary. He talks/whispers/sings all the time and it really annoys me when he is doing homework, if I ask him to be quiet more than once he can suddenly charge at me, and when my parents were out of the room he has hit me and kicked me before. I told them, but because I quite openly hate him they didn't believe me and said he had "reduced muscle tone" so he couldn't have had the co-ordination or strength to hit me. Yet, they know when I was younger he pushed me down the stairs. I don't have friends over to my house if I can help it when he's home, especially as his bedroom is filled with toys for kids; but this means I can't have my friends over during the holidays. He also has "Gilberts syndrome" which basically meant he lost a load of weight, so my parents and grandparents were fussing over him. My parents still make a thing of feeding him cakes, chocolate etc and because I am not exactly tiny they try to diet me all the time. And they say they treat us equal! :mad: (sorry I am ranting here!) I just want to make a point and say I don't hate autistic people! I have a friend who has autism (asbergers) and he is one of my best friends! He is kinda my replacement brother.
Is anyone out there in a simular situation to me?
I am sorry if I seem really weird/mad/*****y
I would never be horrible to any other autistic person (at the most a bit wary if they were a bit like my brother) apart from my brother. Whilst we were having an argument, my mum said "it seems like you wish you never had a brother, or you wish he was dead!" and I couldn't answer her, because I couldn't give her the honest answer.
Thanks for reading, kinda helps me vent it out, and sorry it's really weird, I know i am gonna get a lot of hate for posting this.
My brother's autistic too.I felt all those things when I was like 13 years old.Now,I hate myself for feeling those things because compared to me my brother has a very sad life.(Not gonna go into details)PM me if you wanna talk about it.
0
reply
und3niable_
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#9
Report 6 years ago
#9
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hey sorry this is a bit depressing...
My brother is 3 years older than me at 18 nearly 19. I have known he has had autism for all of my life. When I was little it didn't really matter. But now, he acts like a weirdo 6 year old. He does now go to college in Devon, meaning I only see him in the holidays, but this means when I finally see him, his annoying traits are highlighted more. I don't go out with my parents as a family any more with him because it's so embarrassing. He wakes up at 5:30 or earlier, and he bangs round the house, which wakes me up early and makes me tired during the day. :mad: Also because he is older than me he can be quite scary. He talks/whispers/sings all the time and it really annoys me when he is doing homework, if I ask him to be quiet more than once he can suddenly charge at me, and when my parents were out of the room he has hit me and kicked me before. I told them, but because I quite openly hate him they didn't believe me and said he had "reduced muscle tone" so he couldn't have had the co-ordination or strength to hit me. Yet, they know when I was younger he pushed me down the stairs. I don't have friends over to my house if I can help it when he's home, especially as his bedroom is filled with toys for kids; but this means I can't have my friends over during the holidays. He also has "Gilberts syndrome" which basically meant he lost a load of weight, so my parents and grandparents were fussing over him. My parents still make a thing of feeding him cakes, chocolate etc and because I am not exactly tiny they try to diet me all the time. And they say they treat us equal! :mad: (sorry I am ranting here!) I just want to make a point and say I don't hate autistic people! I have a friend who has autism (asbergers) and he is one of my best friends! He is kinda my replacement brother.
Is anyone out there in a simular situation to me?
I am sorry if I seem really weird/mad/*****y
I would never be horrible to any other autistic person (at the most a bit wary if they were a bit like my brother) apart from my brother. Whilst we were having an argument, my mum said "it seems like you wish you never had a brother, or you wish he was dead!" and I couldn't answer her, because I couldn't give her the honest answer.
Thanks for reading, kinda helps me vent it out, and sorry it's really weird, I know i am gonna get a lot of hate for posting this.
Just remember, your parents have to look after your brother for the rest of their lives in some shape or form. Sorry you had to endure violence but just keep having patience and learning to cope. My brother has been in a fist fight with me, but only because he kept hitting me and knew full well what he was doing. Parents can sometimes spoil their autistic children (Like my brother) and despite their disability can be as terrible as your and I could be.
1
reply
Bridget Jones
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#10
Report 6 years ago
#10
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hey sorry this is a bit depressing...
My brother is 3 years older than me at 18 nearly 19. I have known he has had autism for all of my life. When I was little it didn't really matter. But now, he acts like a weirdo 6 year old. He does now go to college in Devon, meaning I only see him in the holidays, but this means when I finally see him, his annoying traits are highlighted more. I don't go out with my parents as a family any more with him because it's so embarrassing. He wakes up at 5:30 or earlier, and he bangs round the house, which wakes me up early and makes me tired during the day. :mad: Also because he is older than me he can be quite scary. He talks/whispers/sings all the time and it really annoys me when he is doing homework, if I ask him to be quiet more than once he can suddenly charge at me, and when my parents were out of the room he has hit me and kicked me before. I told them, but because I quite openly hate him they didn't believe me and said he had "reduced muscle tone" so he couldn't have had the co-ordination or strength to hit me. Yet, they know when I was younger he pushed me down the stairs. I don't have friends over to my house if I can help it when he's home, especially as his bedroom is filled with toys for kids; but this means I can't have my friends over during the holidays. He also has "Gilberts syndrome" which basically meant he lost a load of weight, so my parents and grandparents were fussing over him. My parents still make a thing of feeding him cakes, chocolate etc and because I am not exactly tiny they try to diet me all the time. And they say they treat us equal! :mad: (sorry I am ranting here!) I just want to make a point and say I don't hate autistic people! I have a friend who has autism (asbergers) and he is one of my best friends! He is kinda my replacement brother.
Is anyone out there in a simular situation to me?
I am sorry if I seem really weird/mad/*****y
I would never be horrible to any other autistic person (at the most a bit wary if they were a bit like my brother) apart from my brother. Whilst we were having an argument, my mum said "it seems like you wish you never had a brother, or you wish he was dead!" and I couldn't answer her, because I couldn't give her the honest answer.
Thanks for reading, kinda helps me vent it out, and sorry it's really weird, I know i am gonna get a lot of hate for posting this.
Hi, I really feel for you I have a younger sibling who have 'global development delay', hes 13, but acts extremely immaturely and Ive always wondered what he would have been like as a 'normal' sibling. I still haven't learnt how to cope/deal with it, but think to yourself that 'he cant help being this way' and also, try and be protective of him, because if you feel like this towards him, imagine how other people may act towards him. Don't worry OP :console: And trust me, it will get better and maybe talk to your parents? Even though they love him, they know what youre feeling.
0
reply
markova21
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#11
Report 6 years ago
#11
I would suggest speaking to a teacher you are close to or making an appointment to see your GP alone,and explain what has been happening.I understand that this is just the way some people with Autism are ,but you have a right to feel safe and protected.
2
reply
doodle_333
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#12
Report 6 years ago
#12
I have an autistic step sister, I can cope with her better as since she is a step sister I don't see her as much but at the same time she has come to family events such as funerals and acted absolutely horribly (but she had to come despite barely knowing the deceased because she can't be left alone...) and I have been furious with her... but, you will probably realise this more as you grow up, she can't help it and neither can your brother

