The Student Room Group

Multiple Personality Girlfriend

I've got a new girlfriend, and we are a perfect match for each other (or so we keep getting told), but the only problem I have is that my girlfriend has mild schizophrenia with multiple personality disorder.

Her main, dominant personality is wonderful, but her other personality is full of hate for both herself and those around her, and she will self harm in this personality. The lesser personality doesn't make an appearance very often, about twice a month, but when it does show up, I don't like it at all. She starts going on about how she hates her life, how she hates me etc... and she then proceeds to cut herself quite a bit.


I'll be honest and say that I have this thing against self harming, and I generally don't like self harmers because of people I knew years ago, and it really upsets me to see my girlfriend like this, but I don't know what to do. A part of me wants to say if you don't stop with the cutting, I'm just going to leave, but the large part of me wants to stand by her and be there for her.


What do you guys advise for this situation? Should I back away and not get emotionally hurt, or should I try and support her and know it may all be for nothing?



Thanks

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give her ur full support...after all , her second personality is not her, thats not the one u are with!
Reply 2
Thanks, that is briliant advice, and so very true.
Reply 3
The whole "Stop self harm or I'll leave" won't work, darling. I hate to say it, but it won't. Its not easy to give up self-harm, especially if you aren't in control of it. Have a look [here] - its about self-harm awareness.

How do you feel about her? Do you like her? Maybe, could you try looking on google or something for some support groups for carers of schitzophrenic patients? And is she on some form of medication, or counselling?

We can't tell you what to do. Think about how you feel about her, how often this personality comes up, how you think the relation ship is going, and finally - would you miss her if you broke up?

Being with a person with a mental disorder - any mental disorder - is never easy. I admire you for that.
Just think about the priorities in your life.

Take care.
Jo
x
Reply 4
Simulatio
The whole "Stop self harm or I'll leave" won't work, darling. I hate to say it, but it won't. Its not easy to give up self-harm, especially if you aren't in control of it. Have a look [here] - its about self-harm awareness.

I know it's not easy to give up self harm, but she is very strong willed, and has got through some exceptionally hard times with no one to help her.

Simulatio
How do you feel about her? Do you like her? Maybe, could you try looking on google or something for some support groups for carers of schitzophrenic patients? And is she on some form of medication, or counselling?

I am 95% certain that I love her, I know I care extremely deeply for her. I do not know if she is on medication, but she doesn't go to counselling as the reasons for her schitzophenia are not something she wants people to know.

Simulatio
We can't tell you what to do. Think about how you feel about her, how often this personality comes up, how you think the relation ship is going, and finally - would you miss her if you broke up?

Yeah, I'd miss her if we broke up, I miss her loads all the time, and even the simplest thing can make me smile and think of her. The personality doesn't come up much, normally when she is extremely tired and drunk which is about once or twice a month.

Simulatio
Being with a person with a mental disorder - any mental disorder - is never easy. I admire you for that.
Just think about the priorities in your life.

Priorities in my life are generally uni, her, snowboarding, her, vehicles, her.

Thanks :hugs:
Reply 5
No worries - just thought I'd raise some points for you to think about, after being in a similar situation myself. Well, not exactly the same, but I went out with a bipolar person before.

I think you've just answered your own questions there, by the way. =)

Take care. x x
Reply 6
Thanks, you're a star Jo. That really helped, and you're right, I've answered my own question :hugs:
Reply 7
There's something about her life she doesn't like and can't deal with. The harming releases chemicals that relieve the stress.

Young women tend to grow out of it as they become more in control of their lives, it maybe something about her upbringing / lack of love that stresses her. Rather than look for blame, try & make up for it / help her find her true worth.

Typically self-harmers are sensitive people who value quality relationship(s) and from my perspective they are open to God as they've seen the weak side of man.
Reply 8
Yes, there is something about her life she hates, and she can't change that. I won't say what it is, but it will never go away.

And thanks NJA
Reply 9
The Canadian

What do you guys advise for this situation? Should I back away and not get emotionally hurt, or should I try and support her and know it may all be for nothing?



I have to confess that my first thought is one of incredulity. Multiple personality disorder (or dissociative identity disorder) is very serious and not especially common. Generally speaking, the different identities often have very little knowledge of one another: amnesia is one of the identifying characteristics. But in this case it sounds more like a rapid cycling of moods than a change of personalities; perhaps some sort of bipolar disorder (II for instance). Mild schizophrenia is a bit of a contradiction in terms; schizophrenic episodes are very severe, often require hospitalization, and invariably require medication. If she has some of the symptoms of schizophrenia all the time, or very brief episodes, she may have schizoaffective or schizophreniform disorder. (Again, schizophreniform disorders can rather resemble bipolar disorders). The self-harm is probably an aspect of her condition, which would probably require a mixture of medication and interpersonal therapy (CBT for instance) to treat.

