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inappropriate driving instructor

I'm getting a bit put off by my instructor as in recent lessons he has started to become really inappropriate in convo.
One example the other week he got onto the topic of rape, which I knew was coming up the minute he mentioned a student had confided him in.
He told me that there is a differance between rape and someone being taken advantage of and when I told him if they say no it means no he told me in reply but when they say "no they don't always mean that though dothey?"
Apparantly the girl went away and accepted it might of been her fault that she led this guy on.

Quite bluntly I'm horrifed by this comment and it really put me off my driving for the rest of the lesson, I'm starting to become very uncomfortable with his convosations and I try my best to divert them and change the subject because when he is focused on the driving he is fine.

How would others approach this sort of behavior? I'm starting to get a bit concerned...

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Reply 1
Original post by camelotx
I'm getting a bit put off by my instructor as in recent lessons he has started to become really inappropriate in convo.
One example the other week he got onto the topic of rape, which I knew was coming up the minute he mentioned a student had confided him in.
He told me that there is a differance between rape and someone being taken advantage of and when I told him if they say no it means no he told me in reply but when they say "no they don't always mean that though dothey?"
Apparantly the girl went away and accepted it might of been her fault that she led this guy on.

Quite bluntly I'm horrifed by this comment and it really put me off my driving for the rest of the lesson, I'm starting to become very uncomfortable with his convosations and I try my best to divert them and change the subject because when he is focused on the driving he is fine.

How would others approach this sort of behavior? I'm starting to get a bit concerned...


My brother had a really inappropriate driving instructor for a while, they would drive past this house every day and the guy would say how his mistress lived there and his wife had no idea but he'd been seeing her for years and so on. Then he'd go into detail about their affair. Weird guy...Anyway my brother swiftly changed driving instructors. I would do the same, there's no point in paying if you don't feel comfortable and can't focus on driving.
Reply 2
Original post by camelotx
I'm getting a bit put off by my instructor as in recent lessons he has started to become really inappropriate in convo.
One example the other week he got onto the topic of rape, which I knew was coming up the minute he mentioned a student had confided him in.
He told me that there is a differance between rape and someone being taken advantage of and when I told him if they say no it means no he told me in reply but when they say "no they don't always mean that though dothey?"
Apparantly the girl went away and accepted it might of been her fault that she led this guy on.

Quite bluntly I'm horrifed by this comment and it really put me off my driving for the rest of the lesson, I'm starting to become very uncomfortable with his convosations and I try my best to divert them and change the subject because when he is focused on the driving he is fine.

How would others approach this sort of behavior? I'm starting to get a bit concerned...


Sounds like a total weirdo. I'd change instructors ASAP, your safety is paramount.
Original post by camelotx
I'm getting a bit put off by my instructor as in recent lessons he has started to become really inappropriate in convo.
One example the other week he got onto the topic of rape, which I knew was coming up the minute he mentioned a student had confided him in.
He told me that there is a differance between rape and someone being taken advantage of and when I told him if they say no it means no he told me in reply but when they say "no they don't always mean that though dothey?"
Apparantly the girl went away and accepted it might of been her fault that she led this guy on.

Quite bluntly I'm horrifed by this comment and it really put me off my driving for the rest of the lesson, I'm starting to become very uncomfortable with his convosations and I try my best to divert them and change the subject because when he is focused on the driving he is fine.

How would others approach this sort of behavior? I'm starting to get a bit concerned...


Yeah, change instructor. He sounds like a letch :colonhash:
Reply 4
Original post by camelotx
I'm getting a bit put off by my instructor as in recent lessons he has started to become really inappropriate in convo.
One example the other week he got onto the topic of rape, which I knew was coming up the minute he mentioned a student had confided him in.
He told me that there is a differance between rape and someone being taken advantage of and when I told him if they say no it means no he told me in reply but when they say "no they don't always mean that though dothey?"
Apparantly the girl went away and accepted it might of been her fault that she led this guy on.

Quite bluntly I'm horrifed by this comment and it really put me off my driving for the rest of the lesson, I'm starting to become very uncomfortable with his convosations and I try my best to divert them and change the subject because when he is focused on the driving he is fine.

How would others approach this sort of behavior? I'm starting to get a bit concerned...


I would change instructor, if you're uncomfortable it could start to affect your driving progress, meaning you'll need more lessons, which is more expense
Reply 5
I started learning when I was 17 and my instructor (male probably about 60) wasn't inappropriate in conversation but used to adjust my seat every lesson by reaching inbetween my legs and moving the handle. I felt so unbelievably uncomfortable as his arms would be brushing my thighs...after 4 lessons I told my mum I didn't like it and I stopped them. I'm 21 now and have been learning again with a female instructor. She's never adjusted anything for me but she does talk a lot about her love life which can be annoying and distracting but oh well.

Discussing rape however is unacceptable and I would change immediately.
(edited 11 years ago)
Reply 6
Definitely change, anything that makes you feel uncomfortable will distract you from learning and you don't want to be paying a fortune to this inappropriate weirdo. I'd also make a complaint to his boss if its a learning company or to his governing body if he is private instructor. If this other girl confided in him then he shouldn't be telling everyone, he shouldn't make her feel she was the one in the wrong and he definitely should t be making another young girl feel uncomfortable.


