[URGENT]Ex girlfriend and potential new girlfriend help.

Anon or delete please! :smile:

Okay, the title makes me sound like a pig. It's not like that.

Basically me and my ex girlfriend have managed to become friends over the past half year or so. I really value her friendship we work so much better as mates than as boyfriend and girlfriend.

I'm over her and neither of us want to go back to boyfriend and girlfriend.

Recently I started seeing this new girl and she's dropping hints about a first date. She's so dead on, and we have so much in common it's actually insane.

However today my ex told me that she had some feelings for me still, I did have these feelings a while ago (initially after we broke up) but not anymore. We both said that we don't want to go back there and we want to stay mates.

Basically the new girl and my ex are friends on facebook, which means they know each other. My problem is how do I handle this so I don't hurt my ex, I don't want to lie to anyone that never ends well. And I don't know how to go out with this other girl without hurting her. At least so soon.

I need urgent advice people, please help me out.

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

Anyone please? I need to reply to the next text and I'm stuck about what to do. Thanks in advance guys

Reply 2

This Honest

I don't see the problem. She is your ex, as far as I'm concerned you don't need to care about her feelings if you don't want to get back with her. You want to move on right?
Just tell your ex the truth about the potential new gf.

Reply 3

ahannah

Original post by Anonymous

Anyone please? I need to reply to the next text and I'm stuck about what to do. Thanks in advance guys

Well what is the text about?

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by ahannah

Well what is the text about?

Talking about the new Man of Steel movie and how we both haven't seen it, then she started talking about how she wants to see it and was wondering if there where any cinemas near where I live. Kinda closed all other parts of the conversation so I have to reply to that bit haha! :rolleyes:

Reply 5

ahannah

Ah right okay, just say yes! If you do end up going with her to see this film then you never know where it will lead, it something happens between you and this girl (romantically) then you should probably tell your ex about her.
But as she is your ex and you both said you didn't want to get back together, she should understand. Just to be on the safe side you should tell her in as nice a way as possible... you know what girls are like haha

Anyway, if you don't go with her then you could be missing out on something with this girl in the future.

Reply 6

Studentus-anonymous

You do nothing, continue as normal. She's your ex and you are just friends thus her feelings are really for her to deal with, and you should concentrate on your own budding relationships.

Reply 7

hothedgehog

I think just tell your ex that you're dating someone new out of politeness. Don't give her any options about it, it's literally got to be a case of 'I wanted to tell you before you found out on facebook (or whatever) that new-gf and I are dating.' That's it. Don't let her control anything about the relationship.

Reply 8

Journeyzap

Yes, definitely go for the new girl. Your ex is no longer part of your romantic life, so you should be fine to progress things with this new girl. Your ex can find out in due time.

Reply 9

HopefulMidwife

Original post by This Honest

This.

Reply 10

boba

since you are friends with your ex you could mention it to her in conversation (which as friends you presumably have?). This would stop her seeing it on facebook or hearing about it through someone else, it still might hurt her but it would be as bad as any other way of hearing about it.

Reply 11

boba

Original post by This Honest

He clearly said they were friends. Even if that doesn't work out due to her recent confession of still having feelings the fact that he wants them to be friends shows he does care about her at least enough not to want to hurt her if possible. You can't just tell someone they aren't obliged to care for someone because you think they shouldn't.

Reply 12

J_W-x

Organise a date to go cinema with both of them at the same time without each of them knowing about the other then watch hell unfold as you eat your popcorn

Reply 13

canadamoose

Tell her that you've started seeing someone else, so it would be inappropriate to go see Man of Steel with her.

Reply 14

scrotgrot

It's a tough old world, even for girls, you're going to have to tell her that it's not happening even though you are still friends, and that you've got someone new lined up.

Reply 15

CJKay

OP, do nothing. Ignore what your ex feels and get in with this new girl. If you're certain your feelings are in the past you have every right to find someone new, and if your ex is bothered about it, well, she probably should've cut contact long ago.

Original post by ahannah

Well what is the text about?

Christ, I read your name as "ahahhah" and thought you were laughing at OP's misfortune. :s-smilie:

Reply 16

emmuh

If your ex respects you and wants you as a friend, she would want you to be happy with this new girl. Explain the situation and how you thought you would tell her as didn't want to upset her and hopefully she understands, if not then she will get over it, she is an ex for a reason!

I wouldn't warn the new girl just yet as early days and could spook her, especially incase she is the paranoid type, but if your ex decides to go pyscho (which is always a possibility) then you may need to let the new girl know.

Reply 17

ahannah

Original post by CJKay

Christ, I read your name as "ahahhah" and thought you were laughing at OP's misfortune. :s-smilie:

omg

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Reply 18

HibbsicleBean19

Just do what makes you happy at the end of the day. My story is quite similar to yours, my best friend (a guy) broke up with his girlfriend. We were all in the same friendship group so they tried to stay friends. I had known that my best friend had liked me for a while and pretty soon I started to develop feelings for him and was flirting with him quite a lot. About 2 months after their break-up, best friend asked me out and I said yes. Of course, this caused loads of drama in the friendship group despite the fact that his ex was the one who dumped him (yeah I know, right) and was getting upset which I didn't really understand.
Fast-forward 8ish months and we're still together and amazingly happy together.
Had I cared about what the ex thought I would never have agreed to go out with my now boyfriend and wouldn't be as happy as I am now. The ex learned to deal with it and everything is (almost) fine... I didn't like this girl to start with so it didn't really matter to me what she thought about me to be absolutely honest, it wasn't like i was losing a close girl-friend or anything.
So yeah, JUST DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY :biggrin: