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making myself sick
so i suppose i might as well admit it while I can bring myself to. basically for the past 2 years i have been having stages where i make myself sick. I dont do it all the time and it can go for a few months without doing it (although i want to) but then it tends to come back. recently i had an episode where I made myself sick everyday for about a week and it scared me so much because when ever i ate, i physically felt sick.
It's sort of the tiniest thing that can spark it off... like anything that i take in a negative light that is specifically personal to me. i mean, i no i'm not fat (i'm a size 6-and thats just what i'm supposed to be like) but i can't help it. some days i think its a major issue and then others i feel like i'm being stupid over it and that puking is just something i do to deal with things and that i dont do it enough for it to be a problem.
it's also really scary because i used to feel really guilty after i did it but now i jus continue on like it was nothing out of the ordinary. I just get quite depressed and i suppose i take it out on myself.
I dont think i would count it as an eating disorder, i mean i know i'm not fat but then again i do silly things like not eat a lot in case my stomach grows and then I will have to eat more and might become fat.
i dont really understand, loads of people always say i'm intelligent gorgeous and have a great body but i dont know whether they are just saying that.
i feel like i am in denial of something, this probably is the dumbest question in the world but do you think i have a problem? do you think i should talk to my best friend about it?
It's sort of the tiniest thing that can spark it off... like anything that i take in a negative light that is specifically personal to me. i mean, i no i'm not fat (i'm a size 6-and thats just what i'm supposed to be like) but i can't help it. some days i think its a major issue and then others i feel like i'm being stupid over it and that puking is just something i do to deal with things and that i dont do it enough for it to be a problem.
it's also really scary because i used to feel really guilty after i did it but now i jus continue on like it was nothing out of the ordinary. I just get quite depressed and i suppose i take it out on myself.
I dont think i would count it as an eating disorder, i mean i know i'm not fat but then again i do silly things like not eat a lot in case my stomach grows and then I will have to eat more and might become fat.
i dont really understand, loads of people always say i'm intelligent gorgeous and have a great body but i dont know whether they are just saying that.
i feel like i am in denial of something, this probably is the dumbest question in the world but do you think i have a problem? do you think i should talk to my best friend about it?
I can't tell very much from a short post (and I would never assume that I 'know' you from reading so little), but it does sound like you have a problem of some sort.
If you're feeling depressed for whatever reason, then I'd recommend talking to someone 'real' about it (someone in your real life, a friend or a family member). It's an old saying, and it's cheesy, but a problem shared can often be a problem halved. I've often felt a certain way about things in my life, but when I've sat down with a friend and gone through everything, I've gained another perspective and I also see things differently myself. Personally, I definitely find that it's cleansing to talk about problems with friends.
I'd also recommend that you *try* and get into a bit of a routine with eating. It's not the best thing you can be doing to your body to be forcing yourself to be sick (although admittedly you could do a lot worse), but the bottom line is that your body isn't designed to do that. And although you say you've more or less got everything under control at the moment, you have no idea what's going to happen tomorrow. As you say, it only takes a small thing to set you off, and if something happens to really set you off, then the problem could sprial out of control.
If you get really worried about everything, then there's always the option to see your GP. I've seen my GP a few times for personal problems rather then medical problems, and he's been an immense help.
If you're feeling depressed for whatever reason, then I'd recommend talking to someone 'real' about it (someone in your real life, a friend or a family member). It's an old saying, and it's cheesy, but a problem shared can often be a problem halved. I've often felt a certain way about things in my life, but when I've sat down with a friend and gone through everything, I've gained another perspective and I also see things differently myself. Personally, I definitely find that it's cleansing to talk about problems with friends.
I'd also recommend that you *try* and get into a bit of a routine with eating. It's not the best thing you can be doing to your body to be forcing yourself to be sick (although admittedly you could do a lot worse), but the bottom line is that your body isn't designed to do that. And although you say you've more or less got everything under control at the moment, you have no idea what's going to happen tomorrow. As you say, it only takes a small thing to set you off, and if something happens to really set you off, then the problem could sprial out of control.
