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I Broke the trust but look what I found out...

Spent the last 4 days with my new g/f.
Its a long distance relationship but in the past 2 weeks we have met up twice and spent 3nights each time minimum together.

From the 1st day/night she had this guy calling her, which apparantly she is arranged to marry. She said she is just chatting to him to keep the peace of the family. He has sent her many gifts and phones everyday and she had to lie to him saying I was a girl staying with her for 4 days and she had to lie to all her friends saying I was down for a interview and just stayed to see friends. Ther reason she said she lied to her friends was she didnt want the gossip going back to her family.

Anyway so I made her decide if she wants to be with me fully or not, she chose me and then today I asked the same question as that guy kept on calling every night and he was very insecure about her.
She told me 'to trust her and that she is trying to sort things'. Then just before I left for home, he called again and they kind of argued on the phone and she said to him that mayb we should rethink this whole situation (I think she done that because I was there). When I was going home she was being all nice and cosey and then she had to ansa that guys call again. So I gave her an hour to sort the issues and then she called in an hour and apperantly they didnt speak as he was busy. I then was speaking to her and she told me she missed me and wanted to meet soon and wished I didnt leave. She told me to sort out a day on sunday where we could meet.

Anyway while I was at her flat I was on her comp and I sent her chat convo with that guy to my email address. I just read it and up til the days where I met her again in her city, she was telling this guy now and again she loved him, having web cam convos and he was flirting a hell of a lot with her.
He showed more expression then she did but it was still there from her side
some of the stuff said -

5/24/2006 gal - no not enough
5/24/2006 guy - did u put my testimonial up..the other one?
5/24/2006 gal - but i did think that were great together and that we shouldnt give all this away just coz of our fights
5/24/2006 guy - i dont think so...its seems one way relationship
5/24/2006 gal - nah i love u

day before I met her for first time -
5/25/2006 guy - n have good time there
5/25/2006 guy - me gng
5/25/2006 gal - i love u
5/25/2006 gal - im goin to pack
5/25/2006 guy - i love u too
5/25/2006 guy - haya okay
5/25/2006 guy - takecare n be happy
5/25/2006 guy - i love u always
5/25/2006 gal - i love u always too
5/25/2006 guy - mwah
5/25/2006 guy - bye
5/25/2006 gal - mwah
5/25/2006 gal - byee

while I was with her when sleeping-
6/5/2006 guy - whn is friend gng back
6/5/2006 gal - 6 today
6/5/2006 guy - thanks n sorry to waste ur time
6/5/2006 guy - good luck
6/5/2006 guy - bye
6/5/2006 gal - sorry
6/5/2006 gal - love u
6/5/2006 gal - byee

she wants me to trust her and meet up as often. In 3 weeks shes going to home to her country for 3 months, wat shall I do?

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

OP

Anonymous

Spent the last 4 days with my new g/f.
Its a long distance relationship but in the past 2 weeks we have met up twice and spent 3nights each time minimum together.

From the 1st day/night she had this guy calling her, which apparantly she is arranged to marry. She said she is just chatting to him to keep the peace of the family. He has sent her many gifts and phones everyday and she had to lie to him saying I was a girl staying with her for 4 days and she had to lie to all her friends saying I was down for a interview and just stayed to see friends. Ther reason she said she lied to her friends was she didnt want the gossip going back to her family.

Anyway so I made her decide if she wants to be with me fully or not, she chose me and then today I asked the same question as that guy kept on calling every night and he was very insecure about her.
She told me 'to trust her and that she is trying to sort things'. Then just before I left for home, he called again and they kind of argued on the phone and she said to him that mayb we should rethink this whole situation (I think she done that because I was there). When I was going home she was being all nice and cosey and then she had to ansa that guys call again. So I gave her an hour to sort the issues and then she called in an hour and apperantly they didnt speak as he was busy. I then was speaking to her and she told me she missed me and wanted to meet soon and wished I didnt leave. She told me to sort out a day on sunday where we could meet.

