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I no longer want to wear the hijab.

I'm an 18 year old Somali who simply doesn't believe any more due to personal circumstances and researching more into religion and science.
Lately, I've been feeling like a hypocrite, walking around with a hijab on despite the change of my beliefs.
Two friends of mine have stopped wearing the hijab, but they're Bengali and their parents are less strict about covering up. I felt so envious of how much freedom they have.
I haven't told anyone that I no longer believe, as I'm too fearful of the consequences, but I know that I'm wearing the hijab for the wrong reasons. Religious friends have told me that they feel pride when wearing the hijab, but I feel nothing but frustration and anger at being restricted to show my hair. I fail to see why I can't show it - it's MY hair, I should be allowed to show it as much as I want, but it's not as easy as that.
The community I live in is very, very strict in terms of religion; I feel so emotionally isolated, and everyone seems to be so much happier than me.
The thing is, my whole family are devout Muslims who would surely kick me out if I dared to do such a thing.
This is genuinely getting me depressed; I don't know what to do. Can anyone help?
(edited 10 years ago)

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Reply 1
You should think about what you are doing before you do it


Posted from TSR Mobile
Reply 2
i can genuinely empathize with you about this issue, although i am of a different religion. The story of Ayaan Hirsi Ali shows you are not the only person of your background who has gone through something like this.
Reply 3
Take it off. Liberate yourself!

Edit: Why so many negs? :confused:
(edited 10 years ago)
Reply 4
Original post by DarkParadise
I'm an 18 year old Somali who simply doesn't believe any more due to personal circumstances and researching more into religion and science.
Lately, I've been feeling like a hypocrite, walking around with a hijab on despite the change of my beliefs.
Two friends of mine have stopped wearing the hijab, but they're Bengali and their parents are less strict about covering up. I felt so envious of how much freedom they have.
I haven't told anyone that I no longer believe, as I'm too fearful of the consequences, but I know that I'm wearing the hijab for the wrong reasons. Religious friends have told me that they feel pride when wearing the hijab, but I feel nothing but frustration and anger at being restricted to show my hair. I fail to see why I can't show it - it's MY hair, I should be allowed to show it as much as I want, but it's not as easy as that.
The community I live in is very, very strict in terms of religion; I feel so emotionally isolated, and everyone seems to be so much happier than me.
The thing is, my whole family are devout Muslims who would surely kick me out if I dared to do such a thing.
This is genuinely getting me depressed; I don't know what to do. Can anyone help?


I feel so bad for you that you could actually suffer reprisal for something so "irrelevant". please don't take offence in that statement.

But the people who really care for you and are genuine friends will not care if you wear one or not.

Is moving an option? not that you should have to, but neither should you have to go against your new beliefs and be unhappy in your home.

May I ask, have you lost all belief or are you just doubting?
Will your family react badly if you tell them? If not, you should. If so, it's a difficult situation really. I mean, you're 18 - are you still living at home?
Reply 6
Do it! Cheesy, but oh so true - you only live once! Why spend your short time here doing something you hate to please others? Do what you want.
Reply 7
Original post by joker12345
Will your family react badly if you tell them? If not, you should. If so, it's a difficult situation really. I mean, you're 18 - are you still living at home?

Yes, I'm still living at home, though I'd love to move.
And they would react horribly,especially my mum. She would kick me out instantly, no challenge.
Reply 8
Original post by twoforjoy
Do it! Cheesy, but oh so true - you only live once! Why spend your short time here doing something you hate to please others? Do what you want.


I've been thinking the exact same thing, but it's sooo much harder here when you'd be met with harsh judgement and no home.
I almost wish I went to a university in another place, where I know no-one, so I could start again. But it's too late.
Reply 9
It's your choice end of the day, your family won't like it etc but it's your body/life.

Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Leanora
You should think about what you are doing before you do it


That's both glaringly obvious and completely unhelpful.
Muslim here and I say do what you want, but it might be best to do so at uni? And gradually lose it. That way it's not as much of a shock to your family if you one day decide "I don't want to wear the hijab"
Reply 12
I've heard a hundred times (if not more) that it's a woman's choice to cover herself or not :holmes:

Yet here we are with a girl who feels isolated and alone and pressured against such an action :rolleyes: Do what makes you happy. You might be in for some hard times because of it, but to follow peer pressure and wear it for no reason is a decision you'll likely regret
Original post by DarkParadise
Yes, I'm still living at home, though I'd love to move.
And they would react horribly,especially my mum. She would kick me out instantly, no challenge.


When do you think you will be able to move?
Are your parents logical people, would they listen to reasoning?
Original post by Artymess
I've heard a hundred times (if not more) that it's a woman's choice to cover herself or not :holmes:



It is, but certain families aren't like that ie: the OP's. Hence the advice I gave in a post above. I mean, I for one would never force it on any one.
To understand why we wear the hijab, we need to understand ultimate foundation of what it means to be a Muslim. To be a Muslim means to believe in only one God (the same God of Abraham, Moses, Jesus and Muhammad (peace be upon them)) and obey him. This would mean living our lives in a way which pleases God. The hijab is a commandment from God and that is the ultimate reason for wearing it.

