This discussion is now closed.
Check out other Related discussions
- pff2 forms
- Qualifying for estranged student status
- should i bring one of my parents to my uni offer holder day?
- Bsc International management- Warwick or Bath?
- Why do guys ALWAYS insist on paying?
- Should I break up with my boyfriend?
- what ipad shall i get!
- I need help
- Do people bring their parents with them on university offer holder days or come alon?
- How would you feel if your other half says they won't do anything for your birthday?
- Maintenance Loan
- Contextual admissions- help
- toxic things my parents have done
- My ex needs me but doesn’t want me?
- Why does meiosis 1 produce two haploid cells where mitosis produced two diploids?
- Recently Married - Why is my wife's finance taken into consideration when she is not
- Maintenance loan
- do i swap unis to be with my boyfriend
- Single or living with partner?
- trouble being loving and affectionate
Parents splitting up
So, my parents split up almost 5 years ago, and dont get me wrong it took me ages to get over it as it was completely out of the- but its been a while and both parents have new partners and im fine with everything.
Its just, im kind of thinking that it has affected me mentally, more than i relalised. Now i could be wrong, and it could just be my personalilty but i find it really hard to get close to people- im 18 and have never had a relationship. I know everyone does to an extent, but i have the biggest fear of rejection which is stopping me 'put myself out there'. I have close friends but apart from 2 of them, im not actually that bothered about missing them when i go off to uni. I dont let myself get emotionally attached to people, im scared of the hurt, pain and hassle relationships of any kind cause. Im also becoming increasingly shy which is making me angry at myself because i got over that in my early-teens.
This may come across wrong, and i dont mean to sound whingey or anything but this is just how it is and im really looking foward to uni, but i dont want to miss out on anything because of all this as i plan to leave it all behind and start afresh.
Im not a social recluse or anything, im just a normal girl whos a bit confused.
I was just wondering if im the only one?
Its just, im kind of thinking that it has affected me mentally, more than i relalised. Now i could be wrong, and it could just be my personalilty but i find it really hard to get close to people- im 18 and have never had a relationship. I know everyone does to an extent, but i have the biggest fear of rejection which is stopping me 'put myself out there'. I have close friends but apart from 2 of them, im not actually that bothered about missing them when i go off to uni. I dont let myself get emotionally attached to people, im scared of the hurt, pain and hassle relationships of any kind cause. Im also becoming increasingly shy which is making me angry at myself because i got over that in my early-teens.
This may come across wrong, and i dont mean to sound whingey or anything but this is just how it is and im really looking foward to uni, but i dont want to miss out on anything because of all this as i plan to leave it all behind and start afresh.
Im not a social recluse or anything, im just a normal girl whos a bit confused.
I was just wondering if im the only one?
Reply 1
Anonymous
So, my parents split up almost 5 years ago, and dont get me wrong it took me ages to get over it as it was completely out of the- but its been a while and both parents have new partners and im fine with everything.
Its just, im kind of thinking that it has affected me mentally, more than i relalised. Now i could be wrong, and it could just be my personalilty but i find it really hard to get close to people- im 18 and have never had a relationship. I know everyone does to an extent, but i have the biggest fear of rejection which is stopping me 'put myself out there'. I have close friends but apart from 2 of them, im not actually that bothered about missing them when i go off to uni. I dont let myself get emotionally attached to people, im scared of the hurt, pain and hassle relationships of any kind cause. Im also becoming increasingly shy which is making me angry at myself because i got over that in my early-teens.
This may come across wrong, and i dont mean to sound whingey or anything but this is just how it is and im really looking foward to uni, but i dont want to miss out on anything because of all this as i plan to leave it all behind and start afresh.
Im not a social recluse or anything, im just a normal girl whos a bit confused.
I was just wondering if im the only one?
Its just, im kind of thinking that it has affected me mentally, more than i relalised. Now i could be wrong, and it could just be my personalilty but i find it really hard to get close to people- im 18 and have never had a relationship. I know everyone does to an extent, but i have the biggest fear of rejection which is stopping me 'put myself out there'. I have close friends but apart from 2 of them, im not actually that bothered about missing them when i go off to uni. I dont let myself get emotionally attached to people, im scared of the hurt, pain and hassle relationships of any kind cause. Im also becoming increasingly shy which is making me angry at myself because i got over that in my early-teens.