Anyway while I was at her flat I was on her comp and I sent her chat convo with that guy to my email address. I just read it and up til the days where I met her again in her city, she was telling this guy now and again she loved him, having web cam convos and he was flirting a hell of a lot with her.
He showed more expression then she did but it was still there from her side
some of the stuff said -

5/24/2006 gal - no not enough
5/24/2006 guy - did u put my testimonial up..the other one?
5/24/2006 gal - but i did think that were great together and that we shouldnt give all this away just coz of our fights
5/24/2006 guy - i dont think so...its seems one way relationship
5/24/2006 gal - nah i love u

day before I met her for first time -
5/25/2006 guy - n have good time there
5/25/2006 guy - me gng
5/25/2006 gal - i love u
5/25/2006 gal - im goin to pack
5/25/2006 guy - i love u too
5/25/2006 guy - haya okay
5/25/2006 guy - takecare n be happy
5/25/2006 guy - i love u always
5/25/2006 gal - i love u always too
5/25/2006 guy - mwah
5/25/2006 guy - bye
5/25/2006 gal - mwah
5/25/2006 gal - byee

while I was with her when sleeping-
6/5/2006 guy - whn is friend gng back
6/5/2006 gal - 6 today
6/5/2006 guy - thanks n sorry to waste ur time
6/5/2006 guy - good luck
6/5/2006 guy - bye
6/5/2006 gal - sorry
6/5/2006 gal - love u
6/5/2006 gal - byee

she wants me to trust her and meet up as often. In 3 weeks shes going to home to her country for 3 months, wat shall I do?

He's just called again and wants to talk to her and shes asking for me to give her permission. I've told her to decide as she doesn't need my permission. She said she does as I dont feel comfortable with it and I told her I will never feel comofrtable over it. She wants to talk to him, so she said I think I will call him. Then another guy called and she said why the hell he calling me at this hour. The guy she talks to over the phone and net lives in Australia.

If she doesnt talk to him then its causing problems between her family and hes family so she said shes keeping it sweet. She has lied about how close she behaved with him but there has been many arguments with them but she always ends up still talking nicely with him. He majorly flirts with her and even complements her breasts and stuff. She just told me shes buying time so that when shes graduated she can confront her family isntead of causing them pain right now.

She told me hes a lovely guy, good look and perfect for any gal apart from her because she just doesnt feel anything for him like that. She is aksing me to just trust her with this one and its really hard to do that especially when already its asecret to her friends as well. When were together and there is no calls we get along so well, just like a really good couple but when there are these calls, it causing the concern.

Reply 2

keenya2006

and y'all say I should get a blog... :rolleyes:

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

I'm sorry but she seems very two faced and manipulating, I know because I am a girl and usually girls can recognise that in other girls. Instead of letting her use you, use her and don't get emotionally involved/attached.
If she wants your trust she should completely let you in on the relationship she has with her estranged fiancee. Otherwise I wouldn't buy it. I think she is having too much fun with having a secret boy toy and getting away with it.
Anyways, good luck =)

Reply 4

high priestess fnord

9

shes using you. just get rid.

Reply 5

ciara

13

End it right now. Even if she's lying to him to keep the peace (seems unlikely as all the 'i love you' stuff is unnecessary), it's clearly never going to work out with her arranged marriage on the cards. You're only going to get hurt, this is for her to sort out.

Reply 6

puppy

I don't really get it...

...But, it doesn't sound like a great situation and like others have said I'd call it a day with her. There's really no point in putting up with this kind of thing when you're young (I assume you're late teens, early tweenties)- you don't need this hassel when you could be spending time finding someone perfect for you who you don't have all these issues with. If you were 40 and had a family together then obviously there's a reason to put work into a relationship; at this age that's not what it's about.

Reply 7

SkinnyJeans

I don't really agree with what she's doing, but I don't think it's as simple as she's being manipulative and using you. It must be quite hard for her from her perspective. As for her not wanting to tell her family before she graduates, maybe she's worried that they will cut her out and she will have no family to support her while she's a student.

If she wants to keep this up with her family, then I guess you don't have a choice in that. She shouldn't be interacting with this guy in this way though (although to be honest her chats seem very unemotive and forced).

It is quite a difficult subject. But I think you should be honest with her and tell her you saw the chat logs, don't confront her in an angry way about it, just that you want to talk about it.

If you think this relationship is worth it, then work through this for a while. Then if it gets too much atleast you can say you've tried.

Good luck..!

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

I just spoke to her as she was suppose to wake me up as I have an interview later today. She didnt call so I called her as I assumed she spoke for ages wid her foreign 'b/f' and she said she was just about to call me.
I asked why she didnt text or call after her call last night as she said she would and I pretended I was waiting for it, even though I was sleeping. She said 'the call only lasted 20mins and then she thought I was a asleep so she went to sleep, and shes sorry'.

I asked did u work anything out, she said not really but they both agreed to cut down on talking (don't know if this is true?). She was half asleep so I said ill call later.

By the way - the convo she had with him before I left was right infront of me where she said 'they should rethink their situation and speak to the family and sort it out as it feels just forced'. He swore allot in front of her, made her unhappy and she even hung up on him and he had to call back 3 times to get an answer.

