I have no friends but have a very popular boyfriend Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 6 years ago
#1
Basically, I see no-one apart from my boyfriend or my family. My boyfriend however has a thriving social life and is popular. I'm not blaming him for this, but I get very lonely when he is out at events with his friends and I am sat in. It really gets to me, because I know he is the only social contact I get outside family, yet I know he gets to socialise all the time so he has no idea how it feels.

I feel like this may come between us, because I get very jealous and bitter about it. I feel I would be suited to someone who is as much of a loner as me, I guess. I love him very much but I can't stand how I have nothing else in my life but him, yet to him I am just another person in his life.

I dunno what to do about it I feel so damn lonely.
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pinkbullets
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#2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Basically, I see no-one apart from my boyfriend or my family. My boyfriend however has a thriving social life and is popular. I'm not blaming him for this, but I get very lonely when he is out at events with his friends and I am sat in. It really gets to me, because I know he is the only social contact I get outside family, yet I know he gets to socialise all the time so he has no idea how it feels.

I feel like this may come between us, because I get very jealous and bitter about it. I feel I would be suited to someone who is as much of a loner as me, I guess. I love him very much but I can't stand how I have nothing else in my life but him, yet to him I am just another person in his life.

I dunno what to do about it I feel so damn lonely.
Could you not go out with him sometimes? It doesn't have to be every time so he can still have time with his friends alone but you could go sometimes. You could make friends with his friends' girlfriends etc.

Also, I suggest getting a hobby that will allow you to make friends. Try yoga or dance classes or something.
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 6 years ago
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(Original post by pinkbullets)
Could you not go out with him sometimes? It doesn't have to be every time so he can still have time with his friends alone but you could go sometimes. You could make friends with his friends' girlfriends etc.

Also, I suggest getting a hobby that will allow you to make friends. Try yoga or dance classes or something.
Thanks for the reply.

I should have mentioned I have been out with him and his friends before but he sort of ignores me. I am an undergrad and he is a phd student, doing a subject I know nothing about. He and his friends all sit around talking about postgrad life and their topics. I can't join in. They are lovely and everything, but much older than me (and my boyfriend actually). He does have non-phd student friends but they tend to be lad nights when he is with them so I wouldn't want to join him in that case.
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other one
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Basically, I see no-one apart from my boyfriend or my family. My boyfriend however has a thriving social life and is popular. I'm not blaming him for this, but I get very lonely when he is out at events with his friends and I am sat in. It really gets to me, because I know he is the only social contact I get outside family, yet I know he gets to socialise all the time so he has no idea how it feels.

I feel like this may come between us, because I get very jealous and bitter about it. I feel I would be suited to someone who is as much of a loner as me, I guess. I love him very much but I can't stand how I have nothing else in my life but him, yet to him I am just another person in his life.

I dunno what to do about it I feel so damn lonely.
why don't you join him in his socialising?
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nopenopenope
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Either join him and socialise with his friends, join societies that interest you and find friends there or find friends on your course?
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_anyawalsh
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Take up a hobby that you can enjoy separately, so you have something you like thats just yours, exercise or creative etc, then you might go out with the people you meet after etc

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Antifazian
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#7
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You can't really blame him for your lonliness, its not healthy to just have your boyfriend and no one else, so its up to you to get out there and socialise rather than expecting him to stay home all the time.

This was posted from The Student Room's Android App on my HTC Desire S
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Aijahs
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#8
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You should make your own friends. Aren't there people similar to you in your classes? Also, I think you should mention how you feel to your boyfriend
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superduper9
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#9
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Hey,

First, I think you should be happy that you have one very close social contact outside of your family, i.e. your boyfriend. If he wasn't there, I expect that you may feel even more lonely than you do now. So, there's something positive to start with.

I think becoming overly reliant on someone is quite risky - when they're not with you, you're bound to miss them. If you want to increase your social circle, then I suggest making use of the opportunities at uni - you can join a new society next term, something you've never tried before or something that you're really interested in. Right now, I'm sure there must be lots of summer events celebrating end of exams and start of summer holidays. Meeting people is a lot easier at uni - same age group and there's plenty of common ground and things to talk about. I'd say make use of that opportunity.

On your relationship, the fact that you said "I'm just another person in his life" makes me think whether you're happy with your relationship or do you feel like you need/want to be appreciated more as a girlfriend? Just a thought.
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nails9999
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You're in uni - as cliche as it is why can't you join some societies and make some friends of your own? Or get a part time job somewhere that tends to employ young people, or join clubs outside of Uni, talk to people on your course etc.

