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The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre Mark II

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Man, I've been a bit down lately. This LDR has been kinda stressful. Pretty much every day I spend away from my boyfriend, I'm missing him like crazy. Sometimes it feels tolerable, sometimes it feels horrible. Last time I saw him was over 2 weeks ago, and it'll be at least another week and a half till I do see him again. He's hoping to come down to visit me in my city for next weekend, though he's not sure yet cos he needs to see how much money and work he can get first. And I don't even have any money myself right now, as it's taking a while to get to talk to my busy boss properly about what I'm getting paid at my new job and when. Goodness knows when I'll even afford to leave home at this point! Bleurgh, why can't life just be simple? :sigh:
(Anon because my boyfriend has an account and knows my username)

Hi, I'd appreciate some advice here as I'm getting really down about the impending LDR for me and my boyfriend.

We've been together a year and a half now, we attended the same 6th Form so we have been used to seeing each other nearly everyday (except weekends when I work)

When we go to Uni in Sept. we'll both be 18 and want to make it work. We're planning regular Skype calls and visiting each other once or twice a month but we've never been apart more than a week and a half (when he went on holiday in our first 2 months of dating).

So really I guess I'm after advice on how to make it work.
And we have just over a month before we part for Uni.. do we get used to not seeing each other or spend as much time with each other as possible?
Reply 82
Avatar for Pigling
Pigling
8
Original post by Anonymous
(Anon because my boyfriend has an account and knows my username)

Hi, I'd appreciate some advice here as I'm getting really down about the impending LDR for me and my boyfriend.

We've been together a year and a half now, we attended the same 6th Form so we have been used to seeing each other nearly everyday (except weekends when I work)

When we go to Uni in Sept. we'll both be 18 and want to make it work. We're planning regular Skype calls and visiting each other once or twice a month but we've never been apart more than a week and a half (when he went on holiday in our first 2 months of dating).

So really I guess I'm after advice on how to make it work.
And we have just over a month before we part for Uni.. do we get used to not seeing each other or spend as much time with each other as possible?


I was in a really similar (although we had been dating less time) situation when I left for uni. All you can do is give it a go and see how it works out.

I wouldn't try to get used to it before you leave - just spend all the time you want together now.
Anyone have any tips on how to feel closer to your partner whilst you're way from each other?
Reply 84
Avatar for smorga30
smorga30
7
Original post by Anonymous
Anyone have any tips on how to feel closer to your partner whilst you're way from each other?


Well, being apart for 4 months and counting I have learned that in an LDR some days are magic and most days are not. We text all the time, we do FaceTime most days, phone calls, "date" nights, packages, letters, videos, emails, pictures, naughty Skype time, etc. we have tried tons of stuff. I think after a while its just not enough. Really looking forward to getting this last month done so won't need to worry anymore.


Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Anonymous
Anyone have any tips on how to feel closer to your partner whilst you're way from each other?


Just keep your significant other updated on what you're doing, send unexpected nice texts and share things that make you laugh.
Reply 86
Avatar for AB25
AB25
10
What do people do to get through the lowest points of their LDR? You know, when you're all alone in the middle of the night and you can't sleep for missing your boyfriend/girlfriend? How do you feel better in this situation? I'm sure we've all been there! Love this thread so much, hope it becomes as popular as the last one was, it's a fantastic support usually
Reply 87
Avatar for AB25
AB25
10
Original post by CherryCherryBoomBoom
Man, I've been a bit down lately. This LDR has been kinda stressful. Pretty much every day I spend away from my boyfriend, I'm missing him like crazy. Sometimes it feels tolerable, sometimes it feels horrible. Last time I saw him was over 2 weeks ago, and it'll be at least another week and a half till I do see him again. He's hoping to come down to visit me in my city for next weekend, though he's not sure yet cos he needs to see how much money and work he can get first. And I don't even have any money myself right now, as it's taking a while to get to talk to my busy boss properly about what I'm getting paid at my new job and when. Goodness knows when I'll even afford to leave home at this point! Bleurgh, why can't life just be simple? :sigh:
I felt like this many times last year :frown: it is hard. Have you ever tried booking transport in advance? It is usually a lot cheaper. I know you might not know his days off work, but at least if you booked in advance you could get home and have a chance of seeing him at some point- you may even be lucky and book for the day he happens to not be working. You could say to your boss that you definitely can't work a certain day or two, so that you can travel down in peace. Alternatively, you could split the bill for transport? If you were going to visit him, he could pay half and you pay the other? Means you both have to pay less for each visit but are still both contributing
My relationship is causing me to dread going back to uni already and i'm not even going back for another month and a half. In an ideal world we'd have a concrete plan of when we're going to see each other and how long for for the whole of the year. But my boyfriend's not a big planner, his work shifts are a nightmare and I don't like to nag at him. It's also easier for him to travel down to visit me at university (he still lives with his parents, he has more money than me and when I come down to visit him there's no guarantee that he won't be working the whole weekend) but I feel awful asking him to use up so many of his work holidays on visiting me.
Original post by AB25
I felt like this many times last year :frown: it is hard. Have you ever tried booking transport in advance? It is usually a lot cheaper. I know you might not know his days off work, but at least if you booked in advance you could get home and have a chance of seeing him at some point- you may even be lucky and book for the day he happens to not be working. You could say to your boss that you definitely can't work a certain day or two, so that you can travel down in peace. Alternatively, you could split the bill for transport? If you were going to visit him, he could pay half and you pay the other? Means you both have to pay less for each visit but are still both contributing


