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My boyfriend avoids sexual contact, it upsets me but I can't break up with him...

I've tried to break up with him several times but I don't want to, at the same time and to put it simply, I want sex. We've been together over a year and have had sex but I'm a lot more keen to do it than him and it's always a struggle.

When we do anything now I feel guilty because I feel like I've made him do it. Either way I end up deeply upset because of it all. We've discussed it over and over again and he says he'll try but nothing's changed, and when I try to initiate things I can't tell if he's deliberately avoiding it or not getting it.

I'm really struggling to leave him but all I can think is I wouldn't have this trouble with someone else and I'm just carrying along with a relationship that isn't going to work.

Any advice on what to do?

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Reply 1
Why doesn't he want to have sex with you? Have you really spoken to him about it?
That'd odd, usually it's the guy gagging for sex and the girl being all mysterious and reticent.
Reply 3
There is something wrong. You have to talk to him about it. We can't give you another solution than that. If you don't get a satisfactory answer, stick with and live in a miserable sexless relationship, or dump him.

Also, read:
http://www.therulesrevisited.com/2011/08/dont-let-pornography-become-your.html
Reply 4
Sounds like he's a secret gay and using you to appear normal to the outside world lol **** sucks

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Correction, you CAN break up with him.

He's not doing anything wrong by having (what seems to be) a lower sex drive than you, but you're in a situation where you feel like **** whichever way it goes.

If he has sex with you you feel **** because you feel you forced him. If he doesnt have sex with you you feel **** because you feel unfulfilled and unwanted. You're in a lose-lose situation which is making you unhappy, if you've talked it over a few times and nothing's changed then maybe its a sign that this relationship isn't working out.
Original post by allthetime
Correction, you CAN break up with him.

He's not doing anything wrong by having (what seems to be) a lower sex drive than you, but you're in a situation where you feel like **** whichever way it goes.

If he has sex with you you feel **** because you feel you forced him. If he doesnt have sex with you you feel **** because you feel unfulfilled and unwanted. You're in a lose-lose situation which is making you unhappy, if you've talked it over a few times and nothing's changed then maybe its a sign that this relationship isn't working out.


This unfortunately.
My boyfriend was like that at first. He was just nervous because he was a virgin and he felt like he had to do it right/lots of pressure in general. It got better and better over time. I'd say after about a year and a half there were no more sex problems.
Reply 8
Original post by eliza.anne
Why doesn't he want to have sex with you? Have you really spoken to him about it?


Yes, he says he's always been like it, just doesn't feel like he wants it.
Reply 9
Original post by allthetime
Correction, you CAN break up with him.

He's not doing anything wrong by having (what seems to be) a lower sex drive than you, but you're in a situation where you feel like **** whichever way it goes.

If he has sex with you you feel **** because you feel you forced him. If he doesnt have sex with you you feel **** because you feel unfulfilled and unwanted. You're in a lose-lose situation which is making you unhappy, if you've talked it over a few times and nothing's changed then maybe its a sign that this relationship isn't working out.


That about sums it up, but I love him so if we can work something out I want to.
Reply 10
Original post by Dragonfly07
My boyfriend was like that at first. He was just nervous because he was a virgin and he felt like he had to do it right/lots of pressure in general. It got better and better over time. I'd say after about a year and a half there were no more sex problems.


But my boyfriend wasn't a virgin, good to know though.
Original post by Anonymous
But my boyfriend wasn't a virgin, good to know though.


Then maybe he's not experienced. Not everyone that ever had sex is immune to nervousness.
Does he have a small willy?
Reply 13
Is he a believer in no sex before marriage?
Use your charms on him :colone:
Reply 15
Low sex drive or secretly gay.
Reply 16
Original post by Anonymous
But my boyfriend wasn't a virgin, good to know though.


Do you know if he felt the same in his previous relationship(s)?
Reply 17
Maybe, he's stressed or exhausted from work or something.
Reply 18
Original post by Dragonfly07
Then maybe he's not experienced. Not everyone that ever had sex is immune to nervousness.


Maybe but he says not, any tips for that? I'd say do it more to get over it but he won't.
Reply 19
Original post by Am I Really Here
Does he have a small willy?


Yes, how do I help him not be self conscious about it?

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