Is it becoming harder to form relationships/find love? Watch

Hellz_Bellz!
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#1
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#1
I've been thinking about this recently.

It seems like back in the "old days" - I'm talking my parent's generation here - even the most awkward people found love. My dad, for example, was pretty awkward and nerdy, very shy and not a talker at all. And yet he got married to my mum. My uncle is also super awkward and he found love too.

And yet nowadays, I feel like it's become much harder for socially awkward/shy people to form relationships. Including myself. My mum used to tease me because I hadn't had a boyfriend until the age of 17, due to being extremely shy - apparently it was normal back then to have a boyfriend at the age of like 14? :lolwut:

Even with the massive presence of the internet. In fact I feel the internet has somewhat contributed to this problem. People always act somewhat differently online to how they are in reality, and this can make meeting people you've "talked" to online very awkward. There are shy people that I know irl that say that talking to people online is the only way that they feel comfortable with. But isn't that dangerous? If you rely so much on talking via typing messages, it's going to cause a great deal of problems in relationships (among other things!) in the future. You lose the ability to make actual conversation. Someone may seem witty online but in real life they may not be able to think of witty comebacks as fast as online. The internet is dangerous in that respect (and others of course).



Anyway I'm not really sure what the point of this post is, sorry for my rambling. I guess it would be interesting to know what other people think about this. Do you think it's harder for socially awkward people to find love nowadays? Do you think the internet helps form relationships or makes the situation worse by destroying interpersonal communication?
6
quote
reply
Mitsukino
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#2
Report 5 years ago
#2
I think expectations (for both sexes) have unfortunately skyrocketed thanks to the media, and having an attractive partner is seen as the most important thing. It's not seen as cool or enviable to have a partner that doesn't look like something from OK Magazine and might be the opposite of the conventional ideal partner - which for girls, it's the perfect body, being sweet (but also sexy), having a feminine nature and endearing idiocy that makes a man feel needed, and for guys, again it's chiseled body, rugged features, confident, masculinity and status.

While I know that most people aren't deluded enough to wait around for someone with all of these qualities, this kind of "entitlement" prevents them from getting to know people who may be wonderful in their own right and a perfect partner, because if a girl exhibits tomboyishness or boldness, or a guy shyness or emotional delicacy, a lot of the time, they're put to one side. That's not even going into looks, either...

Social media and celebrity status has created this whole culture of boasting about what you have on every possible medium and having the best of the best to show off, and such a spoilt and entitled attitude didn't exist back then.
4
quote
reply
Hellz_Bellz!
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#3
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#3
(Original post by Mitsukino)
I think expectations (for both sexes) have unfortunately skyrocketed thanks to the media, and having an attractive partner is seen as the most important thing. It's not seen as cool or enviable to have a partner that doesn't look like something from OK Magazine and might be the opposite of the conventional ideal partner - which for girls, it's the perfect body, being sweet (but also sexy), having a feminine nature and endearing idiocy that makes a man feel needed, and for guys, again it's chiseled body, rugged features, confident, masculinity and status.

While I know that most people aren't deluded enough to wait around for someone with all of these qualities, this kind of "entitlement" prevents them from getting to know people who may be wonderful in their own right and a perfect partner, because if a girl exhibits tomboyishness or boldness, or a guy shyness or emotional delicacy, a lot of the time, they're put to one side. That's not even going into looks, either...

Social media and celebrity status has created this whole culture of boasting about what you have on every possible medium and having the best of the best to show off, and such a spoilt and entitled attitude didn't exist back then.
I didn't even think about the media's influence. I agree with you in the sense that appearance seems to be an extremely important factor when it comes to "choosing" partners these days. In the past when I've told people I know that I like someone/am seeing someone or whatever, the first question I've always had is (9 times out of 10) is "is he hot?" It's like surely the most important thing is "is he a nice person?" :lolwut:

And I agree with you about social media. People constantly tweeting pictures of their boyfriends/girlfriends and saying "look what a hottie my bf/gf is" or whatever. It's the reason I stopped using twitter (facebook doesnt seem to be as bad).
1
quote
reply
CharlieTT
Badges: 4
Rep:
?
#4
Report 5 years ago
#4
I think people have become a bit more superficial about their choices. Things have become more about looks than personality. All you need to do is look at celebrity culture nowadays to see this. Screw celebrities and everyone that idolizes them.

