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Thoughts about Ex

I broke up with my boyfriend of nearly 3 years in February (he was at uni, we both struggled with long-distance and in the end he realised it was hurting us both so much we should break up, so we did). I was really hurt, very sad and mopey for a month or so, then I started to move on. I got with a really cool guy at a party (one that I'd liked for a while, and who liked me, and who I nearly broke up with 3-year-boyfriend for, but decided not to). So we saw each other for a month or so, and then started going out. We've been together for about 2 months now and things are cool.

Every now and then I still think about my ex though. He's the first guy I ever loved, we lost our virginities to each other, we were so close. We haven't had much contact in the last few months, but the other night I had a dream about him - I broke up with new boyfriend to get back with him, and I was pregnant with his baby. It confused me so much.. that day I got back out a couple of things I'd saved from our relationship like a CD he made me, and I just put on the CD and cried cos I missed him and our relationship so much. I feel terrible about it, but I really really do miss him. And at the moment where I woke up from the dream, I would have been prepared to break up with my new boyfriend to get back with my ex. Right now though, I don't think I would.

I phoned the ex that night for the first time in ages and we had a really nice conversation, just like we always used to. And both of us have moved on since our relationship, and become the people that we always wanted each other to be - he's started standing up to his controlling father and accepting himself as a person, and I've stopped being so neurotic and stressed. It was strange really. I really enjoyed talking to him as well - new boyfriend doesn't like using the phone so we don't really talk much.

I guess I'm just missing the way my relationship with my ex was before things turned bad, cos I want to have the same closeness with my new boyfriend - we've slept together, but I still don't feel like we're really close emotionally, neither of us really open up to each other, it still feels like he's a bit of a stranger in some ways and I don't really know how he feels about me.

So yes, I'm very confused. It feels like I miss my ex and want to get back with him. But I don't know if it's actually him I'm missing as a person (we were so similar, had such similar outlooks on life, politics, tastes in comedy/music, everything, not all of which I share with new boyfriend), or if I just miss the closeness we had in our relationship because I don't have that with my new boyfriend (yet..?). I don't know if I ever will though.
I'm pretty sure we're going to have to break up when I go to university this year (he's staying here for a gap year, and I don't want to do the long-distance thing ever again, it made me and my ex so miserable for months and I wouldn't inflict that upon anybody), but the idea of breaking up with him doesn't make me feel that sad.

Agh, are things just not working out with new boyfriend, or am I just expecting too much for us to be as close as I was to my ex when we've only been together a couple of months? Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated, thanks.

Reply 1

Nutter

Frankly, I don't think it'll work out because you're still emotionally attached to your ex. That being said, as usual, go have a serious heart-to-heart talk with your current boyfriend and see what his opinions and views are. It could either cement the relationship further or cause you both to break up now, which may very well be for your own good so you can, well, move on again. Good luck.

Reply 2

pendragon

You aren't really into your new boyfriend in my opinion, because you wouldn't mind if you had to break up with him. That doesn't mean your ex is the person to be with, maybe you will find someone new at uni. Keep in touch with your ex though, and you never know some time in the future you may be in the same place and something could just happen. Leave this guy your with now, go to uni and just go with the flow.

Reply 3

WorkHouse

I agree with the post above somewhere - and in a way i think that you will agree too - you and your new boyfriend are probobly not going to work out. i'm really sorry for being so blunt, i know its not nice being told your relationship won't work. that's my 2 cents worth anyway... Whether its just not meant to be i don't know but to me it seems like it won't work with u and new b/f beacuse you had something fantastic (even if it was a bit ****ty towards the end through circumastance) with your ex and will always compare your new relationship to that.

I know how much highly charged emotion dreams can stir up. and i really don't blame you for wanting to act on such a strong emotion but how sensible is it really? (i hate being a realist, i really do)

I think you should think about where your new relationship is going, and if need be bin the guy off, at least then you'll have clear head space to think things through logically...

You've admitted yourself that getting back with you ex - for whatever reason - isn't the best thing to do...

Statistically and scientifically speaking the intensity of the relationships you have in your teens are the strongest you're likely to experience in your whole life. I think you may find it best to accept you and you ex were amazing, but best left in the past (according to dream symbology that is what the baby symbolises - fear of leaving the past behind.. IMO thats *******s)...

Hope this Helps :smile:

Reply 4

pendragon

WorkHouse

Statistically and scientifically speaking the intensity of the relationships you have in your teens are the strongest you're likely to experience in your whole life.

Really? You have scientific and statistical evidence for the 'first cut is the deepest' theory? I would really like to see that, I am suffering from my first major heartache at the age of 21! :smile:

Reply 5

strawberry

*coughpossiblereboundcough*

Reply 6

WorkHouse

pendragon

Really? You have scientific and statistical evidence for the 'first cut is the deepest' theory? I would really like to see that, I am suffering from my first major heartache at the age of 21! :smile:

There was an article in The National Geographic about it.... around the start of the year-ish, probobly Valentines day or something - so i thinks it's feb issue... I'm sorry bout your Heartbreak though, it's not nice at any age! :redface: