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I'm engaged to the wrong guy.
Hmmm, I'm not sure what I'm asking for here: advice or agreement - I don't know.
Anyway, I'm engaged to a guy with whom I have a child. We also live together. However, I've had the feeling for about two years (!!!!) that I am with the wrong guy. I've hinted that I'm not happy and I've even sat my fiancee down and told him straight that I'm not happy. He becomes cloth-eared at the slightest hint of disharmony. This makes it hard to ever conclude the state of our relationship.
I've concluded that, while I've been a student, I've changed too much. My opinions, my view of the world and its people, my view of relationships, what I want, what's best for our child, etc. He hasn't changed. It's not fair on him that I have changed, but I'm studying all the time and I just cannot help it.
What on earth do I do? I love this man to death, just not in that way. We've not had sex in months (twice this year!), and even those occasions were brief and sorry affairs. I don't know, to be honest, why I ever thought that this man could make me happy.
I am trapped in a relationship that I don't want to be in. I cannot break it up... my fiancee is disabled and our son is young. I'm certain that I cannot leave this man, but the whole situation's making me claustrophobic.
It's a no-winner isn't it? There's no way to resume or finish this relationship without anybody getting hurt.
Anyway, I'm engaged to a guy with whom I have a child. We also live together. However, I've had the feeling for about two years (!!!!) that I am with the wrong guy. I've hinted that I'm not happy and I've even sat my fiancee down and told him straight that I'm not happy. He becomes cloth-eared at the slightest hint of disharmony. This makes it hard to ever conclude the state of our relationship.
I've concluded that, while I've been a student, I've changed too much. My opinions, my view of the world and its people, my view of relationships, what I want, what's best for our child, etc. He hasn't changed. It's not fair on him that I have changed, but I'm studying all the time and I just cannot help it.
What on earth do I do? I love this man to death, just not in that way. We've not had sex in months (twice this year!), and even those occasions were brief and sorry affairs. I don't know, to be honest, why I ever thought that this man could make me happy.
I am trapped in a relationship that I don't want to be in. I cannot break it up... my fiancee is disabled and our son is young. I'm certain that I cannot leave this man, but the whole situation's making me claustrophobic.
It's a no-winner isn't it? There's no way to resume or finish this relationship without anybody getting hurt.
You shouldnt stay with him out pity nor should you stay with him because of your son. Just because your aint a couple doesnt make him any less of a father. Staying with him is just going to drive you crazy and make you extremely depressed. Maybe you need to move out and see if a relationship is there when your apart.
I know you said you cant leave him, but surely you owe yourself and your son some happiness, your son will pick up on your mood and the relationship between you and your fiancee, youll only end up damaging him, because he will grow up thinking thats what an ideal relationship is.
I know you said you cant leave him, but surely you owe yourself and your son some happiness, your son will pick up on your mood and the relationship between you and your fiancee, youll only end up damaging him, because he will grow up thinking thats what an ideal relationship is.
You owe it to him to be honest: if he won't listen to you when you sit down and approach him one-to-one, then is their a mutual friend or relative who you both trust who can help? Don't stay with him out of pity, and for the sake of your child it's best that if you want to break it off - which you clearly do - do it sooner rather than later 
Reply 3
You're being shallow and negative, IMO.
Look on the bright side, He seems like a good guy, If not amazing..
Look on the bright side, He seems like a good guy, If not amazing..
Reply 4
(just my opinions)
first of all *hugs* i'm sorry you're going through this. when a family member went to university he completely changed too, in the ways you described, and therefore so did the relationship with his wife. he became a different person, though no fault of his wives-education does change you. just because you change does not make the other person a bad person/less of a person. you clearly love him, but there is a difference between loving someone and being in love with them. i can honestly say staying in a destructive relationship (and it seems destructive to your mood etc)is not healthy, plus i can say that the children of the relationship i mentioned said that they knew their parents weren't happy and they themselves would have been happier if they had split. i agree with another poster who said that staying together just for the sake of it could make your child think that this is what a healthy relationship is like. if you're wanting to the best by your child you need to look after yourself too, and that doesn't make you selfish.
"There's no way to resume or finish this relationship without anybody getting hurt".
I think you're right, there is no way of making a change without SOMEONE getting hurt BUT i think more people will be more hurt if you do continue this relationship. like i said if you want to protect the feelings of your child then don't stay in an unhealthy relationship. also don't stay with your husband just because he is disabled (which i'm guessing is a factor as u took the time to mention it). he functioned before he met you and he will function without you-he deserves to be with someone who is IN love with him.
before you make a decision i would say make sure you have done everything u canto resolve your issues e.g. conselling etc. it sounds like uve done a lot and had this feeling for a long time so it does sound like it should end to me. and hopefully u will be able to stay friends and set up good arrangements as far as your son's care is concerned. good luck! maybe talking to a counsellor of some sort could be beneficial and if u start searching the web, ull see ur most definately not alone! if a woman was in a domestically violent relationship you would surely to tell her to leave the guy, i think although the situation is clearly different the fact that you're both hurting/not happy in some way is very much the same and so the solution will have some similarites. i'm finished rambling!
love pc xXx
first of all *hugs* i'm sorry you're going through this. when a family member went to university he completely changed too, in the ways you described, and therefore so did the relationship with his wife. he became a different person, though no fault of his wives-education does change you. just because you change does not make the other person a bad person/less of a person. you clearly love him, but there is a difference between loving someone and being in love with them. i can honestly say staying in a destructive relationship (and it seems destructive to your mood etc)is not healthy, plus i can say that the children of the relationship i mentioned said that they knew their parents weren't happy and they themselves would have been happier if they had split. i agree with another poster who said that staying together just for the sake of it could make your child think that this is what a healthy relationship is like. if you're wanting to the best by your child you need to look after yourself too, and that doesn't make you selfish.
"There's no way to resume or finish this relationship without anybody getting hurt".
I think you're right, there is no way of making a change without SOMEONE getting hurt BUT i think more people will be more hurt if you do continue this relationship. like i said if you want to protect the feelings of your child then don't stay in an unhealthy relationship. also don't stay with your husband just because he is disabled (which i'm guessing is a factor as u took the time to mention it). he functioned before he met you and he will function without you-he deserves to be with someone who is IN love with him.
before you make a decision i would say make sure you have done everything u canto resolve your issues e.g. conselling etc. it sounds like uve done a lot and had this feeling for a long time so it does sound like it should end to me. and hopefully u will be able to stay friends and set up good arrangements as far as your son's care is concerned. good luck! maybe talking to a counsellor of some sort could be beneficial and if u start searching the web, ull see ur most definately not alone! if a woman was in a domestically violent relationship you would surely to tell her to leave the guy, i think although the situation is clearly different the fact that you're both hurting/not happy in some way is very much the same and so the solution will have some similarites. i'm finished rambling!
love pc xXx
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