I'm 23 and my parents make me do chores all the time. Watch

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 6 years ago
#1
**WARNING: long rant. It wasn't meant to be so long, but I couldn't stop once I'd started**

Ok, I get that I'm unemployed (graduated two weeks ago) and living with my parents without having to pay rent or anything.

BUT MY GOD. Typical day, today. Woke up at 9, went for a run, did a workout, had a shower, got dressed by about 11:30.

I come downstairs and my dad says I need to help him out in the garden. No complaints, I swelter outside for a couple of hours picking up branches and leaves and sweeping all the paths. I make coffee, we sit outside, I wash coffee cups. Mum comes home, I lay the table for lunch, we eat, I wash up.

I have things to do in town, so finally at 4 I'm free to go. I come home half an hour ago, mum tells me to hoover the entire upper floor. Finally I sit down, but anytime now, I know my mum will call me to help make dinner and a salad or something, set the table, then clear up after (because she's cooking). apart from the exercise and going to the shops, I've had NO time to myself today. It's all been what they want me to do. I feel so stifled by this, is it normal!? Reasonable?

Thing is I do all this, and woe betide me if I complain. We've had furious shouting matches over this subject and it's just not worth it, so I do it, but then today for example, my dad was a bit quiet during lunch and when he went upstairs, she started blaming me for it, and lecturing me ('you're part of this house, you should chip in...bla bla bla') when it was nothing to do with me!! I get these lectures at least twice a day, about not helping enough, even when I actually do the thing they ask me.

I'm sure my mum just invents a zillion ridiculous tasks that don't need to be done, and she's neurotic about things like not putting mugs down without coasters, even in the privacy of my room. (she's tried to stop me taking mugs into my room but that was too far and I do it anyway and she lets me now)

Granted I've lived in a student house for the last couple of years so my standards are different, but my parents just create work, or have hobbies like gardening that they expect me to chip in with because those hobbies involve effort. Is that my problem??

It just annoys me that my mum feels that I don't deserve any freedom or time to myself just because she's been a housewife all her life, and doesn't work. Granted, she works hard, but she doesn't care or seem to want a career for me, or any other life other than the kind she's had, which I do NOT want. I hate housework, and hate people who get really precious about their house, and most of all I'm really fed up and bored of feeling I have no control over my life.

I have no plans or money to move out right now, and my house is close to London which is ideal for the jobs i'm looking for right now, but please tell me, is this normal??? Do other people who live at home have to give up this much time to 'house-duties' and helping out their parents?? Am I complaining about nothing here?
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Anonymous #1
#2
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ok the last thing I said about my mum was a bit mean. But it's the impression I get from her, and my mum has a lot of issues.
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pjm600
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#3
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Their house their rules at the end of the day.

If you don't have a grad job lined up get a temp one, then move out and rent.
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Dragonfly07
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There's nothing worse than doing work without getting any recognition for it. If the result of your hard work was a smile and a simple compliment, the whole thing would be worth it. But if at the end they tell you you don't do enough despite all your hard effort, then how the hell are you meant to enjoy any of the work?

It's easy for me to say just stop doing things for them if you think it's ridiculous, but I know I don't do that. It's too difficult to say no to helping inside the house if you're staying there, regardless of how unreasonable it may seem. It's a horrible situation. That's why I'll never move in with either of my parents again no matter how broke I was.
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Annie72
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#5
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Thing is OP, you are an adult now and I think your parents expect you to help look after the house and do chores just like they have to.I used to do loads of things to help my family when I lived at home. I thought every family was the same to be honest, however they could at least say thanks or whatever for helping them.
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Kabloomybuzz
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#6
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I don't think the amount they're asking you to do is unreasonable, if you were working full time its not as if you'd have the time to yourself, and even if you do work full time and have a place of your own, things still need doing.

What I do think is a bit unfair is them telling you that you don't do enough, when you seem to be doing whats asked of you and its taking up a fair amount of time so there's not loads you can do in between.
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sr90
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#7
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Would you rather pay rent instead? It's not an unreasonable request to help especially if you're living there for free.
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IMRUBBISHATJAVA
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#8
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(Original post by Anonymous)
**WARNING: long rant. It wasn't meant to be so long, but I couldn't stop once I'd started**

Ok, I get that I'm unemployed (graduated two weeks ago) and living with my parents without having to pay rent or anything.

