relationship confusion

I'd be grateful if anyone could read through my post (sorry its rather long, ive tried to condense it) and give me some views on it, maybe someones been in a similar situation? Thanks in advance.

Ok, im in a bit of a difficult situation at the moment, im quite confused about my feelings for my 'ex'.
We went out for around a year (we're both 19 and on our gap years), and mostly we were very happy and spent a lot of time together, it was me who was persuing things at the start and i was very attracted to him. He was my first proper boyfriend, and it took me a quite a few weeks to actually 'snog' (horrible word!) him, because i'd never kissed anyone before, was just so nervous and found it quite difficult to be intimate like that with anyone as i have quite low confidence. we never had sex, but were still intimate and were happy together, and were really good friends too.

After about 8 months together we both got new jobs with hours that werent compatible, and so spent less and less time together, meaning that physically we werent so close, in that i was no longer comfortable to 'snog' or do anything more with him, but he was still keen to do those thigns with me, so i think he felt quite neglected. after around 2-3 months of these problems i decided to end things, because i didnt think it was fair to him because i must have been quite a difficult girlfriend to have, although he was against the split. It was jsut a very confusign time for me because i couldnt understand how feelings could jsut switch off like that. It hurt at first not having him around because he had helped me through a lot regarding my anxiety issues and i did enjoy his company. but after a couple of weeks i was quite content not having him in my life, as we'd also stopped text/email/phone contact.

its been about 3/4 months since the split now, and over the past few weeks we've spent more time together, and we'll spend time at each other houses, relaxing and watching tv, basically just getting on well and having a nice time. However although we would happily jsut sit around and hug/hold hands, i still doesnt feel right kissing him. We are both going to uni this october, in different towns, so if thigns were to develop between us im not sure it could withstand that. Basically im just really confused, because i can see why people would think he's attractive, and he obviously is, but whenever i spend time with him i feel like im focusing on his bad aspects, and i dont know why. maybe i jsut dont feel those kinds of things towards him anymore (but i really do like his personality still, and i get so jealous if he mentions another girl, although i know he wouldnt do anyhting that could hurt me), maybe im just beign overly superficial and should focus on the fact that we get on really well.

i really dont want to hurt him by leading him on, but at the same time i dont want to completely rule out a relationship. we get on well, and maybe i shouldnt expect to like him the same way now, that i did at the start of the relationship. I dont know whetehr my initial reelign back from beign clsoe to him was brought on by anxieties regarding sex, or whetehr i was just 'going off him'. i know ive rambled on, but i just want to know if anyones been in a simialr position that might help me deal with and understand my feelings.

Thanks.

Reply 1

high priestess fnord

9

are you actually attracted to him?

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

well, i am in that i enjoy his company, and can see hes a goodlooking boy, but i dont really feel 'turned on' by him i dont think, so maybe im not attracted to him. but i want to have him in my life and dont think we could be jsut friends because i know how unbelievably hard i'd find it if he ever got a new girlfriend. When im relaxing round at his, and say we are lying on the sofa with each other, if he were to reach in and kiss me i would kidnd of almost feel a bit sick and reel back(although i know that reaction soudns extreme) but then i often feel that way when im anxious about other thigns (i.e being in busy public places like nightclubs) so dont know if its jsut a nervous thing re:things develpoing with him, OR if its because i no longer feel sexually attracted to him. Basically i jsut rather confused!

Reply 3

assaps

3

sounds to me as if you're just worried/nervous about the physical aspect of things. you need to sort that out in your own head. a year is a long time to be going out with someone and not really do much physicall especially seeing as you enjoyed being with him so much. i think you need to sort things out in your own head then confront him.
forgive me if i'm wrong/offensive, i'm just speculating/giving my own personal opinion.

Reply 4

Anonymous #2

i think u need some time on ur own away from him to sort your head out and spend some time with your friends and work on your own self confidence, i think right now thats the most important thing, otherwise if you're in a relationship n have low confidence itws gonna be messy anyway. it''ll give u time 2 see how u actually feel about him aswel

relationship confusion

Related discussions

Articles for you