Will doing this make me really shallow?

I'm a third-year student on a four-year course at uni, and as I like to get involved in loads of things I both play sports (hockey and so on) at a high level and do more "geeky" things like the chess society and so on. As such, I have friends from both areas.

I'm naturally a very outgoing, extroverted girl and like to make friends with people quickly. I also prefer playing sports to "intellectual" hobbies, as I'm doing quite a hard degree, though I think the latter are still important. And I like to take care of my appearance and am quite girly and feminine sometimes, which my geeky friends make fun of just as much as they make fun of the fact I do "masculine" things like lift weights.

I've noticed I find it much, much harder to get on with my "geeky" friends than the more "popular" people who play sports and do more stuff around uni and seem to know almost everyone. I act the same way around everyone, and I used to be a really big geek who played video games and all that, but it's not even that we don't have the same hobbies as their personalities.

Despite the stereotypes, I've found my sporty friends to be more outgoing and friendly, and the "geeks" to be cliquey, hung up on things that don't matter and actually less accepting of people who don't conform. I have to spend much more time with my geeky friends just to be treated as "one of them," and they're really rude about it when I can't as well. Without sounding mean, they tend to have bad social skills too and it's harder to become proper friends with them. I don't know why the geeks often act like such an exclusive club.

As last year is my final year, would it be really shallow of me to spend more time around the people I like spending time around with (who I guess are the more "popular" people) rather than the geeks? I find them nicer and I fit in with them better, and I'm not even sure most of my "geeky" friends will stay in touch with me after uni, as they're so cliquey.

I'm a third-year student on a four-year course at uni, and as I like to get involved in loads of things I both play sports (hockey and so on) at a high level and do more "geeky" things like the chess society and so on. As such, I have friends from both areas.

I'm naturally a very outgoing, extroverted girl and like to make friends with people quickly. I also prefer playing sports to "intellectual" hobbies, as I'm doing quite a hard degree, though I think the latter are still important. And I like to take care of my appearance and am quite girly and feminine sometimes, which my geeky friends make fun of just as much as they make fun of the fact I do "masculine" things like lift weights.

I've noticed I find it much, much harder to get on with my "geeky" friends than the more "popular" people who play sports and do more stuff around uni and seem to know almost everyone. I act the same way around everyone, and I used to be a really big geek who played video games and all that, but it's not even that we don't have the same hobbies as their personalities.

Despite the stereotypes, I've found my sporty friends to be more outgoing and friendly, and the "geeks" to be cliquey, hung up on things that don't matter and actually less accepting of people who don't conform. I have to spend much more time with my geeky friends just to be treated as "one of them," and they're really rude about it when I can't as well. Without sounding mean, they tend to have bad social skills too and it's harder to become proper friends with them. I don't know why the geeks often act like such an exclusive club.

As last year is my final year, would it be really shallow of me to spend more time around the people I like spending time around with (who I guess are the more "popular" people) rather than the geeks? I find them nicer and I fit in with them better, and I'm not even sure most of my "geeky" friends will stay in touch with me after uni, as they're so cliquey.

Because they probably never had that in high school and now want to feel like they're the top of the chain now.

If you like spending time with your friends then spend time with them. I'm don't even know why popularity matters in University, if they care so much about it then they have nothing to aspire to in the real world.

The fact you refer to them as 'geeks' makes you shallow.

Spend time with whoever you want, if the so-called "geeks" don't like it then balls to them. They're not the boss of you.

That's what I'm planning to do, but how do I manage to pursue my interests (like playing chess) and still then get on with them? I don't know why they resent me so much just for being a bit different.

That's what I'm planning to do, but how do I manage to pursue my interests (like playing chess) and still then get on with them? I don't know why they resent me so much just for being a bit different.

You could play chess online? It's probably not healthy for you to try to stay friends with people who resent you, and who you resent as well.

All you can do is be open, honest and genuine. If they throw that back in your face it's down to their own insecurities, so if you don't react they will either feel like an idiot and stop or they were never a good friend in the first place. People almost always come to like someone who is never aggressive or negative towards them, but if you say anything bad, even in self defence, they will react to it.

Perhaps some of your 'normal' friends would enjoy chess? I've found that when pushed people frequently don't entirely fit the parts they play in the massive dance that is school / university social life.

Are you sure you actually being ostracized and you're not seeking out justification to leave a group you no longer feel you have a connection to. Not that not having having justification to leave a group is a bad thing, everyone is entitled to socialise with who they want.