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Having a few problems with a friend at the moment...
Im in halls at uni at the moment in my first year and have thoroughly enjoyed all of it. My exams went fairly well but now afterwards ive just been left quite bored. Three people out of my flat of six arent here at the moment including one of my good friends who has gone home to work. Three of us are left - me and two friends. One friend is really quiet - always has been and always probably will be - she is an awesome person and i really enjoy her company but sometimes she just doesent seem to put as much into our friendship as I do. Anyway i know thats just the way she is...its not her fault in the slightest and she is always there for me and vice/versa. This other girl is the person i would consider to be my best friend at uni - we get on very well - can chat for hours about practically anything and enjoy lots of the same activities. Recently she has started to see this guy who is in her lectures. Hes a very nice bloke and I also get on with him well when he comes round. However their relationship seems to be very complicated - they arent definitely anything and there is no indication that they are anything more than friends when they are together around people. Anyway thats largely irrelevant...
A few days ago - we had plans in the evening and before that she went to see him which was fine. She came back around an hour later went to her room and was on the phone to her mum for another 50mins or so. She then came to tell me that she wasnt doing what we had planned in the evening and was going back to see him. Her actually cancelling the event didn't bother me at all but she is very critical of people who do that so i knew it must have been something important. I asked her if she was alright and he was alright to which she just shrugged and she did look very upset which really worried me as in the 9 months or so i have known her - ive only seen her upset/depressed a couple of times. When she came back later i asked her again if she was ok and if everything was alright to which she said yes. I then asked what the problem was and she said it was sorted and her mum and the person she went to see had sorted her out. So i left it there. Next day she seemed thoroughly depressed and we werent really talking with the ease we normally do so i asked her again - to which she said 'nothing' so i said cmon whats up - theres obviously something because its upsetting you. So she said 'its nothing it will sort itself out over time'. Then later she did something else which is very uncharacteristic for her (which i wont bother detailing because its too long and boring) which annoyed me quite a lot. I went to her later and said something along the lines of 'Look i know something is up with you because you wouldnt have done this otherwise...' She then admitted something was up but that her mum and (boy)friend had sorted it out and she didnt wanna talk about it. Next i questioned why she could talk to him about it and not me (not a good idea in retrospect i admit but it was in the heat of the moment) and she said that it was to do with him. Fair enough...i pretty much left it and havent said much on the topic since.
Ever since then though things seem to be different between us. She seems to have a general lack of enthusiasm for doing anything i suggest although we have still done stuff and she seems to be pretty much herself when we are out. Another thing that ive missed though (which is mainly due to me being bored) is that she would always knock on my door when she came in from work or the gym just to have a little chat or to get me to come to the kitchen while she was making dinner to keep her company and vice/versa. She just hasnt in the last few days and it has got to me slightly...today i heard her go to the kitchen after work and i walked in about 15mins later to get a drink and just didnt really know what to say to her other than the usual hey - how are you today - how was work?
In essence (and well done for reading this gigantic post largely full of not a lot of interest!) we are normally incredibly close and im really missing not chatting to her as much as we used to (even when we had mountains of revision/work/exams we always made time for each other). I realise its probably just because im bored and am overthinking everything because i have time to do so...but it is bothering me and has got me wondering whether i have done something to get her to behave like this or whether shes just not particularly happy about this other issue. I did ask her if it was something to do with me days back in with the whole 'you can talk to him about it but not me' and she said no...of course not why would it be???
Anyway TSRians...not entirely sure what i want from writing this post...any advice or thoughts you may have are welcomed wholeheartedly but i think its just helped me writing about it too tbh.
A few days ago - we had plans in the evening and before that she went to see him which was fine. She came back around an hour later went to her room and was on the phone to her mum for another 50mins or so. She then came to tell me that she wasnt doing what we had planned in the evening and was going back to see him. Her actually cancelling the event didn't bother me at all but she is very critical of people who do that so i knew it must have been something important. I asked her if she was alright and he was alright to which she just shrugged and she did look very upset which really worried me as in the 9 months or so i have known her - ive only seen her upset/depressed a couple of times. When she came back later i asked her again if she was ok and if everything was alright to which she said yes. I then asked what the problem was and she said it was sorted and her mum and the person she went to see had sorted her out. So i left it there. Next day she seemed thoroughly depressed and we werent really talking with the ease we normally do so i asked her again - to which she said 'nothing' so i said cmon whats up - theres obviously something because its upsetting you. So she said 'its nothing it will sort itself out over time'. Then later she did something else which is very uncharacteristic for her (which i wont bother detailing because its too long and boring) which annoyed me quite a lot. I went to her later and said something along the lines of 'Look i know something is up with you because you wouldnt have done this otherwise...' She then admitted something was up but that her mum and (boy)friend had sorted it out and she didnt wanna talk about it. Next i questioned why she could talk to him about it and not me (not a good idea in retrospect i admit but it was in the heat of the moment) and she said that it was to do with him. Fair enough...i pretty much left it and havent said much on the topic since.
Ever since then though things seem to be different between us. She seems to have a general lack of enthusiasm for doing anything i suggest although we have still done stuff and she seems to be pretty much herself when we are out. Another thing that ive missed though (which is mainly due to me being bored) is that she would always knock on my door when she came in from work or the gym just to have a little chat or to get me to come to the kitchen while she was making dinner to keep her company and vice/versa. She just hasnt in the last few days and it has got to me slightly...today i heard her go to the kitchen after work and i walked in about 15mins later to get a drink and just didnt really know what to say to her other than the usual hey - how are you today - how was work?
In essence (and well done for reading this gigantic post largely full of not a lot of interest!) we are normally incredibly close and im really missing not chatting to her as much as we used to (even when we had mountains of revision/work/exams we always made time for each other). I realise its probably just because im bored and am overthinking everything because i have time to do so...but it is bothering me and has got me wondering whether i have done something to get her to behave like this or whether shes just not particularly happy about this other issue. I did ask her if it was something to do with me days back in with the whole 'you can talk to him about it but not me' and she said no...of course not why would it be???
Anyway TSRians...not entirely sure what i want from writing this post...any advice or thoughts you may have are welcomed wholeheartedly but i think its just helped me writing about it too tbh.
I doubt its you if you haven't done anything majorly different. Maybe she's just stressed about the situation, but doesnt feel comfortable talking to you about it. Because she has been off with you, she might be finding it hard to get back to her usual self. None of us can really say as we don't know what's going on in her head, but if you've offered your help then there's not a lot more you can do. Maybe give her a few more days to sort her head out?
Reply 2
Yep all you can really do is give her time and offer your support. She doesn't seem to be ready to talk to you about this yet so don't keep asking her to tell you - she might in her own time, if not she'll move on and things will hopefully get back to normal between you. Make sure she knows you're there to look after her if she needs you, but don't act too keen to find out. Your intentions are good, all you want to do is help, but she may see it as interfering. You sound like really good friends, it's just a small disagreement and hopefully everything will work itself out in the end.
Good luck and don't worry! Bottekrank x
Good luck and don't worry! Bottekrank x
Reply 4
dude if you're a guy you are overthinking waaaaaaaaaaaay too much...............
Reply 6
Im not a guy no. Thanks for the advice and kind words everyone 
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