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Spied on boyfriends facebook

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Reply 40
Original post by Zamolxes
Please try to refrain yourself from giving bad advice like this, there's nothing wrong with talking to other people and even a bit of flirting is healthy. If he's ****ing behind her back obviously that's bad but it hasn't been proven yet and her suspecting him of too much will just mess up their relationship.

When you're 5-12 years old it's totally okay to be super irrational and be over protective and possessive, but if you hope to have any successful relationships as an adult you should probably let go of all that negativity.


Don't talk down to me, you have no right to talk like that to anyone. As it happens i am an adult, with a successful relationship of 5 years. I have also been in her position in the past. If he is still talking to the girl flirtatiously as suggested by OP, he is still likely to have feelings for her and has the potential to cheat again, therefore she needs to keep her eye on him. Just because she's young does not mean she should learn to take crap in her relationships.

People have different opinions and experiences which they will give their own advice on accordingly - That advice can be acted upon by those seeking it, or ignored. You pressing your own opinion and ideals upon someone else does not make you right.

When you're 5-12 years old it's totally okay to be super arrogant and immature. If you want a successful relationship, you should probably let down that self-righteous ego of yours :dry:
(edited 10 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
Yes, you're right it probably is a good thing him not replying too often, thank you for listening by the way, really means a lot as I'm uncomfortable talking to my friends. :smile:

I will get tested, i'm 99% sure he has been sleeping with this girls one of them was saying "how satisfied" he made her with a :wink: and the other was saying about how amazing the oil massages were, which he always did when he wanted sex.
And he replied how great they were too and they were talking about spanking and stuff.. really uncomfortable reading, i'm pretty sure he's slept with both of them in the same timeframe he was sleeping with me which is really not a nice thought, but I'm. just gonna get tested and try and forget I suppose.


"Try and forget?" In your position I would 100% dump him. He's lied to you, flirted with other girls whilst being in a relationship with you, been secretive about his past sex life and lied about taking an STD test and putting you at risk... so many unforgiving things there.
I understand you're hurt. You thought you were exclusive while he was seeing other girls. He ended up choosing you over the other two girls. Now it's up to you to decide whether you still trust him and whether your relationship is strong enough for you to put this behind you and move forward.
It may be worth speaking to him about why he chose you over the other girls to help you feel reassured. But be careful, he may not take you looking at his messages very well!

Good luck! :smile:
He's with you now. You obviously won.

If this all happened before you were dating, you are getting wound up over nothing. If you weren't together at the time, he has every right to do what he wants.


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Reply 44
Original post by Alpharius
He's with you now. You obviously won.

If this all happened before you were dating, you are getting wound up over nothing. If you weren't together at the time, he has every right to do what he wants.


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To be honest i'm still very pissed off about this. We were practically together and he told me he loved me and was only sleeping with me, he told me other girls were after him but I was the only one for him. He said he'd been tested for stis so I felt safe about it, I mean he was sleeping with these two a week before we were official, it seemed like we were together all the time, I don't understand how he found time to do all of this.

And I really don't feel like i've won, the other girl was amazingly pretty, I think he'd be with her if she didn't mess him around so much. I really love this guy but i'm just so scared now. He wants us to move in together soon and I just need to try and get past this, I honestly wish i'd never looked. I don't know what came over me, I feel so guilty about it and so hurt from what i've found out.
Original post by Anonymous
To be honest i'm still very pissed off about this. We were practically together and he told me he loved me and was only sleeping with me, he told me other girls were after him but I was the only one for him. He said he'd been tested for stis so I felt safe about it, I mean he was sleeping with these two a week before we were official, it seemed like we were together all the time, I don't understand how he found time to do all of this.

And I really don't feel like i've won, the other girl was amazingly pretty, I think he'd be with her if she didn't mess him around so much. I really love this guy but i'm just so scared now. He wants us to move in together soon and I just need to try and get past this, I honestly wish i'd never looked. I don't know what came over me, I feel so guilty about it and so hurt from what i've found out.


If he told you he was only sleeping with you that's different - you weren't assuming exclusivity, he promised to you. I think you really need to discuss this with him.
Original post by Lemonzaz
Don't talk down to me, you have no right to talk like that to anyone. As it happens i am an adult, with a successful relationship of 5 years. I have also been in her position in the past. If he is still talking to the girl flirtatiously as suggested by OP, he is still likely to have feelings for her and has the potential to cheat again, therefore she needs to keep her eye on him. Just because she's young does not mean she should learn to take crap in her relationships.

People have different opinions and experiences which they will give their own advice on accordingly - That advice can be acted upon by those seeking it, or ignored. You pressing your own opinion and ideals upon someone else does not make you right.

When you're 5-12 years old it's totally okay to be super arrogant and immature. If you want a successful relationship, you should probably let down that self-righteous ego of yours :dry:



:top:
Reply 47
Original post by Anonymous
I've been with my boyfriend for just over a year and we're in love. I've always had issues in trusting people from past relationships and stupidly I looked at his facebook messages, now I feel really hurt.

We dated for about two months before it was official and were sleeping together for about a month before we were official.

I read the messages from two girls from the week before me and him were official and I really don't like what I found out. I really feel different about him now.

One girl he was messaging how amazing she was and it was obvious that they'd slept together a week before we were together, he was calling her all the nicknames he calls me, which I thought were "unique" to me but obviously not.

The other girl, the messages looked like she was really messing him around, they'd obviously slept together that week and it was obvious that he thought the world of her, he also called her the same nicknames.

Anyway the first girl was really not very attractive, sounded like she was really into him, it actually sounded like she was in love with him. And the other girl was beautiful, but sounded like a bit of a bitch messing him about.

