Is it possible to get over someone whislt still having sex with them? Watch
Cut contact for a while before you work on your friendship because then you will know if you actually want to be friends rather than you still chasing your feelings for him.
Edit: That sounded really blunt, I'm sorry
It just sounds like he's moved on and you'll only get even more hurt if you don't too
As long as you meet up with someone, if you ever loved them the feelings will always linger. So I would say no, it would be quite difficult to get over someone of you still meet up with them for sex. The only way is to leave them and avoid them and hope to meet someone better.
However, sometimes we just want to stop ourselves from feeling lonely so I wouldn't blame you for staying like this longer.
The same way you can't get over a heroin addiction whilst injecting yourself with heroin.
Because at first It wasn't the standard "friends with benefits" - it was more of a "we are still together" in terms of buying me things and taking me out for food. Im attached because I had feelings previously left over from the relationship, and I assumed he had more feelings than he actually has for me. I realise the point you are making, of course, but it seems like I have no right to feel this way in your opinion? I could understand if he was just a friend..
Once the relationship was over, you should have left it at that.
You will not get over him if you keep sleeping with him. The heroin analogy is a good one. Move on, and learn from this.
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Im not bothered about the sex at all, I just want to spend time with him. I realise the majority will say "leave" but I really do value him as a friend, if not more, and would prefer to keep him in my life somehow? Any advice is welcome
You say you value him as a friend. This situation is anything but 'friendly'. A friendship is a platonic and mutually caring relationship. It's not platonic because you're having sex, and what has he done since the break-up that would prove that he cares? Sex is not a valid answer. It does not count. It sounds to me like you're hanging onto this because you're lonely. Socially as well as romantically. Stop seeing this guy and focus your energy on making new friends. What's more, once you've had some space from this guy and actually allowed yourself to get over him, you will realise that you don't really care about him on any level. People who are really desperate to stay friends with an ex are either not over them, or were never really that into them in the first place. I don't think you fall into the latter camp.
You KNOW the right answer. You've acknowledged what you - rightfully - think others would say. Now do it.
honestly though, I think you need to distance yourself and stop sleeping together to help you get over properly, afterall sex is a very special romantic thing (for most people)
And while you are still doing that any romantic feelings that may still exist are being actively used and fed, so yeh I think you need to get away and give urself some cooldown time, some you time ya know?
- Study Helper
More importantly where is your own self respect? Buying you presents, taking you out, satisfies his own guilty feelings. It's making himself feel better about what he's doing - not you. Nothing more.
You have given him cake and now he's eating it!
You are also reinforcing his view that friendship can be abused and his chauvinist attitude is acceptable behaviour. IT'S NOT!
This sham relationship is going no-where and the longer you stay in it, the worse you will feel about yourself, the more hurt you will be at the end, and, the longer it takes for you to heal so your life can move on.
Be aware though, that once you stop sleeping with him and until he finds some-one else or you do, he will keep pestering you for sex. You have to be strong and resist the temptation at all costs.
Above all, respect yourself and regain some dignity.
How dare he treat you like this. How dare you let him.
Are you happy with the relationship you have with him currently or not? That's what it boils down to. I say that because there seems to be some contradictory parts here. You like him, you enjoy being with him, but you want to get over him?