This may come across wrong, and i dont mean to sound whingey or anything but this is just how it is and im really looking foward to uni, but i dont want to miss out on anything because of all this as i plan to leave it all behind and start afresh.
Im not a social recluse or anything, im just a normal girl whos a bit confused.
I was just wondering if im the only one?
I think I felt the same way for a while too, but I'm not so sure if i was any different before. For a while I was quite bitter about it, not because most of my friends parents hadn't split up, but rather because they would moan about the most trivial of matters and it really annoyed me that they were being so pathetic over something so tiny.
That was a little rant and had little to do with your point, but don't worry, if it takes you longer, it takes you longer, but you will connect with people.
Reply 2
Well, my parents haven't spilt up, but I can completely identify with your situation as I was just like that a short while ago 
I used to really distance myself emotionally from people as that way I subconsciously thought that no matter what they did, i could still remain unaffected. It took me a while to figure out what I was doing, but it seems that you are coming to a similar conclusion now. I found that once I realised that it was some kind of protection mechanism, I knew that it was up to me to allow people in. Eventually I have got up the courage to allow more and more people to get closer to me but I would still give you the advice to make sure that the people you decide to let get close to you are worthy people.
An instance of mistrust can really set you back
(trust me I know), but still the rewards of opening up as a person overall are well worth it and the only way you can experience life fully
Good luck
I used to really distance myself emotionally from people as that way I subconsciously thought that no matter what they did, i could still remain unaffected. It took me a while to figure out what I was doing, but it seems that you are coming to a similar conclusion now. I found that once I realised that it was some kind of protection mechanism, I knew that it was up to me to allow people in. Eventually I have got up the courage to allow more and more people to get closer to me but I would still give you the advice to make sure that the people you decide to let get close to you are worthy people.
An instance of mistrust can really set you back
(trust me I know), but still the rewards of opening up as a person overall are well worth it and the only way you can experience life fullyGood luck
Reply 3
Thanks a lot for the advice- its really comforting
Anonymous
So, my parents split up almost 5 years ago, and dont get me wrong it took me ages to get over it as it was completely out of the- but its been a while and both parents have new partners and im fine with everything.
Its just, im kind of thinking that it has affected me mentally, more than i relalised. Now i could be wrong, and it could just be my personalilty but i find it really hard to get close to people- im 18 and have never had a relationship. I know everyone does to an extent, but i have the biggest fear of rejection which is stopping me 'put myself out there'. I have close friends but apart from 2 of them, im not actually that bothered about missing them when i go off to uni. I dont let myself get emotionally attached to people, im scared of the hurt, pain and hassle relationships of any kind cause. Im also becoming increasingly shy which is making me angry at myself because i got over that in my early-teens.
This may come across wrong, and i dont mean to sound whingey or anything but this is just how it is and im really looking foward to uni, but i dont want to miss out on anything because of all this as i plan to leave it all behind and start afresh.
Im not a social recluse or anything, im just a normal girl whos a bit confused.
I was just wondering if im the only one?
Its just, im kind of thinking that it has affected me mentally, more than i relalised. Now i could be wrong, and it could just be my personalilty but i find it really hard to get close to people- im 18 and have never had a relationship. I know everyone does to an extent, but i have the biggest fear of rejection which is stopping me 'put myself out there'. I have close friends but apart from 2 of them, im not actually that bothered about missing them when i go off to uni. I dont let myself get emotionally attached to people, im scared of the hurt, pain and hassle relationships of any kind cause. Im also becoming increasingly shy which is making me angry at myself because i got over that in my early-teens.
This may come across wrong, and i dont mean to sound whingey or anything but this is just how it is and im really looking foward to uni, but i dont want to miss out on anything because of all this as i plan to leave it all behind and start afresh.
Im not a social recluse or anything, im just a normal girl whos a bit confused.
I was just wondering if im the only one?
you're not whingy at all!!! I can completely identify with your situation hun, i can say that all you've said above is v.v.v close to home...
I've been through a fair bit these past few years to say the least, i don't let the past take over.
U sound like a resilient (sp?!) person, the fact that you've led such a normal life is testament to that... It's hard to do and you need to be an extremely strong character to do it but, LET GO, that's what i try to do. it seems to work..