Posted from TSR Mobile
2
quote
reply
Ham22
Badges: 15
#5
Report 5 years ago
#5
Well internet dating has produced the 'kid in a sweetshop' mentality. Everyone, including average and worse, thinks they're entitled to the model come brain surgeon.
quote
reply
nemesisprogram
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#6
Report 5 years ago
#6
I agree. social/dating websites have gave people more of an "option". I believe with that people's standards have went up

Posted from TSR Mobile
0
quote
reply
MetropolisBoy
Badges: 10
Rep:
?
#7
Report 5 years ago
#7
It's very hard to disagree with you!
If there was a time machine to whiz me back to the 70/80s i'd take it on the condition I get to take my PS3 + my 47 HD tv+ a copy of GTA V

Posted from TSR Mobile
2
quote
reply
NathanW18
Badges: 15
Rep:
?
#8
Report 5 years ago
#8
The looks requirement has probably gone up.

It may have been more difficult for the awkward guy to get a date in the past. If he didn't have the confidence to approach, he'd be unlikely to get an opportunity. Women barely approached back then.

Nowadays, we have the internet. Some of that initial fear factor may have been taken away. The looks requirement being higher and a lot of other people looking online will still make it difficult for the awkward, ugly guy to get a response. It still gives him more of a chance, though. The women are also a bit more likely to approach. Even if you do find a date online, you may not click when you meet in real life. You're correct that the internet may hinder somebodies social abilities as well.

Less requirements, but potentially harder for awkward/shy people to meet others in the past.
More requirements, but gives awkward/shy people an actual chance to meet others in the present.

I don't know. Good question.
0
quote
reply
trouble foreseen
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#9
Report 5 years ago
#9
Thank 'feminism'.
5
quote
reply
RedArrow
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#10
Report 5 years ago
#10
Of course not. Internet has brought the community together for swift stalking purposes which should, in fact, give you ample opportunity to kill shyness.

Hell being shy is so old school stuff now. I seeing this as an extinct characteristic after a few years

Now it's either you are lazy or a loser or just both.


Posted from TSR Mobile
6
quote
reply
redferry
Badges: 17
Rep:
?
#11
Report 5 years ago
#11
I think the internet makes things more difficult by feeding peoples insecurities, 'He hasnt replied to me', 'she looks a bit too close to that guy' etc

However I think it actually makes it easier for shy people, I dont think my bf would have ever plucked up the courage to ask me for a drink in person. Mind you I probably would have made a move if not.
1
quote
reply
Beckyweck
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#12
Report 5 years ago
#12
Because of the physical distance between us, when my boyfriend and I were friends, our friendship was largely conducted on MSN. On the few occasions we did meet, I could never think of anything to say, despite the fact that by this point we could easily spend all day and well into the night (given the opportunity) talking, well typing. We'd usually have an awkward 10-15 minutes and then it would start flowing. So yeah I agree that the internet makes it a totally different form of communication but we got over it and now we have lived together for almost 2 years so it can be worked through! Now if we're ever apart we can't think of anything to say online instead!
1
quote
reply
Bethany221
Badges: 9
Rep:
?
#13
Report 5 years ago
#13
I used to hv a crush on my schoolmate(well few yrs ago). He's been my close fd and I knew that he had a crush on me as well. But we didn't chat a lot irl,because we were from different forms. We kept chatting through msn and one day I implicitly told him that I liked him. Since it's during summer holidays we didn't see each other at sch n only chatted through texts/msn.(Oh hell I was too shy to call,so was he)

Long story short, it didn't work eventually as texts caused too many unnecessary misunderstandings between us. What's the worst is when it's ended the awkwardness between us remains for ages. So in my opinion yeah internet denied us potential relationships as it's hard to tell what ppl r actually thinking abt in non-face-to-face convo.

And as for expectations,I think physical attractiveness does matter when it comes to getting a partner or wtevs. Good looks always gives ppl a nice impression but meanwhile it can be shallow. And perhaps ppl nowadays tend to be less loyal to their partners,making a relationship harder to last long..

