Hi TSRians, could do with some kind words/perspective on break-up.

I'm feeling confused about my reactions toward a break up, because I now feel worse than I did immediately after the break up. I could just really use someone to talk to.

Quick summary: boyfriend and I had been together 2 years. But as I posted about previously, he developed depression and began to have 'episodes' that entailed him being emotionally abusive towards me for the last few months of our relationship. These episodes were rare (maybe once a month) and everything else was great otherwise, but they really wounded me when they happened. Eventually my boyfriend agreed to get help by seeing a doctor and I agreed to support him - but in between the time waiting to see the doctor he had another nasty episode and I broke it off. He didn't put up a fight (as I might have hoped he would), the I love yous had stopped completely and he agreed breaking up was best.

Since that happened a month ago, we have met up to catch up (and exchange some belongings) twice, and both of these times he initiated the meetings. After all, we decided to stay friendly and I didn't want him to feel abandoned while he's depressed. The first time we met I felt fine after and was happy to get on with life as I had been. But after seeing him for the second time this week my emotions are everywhere and I don't understand why. He told me he had seen the doctor and had been referred to a counsellor which I was really glad about. He was also flirting a lot, which threw me off. But then aside from flirting he also said he'd been struggling since the break up.

I text him a couple of days after this second meet up and reminded him to use the tickets for something I'd bought for him for his birthday (they expire next week), but he didn't respond. Meanwhile I've noticed he's been chatting to a girl online that he swore he didn't like when we were together (I was unsure) and I see they are going to the same concert tonight (and I still haven't heard back from him), which felt horrible. Basically, I was fine for the first two weeks of the break up, but all of a sudden I have felt worse than ever since we met up a second time. What has changed? And why do I feel this way?

I kind of understand where you're coming from, I'm finding it really hard to get over someone, two someones actually myself right now.

One common link which I feel between both me and you in our situations is that it wasn't really regarding personalities as such, the innermost connection (I think not at least, I hope I interpreted everything correctly...) but more a helpless situation? Do you want him to chase after you? I want that. I think in a sense we're trying to give ourselves a sense of hope and as time is going by, for your sake it's been longer than mine but you're starting to possibly question that hope and it's really getting you down. I really feel for you. I hope things pick up because you don't deserve to feel like this

Hi, I'm sorry to hear you're going through something similar.

I suppose when I met him that second time he seemed to still feel strongly for me - I suppose if it weren't for the fact we weren't kissing/holding hands anymore nothing was really different. We always had great chemistry/got on well, and I still felt the butterflies and I could see he was just as affected by me as well. In fact, I found myself having to admit: I still love him.

Which isn't a shock, because we didn't break up because I didn't love him, but because I couldn't be treated that way. But I suppose I shocked myself to have the actual thought, I love him still.

I think maybe I had no hope before. But hearing that he is actually going to see a counsellor/looking to improve his current state - maybe had me second guessing breaking up? Though I know him getting better will take a long time. Maybe I feel this way because I'm not thinking rationally: maybe I want him to get in touch because of what's in my heart, rather than what my head knows is right. And that might not have been triggered if I hadn't seen him again.

Honestly speaking the first thing I thought when reading this was do you think this relationship is a lost cause? Perhaps if there isn't a problem with your connection you can talk to each other of perhaps considering to rekindle what you guys had after his treatment? Despite that being a long time, I think you feel you can't do anything really till then

Breaking up did seem like the right thing to do. I think perhaps people can have a connection, but ultimately not be compatible. Obviously, none of this would've happened if it weren't the fact he became depressed...I honestly still think/know we would've been together.

The thing is that he has expressed no interest in ever wanting to get back together. He has not said 'If I do X counselling I'm hoping we might someday get back together' - any talk of the future when I meet up with him now does not include me. And so I think if he really did love me that would at least be a thought he would've had. So I feel like I need to get over him, because if I don't things will fester and I'll just be waiting around for someday.

Do you think despite not being romantically compatible, you want to not have in your life? Of course you'll have to get over him but sometimes people still want their previous romantic other half still in their lives

Well, that's the thing: we decided to remain friends. Perhaps we wouldn't have under normal circumstances but we're both going through difficult periods in our lives (I don't just mean the break up) and wanted to be there for each other.

But when we talk via text message sometimes he'll text me, then just not bother to reply again. He has only does this since we have broken up and I find it quite rude. What is the reason for it?

Maybe he's trying to act like he isn't that dependent upon you, trying to reassure himself? It could be that there was nothing he could say, context of message?

I don't know. I was basically telling him that the tickets I bought him for his birthday for something expired in a week's time so he should use them up

I expected something like 'yeah, of course!' or something but instead got complete silence. I felt it was rude. But then I don't know what is going on in his head.