It's hard to give advice in this situation. Assuming for the sake of argument that she does have schizophrenia and dissociative identity disorder: both of these conditions are severe and it's highly likely she'll need hospitalization occasionally in her life. It's very hard for schizophrenics to sustain relationships (and jobs for that matter -- only about 15% do), so if you decide to go ahead with it it may require an extraordinary degree of tolerance and support on your part, and it's up to you whether it's worth it. On the other hand, if you can see it through, your support and presence should immeasurably improve her life, and even help to stabilize her condition to some degree.

How much do you know about her history and about any past episodes? What's the chance of a recurrence? Is it worth the risk? After all, getting hurt emotionally is not the end of the world.
I know quite a lot about her past, and it was an emotional trauma which triggered all this. She has been working as a nurse now for 3 years whilst studying at college, but she's never been able to keep a relationship for more than a month or so.

She is aware of when she has been in the other personality, but not whilst she has the other personality dominant.
Reply 11
parties-r-us!
give her ur full support...after all , her second personality is not her, thats not the one u are with!
:dito:

but it depends on how long you've been with her ... if it's greater than 6 months or so, its ok to do that

if its a very new relationship, then you've got together with a "baggage girl" ... things need to be seriously considered, if the problem is too persistent
You can't really say "her second personality isn't her." It clearly is her, whether she choses it to be or not. And whether or not it is her, if it makes The Canadian unhappy, it shouldn't be ignored simply for being "not her," or we could accredit all faults in people and relationships to that, because "that's not who you're with."
Reply 13
make sure you dont let her give you a bj, cos if the personality change happened there, it could, well, get nasty....
Reply 14
superalex16
make sure you dont let her give you a bj, cos if the personality change happened there, it could, well, get nasty....


Oh take a long walk off a short cliff why don't you :rolleyes:

I have a friend who has possible multiple personality disorder. She has suffered a lot of abuse, and subconciously developing a different personality allows her to get away from all the flashbacks and emotions that her past drags up. The dominant her is very gentle, kind, doesn't swear and is very sensitive. One of her personalities is coarse, swears lots and gets violent. I've had msn conversations with her where she's told me very shocking things and the next time we spoke she had no idea of what she'd said. Its difficult but for however hard it is for me, its 10 times worse for her. I try to remember that when i feel backed into a corner.
Reply 15
Sarky
Oh take a long walk off a short cliff why don't you :rolleyes:

I have a friend who has possible multiple personality disorder. She has suffered a lot of abuse, and subconciously developing a different personality allows her to get away from all the flashbacks and emotions that her past drags up. The dominant her is very gentle, kind, doesn't swear and is very sensitive. One of her personalities is coarse, swears lots and gets violent. I've had msn conversations with her where she's told me very shocking things and the next time we spoke she had no idea of what she'd said. Its difficult but for however hard it is for me, its 10 times worse for her. I try to remember that when i feel backed into a corner.


yeah yeah ok was in bad taste, i just couldnt resist :frown:
Reply 16
superalex16
yeah yeah ok was in bad taste, i just couldnt resist :frown:


You could resist, you just wanted to try and be funny. Instead you made yourself look like a bit of a prick.
Reply 17
DanGrover
You can't really say "her second personality isn't her." It clearly is her, whether she choses it to be or not. And whether or not it is her, if it makes The Canadian unhappy, it shouldn't be ignored simply for being "not her," or we could accredit all faults in people and relationships to that, because "that's not who you're with."


I don't agree with this, the more violent personality is not her she has no control of the appearance and actions of the more violent personality, but yes it definately shouldn't be ignored

Memorys and other aspects of consciousness are divided up among the two personalities therfore making them quite separate, a common cause is repressed memories that developed into a separate conscious so to speak.

this is important to remember, also you said she has been working as a nurse whilst juggling college as well a very big achievement really i couldn't do that and i don't have loads of emotional stuff like her to deal with, so although it is severe it is not preventing her of leading a relatively normal life,

and if the more aggressive personality only appears once/twice a month then clearly the nicer personality is very dominant, so might one day go with medical help

if you decide to stay with her then just try to keep an eye out on whether the other personality is appearing more often etc as a sign of dominance so to speak
Ceri327
I don't agree with this, the more violent personality is not her she has no control of the appearance and actions of the more violent personality, but yes it definately shouldn't be ignored


But how do you know that the mean bit isn't "her", and it's the nice bit that isn't her? Just because the mean bit doesn't occur as often? Why should that matter. The point is, the whole being makes up a person, not just selecting the bits you like and saying the rest is "not her." Whether or not she can control it, it's still her.

And Sarky, chill the **** out. I thought it was funny, and your staunch attack on superalex makes you look like a prick for taking the internet too seriously.
Reply 19
Sarky
You could resist, you just wanted to try and be funny. Instead you made yourself look like a bit of a prick.


woah woah it was a joke which was apologised for. talk about humourless and uptight....