I do enjoy making fds online though. There's no better way to meet others from different backgrounds without internet.


Posted from TSR Mobile
1
quote
reply
Architecture-er
Badges: 19
Rep:
?
#14
Report 5 years ago
#14
I think so, hearing all the stories about how the adults in our family met it definitely seemed a bit like "ok we're relatively compatible and like each other, let's date". Nowadays there's so much variety/opportunities that people are forming shallower relationships and more of them. Also they're less likely to settle for someone straight out of the gate, and try to find 'Mr/Mrs Right'. I think that it's causing a rise in fall-back relationships and less binding marriages/relationships since people feel that they have more mobility.
1
quote
reply
bluemax
Badges: 13
Rep:
?
#15
Report 5 years ago
#15
I agree with the expectations part and the ridiculous nature of grooming required. At least the dudes in the 80s weren't required to shave their chests.
0
quote
reply
stargirl63
Badges: 17
Rep:
?
#16
Report 5 years ago
#16
I think nowadays there's the internet/phones/general technology which ruins relationships. For example, back in the days where there weren't any mobile phones, my mum and dad didn't speak to each other for about 4 days in between seeing each other. They saw each other on a Monday, didn't speak until my dad came over again on Friday or Saturday or something. I think it was a lot simpler back then.

Now, people expect good morning texts and “he replied with k, what does that mean?“ or “his ex commented on his status on Facebook, what does that mean?“ or something over the top. Even I sometimes get a bit silly thinking “I haven’t got a text from him the whole day, why doesn't he miss me?“ when in actual fact, you don't need to speak to someone every day, it’s just the way that our 21st century lives are going that its expected.

Also, I don't think people were as promiscuous back then as they are now. I'm not sure if sex is something that makes relationships difficult in some circumstances, such as you have played your best hand, there's nothing else to give, but I think that's another thread. It was more common to wait for marriage back then, whereas now, people start stressing that they haven't got any in two months.

With regards to online dating, it really is about the persons image, I know enough guys who have tried to start a conversation with a girl, and they just get ignored or "sorry I'm not interested" purely because of their looks! If someone likes your picture, then they will reply back, and it's an awful way to judge someone, but then I guess you meet new people online that you probably wouldn't have done in real life.
0
quote
reply
danny111
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#17
Report 5 years ago
#17
Back then a woman was considered to be successful if she found a rich/powerful husband. Meaning once you got a job you could start taking girls out to dinner etc. So yes, in a way the guy who said "thank feminism" is right. On top of this, with the internet and transportation, women can meet a lot more men than back in the day.

(Original post by Hellz_Bellz!)
Please explain.
What I said above and what this guy wrote:

(Original post by Ade9000)
The way that we interact with each other has undergone changes.

Before, it was all about men wooing women with dates and gifts of the like due to women lacking the freedom to work and being subjected to household duties.

Now, women have much more freedom since being allowed to work and so the social climate has changed.
1
quote
reply
Ade9000
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#18
Report 5 years ago
#18
The way that we interact with each other has undergone changes.

Before, it was all about men wooing women with dates and gifts of the like due to women lacking the freedom to work and being subjected to household duties.

Now, women have much more freedom since being allowed to work and so the social climate has changed.
3
quote
reply
Hellz_Bellz!
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#19
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#19
(Original post by trouble foreseen)
Thank 'feminism'.
Please explain.
0
quote
reply
Maid Marian
Badges: 20
#20
Report 5 years ago
#20
Definitely ... I think standards were significantly, overwhelmingly lower back then, and everything was definitely much simpler. Technology and the media have choked society into a shallow, superficial bubble.
I think looks were a much lower priority, especially seeing as there wasn't the exposure to the media back then, forcing the idea of a perfect, gorgeous partner on you. I think people were also more likely to just settle with whomever they could find that they liked and got on with.

Honestly, I think it's worse for socially awkward people today than it was back then. There is too much pressure and expectation to be extroverted social bees, which some people, like myself, simply are not and will not ever be. Introversion is also, I would guess, is much more looked down up on these days.
quote
reply
X

Reply to thread

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Do you like exams?

Yes (140)
18.4%
No (461)
60.58%
Not really bothered about them (160)
21.02%

Watched Threads

View All