BUT MY GOD. Typical day, today. Woke up at 9, went for a run, did a workout, had a shower, got dressed by about 11:30.

I come downstairs and my dad says I need to help him out in the garden. No complaints, I swelter outside for a couple of hours picking up branches and leaves and sweeping all the paths. I make coffee, we sit outside, I wash coffee cups. Mum comes home, I lay the table for lunch, we eat, I wash up.

I have things to do in town, so finally at 4 I'm free to go. I come home half an hour ago, mum tells me to hoover the entire upper floor. Finally I sit down, but anytime now, I know my mum will call me to help make dinner and a salad or something, set the table, then clear up after (because she's cooking). apart from the exercise and going to the shops, I've had NO time to myself today. It's all been what they want me to do. I feel so stifled by this, is it normal!? Reasonable?

Thing is I do all this, and woe betide me if I complain. We've had furious shouting matches over this subject and it's just not worth it, so I do it, but then today for example, my dad was a bit quiet during lunch and when he went upstairs, she started blaming me for it, and lecturing me ('you're part of this house, you should chip in...bla bla bla') when it was nothing to do with me!! I get these lectures at least twice a day, about not helping enough, even when I actually do the thing they ask me.

I'm sure my mum just invents a zillion ridiculous tasks that don't need to be done, and she's neurotic about things like not putting mugs down without coasters, even in the privacy of my room. (she's tried to stop me taking mugs into my room but that was too far and I do it anyway and she lets me now)

Granted I've lived in a student house for the last couple of years so my standards are different, but my parents just create work, or have hobbies like gardening that they expect me to chip in with because those hobbies involve effort. Is that my problem??

It just annoys me that my mum feels that I don't deserve any freedom or time to myself just because she's been a housewife all her life, and doesn't work. Granted, she works hard, but she doesn't care or seem to want a career for me, or any other life other than the kind she's had, which I do NOT want. I hate housework, and hate people who get really precious about their house, and most of all I'm really fed up and bored of feeling I have no control over my life.

I have no plans or money to move out right now, and my house is close to London which is ideal for the jobs i'm looking for right now, but please tell me, is this normal??? Do other people who live at home have to give up this much time to 'house-duties' and helping out their parents?? Am I complaining about nothing here?
Your an adult in the house so you have to act like an adult if the adults in the house are doing chores then its only fair that your doing them also isn't it ?
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nexttime
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#9
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To be honest, your parents are sounding pretty reasonable.
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deedee123
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#10
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tbh when i lived at home my mum expected me to do the chores through the day when i was on holiday (clean the bathroom, make dinner, do the ironing & hoovering etc) i didn't really mind though because i had nothing else to do anyway. I'd probably be annoyed if she wasn't working though. Is this everyday this is happening?

It doesn't sound that bad to me, i was always expected to tidy up after dinner with my brother and do chores if i was on holiday.
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User995789
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#11
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:lol: Making a cuppa, hovering and gardening. AND NO RENT?!

If you were 5 i'd say awww bless.

But YOU'RE 23!!!!

Is that all? You could be on the street right now, be grateful you moaning scum bag.
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lascelles
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#12
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I'm also 23, work full time, live at home and pay rent.... And I have to do chores. My brother, however, is a student and does nothing all day, then complains when he has to do the washing up.
The only thing that bugs me about doing the chores is that I actually work longer hours than anyone in my house, but then my mum and dad moan that they don't have the time to do stuff around the house, so I have to do more!


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Anonymous #1
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I suppose so. Don't get me wrong, they do thank me for the big things, like the garden work this morning, and my dad's a lot more reasonable than my mum.

I just hate that my mum is constantly lecturing me and making out that I'm not pulling my weight, so that I get angry (like today - she was out all morning while I was helping my dad in the garden for literally about 2 hours of back-aching work, then just assumed I'd been laying about like a slob and had a massive go at me - these things happen so often that I give up even trying to defend myself, and if I do, it all escalates into shouting). So we're constantly bickering.