There's nothing your boyfriend can do for you to make this better, it's you that needs to get out there and start making friends and not relying on him to be your social life, what if the two of you break up and you have no-one? You can't expect him to give up his friends, either. I know it's scary getting out there and getting to know people but it really is your only option!
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 6 years ago
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Sadly I commute to uni because I have an extremely low contact course so save up money at home, and didn't want to quit my job. It does mean, however, that I can't join societies and stuff because the latest train back it at 8pm or something. I have met people on my course but they aren't the type of friendships where you meet up outside of the course. I see them when I'm there and that is all. I really wish I could move out to uni and join lots of societies; I feel it would help. Thing is I've gotten so used to the money I'm saving (I want to go travelling next summer so need to keep saving). I know the logical thing to do would be to screw trying to save and move out and meet people and have fun - I'm just so focused on saving for travelling, and I know I won't be able to afford it if I move out next year and spend what I would have saved.

Above poster suggested a part-time job that employs young people. I have a job, and I enjoy it. It gives me good hours and good pay for the time being, however it is at a charity for the elderly! So understandably, I don't meet any young people at all...

I know how bad it is to rely on him. It isn't intentional.
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CodeJack
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#12
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(Original post by pinkbullets)
Could you not go out with him sometimes? It doesn't have to be every time so he can still have time with his friends alone but you could go sometimes. You could make friends with his friends' girlfriends etc.

Also, I suggest getting a hobby that will allow you to make friends. Try yoga or dance classes or something.
2nd this, classes are a good way to meet people.
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:)ella
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I know it sounds stupid but socialising takes practice, so if you can spend time with his friends occasionally it will make you more confident and relaxed around people you meet.

Also, if you need to keep your job then do but it may be worth considering spending a bit more time around the uni, joining societies and things because I'm sure you would be a lot happier with more friends.

What about people from before uni?

Don't worry about it though, your boyfriend clearly likes you so I'm sure you won't find it hard to make friends once you start meeting more people
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chelle068
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#14
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Hey, this is the exact situation as myself. My boyfriend too doesnt understand how lonely i get as he has never felt it.

I too have tried hanging out with his social circle with him but the gfs of his friends defended some girls i fell out with as they kept telling me to cheat and i refused. - havent spoken since! so it makes it awkward even though his boy mates are fine with me.
where i live there are no groups or hobby classes to join and i dont go to uni - just getting ready to go back to college part time whilst working. so i cant interract with people there. Also, all the people in my college course are older as its an evening course (by older i mean 10years+ so i cant hang out with them) it really gets me down as i lost friends for having good morals. so now i have noone.
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Freya A
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#15
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I’m the same, I’ve lost all my friends this year and my boyfriend is the only person I talk to and see, but he wants to spend time with his friends some days and I feel left out and upset because I don’t have friends like he does. I pleed him not to go out because I don’t want to be alone but it’s causing too much stress for my boyfriend to choose what to do
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Supernova36
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#16
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Sure it’s not an issue five years later lols
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Anonymous #2
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#17
This is partially an issue I'm having at the moment. My boyfriend is basically the only close connection outside of my family that I have. All my other friends went to university abroad and I stayed in my home country so I lost touch with them all and we barely even text anymore.

My boyfriend likes to go out drinking with his friends when he gets the chance. I'm not much of a party person so I don't tend to go. He is very close friends with a lot of females and only really has a couple of close male friends who are from a separate friend group. When he goes out, it tends to be only with his female friends since his male friends don't tend to go out much (similar to me).

Since I don't like to go out drinking I've never met his female friends and it often makes me feel quite upset and worried since he often stays over at their house after partying to avoid drunk driving. All I see of them is posts on Facebook the day after where they are posing beside him in short dresses. They are all very beautiful and it sometimes makes me feel like I'm not good enough or pretty enough. I find myself comparing myself to these people I've never even met.

He has been good friends with them for longer than I've known him and as far as I am aware I don't think he would cheat on me. As a result, I try my best to not prevent him from going out when he wants to and I never make comments about it because I don't want to be a controlling girlfriend. But it really does strike a nerve when I don't have anywhere to go or anyone to see myself when he's away. It makes me focus on the negatives too because he's the only person I really talk to. When he's away there isn't much for me to do other than focus on him being out with them instead of me and since he's busy partying I don't tend to hear from him until he arrives back home.

I don't know if mentioning how I feel about this to him will be helpful. I don't want to make him feel guilty about seeing his friends and I certainly don't want him to feel that I am trying to control who he does and doesn't hang out with. I just can't help but feel jealous when my imagination is all I have to go by. I don't know how he behaves around them and all I get to judge it by is posed pictures where they are trying to be attractive for a camera.

Anyone have any advice for me?
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