Is where you go on a first date important?

I was wondering, is is better to have a really amazing first date, e.g. do something really special or interesting, or is it better just to do something normal like go to a cafe and have a chat?

I suppose if a date is really fun or unique there's more chance of getting to a second date, but at the same time it could set up unrealistic expectations. it's a minefield :confused:

So, where do you like to go on a first date, or where would you invite someone on a first date? Would you be disappointed if the date was somewhere 'normal' like a cafe or pub, or happy?

Reply 1

Libtardian

15

Original post by Milostar

I was wondering, is is better to have a really amazing first date, e.g. do something really special or interesting, or is it better just to do something normal like go to a cafe and have a chat?

I suppose if a date is really fun or unique there's more chance of getting to a second date, but at the same time it could set up unrealistic expectations. it's a minefield :confused:

So, where do you like to go on a first date, or where would you invite someone on a first date? Would you be disappointed if the date was somewhere 'normal' like a cafe or pub, or happy?

If they are one of those types that doesn't stop talking then take them somewhere you can chat....cafe...restaurant...etc. Otherwise go to cinema or some other activity which stops you both focusing on each other too much. If you pick the wrong one it'll make the date awkward.

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Reply 2

syrettd

18

I think a lot of the time it is better to play it safe for a first date and do a restaurant and possibly a movie too. However, if you know the person really really well already and you can think of something different, then that's ok too.

Reply 3

nopenopenope

3

Original post by syrettd

I think a lot of the time it is better to play it safe for a first date and do a restaurant and possibly a movie too. However, if you know the person really really well already and you can think of something different, then that's ok too.

Original post by otester

If they are one of those types that doesn't stop talking then take them somewhere you can chat....cafe...restaurant...etc. Otherwise go to cinema or some other activity which stops you both focusing on each other too much. If you pick the wrong one it'll make the date awkward.

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Cinemas, no.
Restaurant is only a good idea if you're comfortable with each other/confident in your ability to make conversation.
'Fun'/'New' is the way to go, good luck coming up with an idea though.

Reply 4

Libtardian

15

Original post by nopenopenope

Cinemas, no.
'Fun'/'New' is the way to go, good luck coming up with an idea though.

What's your idea of 'fun' and 'new'?

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Reply 5

Xotol

14

I've always thought going to a cinema for a first date is a horrible idea. You want to get to really know the person you're dating, not shut up for ~3 hours. :dontknow:

Leave the cinema until later dates.

Cafe is fine. Ice skating is awesome.

Reply 6

Truflais

20

I'd be happy going to a pub or cafe for a first date. I'd like to talk to the person properly, see if theres any chemistry. Those places are more ideal for that.

Reply 7

Libtardian

15

Original post by Xotol

I've always thought going to a cinema for a first date is a horrible idea. You want to get to really know the person you're dating, not shut up for ~3 hours. :dontknow:

Leave the cinema until later dates.

Cafe is fine. Ice skating is awesome.

I guess it kind of helps if you have anything other than a cinema / cafe where you live...

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Reply 8

superduper9

10

For first dates:

I avoid:

(a) the cinema - its pointless as you can't talk and find out about the other person.
(b) typical coffee shops like Starbucks, Costa etc. - they're usually quite crowded, don't get a good place to sit and so can't talk very freely many times.
(c) full on dinners at a nice restaurant - some people are not very comfortable eating in front of someone they don't know very well. Plus it can become a little tricky to balance the eating and chatting if you're nervous!

I go for:

(a) a locally owned coffee shop / cafe in town - much more personal, quieter and sometimes you can sit outside if the weather is nice like at the moment.
(b) walk in a nice park / by the river - great place to get some alone time, can just be yourself and chat. Pick evenings, its a bit nicer.
(c) some fun activity - someone mentioned ice skating (quite good if you know how to). Took a girl go-karting once - really fun - a bit of competition gets rid of any nerves, breaks the ice very quickly!

Reply 9

Millie228

9

I don't see any point in the venue being 'fun' or 'unique'. Of course where you take someone says something about you, but the point is that you both have a nice time and get to know each other. There is a reason going for a meal is the popular notion. You can talk, have a drink (making you both relaxed), the mood is better at night, everybody loves food, you have the opportunity to talk, but you still have something that distracts you from having to make non stop conversation. And most importantly - it is clearly a date.

The last two successful first dates I went on (meaning lead to further dating) were quite similar. The guy texted me and asked me to dinner at a specific restaurant, a specific night at a specific time (crucial - I like a guy who takes charge and makes decisions. So do most women).

People are different, and surely some like to do something more 'casual'. I don't - if it's a date, make it a date. I think this is especially important for guys who complain about being 'friendzoned'. If you don't want to be just friends, don't be. When you are asking a girl on a date, she'll know it's a date and she is forced to decide based on whether she actually likes you and you are less likely to waste time and money on someone who "just want to be friends" (although it is always possible that it won't go anywhere).

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 10

aari

10

I think something unique/exciting is best. Nowadays, people like to test waters so there will be comparisons. Stand out! By the end of the date, both parties get an idea if they are interested. If not, you still have a good time.
I'd suggest ice-skating or paintball or bowling-and-karaoke. :smile:

Reply 11

superduper9

10

Original post by Millie228

if it's a date, make it a date. I think this is especially important for guys who complain about being 'friendzoned'. If you don't want to be just friends, don't be. When you are asking a girl on a date, she'll know it's a date and she is forced to decide based on whether she actually likes you and you are less likely to waste time and money on someone who "just want to be friends" (although it is always possible that it won't go anywhere).

I've been guilty of this in the past - simple because of a fear of rejection! As a result, I've treaded very softly and not been very upfront or forthcoming, which I realise now that it gets you nowhere!

Reply 12

Milostar

OP

17

Ice skating seems pretty good in theory, but I went on an ice skating date with a very alpha guy and he kept flailing and stressing about it. It really undermined his carefully constructed image and it was a bit of a disappointment :frown:

Another one I was thinking about - the long wander. One of my friends just kind of walked and talked with a guy for a few hours. It wasn't a planned date activity, it just ended up being the way they spent the time. She thought it was great fun, but he thought it was 'too intense' and freaked out later.

Is where you go on a first date important?

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