If you get really worried about everything, then there's always the option to see your GP. I've seen my GP a few times for personal problems rather then medical problems, and he's been an immense help.
i think you should definitely talk to your best friend. No-one's going to judge you on this, whatever negative feelings you might associate with it.
Personally, i would say yes, you have a problem, and yes, id call it an eating disorder.
Just being able to admit it here is good though; it means you recognise on whatever level that something isnt right, and that you're taking steps to make positive changes.
i hope you do talk to your friend; no doubt she'll do everything she can to reassure you and help you find the help you need.
Personally, i would say yes, you have a problem, and yes, id call it an eating disorder.
Just being able to admit it here is good though; it means you recognise on whatever level that something isnt right, and that you're taking steps to make positive changes.
i hope you do talk to your friend; no doubt she'll do everything she can to reassure you and help you find the help you need.
i'm just scared of telling her. its bad enough saying on here even though i dont know you guys. It's just such a personal thing and i dot want her to think of me any different.
I'm going to have to do somethig though because i'm going to uni soon and i specifically got self catering so that i could eat how much or little i like without anyone saying anything (which is sad i do realise).
no i'm not underweight for my height, i mean i am skinny there is no denying that but i'm just naturally meant to be like that.
its like even as im writing this there is this battle. one part of me is telling me there is something wrong, and the other part is saying there is nothing wrong at all and im making something out of nothing.
bulimia is severe though so i dont see how it could be that, i mean im puking up everyday, i just go through stages of it. i even puked on my bday once- how low is that.
thanks for all the help guys, i mean i no i dont no u etc but i have been wanting to talk 2 someone about it ever since i first did it and i supose lot are the first step.
I'm going to have to do somethig though because i'm going to uni soon and i specifically got self catering so that i could eat how much or little i like without anyone saying anything (which is sad i do realise).
no i'm not underweight for my height, i mean i am skinny there is no denying that but i'm just naturally meant to be like that.
its like even as im writing this there is this battle. one part of me is telling me there is something wrong, and the other part is saying there is nothing wrong at all and im making something out of nothing.
bulimia is severe though so i dont see how it could be that, i mean im puking up everyday, i just go through stages of it. i even puked on my bday once- how low is that.
thanks for all the help guys, i mean i no i dont no u etc but i have been wanting to talk 2 someone about it ever since i first did it and i supose lot are the first step.
*i meant im not puking up every day, i just go through stages of it
Remember that quite a few bulimics don't do it to keep weight down - it's a lot to do with the endorphins that are released when you make yourself sick, so the fact that it's not really about weight loss doesn't mean that you aren't suffering from an eating disorder.
I am not a doctor or a psychologist, so don't take anything I say to be 100% accurate, but I *strongly* advise you to talk to your best friend about it.
I am not a doctor or a psychologist, so don't take anything I say to be 100% accurate, but I *strongly* advise you to talk to your best friend about it.
but you do; and its not healthy.
you seem to want to stop which is a massive step in the right direction, dont stop now, tell your friend and let her help you.
you seem to want to stop which is a massive step in the right direction, dont stop now, tell your friend and let her help you.
*Katie*
Remember that quite a few bulimics don't do it to keep weight down - it's a lot to do with the endorphins that are released when you make yourself sick, so the fact that it's not really about weight loss doesn't mean that you aren't suffering from an eating disorder.
I am not a doctor or a psychologist, so don't take anything I say to be 100% accurate, but I *strongly* advise you to talk to your best friend about it.
I am not a doctor or a psychologist, so don't take anything I say to be 100% accurate, but I *strongly* advise you to talk to your best friend about it.
I don't really agree with you there. Bulimia involves willingly eating large quantities of food (binging) and then bringing that food back up again at a slightly later time (purging). I'd say it was a bit extreme to say you've got an eating disorder.
