Ohhh I need advice, from people who know what they're talking about

I've been pondering this particular subject for quite some time- the thought of one day moving in with my boyfriend.

My boyfriend and I have been together for only a year- not long enough for us to be moving in together- I know. But we're also long-distance, which of course means that living together is something we'd absolutely love to attempt one day, as it is a light at the end of the long-distance tunnel

The thing is- I just don't know when the right time will be. Originally I thought we'd wait a couple of years- until we'd been together (and been long distance) for 3 years. But now, i'm considering asking him to move in with me next year, when we've been together for only 2 years. I want nothing more in the world than to be with him. But i'm scared of rushing him, stealing him away from his family (as he has said he would like to live in the city i go to uni in) and getting into a mess, as so many young couples do when they rush into things.

Another thing is that i'll only be 19 next year and he 23. That's pretty young to be co-habiting, is it not? I'm also really worried that my mum would strongly object to the idea of him and I living together as we are so young. She will insist that things won't work out.

Should I just go for it and ask him how he feels about maybe taking the leap next year? Or am i being extremely naieve and jumping into unknown territory too soon? Life is too short, as they say. And I don't want to spend much more of it long distance when we could be living together

And by the way, we've done the things people advise you do before moving in together- Stayed over with each other for at least a week and got on fine, argued and then resolved the situation, been away on a weekend break together, and seen a lot of each others bad habits along the way. And i think we could live with each others habits.

Reply 1

Stanners95

Original post by Anonymous

I think you're thinking things through too much. A lot can happen in a year, and you may not want to ask him to move in or the relationship may take a turn for the worse. I hope it doesn't, as you sound happy in this relationship, but my point is you shouldn't get too bogged down about future problems, and enjoy the present!

In an answer to your question, ask your boyfriend to move in when you're sure that's the right thing to do. If it ends badly, then you'll learn from it, but then again it may not.

NB: My mum was 18, and my dad 34, when they moved in together. 19 years later they're still together... so living together when one is such a young age can work.

Reply 2

Misstery

Is there any practical reason to asking him to move now, other than your love life?

It could be worth trying, I've heard success stories, but honestly I wonder if he'll actually want to move now. He probably won't have even thought about relocating yet, will have his friends/family to think of, no job to go to.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Original post by Misstery

Its not about practicality and we have both said we want to live together one day. It is our goal. Its just a question of when. We don't want to make the wrong decision and do it too soon.

Well, since this potential move is at least a year away, he has plenty of time to secure a job. Yes, the friends/family thing is my biggest worry. A- I don't want to tear him away from his family (he still lives with his mum) and B- I don't want his family to hate me because i took him away from them :frown:

but then, we make each other happy, and they want him to be happy, so...

Reply 4

Spacecam

Only a year. Long distance.

Better be a short-term rental contract in both names...

Reply 5

Anonymous #2

Too soon. My relationship was pretty much perfect-awesome for the first year, and we weren't long distance. We practically lived in each other's pockets. 2.5 years later and we were breaking up... for the second time... after some serious issues. He did not turn out to be the person I thought he was. You really don't know someone after 1 year, no matter how much you think you do. You're still in the 'honeymoon phase'.

Reply 6

PinkMobilePhone

Volunteer Team

*shrugs* I can only speak from personal experience I suppose. I was 4 days short of being 19 when I moved in with my other half. That worked out just fine and dandy. But all relationships are different.

Reply 7

sazzlepopz

Can you have a weekend at his and possibly raise the subject with his mum? Have you mentioned moving out to your mum? Would it be possible to have a trial period somewhere?
It will be a massive learning curve for you both, dealing with house work, cooking, laundry, money & contraception! But you'll have to fend for yourselves eventually so why not go for it. Okay, you might grow apart and be upset for a while but you will have learned a lot and take the forward to your next relationship. I have lived with an ex for 6 years (till he found his childhood sweetheart on Facebook) and my current partner for a year. I learned what I would and wouldn't live with! We had a 3 month trial period then a frank discussion. Go for it!

Reply 8

Will's mum

I met a nice guy when I was 18 1/2 and moved in with him six months later. Married, children, still unbelievably happy a looooong time later. If it had not worked out we would have both moved on and it would not have been the end of the world. Do it when you both feel ready, don't over expose yourselves financially and don't burn any bridges. If it works out like it did for me you will have a blessed life as the happiest person around, if it doesn't then nobody will die, you will both move on and heal and have learned about yourselves.