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Is it becoming harder to form relationships/find love?

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I was talking about this with the older generations in my family the other day.

We came to the conclusion that there are several factors at play. First is that women have far more power than they used to. They now have the means to support themselves financially and the ability to live independently. Back in the old days the families would push their daughters to find a guy to marry and support her. Now there is less reason for a girl to settle and as a result standards have risen.

Secondly is overall a lot of men have become, well, less manly. Society has coached a lot of modern day men to have more feminine traits. While good in some aspects it has lead to unconfident guys who are unwilling to take the lead in most situations. It means that guys and girl's form far more unromantic friendships, and as guys have become better at being friends with girls they have become worse at being lovers. How often have you heard a girl say "I'm looking for a real man"?

Last is the rise of the internet and it's effects on society. It used to be that shy or unconfident people would be forced go out and interact with people in the flesh and improve there social skills otherwise they would be alone. Now with the rise of messageboards etc people no longer have to face their fears and can hide away online. People become very confident behind a keyboard but still have no idea how to interact in the outside world.
Also the demise of the traditional "date" has left confusion on both sides. It used to be if two people liked each other they would go out on dates. Everybody's intensions were obvious and less confusion. Nowadays it's more likely to meet just "hanging out" and just one day deciding to be in a relationship.
Travel is easier; people have become more mobile; the world has become smaller; more choice; people's expectations are inflated.
Original post by Party55511
I was talking about this with the older generations in my family the other day.

We came to the conclusion that there are several factors at play. First is that women have far more power than they used to. They now have the means to support themselves financially and the ability to live independently. Back in the old days the families would push their daughters to find a guy to marry and support her. Now there is less reason for a girl to settle and as a result standards have risen.

Secondly is overall a lot of men have become, well, less manly. Society has coached a lot of modern day men to have more feminine traits. While good in some aspects it has lead to unconfident guys who are unwilling to take the lead in most situations. It means that guys and girl's form far more unromantic friendships, and as guys have become better at being friends with girls they have become worse at being lovers. How often have you heard a girl say "I'm looking for a real man"?

Last is the rise of the internet and it's effects on society. It used to be that shy or unconfident people would be forced go out and interact with people in the flesh and improve there social skills otherwise they would be alone. Now with the rise of messageboards etc people no longer have to face their fears and can hide away online. People become very confident behind a keyboard but still have no idea how to interact in the outside world.
Also the demise of the traditional "date" has left confusion on both sides. It used to be if two people liked each other they would go out on dates. Everybody's intensions were obvious and less confusion. Nowadays it's more likely to meet just "hanging out" and just one day deciding to be in a relationship.


Probably the best response so far on this message board. Particularly what's in bold. I do constantly feel that I am, as well as many of my peers and guys I meet aren't very manly and it's probably why I was so rubbish at being with girls. I'm trying to change that though. Hopefully a time will come when men will reclaim their manliness - hopefully for the betterment of both sexes!
Reply 23
Avatar for Insigniff
Insigniff
6
^What's wrong with feminine traits in men? A lot of girls (including myself) find that attractive.
Not knowing who "leads" the relationship might become a problem, but i bet it's possible to work around it if you care about each other...
Original post by Insigniff
^What's wrong with feminine traits in men? A lot of girls (including myself) find that attractive.
Not knowing who "leads" the relationship might become a problem, but i bet it's possible to work around it if you care about each other...


I just feel that young men today lack a lot of masculine characteristics today that make them confident < which i recognise slightly in myself as well. Many are very passive, do not believe in their own self worth and care far too much on their appearance (in terms of looking like a girl: clean shaven, bright fashion etc.), rather than their actions and their ability to take charge of a situation.
I don't even think it's anything to do with feminism tbh - ok it plays a part, but I'm not sure if it's as large as others claim.

It's Social media, the internet and the television. People are socially messed up in 2013. The internet in all truth, is a curse as much as a gift. However it's not the tool that has caused the disarray amongst our peers.. but it is the manner that of which it is being used.

According to research 98% of children who reach 14-years old, suffer from low-self esteem. People are now fighting two battles. The ones at school/college/work, and the ones online. When you start seeing 14-year olds with iPhone 5's and twitter accounts - you know society is ****ed. People have more flexibility in the joints between their fingers than they do in any other part of their body.

From a relationships perspective, things have gone completely awol. People expect qualities in their prospective partners that they themselves lack in droves. Society has always been shallow, but only now is it beginning to hit its peak. As I say many times over. The problem people have, with regards to say their love life or the state of their mental health is mainly due to the types of information they are consuming, how often, how popular it is, and where it came from. Not to mention the people they hang around with.