If it was for show, she sure is a damn good actress, and if not then I dunno. I don't feel I could confront about the chat logs just yet. I want to see if any imporvements happen and I want to go one more time to her place where I would just go through it infront of her and see if anything new was there or not.

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

OP

I just spoke to her as she was suppose to wake me up as I have an interview later today. She didnt call so I called her as I assumed she spoke for ages wid her foreign 'b/f' and she said she was just about to call me.
I asked why she didnt text or call after her call last night as she said she would and I pretended I was waiting for it, even though I was sleeping. She said 'the call only lasted 20mins and then she thought I was a asleep so she went to sleep, and shes sorry'.

I asked did u work anything out, she said not really but they both agreed to cut down on talking (don't know if this is true?). She was half asleep so I said ill call later.

By the way - the convo she had with him before I left was right infront of me where she said 'they should rethink their situation and speak to the family and sort it out as it feels just forced'. He swore allot in front of her, made her unhappy and she even hung up on him and he had to call back 3 times to get an answer.

If it was for show, she sure is a damn good actress, and if not then I dunno. I don't feel I could confront about the chat logs just yet. I want to see if any imporvements happen and I want to go one more time to her place where I would just go through it infront of her and see if anything new was there or not.

Reply 10

Anonymous #3

I guess you have to trust your gut with this one. None of us can tell you if she's lying or not, to me it sounds as if there may be a good chance she's telling the truth. Stay with her for a bit longer and see how things progress, don't make any quick decisions to dump her because you may end up kicking yourself later. Good luck with it.

Reply 11

supernova2

11

To be honest, get a girl without these problems. You probably havent known her that long so break up now before she leaves and it gets too complicated. If youre going out when shes away youre going to have a very very worrying 3 months.

Reply 12

jd27

God, self-centered much?
The poor girl is trapped in a situation it's almost impossible to get out of. An impulsive and (as far as I can tell) hardly rational or calm betrothed to be, and parents forcing her into the match. Maybe if you're not from a family or culture that places an emphasis on continuing traditions you can't understand such a burden.
Nevertheless she gets away, she meets someone she likes enough to endanger her position in her family and all her ties, but it's not that simple, as her (have I mentioned before slightly irrational) fiance in the making is pestering her. She can't break up with him, and has to keep him sweet. Once she finishes uni she will be in a position to make a clean break and let her family relate to her on her own terms, but until then she won't be in a position financially or emotionally to do it.

You want to make her life more complicated?
You're upset because of the way her actions impact on you?

Yeah, dump her, she's obviously 'playing you', and made up a series of fights with someone who kept calling her again and again from Australia. Dump her. She's showing her true colours.

Reply 13

Segat1

16

This is bizarre. This is the time when you're both supposed to be all butterflies in stomach and dreamy and nervous and she's fending off some bloke online? Rubbish. If she wasn't interested in him, she would not answer his calls or emails. Leave now, there are women out there who are nice and will be lovely to you, not faffing about with online person.

Reply 14

alibertine

1

Ugh, I don't understand people like that. Tell her to sling her hook, she's got no intension of sorting things out with this other guy. Get a nice girl closer to home :smile:

Reply 15

generalebriety

16

If you don't understand people like that read what jd27 said. First sensible person in this thread.

If you're lazy, here's a summary: it's really not her fault, dumping the other guy would cause her family to turn against her, especially if she's from a very traditional background, in which case they would despise her for going against the culture which they themselves upheld happily, and be very confused as to why she was rebelling against their authority.

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

OP

generalebriety

If you don't understand people like that read what jd27 said. First sensible person in this thread.

If you're lazy, here's a summary: it's really not her fault, dumping the other guy would cause her family to turn against her, especially if she's from a very traditional background, in which case they would despise her for going against the culture which they themselves upheld happily, and be very confused as to why she was rebelling against their authority.

Well Im going to try and trust her and not get too attached. She said she spoke to him last night and she said she got scared when the marriage stuff was brought up between families and hence she backed off. He said to her that he doesnt want them not being close and according to her she replied saying 'we was never close'.

Funny I was reading her other convos as I sent the folder to my email and she has told her friends a month or 2 back that she has been arguing with this guy but she also mentioned to them they were close and dateing?

Should I question her about if her friends know about them and then try and see how serious she is or just keep a distance and see what happens?