Also, he made a big deal of my birthday (week before we were official) but wanted to do something the day before, he treated me like a princess that day, I wondered why he didn't want to do something on my proper birthday as it was a Saturday, but it turns out he was at a gig with the "beautiful girl"

So it just seems like he had been playing me and chose me because I was reliable or something, I feel so hurt now but can't really say anything to him. Does anyone know how I can get over this? I know it was disgusting of me to look but curiosity got the better of me.


It is really bad spying on someone by secretly seeing his facebook account,emails,sms...Don;t know the original conversations with these girls but you may be too suspicious as you admit you are..

The point is to be able to trust someone from his behaviour to you.And you shoudl be able to judge by what you see.

I think it is not right spying on someone.I am sure you would not like it if your boyfriend or someone else did it to you
Reply 48
Original post by Anonymous
To be honest i'm still very pissed off about this. We were practically together and he told me he loved me and was only sleeping with me, he told me other girls were after him but I was the only one for him. He said he'd been tested for stis so I felt safe about it, I mean he was sleeping with these two a week before we were official, it seemed like we were together all the time, I don't understand how he found time to do all of this.

And I really don't feel like i've won, the other girl was amazingly pretty, I think he'd be with her if she didn't mess him around so much.
I really love this guy but i'm just so scared now. He wants us to move in together soon and I just need to try and get past this, I honestly wish i'd never looked. I don't know what came over me, I feel so guilty about it and so hurt from what i've found out.


Your story seems to be changing a bit. You said initially you were seeing eachother and you were upset because he called you names that he also called these other girls, and that he became exclusive with you the next week and you slept with him unprotected. Though you essentially said you were only seeing eachother when these messages occurred and when he slept with these other women, you never SAID he said that you were the only person he was sleeping with, and you certainly didn't say he loved you. For one thing, it'd be naive to believe he'd love you after seeing you for a month. No offence, but it would, unless you'd known eachother long before that. Also, there is a difference between assuming that he's sleeping with you because you're seeing eachother but you're not yet exclusive, and him SAYING he was only sleeping with you. Which one was it.

In all honesty, I'd be upset if I found those messages too. However I would try and move on and get over it, realising it was my fault for reading the messages my boyfriend sent before he was exclusively 'my boyfriend'. In fact I have been in a very similar situation before, except that we would have been exclusive had I not left the country for 2 months around 5 weeks after we started dating. I saw some messages he'd sent to a very attractive girl and I became very jealous. But I realised he had every right to, and I wasn't being completely exclusive at the time either.

But what you're saying now is more serious. Are you just saying that he said he loved you and was only sleeping with you to emphasise your point? Or, another possibility is that you're saying this because that's what you believed to be true at the time? Because him saying he loved you, and explicitly saying he was only sleeping with you is very different to you believing it. And maybe also, if you asked if he was sleeping with anyone else, he said he wasn't at the time because he didn't want to hurt you. Though, you're now essentially making it sound like you were in a loving relationship at the time, and your original post says you were not.

Also, the part in bold is very telling. If you honestly believe your boyfriend 'settled' for you over a girl you believe is way prettier than you, you have some emotional issues both personally and in your relationship that you really, really need to deal with. Part of loving someone and being happy in a relationship requires you to love yourself a little bit. Everyone has insecurities, but if you're mutually in love with someone you can't believe that they have just 'settled' for you, that's losing faith in them and losing trust in the relationship. Your trust issues and insecurity is what has led to this.

Additionally, I know you're saying HE put you in danger of STIs, but you are also partly responsible. No matter who it is, if you're not in a committed relationship with them (that is, out of the 'seeing eachother' stage AT LEAST), it's just stupid to sleep with someone unprotected. This person may not be who the dates over the 4 weeks you've been seeing them have made them out to be. It took me 8 months and an 'I love you' to start sleeping with my boyfriend unprotected. Yes he put you at risk, but you also let him. I'm sorry to say it but it IS naive. It's also what causes young people to become pregnant at an early age. People can blame the man if they want, but (hopefully) the man didn't FORCE them to sleep with them. Unless they were pressured into sex, there's no excuse for not making them wear protection really. I've always had a rule that if they refuse to, I won't sleep with them. No matter how much I want it too. It's not worth it.
(edited 10 years ago)
Reply 49
You clearly don't trust him (perhaps with reason, perhaps not), so I don't think this will work out in the long run. Therefore it may be best to break up now, before you move in together.

Just my 2 cents. Bear in mind that I have never understood people who need to be in a relationship to feel fulfilled, so if you are such a person, then it may be best not to listen to my advice.
Reply 50
this is why i hate men. they talk such ****, when a guy compliments me i find it hard to take because i feel like they just have some kind of strategy and rehearsed lines they use with every girl
You weren't together at the time, so he hasn't proven himself untrustworthy unless he's proactively denied any of this to you.

You didn't trust him to the point that you thought that reading his private messages was going to offer you some validation, and it offers you validation that he hasn't done anything wrong during the relationship, but has made you feel insecure about things that happened before you got together.

Play with fire, and you're going to get burned.

That might sound like I'm having a go, and partly it is, but the main thing is that you need to talk to him. You clearly don't feel as secure as you should in a long-term relationship and that is an issue. It;s an issue you will need to discuss and address between you, and I'm confident you can work through it.

If you don't talk to him, you're going to constantly have these thoughts in your mind, or want to spy on him in future which isn't going to do either of you any favours.

Relationships are built on trust, not Facebook statuses, and if it's not present, you need to work out why.

Hope you get it all sorted :smile:
Reply 52
Original post by raf123321
this is why i hate men. they talk such ****, when a guy compliments me i find it hard to take because i feel like they just have some kind of strategy and rehearsed lines they use with every girl


Then you have some issues you need to sort out. Not ALL men are the same, just as not all women can be stereotyped.

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