This is detrimental in my opinion. The more negative material you consume, the more negative you're going to end up.

It all comes down to information consumption, a strong sense of social validation, and the belief that money, rank and status are the most important things in this world.

As for online dating, The 21st Century shouldn't just be dubbed as 'The Information Age/Era' - but also "The Limitless Rise of Entitlement Culture", and the worst thing is - this is only the beginning.
Original post by Hellz_Bellz!
Please explain.


I'm not a sociologist thus it's too much effort for me to explain! Conduct your own reading on feminism - it answers your question well.
Reply 27
Avatar for Hellz_Bellz!
Hellz_Bellz!
OP
2
Original post by Welsh_insomniac
Probably the best response so far on this message board. Particularly what's in bold. I do constantly feel that I am, as well as many of my peers and guys I meet aren't very manly and it's probably why I was so rubbish at being with girls. I'm trying to change that though. Hopefully a time will come when men will reclaim their manliness - hopefully for the betterment of both sexes!


What exactly do you mean by reclaiming their manliness?
Original post by Hellz_Bellz!
What exactly do you mean by reclaiming their manliness?


My take on it is that as women have gained more and more power in relationships they have more and more influence on how their sons are raised. This has both positives and negatives. Men are now more in touch with their emotions and have a higher level of empathy. These can only be good things. On the downside we a told from a young age that to attract girls all you need to be is nice, caring and put the women in your life before everything else. When guys find out that this isn't enough to actually get girls they get disillusioned with the whole relationship game and the "nice guy"(TM) is born.
Original post by Hellz_Bellz!
What exactly do you mean by reclaiming their manliness?


Manliness, may be the wrong term, masculinity is probably better term to use. Confidence is the key here and driving yourself to be what you want to be. Our generation (both boys and girls) are entirely socialised around their web presence on Facebook - a superficial way of life that leads to self confidence issues, materialism, gossiping and a lot of the time just boring people making boring decisions because of peer pressure. They don't know how to make the first move when it comes to asking girls out, or even meeting new people because they lack confidence.

Schools today have been said to be feminized, many men lacking role models, education and a sense of purpose in modern society - and it has had a big impact on the way they interact with lovers, co-workers, friendships.

I do think people in general just need to ditch sites like Facebook. It's changing the way society interacts with each other in such a bad way and it has taken away romance, fleeting relationships and actually doing exciting things (rather than just saying you've done them or doing something just for the validation of your 'friends')

I realise what I'm saying does not apply to all men, but there is certainly a growing trend amongst society that men are becoming more like women, and it just becomes confusing for relationships. Women have feminised men and then hate them for it when they don't know how to "man up" or take control of a situation.
(edited 10 years ago)
Original post by Welsh_insomniac
Manliness, may be the wrong term, masculinity is probably better term to use. Confidence is the key here and driving yourself to be what you want to be. Our generation (both boys and girls) are entirely socialised around their web presence on Facebook - a superficial way of life that leads to self confidence issues, materialism, gossiping and a lot of the time just boring people making boring decisions because of peer pressure. They don't know how to make the first move when it comes to asking girls out, or even meeting new people because they lack confidence.

I do think people in general just need to ditch sites like Facebook. It's changing the way society interacts with each other in such a bad way and it has taken away romance, fleeting relationships and actually doing exciting things (rather than just saying you've done them or doing something just for the validation of your 'friends').


I'm somewhat guilty of this, I think we all are. Although social media will never replace human interaction, it is starting to affect us and our ability to even hold conversations. People should really just go out and experience what life has to offer rather than just fretting over Facebook.
Original post by Ade9000
I'm somewhat guilty of this, I think we all are. Although social media will never replace human interaction, it is starting to affect us and our ability to even hold conversations. People should really just go out and experience what life has to offer rather than just fretting over Facebook.


I've noticed that I'm guilty of doing what I've mentioned as well so I'm not standing on a false sense of superiority because I think I'm manly or whatever, but I think it needs to be said.
Reply 32
Avatar for JB20
JB20
Internet > Media > Celebrities > Insecurities > Awkwardness > Single.
To have a successful relationship you need both physical and personal attraction. To deny the former is naïve and to deny the latter is vain.


Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Midlander
To have a successful relationship you need both physical and personal attraction. To deny the former is naïve and to deny the latter is vain.


Posted from TSR Mobile


* though it's all relative to that of your partner


I wonder, do uneducated/ugly/overweight people have an advantage in some ways, since they'll be more inclined to group together into relationships? Whereas people with average physiques and personalities will strive for a 'superior' partner, so it's harder to actually pair up with someone :holmes:
(edited 10 years ago)

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