I normally book the coach a week to a few days in advance, but have to anyway in order to reserve a seat, as the London to Edinburgh coaches always seem to fill up. I never thought of the bill splitting thing, though I'm not sure how that'd work if he opts to take the plane, which is a lot more expensive than the coach. He tends to spend a lot of money on me when we're together anyway, as he's the very chivalrous type, so I guess that balances it a bit in my favour :smile:
Reply 90
Avatar for AB25
AB25
10
Original post by pinkbullets
My relationship is causing me to dread going back to uni already and i'm not even going back for another month and a half. In an ideal world we'd have a concrete plan of when we're going to see each other and how long for for the whole of the year. But my boyfriend's not a big planner, his work shifts are a nightmare and I don't like to nag at him. It's also easier for him to travel down to visit me at university (he still lives with his parents, he has more money than me and when I come down to visit him there's no guarantee that he won't be working the whole weekend) but I feel awful asking him to use up so many of his work holidays on visiting me.

I can totally relate to this! My boyfriend also works shifts and he doesn't know his days off until one week before hand, so planning when I will visit him is a nightmare (as I like to book travel in advance- it is much cheaper) My boyfriend also has more money than me (the result of him working full time) He also isn't great on planning, and he kind of freezes up if I try to ask him when we will arrange things for. Guess we just have to go with the flow. How often did you get to see each other last term? Guessing you are home for summer at the moment since you're dreading going back? I'm feeling a bit uneasy about going back to uni as well :frown: simply because I can't see him whenever I like and will miss him so much. I'm gonna cry like a baby when we say goodbye in 5/6 weeks' time
Original post by AB25
I can totally relate to this! My boyfriend also works shifts and he doesn't know his days off until one week before hand, so planning when I will visit him is a nightmare (as I like to book travel in advance- it is much cheaper) My boyfriend also has more money than me (the result of him working full time) He also isn't great on planning, and he kind of freezes up if I try to ask him when we will arrange things for. Guess we just have to go with the flow. How often did you get to see each other last term? Guessing you are home for summer at the moment since you're dreading going back? I'm feeling a bit uneasy about going back to uni as well :frown: simply because I can't see him whenever I like and will miss him so much. I'm gonna cry like a baby when we say goodbye in 5/6 weeks' time


Hi yes I'm at home for the summer so I guess we're in the same situation. I'm at the other end of the country from him when I'm at uni so I saw him twice per term last year. The whole thing is actually working out a lot better than I thought it would but I just feel guilty that he's spending so much money on visiting me and using up so many holidays. How often are you managing to see your boyfriend? And you're definitely not alone in the crying thing! And I'm not even a crier normally.
Reply 92
Avatar for AB25
AB25
10
Original post by pinkbullets
Hi yes I'm at home for the summer so I guess we're in the same situation. I'm at the other end of the country from him when I'm at uni so I saw him twice per term last year. The whole thing is actually working out a lot better than I thought it would but I just feel guilty that he's spending so much money on visiting me and using up so many holidays. How often are you managing to see your boyfriend? And you're definitely not alone in the crying thing! And I'm not even a crier normally.
Aah, we are in the same situation :smile: Wow, 2 times a term? As in January-June or just March-June? I see mine every 2-3 weeks, pretty lucky and not half as bad as some people's distance, but we're still 120 miles apart so its not easy, as you'll understand. This will be the last summer I spend at home as i'm moving into a flat with a year long lease in September :frown: so it'll be weekends and maybe a week at Christmas/couple of weeks at easter we'll see each other. Do you come home for all holidays or was it just summer? Yeah haha, i'm not a crier either, guess that's what love does to us :P
Original post by pinkbullets
Just keep your significant other updated on what you're doing, send unexpected nice texts and share things that make you laugh.


Thanks. I speak to him every day so we both know what each other is up to. I have considered maybe giving him something as a reminder, however I don't have a clue what. Everything I can think of is too girly.
Reply 94
Avatar for 68beats
68beats
6
Original post by Anonymous
Thanks. I speak to him every day so we both know what each other is up to. I have considered maybe giving him something as a reminder, however I don't have a clue what. Everything I can think of is too girly.