We believe the one who created us knows what's good for us and it's only for our benefit to try our best to please him. The hijab is a commandment from Allah (swt). At the end of the day, to follow the commandments of Islam is only for our benefit. It won't affect Allah (swt) in any way whether we obey him or not. It's for your own benefit to please him.
Original post by DarkParadise
I'm an 18 year old Somali who simply doesn't believe any more due to personal circumstances and researching more into religion and science.
Lately, I've been feeling like a hypocrite, walking around with a hijab on despite the change of my beliefs.
Two friends of mine have stopped wearing the hijab, but they're Bengali and their parents are less strict about covering up. I felt so envious of how much freedom they have.
I haven't told anyone that I no longer believe, as I'm too fearful of the consequences, but I know that I'm wearing the hijab for the wrong reasons. Religious friends have told me that they feel pride when wearing the hijab, but I feel nothing but frustration and anger at being restricted to show my hair. I fail to see why I can't show it - it's MY hair, I should be allowed to show it as much as I want, but it's not as easy as that.
The community I live in is very, very strict in terms of religion; I feel so emotionally isolated, and everyone seems to be so much happier than me.
The thing is, my whole family are devout Muslims who would surely kick me out if I dared to do such a thing.
This is genuinely getting me depressed; I don't know what to do. Can anyone help?


"Don't announce your praise as hypocrites in the synagogues do as you would have earned your reward in full"

Why announce it on TSR

#Pathetic
I'm assuming you are saying you are no longer a Muslim??
If that is the case then personally i think this forum will not give you the best advice or help.
You need to take a step back as this isn't really a matter of just wearing the Hijab but rather a matter of changing beliefs!!
I recommend you speak to somebody from your local mosque or a larger Islamic Institution initially to possibly understand the beautiful religion of Islam in a lot more depth and this will potentially refocus you. In my own experiences the study of science and western cultures has not really effected my belief in Islam but has rather strengthened it. I would also recommend you look beyond mainstream media and culture for both information and news as that will help you see through the layers of deception people living in the western world are subject to( Lies and Deception are the only way too keep a large group of people in line and behaving like sheep's in a man made political system so unfortunately most of us are stuck with it).
Obviously if this doesn't help then you must face the facts and either decide to tell your family about you changing beliefs and trust that they will handle the matter with some level of dignity and respect(though i strongly doubt it) in which case you will have to realise that you will need to become independent and move s far away from your close and beloved family and (possibly) friends.
No offence to you but my instinct tells me you did not start wearing the Hijab for the right reasons but were either forced into it or you saw others doing it around you and felt compelled to wear the Hijab yourself. The Hijab is something a woman should wear with pride to protect her dignity and respect so in case you are feeling frustrated by it i suggest you remove it and don't waste you time when your own intentions are not in the right place. The fact is you live in a free(not really) world and therefore should go ahead and do as you wish without worrying about an outburst from your family.
Take my comments on board as food for thought and not as advice as i am a Man and I strongly recommend you speak to a Muslim Woman(Preferably well educated in Islam) in confidence and take reasonable time in deciding which path you want to take.

Good Luck with your Life and i sincerely hope you realise and appreciate the beauty of the Hijab.
I have a lot of friends who have broken away from religion.

You have to assess your own situation. How likely do you think it is that your family would 'break ties' with you if you came out? If you think it is very likely, take all the necessary steps to become independent and self-reliant. For a lot of my friends, this has meant getting a good job, having their own place and then breaking it to their parents - whatever the consequences were, they were at least in a position to support themselves.

I'd just like you to know that a lot of people are in your same boat; it is a slow process but it is a sure one!

P.S. You might want to read up on Irshad Manji.
Reply 19


Why would you think I'm trolling? I wish I was, but sometimes, just sometimes, people are faced with these dilemmas in real life, and need help to overcome them.


Original post by Anonymous
I'm assuming you are saying you are no longer a Muslim??
If that is the case then personally i think this forum will not give you the best advice or help.
You need to take a step back as this isn't really a matter of just wearing the Hijab but rather a matter of changing beliefs!!
I recommend you speak to somebody from your local mosque or a larger Islamic Institution initially to possibly understand the beautiful religion of Islam in a lot more depth and this will potentially refocus you. In my own experiences the study of science and western cultures has not really effected my belief in Islam but has rather strengthened it. I would also recommend you look beyond mainstream media and culture for both information and news as that will help you see through the layers of deception people living in the western world are subject to( Lies and Deception are the only way too keep a large group of people in line and behaving like sheep's in a man made political system so unfortunately most of us are stuck with it).
Obviously if this doesn't help then you must face the facts and either decide to tell your family about you changing beliefs and trust that they will handle the matter with some level of dignity and respect(though i strongly doubt it) in which case you will have to realise that you will need to become independent and move s far away from your close and beloved family and (possibly) friends.
No offence to you but my instinct tells me you did not start wearing the Hijab for the right reasons but were either forced into it or you saw others doing it around you and felt compelled to wear the Hijab yourself. The Hijab is something a woman should wear with pride to protect her dignity and respect so in case you are feeling frustrated by it i suggest you remove it and don't waste you time when your own intentions are not in the right place. The fact is you live in a free(not really) world and therefore should go ahead and do as you wish without worrying about an outburst from your family.
Take my comments on board as food for thought and not as advice as i am a Man and I strongly recommend you speak to a Muslim Woman(Preferably well educated in Islam) in confidence and take reasonable time in deciding which path you want to take.

Good Luck with your Life and i sincerely hope you realise and appreciate the beauty of the Hijab.

Thank you so much for this.
I have a muslim woman who frequently comes over to my house and is very well educated in Islam, but when I last spoke to her about my doubts she gasped and ridiculed me so much that I started to cry (pathetic, I know). She told me to read the Qur'an and beg Allah for forgiveness for thinking of such doubts. Ever since then, I can't bear the thought of sharing this with someone else.

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