WorkHouse
you're not whingy at all!!! I can completely identify with your situation hun, i can say that all you've said above is v.v.v close to home...
I've been through a fair bit these past few years to say the least, i don't let the past take over.
U sound like a resilient (sp?!) person, the fact that you've led such a normal life is testament to that... It's hard to do and you need to be an extremely strong character to do it but, LET GO, that's what i try to do. it seems to work..
I've been through a fair bit these past few years to say the least, i don't let the past take over.
U sound like a resilient (sp?!) person, the fact that you've led such a normal life is testament to that... It's hard to do and you need to be an extremely strong character to do it but, LET GO, that's what i try to do. it seems to work..
I'm not usually willing to admit this, but it seems you have EXACTLY the same issue I have.
It's annoying, although I guess it will heal with time. (Actually my parents split up 10yrs ago, and I still have that problem) bally
I'm not usually willing to admit this, but it seems you have EXACTLY the same issue I have. It's annoying, although I guess it will heal with time. (Actually my parents split up 10yrs ago, and I still have that problem)
It's annoying, although I guess it will heal with time. (Actually my parents split up 10yrs ago, and I still have that problem) I wasn't willing to admit it (well 'publically' anyway) until i read the OP's message... someone told me a while back "Its seems -inevitably, and ever so cruelly- we really are the people our parents make us" ... I don't know whether it's because of the person i really am or just beacuse i really wanted to prove the bastard wrong, but i try everyday not to let my personal demons affect me...
WorkHouse
I wasn't willing to admit it (well 'publically' anyway) until i read the OP's message... someone told me a while back "Its seems -inevitably, and ever so cruelly- we really are the people our parents make us" ... I don't know whether it's because of the person i really am or just beacuse i really wanted to prove the bastard wrong, but i try everyday not to let my personal demons affect me...
Yeah, so true.
MY parents got divorced when I was quite young, 11-2? And it didn't really screw me up or anything as I didn't really understand then, but it's changed me as a personal. As I grew up it made me more cynical about love and stuff. Not to mention growing up without a father figure in the home... Dunno. Anyway OP, I guess my problem wasn't as bad as yours, but to some extent I know how you feel...
I'm the same, mine split 6/7 years ago. For me, its an issue with trust, and I feel as though I can't trust or get close to people because it won't last and they will just go off and leave me... until about 2 years ago, I was very like you. Had a few close friends, and that was it, after I left school I wasn't bothered about missing them. Then I started college and met loads of special people and we broke down barriers... so, even though it is taking you longer it doesn't mean that you're always going to be alone. Having said that, I find it loads easier to connect with people who have been through similar stuff, all but one of my best friends, and my boyfriend, come from divorced families.
You don't sound moany or whatever, you sound normal. I think marital breakups always affect people in different ways, even the people who make out it hasn't. When you get to uni just go for it, you've got nothing to loose and people are always gonna understand if you say you're scared of rejection and explain why... you're not gonna become your parents, you've got your own life, just because they had a bad relationship it doesn't mean you will.
You don't sound moany or whatever, you sound normal. I think marital breakups always affect people in different ways, even the people who make out it hasn't. When you get to uni just go for it, you've got nothing to loose and people are always gonna understand if you say you're scared of rejection and explain why... you're not gonna become your parents, you've got your own life, just because they had a bad relationship it doesn't mean you will.
Reply 9
My parents split up when I was 5 so it's a slightly different situation there cos that's been normal for me for the whole of my childhood and teenage years etc. But several years ago a load of stuff happened with my lovely mother so in extremely simplified form we don't get on AT ALL and I live with my grandparents which is absolutely fantastic. But the point I wanted to make is that everything that you go through in life makes you who you are. But you have the option of shaping how you handle things. Yes, I could have crawled into a ball, been v. withdrawn, found it hard to trust etc (which I did actually go through for about a year or two), but actually now I'm a much stronger person cos of my experiences. So what I'd say is, I completely understand your situation and what's great is that you seem to understand yourself. So I reckon you'll make loads of friends, maybe find a great guy at Uni, because you obvs have the emotional intelligence to work out what's going on. Now all you have to do is accept that and move on.. tell yourself that Uni is a new era, so try to see if you can treat the people at Uni as a new opportunity to make great friends and hopefully restore your ability to get close to people. Yes, all kinds of relationships can cause you pain, but I look at it this way (since I had to talk myself into this too a few years back!): anything in life that's worthwhile is going to have risks. But the benefits of great friendships/other relationships far outweigh the risks, so go for it!