Hi there, sorry to barge in the middle of your conversation but I wanted to give you a suggestion. My boyfriend and I have identical bracelets, two actually. One of them is a metal one with beads (he had his already when we met and I really liked it, so he had one made for me as well) and the other one is my idea, it is a red string symbolizing the old tale about the red sting of fate, it means that regardless of distance and circumstances we are meant to be together. Every time either of us looks at one of the bracelets, we can't help but think for each other. :smile:
Original post by 68beats
Hi there, sorry to barge in the middle of your conversation but I wanted to give you a suggestion. My boyfriend and I have identical bracelets, two actually. One of them is a metal one with beads (he had his already when we met and I really liked it, so he had one made for me as well) and the other one is my idea, it is a red string symbolizing the old tale about the red sting of fate, it means that regardless of distance and circumstances we are meant to be together. Every time either of us looks at one of the bracelets, we can't help but think for each other. :smile:


Its a sweet idea but I don't think he'd wear a bracelet. Thanks though :smile:
Original post by Anonymous
Thanks. I speak to him every day so we both know what each other is up to. I have considered maybe giving him something as a reminder, however I don't have a clue what. Everything I can think of is too girly.


Give him a nice photograph of the two of you together? Or you could try something a bit jokier. I bought my boyfriend this a while ago http://www.amazon.co.uk/Star-Wisecracks-Darth-Vader-bobble/dp/B0058KTU0I/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1375477750&sr=8-1&keywords=darth+vader+-+i+love+you+sith+much and he found it funny.

Also _68 beats I just wanted to say that the bracelet is REALLY cute and if I thought I could get my boyfriend to wear a bracelet I'd get us some.
Original post by pinkbullets
Give him a nice photograph of the two of you together? Or you could try something a bit jokier. I bought my boyfriend this a while ago http://www.amazon.co.uk/Star-Wisecracks-Darth-Vader-bobble/dp/B0058KTU0I/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1375477750&sr=8-1&keywords=darth+vader+-+i+love+you+sith+much and he found it funny.

Also _68 beats I just wanted to say that the bracelet is REALLY cute and if I thought I could get my boyfriend to wear a bracelet I'd get us some.


I don't actually have a picture of us together I should try to get one next time we meet. I think he'd like something like the Darth Vader thing actually.
My boyfriend would rather spend his spare time and money on getting high rather than contacting me.:frown:

He's away volunteering and we knew before he left that the internet where he was staying was very sketchy but it should be enough to at least send some messages on facebook and it costs £1 a day to get it in his hostel. He said he was going away with some spending money and I was like great that'll be enough for internet to contact me with (even though he was originally taking it to spend on weed:rolleyes):. Yet out of the 2 and half weeks he's been out there he's contacted me a total of 3 days (one of which was from the airport using their free wifi) and the last time he contacted me he was saying how he'd spent loads of money on weed already.

Now, I know the wifi is bad where he is and he did mention the last time he sent me a message he couldn't get on it very often. So he might have just had no connection in his hostel but what's annoying me is he'll go out of his way to find weed but doesn't even think about get up and going to find a way to contact me. They have internet cafe's and wifi spots. Even if that didn't work out he could send a text just to let me know he's okay. I know texting abroad is way more expensive than usually sending a text but it's not as expensive as buying an 1/8th which he won't even have to think about doing.

When we're together we're fine and he'd always put me before getting high it's just this whole being apart thing. He seems to think just thinking about me is enough when I think we need at least some contact otherwise what's the point? The worst thing is that because he's done this I can't tell him I'm angry and upset. I don't know what I'm going to say when he calls in a few weeks to tell me he's back from his trip expecting everything to be ok.

I'm supposed to be going to stay at his place the day after he gets back but if he hasn't spoken to me I really doubt he's spoken to his Mum and she's not the type to agree last minuet so doubt that'll happen. Might just stay at my friends, get drunk and not speak to him the night he gets back. See how he likes staying at home worrying about someone who's too busy getting off their face to talk you.
HELP!

I'm in an LDR which is unlabeled currently. I hadn't seen my "boyfriend" in over 3 months when I finally got to see him. I did something terrible and unlocked his phone. His whatsapp came up and I found a conversation between him and a girl who he used to have feelings for and who was also a good friend of mine until we fell out a year ago.

In the conversation, he had told her how upset he was the two of them didn't get together. He spoke to her about me. He said he was only with me because he was scared no one else would love him or date him. He said we were just a bit of fun.

I was heartbroken.. I still am. But he was distraught when he had realised what he'd done and is incredibly sorry. He said he can't handle the distance. He's been in a messed up mental state because of it and wasn't thinking straight. The distance has really affected him badly. He's 100% determined to earn my trust back and make things work. He promises never to hurt me again.

I want to move on from this but I feel I can't. This happened a few weeks ago but I still cry everyday. I'm so paranoid. I don't trust him much. I'm going insane. I want to forgive him but I know I haven't yet. I'm so unhappy and I'm scared I can't get past this..

How do you begin to forgive someone who's hurt you so badly? How do I deal with the difficulties of trust when I barely see him? Any ideas would be appreciated. I'm desperate..

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