however what can be a problem is how your parents deal with it, for example I have to remind my parent that I can't be constantly expected to babysit because she can't be alone but can't have a stranger, and if your parents ignore challenging and dangerous behaviour (like hitting you) and don't work on dealing with that behaviour then that is not okay, you probably wont be treated the same foodwise if he is very under and you over weight, that is a fact, but if you don't feel prioritised talk to your parents about that rather than moaning that your brother makes noises (which is likely something he isn't going to be able to stop doing)
1
reply
LJStudent
Badges: 15
Rep:
?
#13
Report 6 years ago
#13
I have an autistic brother in Devon also (Does your brother go to South Devon College by any chance?) (I live in Devon though so slightly different).

My brother is also fairly aggressive at times but only when provoked. He is younger than me but about 5 inches taller than me (He's 16, I'm 18). My brother is classed as high-functioning but often has the emotional understanding of a 5 year old, which is completely characteristic of autism. Any advice for you after living my whole life with my younger brother and older brother (older is Asperger's but he is very high-functioning and almost unnoticeable) is that communication with parents is ABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL. They are the "wall" if you like between you and him, and so any confrontation will need to be defused in that respect. It doesn't work well when you confront it independently, no matter how stable or unstable your relationship is with him.
0
reply
disneyxoxo03
Badges: 2
Rep:
?
#14
Report 3 years ago
#14
You shouldn't hate your brother because he has autism. My brother has autism to and guess what? It is something you'll have to deal with for his entire life. There's no cure. Don't try to wish him away. And you shouldn't feel like you don't want him around you. It's normal to be embarrassed but quite sad that you try to avoid his presence. I understand why you would be embarrassed sometimes. My brother screams at the top of his lungs when he's upset and he bangs his elbows on the table and throws a hissy fit. But I certainly don't try to avoid him. I understand the situation and instead of doing a facepalm I try to help out! He needs you to be on his side, as well as your parents. This is a team effort. It is very wrong to hate him for something he cannot control. I know exactly how you feel about people fussing over him. I gave up my iPad that I paid $400 for just so my brother could use it because his broke. Sometimes, sacrifices have to be made and that's something you'll have to accept. My brother is also extremely underweight due to his abundance of allergies. So he is going to get more food than you, who doesn't have a weight issue. Your parents are trying to keep you both healthy and it is completely fair. Fair doesn't mean giving everyone the same thing. It means giving everyone what they need.
1
reply
Anonymous #2
#15
Report 3 years ago
#15
You know what. It doesn't always go away. You don't always learn to accept and love them. And that's okay too. Hope you're okay OP.
2
reply
Tiger Rag
Badges: 22
Rep:
?
#16
Report 3 years ago
#16
(Original post by disneyxoxo03)
You shouldn't hate your brother because he has autism. My brother has autism to and guess what? It is something you'll have to deal with for his entire life. There's no cure. Don't try to wish him away. And you shouldn't feel like you don't want him around you. It's normal to be embarrassed but quite sad that you try to avoid his presence. I understand why you would be embarrassed sometimes. My brother screams at the top of his lungs when he's upset and he bangs his elbows on the table and throws a hissy fit. But I certainly don't try to avoid him. I understand the situation and instead of doing a facepalm I try to help out! He needs you to be on his side, as well as your parents. This is a team effort. It is very wrong to hate him for something he cannot control. I know exactly how you feel about people fussing over him. I gave up my iPad that I paid $400 for just so my brother could use it because his broke. Sometimes, sacrifices have to be made and that's something you'll have to accept. My brother is also extremely underweight due to his abundance of allergies. So he is going to get more food than you, who doesn't have a weight issue. Your parents are trying to keep you both healthy and it is completely fair. Fair doesn't mean giving everyone the same thing. It means giving everyone what they need.