I really respect your resilience and obvious understanding of yourself.. tis great to see you're not wallowing in self-pity hehe!
I really respect your resilience and obvious understanding of yourself.. tis great to see you're not wallowing in self-pity hehe!
Reply 10
Anonymous
So, my parents split up almost 5 years ago, and dont get me wrong it took me ages to get over it as it was completely out of the- but its been a while and both parents have new partners and im fine with everything.
Its just, im kind of thinking that it has affected me mentally, more than i relalised. Now i could be wrong, and it could just be my personalilty but i find it really hard to get close to people- im 18 and have never had a relationship. I know everyone does to an extent, but i have the biggest fear of rejection which is stopping me 'put myself out there'. I have close friends but apart from 2 of them, im not actually that bothered about missing them when i go off to uni. I dont let myself get emotionally attached to people, im scared of the hurt, pain and hassle relationships of any kind cause. Im also becoming increasingly shy which is making me angry at myself because i got over that in my early-teens.
This may come across wrong, and i dont mean to sound whingey or anything but this is just how it is and im really looking foward to uni, but i dont want to miss out on anything because of all this as i plan to leave it all behind and start afresh.
Im not a social recluse or anything, im just a normal girl whos a bit confused.
I was just wondering if im the only one?
Its just, im kind of thinking that it has affected me mentally, more than i relalised. Now i could be wrong, and it could just be my personalilty but i find it really hard to get close to people- im 18 and have never had a relationship. I know everyone does to an extent, but i have the biggest fear of rejection which is stopping me 'put myself out there'. I have close friends but apart from 2 of them, im not actually that bothered about missing them when i go off to uni. I dont let myself get emotionally attached to people, im scared of the hurt, pain and hassle relationships of any kind cause. Im also becoming increasingly shy which is making me angry at myself because i got over that in my early-teens.
This may come across wrong, and i dont mean to sound whingey or anything but this is just how it is and im really looking foward to uni, but i dont want to miss out on anything because of all this as i plan to leave it all behind and start afresh.
Im not a social recluse or anything, im just a normal girl whos a bit confused.
I was just wondering if im the only one?
I used to be the same, my parents split 8 years ago, and i do believe it has affected me mentally, like is has done you. I used to be really shy, and kinda distanced myself from others, but thankfully i got over that recently. I wouldnt worry though, you'll get through this at uni, im sure of it!
Just have a little faith in yourself, tell yourself that you are a good person, and make plenty of new, meaningful friendships. I know its nice when you've had a great time at college/secondary school, but frankly i dont care if i never see any of them again (was bullied for 1.5 years). There are a few people outside of school that i hope i know all my life, and these are the people that i have good friendships with.
I'm sure that once you have your first real relationship, you'll find life much sweeter and open than you do at the moment. Take care
Reply 11
I know its silly but i cant tell you how much all your replys made me smile.
Thanks a lot for the re-assurance and the help, posting this has been really worthwhile to me and hopefully others, thanks
Thanks a lot for the re-assurance and the help, posting this has been really worthwhile to me and hopefully others, thanks
Related discussions
- pff2 forms
- Qualifying for estranged student status
- should i bring one of my parents to my uni offer holder day?
- Bsc International management- Warwick or Bath?
- Why do guys ALWAYS insist on paying?
- Should I break up with my boyfriend?
- what ipad shall i get!
- I need help
- Do people bring their parents with them on university offer holder days or come alon?
- How would you feel if your other half says they won't do anything for your birthday?
- Maintenance Loan
- Contextual admissions- help
- toxic things my parents have done
- My ex needs me but doesn’t want me?
- Why does meiosis 1 produce two haploid cells where mitosis produced two diploids?
- Recently Married - Why is my wife's finance taken into consideration when she is not
- Maintenance loan
- do i swap unis to be with my boyfriend
- Single or living with partner?
- trouble being loving and affectionate
Latest
Trending
Last reply 5 days ago
Can someone please help me tag Artful_lounger, i want to ask him a questionHealth
5
21
Last reply 1 week ago
How to get through the year with a teacher that dislikes you?Last reply 1 month ago
Aren’t you supposed to stand in monkey in the middle