Reply 17

Anonymous #1

OP

Been reading all her convos as I can't be bothered going into another relationship, falling deep and getting screwed over.
These are my findings -

Before I met my g/f -
5/11/2006 4:34:34 PM gal - i was tellin bf abt it and i was really skeptical coz the weddings near
5/11/2006 4:34:44 PM gal = and his like, 'i wont divorce u promise promise '
5/11/2006 4:34:45 PM gal - heh
5/11/2006 4:35:35 PM sister of gal - awww ... how sweet
5/11/2006 4:35:48 PM sister of gal - are things ok with u guys?
5/11/2006 4:35:56 PM gal - yea their really good

5/16/2006 7:53:52 PM gal - hey bf and i (god willingly) next december
5/16/2006 7:53:57 PM gal - keep your diary free
5/16/2006 7:56:33 PM guy - im not commin for this weddin

5/16/2006 6:47:45 PM friend - i ask u something?
5/16/2006 6:48:09 PM gal - uh huh
5/16/2006 6:48:19 PM friend - u will reply yeah?
5/16/2006 6:48:23 PM friend - n dont lie
5/16/2006 6:48:29 PM gal - ok
5/16/2006 6:48:54 PM friend - what was the real reason that u broke up?
5/16/2006 6:49:19 PM gal - (bf)
5/16/2006 6:49:37 PM gal - and i didnt think we were going out proper, like i thought of us as good friends
5/16/2006 6:49:44 PM gal - and then there was no future with us

2 days before I met my g/f -
5/24/2006 2:01:46 PM good friend - hows bf?
5/24/2006 2:02:03 PM good friend - bf good... but u know how distance can be Kidogo hard
5/24/2006 2:02:16 PM gal - just gotta hang in there and keep it goin till we get married
5/24/2006 2:02:27 PM good friend - oh yeh i kno that
5/24/2006 2:02:35 PM good friend - yeh u guys are strong
5/24/2006 2:03:53 PM gal - but its hard man... just wish he cud come or i cud go

1 day after I met my new g/f for the first time -

5/31/2006 gal - yea its always better to have a bigger age gap coz women mature faster than men so their more compatible tht way
5/31/2006 gal - age gap between (bf) and i is 4 years and its working pretty well

3 Days Later After me and my new g/f met up in the city for the first time -
6/1/2006 11:30:09 PM gal - heh
6/1/2006 11:30:10 PM guy she doesnt want - wanna have phone sex with u
6/1/2006 11:30:10 PM gal - byee
6/1/2006 11:30:15 PM gal - tut tut
6/1/2006 11:30:17 PM gal - i m open mate
6/1/2006 11:30:20 PM gal - heh
6/1/2006 11:30:22 PM guy she doesnt want - i sick of waitin
6/1/2006 11:30:23 PM guy she doesnt want - lol
6/1/2006 11:30:24 PM gal - ive got my period
6/1/2006 11:30:32 PM gal - ahh **** and (friend, (me)) might be comin this weekend
6/1/2006 11:30:33 PM gal - ahh
6/1/2006 11:30:34 PM guy she doesnt want - i know aunts have visited u
6/1/2006 11:30:36 PM gal - :frown:

6/1/2006 11:30:41 PM gal - heh
6/1/2006 11:30:42 PM gal - after she goes
6/1/2006 11:30:51 PM gal - yup :biggrin:

6/1/2006 11:31:02 PM guy she doesnt want - bt before u go home will have a nice. slow smooth one
6/1/2006 11:31:06 PM gal - hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
6/1/2006 11:31:08 PM guy she doesnt want - ur man loves sex
6/1/2006 11:31:14 PM gal - ur woman loves sex
6/1/2006 11:31:17 PM guy she doesnt want - its the only pleasure/execrise
6/1/2006 11:31:21 PM guy she doesnt want - heheh
6/1/2006 11:31:28 PM guy she doesnt want - haya byeee
6/1/2006 11:31:38 PM gal - byee
6/1/2006 11:31:43 PM guy she doesnt want - thanks for tdy
6/1/2006 11:31:46 PM guy she doesnt want - i really enjoyed
6/1/2006 11:31:49 PM gal - dont thank me darling
6/1/2006 11:31:52 PM gal - ill call u later
6/1/2006 11:31:56 PM guy she doesnt want - ok
6/1/2006 11:31:59 PM guy she doesnt want - i ll think abt u

Reply 18

Anonymous #1

OP

Can I just add I do know where she lives, her family address and she even gave me her credit card yesterday so I could take the tickets she ordered for me when I was returning, I sitll ahve the credit card and I need to post it back to her today or tommorow.
The messages indicate that there are fights and shows uncertainty where she wants to land but to me it seems shes really unsure who she wants to be with and because im near and the other guy is in Australia, im the best choice because of that.

Reply 19

jd27

It seems unhealthy to be reading all these private conversations. It also would seem better not to read too much into them - people will put a brave face on things they're very worried about, especially to people who might report back (e.g. sister).

I Broke the trust but look what I found out...

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