This thread is 4 years old.
0
reply
Leahmcxxxx
Badges: 2
Rep:
?
#17
Report 2 years ago
#17
Honestly I think your whole attitude towards your BROTHER, is a literal disgrace. Your brother is autistic, he doesn’t know any better, he isn’t mentally developed the same as you as they are most likely to have a mindset of a child always. but on the other hand your mindset is disgusting. Switch postions for a minute, say your autistic and your brother is ashamed of you for something YOU CANNOT HELP, you are seen as an embaressment and you are hated for who you are. That is exactly how he would feel. And yes I do know what it’s like for my brother is severely autistic and is non verbal and he takes tantrums in public and misbehaves and babbles and plays with ‘children toys’ but guess what?? I love my brother to pieces, although he has diverse needs I would never think of him as any less as what I am, he deserves the extra help, he deserves to be loved. In fact anyone who ‘hates’ someone who has special needs no matter if it’s tournament sisters brother uncle or stranger, you are a narrow minded sick person, and you are the reason disabled people aren’t seen as ‘normal’. You are a disgrace and nothing more. I hope you change your ways about your brother, you don’t deserve him as a brother.
1
reply
Cheer_leader
Badges: 1
Rep:
?
#18
Report 1 year ago
#18
I am 12 and my autistic brother is 13, turning 14, and I can not stand him. He has called me a ****, *****, and every other word he can use to put me down. I am posting this the night this incident happened: I walked down stairs because I was bored, and wanted to walk around my house.Why? I don’t know. I did not have anything better to do. I reach the bottom of the stairs near my kitchen, and I hear him say, “Oh great! Another annoying **** that makes me want to KILL myself!” Because I don’t want to pass him, I turn left, down a small hallway to walk through our living room to get to our dinning room, which you can exit to go to the kitchen. He continuously goes on about how I make him want to kill himself, and how I’m such a **** and a *****, and I never feel bad for anything I do. I am very respectful, and I’m careful not to say something to where I’d get in trouble, and not to make him blow up at me. He says I’m playing the victim card, and that I have he same defense over and over. Eventually, I just go up stairs, on the verge of tears. I really do love my brother, but he makes it so hard to love him. I had asked him prior to going up stairs if he would care if I killed myself on the spot, and he again said I was playing the victim card. Sometimes, I really do question weather he loves me or not.
0
reply
ChickenMadness
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#19
Report 1 year ago
#19
(Original post by Tiger Rag)
This thread is 4 years old.
6 years old now.
0
reply
TweetyPie4u
Badges: 1
Rep:
?
#20
Report 1 year ago
#20
He didnt choose to be weird. He is autistic ! Your attitude towards him is really unacceptable and you need to fix the hell up and accept your parents are going to treat him differently to you!. I have 3 sisters all married off and its just me and my severely autistic brother. We are a strong family unit because of my brother. He is the glue. We would never dream of moaning about him the way u do about ur brother. Rather than being a spoilt moany brat, change ur attitude because your post demonstrates your embarassed of your brother because he is autistic. Autism makes a person charge at u, makes them sing or hum etc. It doesnt mean he is weird. If you were my daughter, I wud be ashamed of YOU. U dont wanna do things with your family because of your brother. Teenage years or not, you dont seem to be very accepting of your brothers autism.
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

What do you want most from university virtual open days and online events?

I want to be able to watch in my own time rather than turn up live (177)
28.41%
I want to hear more about the specifics of the course (104)
16.69%
I want to be able to dip in and dip out of lots of different sessions (57)
9.15%
I want to meet current students (52)
8.35%
I want to meet academics and the people that will be teaching me (50)
8.03%
I want to have a taster lecture or workshop to see what the teaching is like (126)
20.22%
My parents/guardians are more interested than me to be honest (37)
5.94%
Other things – I'll tell you in the thread (20)
3.21%

Watched Threads

View All