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Change, change, change. Get out of the ship before it sinks.
Reply 8
Original post by James A
Change, change, change. Get out of the ship before it sinks.


nice metaphor
Definitely don't hesitate to find a different instructor if he makes you feel uncomfortable.

Dump the instructor and if he is working for a company, write to tell them why you will not be using their services again and explain that you will not recommend their services to anyone else either.
Reply 10
All driving instructors have to be approved and take tests and be licensed etc. There must be some sort of procedure even if he is self employed (as many are).
Original post by camelotx
I'm getting a bit put off by my instructor as in recent lessons he has started to become really inappropriate in convo.
One example the other week he got onto the topic of rape, which I knew was coming up the minute he mentioned a student had confided him in.
He told me that there is a differance between rape and someone being taken advantage of and when I told him if they say no it means no he told me in reply but when they say "no they don't always mean that though dothey?"
Apparantly the girl went away and accepted it might of been her fault that she led this guy on.

Quite bluntly I'm horrifed by this comment and it really put me off my driving for the rest of the lesson, I'm starting to become very uncomfortable with his convosations and I try my best to divert them and change the subject because when he is focused on the driving he is fine.

How would others approach this sort of behavior? I'm starting to get a bit concerned...


As everyone else has stated, change your instructor. There's plenty of decent ones out there. Just out of curiosity, what other strange conversations has he initiated with you that make you feel so uncomfortable?
Babe you need to suck it up

He was having a convosation, nothing else but he may want to go on a date

Do you have one night stands, that is all he wants :rolleyes:
Change your instructor. You're paying this dude and if he's distracting you and affecting your progress than you're wasting your money. Change immediately. Possibly you could also tell your parents and they may inform the actual school however this would probably be considered as over the top since it was just a discussion. However it could be the first of things to come..who knows. Personally I would change instructor though. How often have you been with him and how often has this happened. If you've been driving with him for quite a while and its the first thing he's ever made a comment like this then maybe he's just a bit odd and there isn't much to worry about. Personally I feel it is rather creepy, especially when he said 'they don't always mean that though do they"
(edited 11 years ago)
Reply 15
Original post by James A
Change, change, change. Get out of the ship before it sinks.


Or she could show a bit of leg and get a discount on the upcoming driving lession. :gah:
Reply 16
Thankyou for the replies.
I'm hesitant to swap because I've been through so many different ones and he is the only one I've found where I've actually progressed and I'm just practicing now to get up to test standard.
It's only been in recent lessons where what he is saying has been making me uncomfortable and each lesson lately it seems to worsen, however it's never previously affected my driving.

I found it really disturbing about the rape comment and it played on my mind, especially when a girl went away thinking and apparantly accepted it was her fault, horrible.
I think next lesson if he says anything again about anything I'm going to be like dude, stfu you're being a creep! and hopefully that'll be the end of it and not having me ending up in a ditch somewhere :s-smilie:
Reply 17
I would promptly change instructor, but since you are hesitant to do so: say you are not comfortable talking to him about such matters. Whether or not you should stay with him as an instructor will become evident in his reaction.
Reply 18
Original post by camelotx
Thankyou for the replies.
I'm hesitant to swap because I've been through so many different ones and he is the only one I've found where I've actually progressed and I'm just practicing now to get up to test standard.
It's only been in recent lessons where what he is saying has been making me uncomfortable and each lesson lately it seems to worsen,
however it's never previously affected my driving.

I found it really disturbing about the rape comment and it played on my mind, especially when a girl went away thinking and apparantly accepted it was her fault, horrible.
I think next lesson if he says anything again about anything I'm going to be like dude, stfu you're being a creep! and hopefully that'll be the end of it and not having me ending up in a ditch somewhere :s-smilie:


OP, he might not say anything weird again before doing something and "having a word" with him might provoke him to actually act. Which is more important, learning to drive as quickly as possible or your safety?

Ask your friends or people you know to recommend another instructor. I'm sure he can't be the only one who could possibly teach you to learn to drive. Whatever you do don't stick with this guy. TBH you're asking for trouble. The fact his behaviour is "worsening" and it wasn't even just a one off comment is a clear indication you need to think logically, and get out of this situation fast before it progresses into something worse.

Rapists and people who sexually assault aren't just nasty men who hide in bushes, quite often you can spot their behaviour beforehand. He quite clearly has the mindset of someone who's willing to do this sort of thing and "push the boundaries", so the only question now is: are you going to hang around or not? Yeah, maybe nothing could happen, but do you really want to risk it, especially considering you spend a lot of time alone in a car with this guy?

(Edit: A logical rebuttal would be nice instead of a neg :rolleyes:)
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by Botravaganza
Babe you need to suck it up

He was having a convosation, nothing else but he may want to go on a date

Do you have one night stands, that is all he wants :rolleyes:


What the actual ****? :lolwut:

She should have sex with her driving instructor?
You haven't even read the post... he wasn't coming on to her at all. You make is sound like the obvious solution is for her to sleep with this probably 40 year old man just so she can carry on having driving lessons :s-smilie: