Controlling boyfriend/girlfriend when it comes to clubbing?

Hey first relationship post here!

Me and my gf (me 18 her 19) have been together for 1 year and 4 months. She goes to university and Im going to the same uni as her in october too (top uni!), we are madly in love, and before i get the whole "why would you go to uni because of a girl?" i didnt, i actually wanted to go there before i met her and it is a top uni.

Anyway problem is, clubbing!! As its my final year in year 13, lots of 18th birthday parties have come and gone and I have declined 95% because of my insecure gf. She starts to cry and say stuff like "you wanna go to a club without me? why would you? youre taken? you have no eyes for others you say?" but truth is, i just wanna go to have a good time with my boys and i have told her that countless times! its even resulted to me going to club behind her back once!!! i didnt want to but it was my best friends bday and she said our relationship would be over if i went coz its choosing between her and a club??!!! ridiculous right?

Now i am madly in love with her dont get me wrong, never cheated, during her freshers she went wild and got drunk but didnt do me wrong, she used to go clubbing in the first 4 months of uni, but even myself (who is paranoid too) got sick of it after a while because she went clubbing a lot with her uni friends yet she would get pissy about it with me? so i told her to be on equal terms with me and just not go anymore and coz shes doing law, she decided to stop from january and ain't been clubbing since. Her exams have finished now, and her mates are inviting her out to a whole weeks of "refreshers" coz exams are over and she wants to go and says "girls have a different mindset when going to clubbing, we go to dance with teh girls not to pull blablabla" so this results to me getting pissed off!

I have no problem whatsoever with her going out clubs with her uni girls and having a good time BUT I get so angry when I want to go with my friends (i have been clubbing once in my life before meeting her, and once while being with her but she didnt know), she becomes a pain in the backside and results to "you say you love me, you say you only have eyes for me, why would u wanna go clubbing? youve got a girlfreind? blablabla" !!!! its driving me insane!!

any advice on how to sort this would be great, im going holiday soon with my friends and shes being a pain about the nightlife, its not a clubbing destination (Egypt) but even then, its a holiday i wanna chill with my friends right? Times when she argues with me, i just feel like "maybe i should just leave her, if shes making me choose between her and going to a club". I love her so much, regardless of issues like this she is amazing! i dread to lose her guys, but at the same time, when she says "if you go clubbing, we are over!" i just feel like my life is being controlled. I may indeed be whipped but its only because i feel like i have a great girlfriend and i dont need anyone else.

Thank you

Reply 1

username47781

Original post by Anonymous

You cannot let her dictate how you live your life, if you want to go with your friends, then do it. Don't let her put your life on hold, if she don't like it then you deserve better. Maybe talk to her first though and just reassure her.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by Rock Fan

Thank you very much! I do indeed feel like she does that, since shes done a lot while being with me and when i compare it, she has excuses such as "is this always a competition?", its not a competition but i just feel its unfair. Maybe i do deserve better but at the same time, im only protective over her going coz i never go coz of her! i may a bit too young to decide about soul mate, but she is perfect for me in other senses and i am deeply in love and attached (cringey i know), ive never had a girlfriend before her or was in love before, so its a new feeling. Thanks for the advice tho, much appreciated :smile:

Reply 3

username47781

Original post by Anonymous

No worries, don't let her stop you living life and hanging out with mates :smile:

Reply 4

joker12345

If you want to ease her into the idea, 1) go to a club with her and your friends (preferably not the type who will pull random girls) so she can see what it's like and hopefully trust you.
OR, go to a club with guys who are also in a relationship and when she asks questions, tell her you are all in relationships so no one will be looking at girls, you're just hanging out together.

Reply 5

Spongebob'sPants

Ok, so its fine for her to go clubbing, but not you? And she guilts you into not going?

You're very young - but you shouldn't be letting her dictate anything to you. If she can't trust you or let you go have fun, are you sure she is right for you? Its university, you're meant to enjoy yourself (and i dont mean go crazy)...but having a gf who is always on your case about you and your friends cannot be healthy or fun.

Stand up to it.

Reply 6

jackf1337

When one person in a relationship adopts a one rule for me, one rule you mindset, it'll keeps happening to other situations and you'll find yourself being controlled to no end. Either tell her it's got to be equal or say that you don't want to be with her if that's gonna be case.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Original post by joker12345

That is weird because that is exactly what im doing next monday! :O (go club with her and my friends). Im going up to her uni taking my londoners with me to party up north, she obviously doesnt mind me going with her, which i once planned but didnt work out, so we are going to do it next monday because that is when everyones exams are over! (which is amazing btw, cant wait for the summer!). I am indeed going to go to a club with her, i am going to show her what im like with my friends at a club (dont pull girls, maybe look at em and smile, dont get too close like a creep but as a group of girls and boys, who cares? i know for a fact she does it with a group of boys with her group of girls at a club in uni, no harm). I am actually (dont mean to sound like a sop) a cool guy when it comes to stuff like this, i am not a drinker or a smoker, i play football so i try make sure my health is well and im not a big fan of clubbing anyway, i just wanna go because of my friends!

sorry for the long paragraph btw, yes you are right with ur advice and that is what im going to do :smile:

if after she still can't handle the whole clubbing thing, then ima tell her straight up that i cant go on with her being clingy and a strop. I also will tell her to go to her refreshers week and have fun with her girls, i said to her "dont go clubbing this week, as u cant seem to let me go, why should i give u the satisfaction of you going?" but you know what, let me be the better guy and just let her have her fun, she might be having hte same feeling as me tbh but doubt it since shes gone clubbing coutnless times in the past.

thanks btw! :smile: