I've become so friendzoned by a girl that it's taking over my life

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Sleeping with someone in a relationship is unacceptable from any stand point. If you've been the subject of an unrequited love, why didn't you take the courage to cut contact with the friend in question if you knew they were into you?

A lot of girls dont do it mate.

Its just the way it is.

Many enjoy the attention/

Reply 81

HopefulMidwife

Original post by Zarek

Agree that it is the person who is 'friend zoned' that always needs to change their outlook if they are not happy with the situation. But this is a bit of a harsh attack on the OP, considering he only started out by asking for some advice how to get over it..

Sorry, just spotted message 38! Take all of above back, you are right..

Yeah, I'm not usually that harsh but I felt it was deserved this time.

Reply 82

DrB

Original post by kunoichi

She told you she saw you as friends, you said you accepted it.

In no way has she led you on, you know full well she doesnt want to go out with you and she evidently has the impression you are fine about you guys being mates.

She isnt leading you on, she just believes she has a friend who is fine with being just a friend.

I disagree with this. She was aware of the way he felt and was willing to take advantage of his vulnerability.

Also, friends don't ditch each other.

Reply 83

HopefulMidwife

Original post by Anonymous

I believe so too, but that's our opinion, not the objective truth.

Also, 1. I was in his class and we had a close mutual friend, so almost impossible. 2. He would have been very hurt. 3. That is not my responsibility. I do not have to cut contact with a friend because they like me and I don't feel the same. If he felt he needed to do that, that would have been his courage to act upon. Not mine.

Reply 84

Studentus-anonymous

Original post by Anonymous

Yeah I know this is what I shud do, just can't bring myself to do it. In my head I've built her up to be something perfect despite all her flaws and how bad I've felt because of things.

But she's not perfect, she's probably not even compatible with you, do you really want her? Or is it just because she was the first girl that was friendly with you?

Have you tried to date other girls? Why not? You DO know that almost any other girl is probably better for you than her right?

Are you aware of the simple truth that someone not liking you that way isn't some big insult, but just the simple hand of chemistry and attraction doing it's work?

It's not a failure to accept the hand fate has dealt you, accept that she isn't for you, and look elsewhere.

Are you scared you won't find anyone else? How do you know you're not even trying are you?

OP, you get over someone by just....getting over them. By accepting no matter how harsh it may seem the simple fact that most people on Earth probably don't like you in a romantic way and probably never will. You accept that biology dictates attraction more than anything else and that it doesn't matter how attractive you feel you are objectively if the chemistry, the spark isn't there.

You'll be fine, and the only reason you end up a 40yo virgin is because it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. You go out your way to improve yourself, and just approach women and you'll quickly lose the virgin label.

Best of luck champ.

Reply 85

hamza1394

Cut off with her...i dont know why some girls are like this but they can be leeches. I bet its tough getting her out of your mind but better now than never.

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Reply 86

Pigling

I really think you need to take responsibility for this OP.

She has continued to be your friend - not forced you to be. That's just giving you options: to stay friends and stay close, or to back off and steer clear. You have chosen to remain close to her.

She's been clear about her feelings. What else is she meant to do? Act all weird around you, shun you? I'm sure you'd have something to say about that.

So stop blaming her, stop resenting her personal life - and just move on if it's what you want to do. You're the one keeping yourself in the "friend zone". Some people can get over a crush and stay friends, this time you aren't one of those people. Not her problem. Yours.

Sympathies and best of luck.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 87

lastlullabyy

Original post by HopefulMidwife

+1. Reminds me why I don't like so called 'nice guys' with no self esteem or respect. They emotionally manipulate you. She told OP she didn't like him. She hung out with him like a friend. She could have been more considerate, yes, but she was upfront and honest with him. He decided to read into things that weren't there. Now she's a whore because he let her take emotional advantage of him. Lol.

He'd probably hate her if she cut off all contact with him after him revealing feelings and ignored him for two years. Can't win with guys like that.

Original post by Nomes89

Quite honestly if you know she doesn't like you and only wants to be friends, it's not really fair on her to keep bringing up the fact that you like her. What did you hope to achieve? She is not obliged to then fancy you and she's not in the wrong for still wanting to be friends with you and hang out - these are NOT dates, get over yourself. You're the one who seems insistent that there should be more to your friendship than there is. As much as you think 'she should know how you feel' I don't think she would understand the extent to which you're infatuated (how could she?) but you know how you feel so it is up to you to stop being friends with her

As far as I can tell she hasn't actually done anything wrong and you're only judging her for sleeping with random guys because one of them isn't you which I think is pathetic.

EDIT: Negs for not sugar coating the truth :rolleyes:

This and this. Totally agree with both posters.
The only thing you can do now, if it really does hurt you so much, is to cut contact with her though it's already been said.
At least now you know to accept the fact that not always a saying, that women say the opposite of what they think, is true.
Good luck!

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Reply 88

Anonymous #1

Original post by HopefulMidwife

It's girls like you that are partly responsible for the whole notion of the friendzone. When it's blatantly obvious that someone is getting hurt because they have feelings for you and you continue as though things are 'normal', you are at fault whether you like it or not. You said in an earlier post that it was getting awkward for you and you still carry on with this false friendship. Period.

Reply 89

THE GUN WIZARD

I don't wanna lose you now,
I'm looking right at the other half of me,
The biggest scene inside my heart
there's a space but now you're home

Show me how to fight for now,
I tell you babe it was easy coming back into you once I figured it out,
You were right here all along.

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Reply 90

svs

Dude,its been frikin 3 years since you are with her and she didnt give a damn about you yet.Screw her the fck up never giver her attention delete her from fb,contacts whatever.If you can have a friendship with her then you should not want to do it but seems like you can't.So yea leave it and you will eventually forget,time heals everything-fact!..And don't fall for a bitch next time.

Reply 91

HopefulMidwife

Original post by Anonymous

Okay. So it would have been better to completely ignore him in front of our whole class and our very close mutual friend?

Piss off. If you like somebody, they don't like you back and it hurts you to be friends with them, it's YOUR responsibility to cut off contact with them. I don't owe anybody anything that is not my fault.

Reply 92

Yael

If you have been friendzoned, clearly you're not good enough for her. Perhaps you should be more assertive.

Reply 93

Musie Suzie

She probably continued going on "friends dates" because she was flattered you liked her and wanted to keep you as an admirer, in a similar sort of way to a child who has put a toy down but doesn't want anyone else to play with it.

Harsh, but quite possibly true. Seen it so many times before.

Reply 94

Anonymous #1

Original post by HopefulMidwife

You sound like a complete bitch to me.

Reply 95

unwire

Original post by Anonymous

You sound like a complete bitch to me.

she's not being a bitch, she's just telling you the truth you seem to not want to hear, why haven't you taken the advice given in this thread and just cut off contact because she doesn't seem to want you and you are just wasting your time with her? or have you already?