The Student Room Group

Am I gay? (n other stuff)

OK,

The topic title is somewhat misleading - I've always fancied girls (I'm 18 now), never had anything more than a friendship with males.

I've also never had a girlfriend, and I am socially awkward (years of rejection have given me a massive blow to my self esteem and confidence) - at the moment, I couldn't give a toss. I'd rather be happy and content with myself than get rejected and look like an ass in front of people - I'm fairly sure anyone I asked out or whatever would say no, so theres no point trying (as far as I see it).

As I said, this means that i've got very little practical experience of girls - and it affects my friendships somewhat; my friends at home were not touchy feely people. Here, at Uni, I feel awkward whenever say one of my (female) flatmates even leans on me when we're watching TV.

Anyway, to the crux of my post - On saturday, with (straight/bi) friends I went to a gay bar. My flatmate is a member of our uni's LGBT society, so he knew 10 or so people who were there. We chatted, I found some of them funny and generally had a laugh. Didn't do anything with anyone, didn't think of it.

Monday, we went back there (for cheap night, £1 a bottle!) and again, nothing untoward happened - one of my female flatmates had a breakdown of sorts and we were talking and she revealed to me two things - first, everyone, bar two people (out of 6) from our flat, plus about half the people from the LGBT society I saw think that I'm actually gay and in denial. Secondly, my first impressions are that I'm an ignorant **** only interested in himself.

Basically, i'm feeling a bit low - I never, ever get depressed but I was close tonight, I can't see a way out of the rut i'm in, I'm starting to doubt that I'm straight, even though I am certain I could never fancy a man; even saying it sounds stupid, but if that many people think I am, could I be, and very, very strongly in denial?

Again, to protect myself from getting rejected or depressed, I withdrew myself and really, really struggle to even initiate a serious conversation, let alone tell them personal details and problems, so this is kind of a last resort. I'm sure I'll have repressed all these feelings tommorow and be happy/smiley like usual.

rant over :biggrin:
Reply 1
I'm going to be harsh here, but don't be an arse. Other people cannot "diagnose" you as homosexual.
Reply 2
You're simply in doubt because you felt confident around the guys at the gay bar :smile: Because you felt confident, they're your comfort. That doesn't mean anything more, it's just that you're happy they accept you better than girls do or atleast how you think girls do.

Think about it this way, if you were gay (and not having the best of times with your partner/ex's whatever) and if it was a normal bar you went to and you were getting along really well with a group of girls, you'd start having doubts over being gay..
Reply 3
I don't care if people are harsh - I'm usually good at letting stuff wash over me, this is why its doing my head in, because people keep saying it - its not just now, my brothers asked me several times, and so's my mum (what an awkward conversation that was :P), along with other friends who think it.

I guess it does come across as whiney, but your reply did make me smile :smile:
Reply 4
Why dont you just say im not a fag? If they dont believe you screw them.
Elipsis
Why dont you just say im not a fag? If they dont believe you screw them.


Well if he did that, then they'd be sure he was gay! :wink:
Reply 6
Think about what aspects of your behaviour give that impression, and change them. Are you effeminate? Grow a beard. Wimpy? Join a gym.
Reply 7
I dont think your gay. For the self esteem and confidence stuff, buy a 'cognitive behavioural therapy' book on each topic and start doing the exercises. Its as easy as that!
because it might just make him happy.
(edited 4 years ago)
Reply 9
icedout
Think about what aspects of your behaviour give that impression, and change them. Are you effeminate? Grow a beard. Wimpy? Join a gym.


Heres a good one:
If you go to gay bars... DONT.
Reply 10
Elipsis
Heres a good one:
If you go to gay bars... DONT.


No Self Respecting Straight Male goes to a gay bar.

Who wakes up and says "well i'm up for fun..lets head to a GAY bar. I'm sure I shall frolick amongst the happy people".

Go have sex with a woman, see if you like it. Go kiss a man. See if you like it.

Hell, just look at gay porn and see what reaction you have.

If all your friends told you that you were an igloo would you believe them?

Grow a pair, man!
Reply 11
Just shag an ugly bird, that way it's easy and no-one will think you're gay.
Anonymous
OK,

The topic title is somewhat misleading - I've always fancied girls (I'm 18 now), never had anything more than a friendship with males.

I've also never had a girlfriend, and I am socially awkward (years of rejection have given me a massive blow to my self esteem and confidence) - at the moment, I couldn't give a toss. I'd rather be happy and content with myself than get rejected and look like an ass in front of people - I'm fairly sure anyone I asked out or whatever would say no, so theres no point trying (as far as I see it).

As I said, this means that i've got very little practical experience of girls - and it affects my friendships somewhat; my friends at home were not touchy feely people. Here, at Uni, I feel awkward whenever say one of my (female) flatmates even leans on me when we're watching TV.

Anyway, to the crux of my post - On saturday, with (straight/bi) friends I went to a gay bar. My flatmate is a member of our uni's LGBT society, so he knew 10 or so people who were there. We chatted, I found some of them funny and generally had a laugh. Didn't do anything with anyone, didn't think of it.

Monday, we went back there (for cheap night, £1 a bottle!) and again, nothing untoward happened - one of my female flatmates had a breakdown of sorts and we were talking and she revealed to me two things - first, everyone, bar two people (out of 6) from our flat, plus about half the people from the LGBT society I saw think that I'm actually gay and in denial. Secondly, my first impressions are that I'm an ignorant **** only interested in himself.

Basically, i'm feeling a bit low - I never, ever get depressed but I was close tonight, I can't see a way out of the rut i'm in, I'm starting to doubt that I'm straight, even though I am certain I could never fancy a man; even saying it sounds stupid, but if that many people think I am, could I be, and very, very strongly in denial?

Again, to protect myself from getting rejected or depressed, I withdrew myself and really, really struggle to even initiate a serious conversation, let alone tell them personal details and problems, so this is kind of a last resort. I'm sure I'll have repressed all these feelings tommorow and be happy/smiley like usual.

rant over :biggrin:



This is an easy one, you are quite obviously a fanny bandit :eek:
wait so what was the point of posting as anonymous in the first place if ur gua give ur ID away?
Reply 14
Post deleted now, I'd rather people I know in real life not see my post :smile:

Thanks for the comments. I was somewhat under the influence when writing that and am back in a good mood, I'm 100% certain of my sexuality, and feel a plank for posting that, but oh well :smile:
well thank god i noticed that then..

although i wudnt mind a bit of pos rep to keep me quiet. lol
Reply 16
we still know who you are, you'll have to ask admin to remove the 'post deleted by alexcutts', and you'll need to get them to delete my post while they are at it. :smile:
Reply 17
devilbunny
we still know who you are, you'll have to ask admin to remove the 'post deleted by alexcutts', and you'll need to get them to delete my post while they are at it. :smile:

That can only be seen by TSR subs though, right?