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found out im pregnant, dont know what to do

my bf and I split up a few weeks ago. we were in love but decided we wouldn't be able to stay together as he has gone to study a postgrad degree abroad in Australia and plans on it being a permanent move. the only reason Im not going with him is he doesn't want me to have to give up my education. if I went with him at this point in time I would have no real qualifications as ive only in the second year of my undergrad degree.

I want to keep the baby as its a part of him, I still love him, I don't know that I could cope with ending the pregnancy. But at the same time I don't think I could cope with being a single mother and studying at the same time, even with the support of my family. we talked about me moving to be with him after I finish my degree but obviously that's not a certainty given the amount of time between now and then.

help

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Reply 1
Original post by Anonymous
my bf and I split up a few weeks ago. we were in love but decided we wouldn't be able to stay together as he has gone to study a postgrad degree abroad in Australia and plans on it being a permanent move. the only reason Im not going with him is he doesn't want me to have to give up my education. if I went with him at this point in time I would have no real qualifications as ive only in the second year of my undergrad degree.

I want to keep the baby as its a part of him, I still love him, I don't know that I could cope with ending the pregnancy. But at the same time I don't think I could cope with being a single mother and studying at the same time, even with the support of my family. we talked about me moving to be with him after I finish my degree but obviously that's not a certainty given the amount of time between now and then.

help


Maybe temporary sending the child to your relatives whilst you're studying, or temp foster care (or is foster care permanent)?
I think that keeping the baby just because its a part of him is wrong,you have to 1000% want this baby its not fair to bring a child into the world if your not committed to it. This baby will depend on you emotionally and financially babies can be the most amazing gift but also there hard work. Why dont you consider adoption? do you not have any family who would help? what about his family his parents surely they wouldnt want to turn their back on their own grandchild?
Reply 3
Are there any support groups/advisers at your uni? You could probably go to them for some advice. There's probably so many women who become pregnant whilst still studying, so more than likely there will be things on offer to help students carry on with their studies whilst having a child to look after.
Reply 4
The fruit of the womb is a gift from God, I know so many people who want children but can't have them, don't blame a child for something it didn't do, at least give it the chance to live a life. If you want the baby for the right reasons then look after him but doing it to just be able to remember your ex, that's why we have presents not babies.
Maybe, you should've used protection.
Reply 6
What is his response to this?

Tell him, then make a decision.
Reply 7
Original post by Parkway Drive
Maybe, you should've used protection.


im on the pill, no form of contraception is 100% effective...
Reply 8
Original post by Parkway Drive
Maybe, you should've used protection.


Maybe they did?
Find the women's officer at your university. You need unbiased advice about your choices in person, if possible.

There's also this page here. http://www.bpas.org/bpaswoman/pregnancy-choices It seems well designed to me.
(edited 10 years ago)
Reply 10
Original post by SillyMilly
I think that keeping the baby just because its a part of him is wrong,you have to 1000% want this baby its not fair to bring a child into the world if your not committed to it. This baby will depend on you emotionally and financially babies can be the most amazing gift but also there hard work. Why dont you consider adoption? do you not have any family who would help? what about his family his parents surely they wouldnt want to turn their back on their own grandchild?


I do really want to have this baby, that's why im struggling so much. I don't think I could cope with giving up our child for adoption. both of our parents work full time so although they could help to some extent I don't know how much
Reply 11
Original post by Anonymous
I do really want to have this baby, that's why im struggling so much. I don't think I could cope with giving up our child for adoption. both of our parents work full time so although they could help to some extent I don't know how much


Have you told your ex? I guess that's one of the first things you must do :dontknow:

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Reply 12
Original post by olop
Have you told your ex? I guess that's one of the first things you must do :dontknow:

Posted from TSR Mobile


yes he knows, I think hes still in shock though to be honest. he says hes unsure what he wants, hes brought up the same issues I have about the fact that we aren't together anymore and he would end up missing out on so much.
Reply 13
Talk to the welfare people at your university so you know exactly what practical and financial help would/would not be available. Is there an onsite student/staff nursery - could you take a year off after your 2nd year and then return to take your final year with the child in nursery? It would be a huge change, but in many ways you would be no different to a single working mother, and if you have a supportive family it makes things easier.

Don't rush into a decision you might regret to please others. Good luck
Original post by Super Cicero
The one thing you should not do is kill your beautiful unborn child. If you can't afford to look after the baby, give it up for adoption. Murder is never acceptable, so don't do it!


I don't think the OP needs judgy comments like this.
Good point, OP, couldn't you take a year out of your studies to go be with him? Or transfer to an Aussie uni?

Anyway your options are clear, abortion, adoption or keeping the child.

We are blessed to live in a day and age where women don't have to keep and raise children just because of an accident (especially now that we have contraceptives so it's not like you wanted to have a baby) and you are still young.

General public consensus is that you should really and ideally be having children when you are slightly older and better situated to raise a child.

That is not bad advice.

However it is your decision to make, for you to decide what is best. Talk to someone qualified to discuss these matters with you and help you clear up your mind so you know what is the best course of action for you.

Best of luck OP.
Reply 16
tell him then u can make a decison it might be that he will help u bring it up ect..
if ur not sure i dont think aborting it is the right idea you could regret it terrbly , u can always get it adoped
Original post by Super Cicero
The one thing you should not do is kill your beautiful unborn child. If you can't afford to look after the baby, give it up for adoption. Murder is never acceptable, so don't do it!

This
Keep the baby, put it into foster care or adoption, if you end up putting it up for adoption, then continue to be in their life, because I suppose the child wouldn't be complete not knowing who their biological mother was. If it gives them a better quality of life, do it, and the future decisions you will have to make will be dealt with once you are older and wiser
Reply 19
Original post by Anonymous
yes he knows, I think hes still in shock though to be honest. he says hes unsure what he wants, hes brought up the same issues I have about the fact that we aren't together anymore and he would end up missing out on so much.


I think if you're going to have the kid then you shouldn't consider adoption/foster care. You seem too emotionally invested already and I think the two options available to you should realistically be a) keep the baby and bring it up yourself or b) don't keep the baby. Best of luck; it's a tough situation.

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