The cognition behind wanting to improve your situation and your mood is definitely healthy, and definitely positive.
The unfortunate thing is that you're the only person who knows your friend well enough to know whether she might judge you or not. You could find out that she's in a similar situation herself.
You could always try and talk to someone who is impartial, and who wouldn't judge you (if you felt comfortable with the idea).
My experience with this problem is that you desperatley need to talk to your friend about it.
I found out not too long ago that my cousin is goin through the same thing as you, and i was devastated when she told me. But i'm so glad that she did because we could then start to do something about it. You shouldn't ever feel so down that you need to do something like that, especially as, from what you say in your post, you are an intelligent, pretty, and very slim person. My cousin has said that she feels relieved that somebody knows what she's going through, and although she sometimes still feels the urge to throw up after meals as a force of habit, it's easier for her to stop herself as she knows that somebody's watching her and constantly reassuring her that she doesn't need to.
We also went for a walk down to the beach the other day so I could show her what 'fat' really is. And at size six, that is something neither she, nor you are.
I found out not too long ago that my cousin is goin through the same thing as you, and i was devastated when she told me. But i'm so glad that she did because we could then start to do something about it. You shouldn't ever feel so down that you need to do something like that, especially as, from what you say in your post, you are an intelligent, pretty, and very slim person. My cousin has said that she feels relieved that somebody knows what she's going through, and although she sometimes still feels the urge to throw up after meals as a force of habit, it's easier for her to stop herself as she knows that somebody's watching her and constantly reassuring her that she doesn't need to.
We also went for a walk down to the beach the other day so I could show her what 'fat' really is. And at size six, that is something neither she, nor you are.
Um, Jazznaz - are you saying that an eating disorder is only about weight? Because thats a ridiculously stupid thing to say if you are.
to the OP - you could have 'ED-nos' - which is when you have symptoms of an eating disorder, but no full blown definite one.
My advice - speak to a doctor about it. Any doctor worth their salt will be able to eoffer you advice.
Bulimia is often linked to depression, so that could explain the mood/making yourself sick rate.
Take care. x
to the OP - you could have 'ED-nos' - which is when you have symptoms of an eating disorder, but no full blown definite one.
My advice - speak to a doctor about it. Any doctor worth their salt will be able to eoffer you advice.
Bulimia is often linked to depression, so that could explain the mood/making yourself sick rate.
Take care. x
she wont judge me, i know that. She knows somethings not right. It's complicated. she tried to kill herself earlier this year and nearly succeeded so i dont really want to add more to her plate although she is a lot better than she was. i suppose we both just see our problems as stupid and dont want to bother each other with them. i would never have guessed she was suicidal as shes always happy and pretty much the most popular girl in our year
jazznaz i supose you are completely right- thanks
Simulatio
Um, Jazznaz - are you saying that an eating disorder is only about weight? Because thats a ridiculously stupid thing to say if you are.
Not at all, but thank you for the vote of confidence.
From what I know, Bulimia itself is particularly characterised by binging and purging. They are outlined in the DSM-IV as criteria that must be met in order for an individual to be diagnosed with bulimia nervosa.
I was merely stating that I didn't believe that this is a case of bulimia, I don't remember saying anything about eating disorders only being related to weight, although I'm sorry if I gave that impression.
Ah, ok then =)
Sorry - it just looked like you were disagreeing with a post that said that an eating disorder wasn't just about the weight, hehe.
Oh - and bulimia, although characterized in that form, can be shown in other ways - such as binging, but then restricting as compensation, and abusing laxatives/diet pills/overexercising.
Take care. x
Sorry - it just looked like you were disagreeing with a post that said that an eating disorder wasn't just about the weight, hehe.
Oh - and bulimia, although characterized in that form, can be shown in other ways - such as binging, but then restricting as compensation, and abusing laxatives/diet pills/overexercising.
Take care. x
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