I guess that's why I'm grouchy about all this. But I guess the actual amount of work is fair enough.
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TheReckless
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#14
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You're lucky you even have a mum. Be grateful that, at 23, she doesn't ask you to chip in financially at all, but simply expects you help around the house.
Gardening and hovering are genuinely nothing - I do that plus much more at home, and I never complain - and I'm 18.
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username877577
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#15
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What do you expect, they do all the work for you?


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Fiedamufidah
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#16
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Take it as a positive side..don't be too negative, maybe this is the right time for you to be a good daughter/son..✌


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DaveSmith99
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#17
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So they should if you're staying rent free in their house. Do you expect them to spend all day earning money to pay for your upkeep, then come home and cook for you and clean up after you?
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Eugenie Grandet
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#18
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(Original post by Anonymous)
**WARNING: long rant. It wasn't meant to be so long, but I couldn't stop once I'd started**

Ok, I get that I'm unemployed (graduated two weeks ago) and living with my parents without having to pay rent or anything.

BUT MY GOD. Typical day, today. Woke up at 9, went for a run, did a workout, had a shower, got dressed by about 11:30.

I come downstairs and my dad says I need to help him out in the garden. No complaints, I swelter outside for a couple of hours picking up branches and leaves and sweeping all the paths. I make coffee, we sit outside, I wash coffee cups. Mum comes home, I lay the table for lunch, we eat, I wash up.

I have things to do in town, so finally at 4 I'm free to go. I come home half an hour ago, mum tells me to hoover the entire upper floor. Finally I sit down, but anytime now, I know my mum will call me to help make dinner and a salad or something, set the table, then clear up after (because she's cooking). apart from the exercise and going to the shops, I've had NO time to myself today. It's all been what they want me to do. I feel so stifled by this, is it normal!? Reasonable?

Thing is I do all this, and woe betide me if I complain. We've had furious shouting matches over this subject and it's just not worth it, so I do it, but then today for example, my dad was a bit quiet during lunch and when he went upstairs, she started blaming me for it, and lecturing me ('you're part of this house, you should chip in...bla bla bla') when it was nothing to do with me!! I get these lectures at least twice a day, about not helping enough, even when I actually do the thing they ask me.

I'm sure my mum just invents a zillion ridiculous tasks that don't need to be done, and she's neurotic about things like not putting mugs down without coasters, even in the privacy of my room. (she's tried to stop me taking mugs into my room but that was too far and I do it anyway and she lets me now)

Granted I've lived in a student house for the last couple of years so my standards are different, but my parents just create work, or have hobbies like gardening that they expect me to chip in with because those hobbies involve effort. Is that my problem??

It just annoys me that my mum feels that I don't deserve any freedom or time to myself just because she's been a housewife all her life, and doesn't work. Granted, she works hard, but she doesn't care or seem to want a career for me, or any other life other than the kind she's had, which I do NOT want. I hate housework, and hate people who get really precious about their house, and most of all I'm really fed up and bored of feeling I have no control over my life.

I have no plans or money to move out right now, and my house is close to London which is ideal for the jobs i'm looking for right now, but please tell me, is this normal??? Do other people who live at home have to give up this much time to 'house-duties' and helping out their parents?? Am I complaining about nothing here?
To me it all smacks of the adjustment period after you've left university and you're settling in back home. You had got used to certain freedoms as a student and now they've been pulled away from you and you're settling in to the reality of home life again. Be patient, it's only been two weeks. Keep helping out at home, we all do. Try looking for paid jobs too. When you get some work I bet your parents will be proud of you. Maybe the 'pulling your weight' comments come from latent fears that you're not going anywhere with your life right now. If after some time you feel your mother is being unfair to you then sit her down and have a mature conversation about it- not a slanging match. But remember, it's probably strange for them- not just you- re-adjusting to you being at home again.
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Aries1992
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#19
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Exactly the same for me but I have to work, pay rent and then come home and do all this! I think your lucky. My Mum won't even let me off when I have exams but I wouldn't complain - its her house.

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Solid.Snake
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#20
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Sounds similar to me, but I have to do a lot more and literally get bossed around non stop by my parents when i'm in the house.
They literally can't do anything without calling me down and getting me to do it for them instead...
But at the end of the day, it's their house and their rules.

I'm afraid, just like me, you're simply going to have put up with it until you move out and get your own place...
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