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is anybody else paronoid in their relationship or can anybody give me advice? watch

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    I never used to be paranoid I was always confident in myself and happy. Then 3 years ago my ex cheated on me I found out he was sleeping with a work colleague and use to go pick up girls from bars and have one night stands. I was absolutely devastated and it was one of the worst periods of my life.

    I met my lovely boyfriend 2 years ago, at first I was fine I wasn't paranoid at all. I use to get a bit funny when he went on nights out I never ever stopped him I never said anything to him I Just mean when he was out id sit at home not feeling overly great. But recently my insecurities have gone out of control and im terrified there going to wreck my relationship.

    My boyfriend stopped being as affectionate and stopped spening much time with me it went from seeing each other every week to maybe every other week or every 10 days anmd its always me fitting in with his social life. He also stopped complimenting me on my looks (which I know sounds pathetic for me to be bothered) I could spend hours getting ready and he just wouldn't notice. He also just stopped telling me about his life work. This coinsided with a girl starting at his work. She's the receptionist and my boyfriend works in finance but they seem to be quite close. She emails him on weekends etc and its not work related. My boyfriend goes to the pub with her quite a lot. My boyfriend also subconsciencly has been comparing me to to her 'nikki is your height' 'nikki is the same size as you' 'nikki has nice long legs like you' 'nikki has the same personality as you' 'nikki wears those nice tight pencil skirts I like you wearing'. My mind tells me im being stupid and hes just making an effort to tell me about her but deep down this is all bothering me, he is just constantly comparing me to this girl.

    Last month they all went on a night work out and this girl ended up coming back and stayng with my boyfriend nothing happened but she was so drunk she needed somewhere to stay. My boyfriend told me shes also been messaging and trying to meet up with another boy at the office who has a girlfriend. My boyfriends on a big massive night out next week with work and I don't know why but im filled with dread and feel like crying whenever he mentions it. Usually all the boys just go clubbing but this nikki girl seems to go to everything so I know she'll be going. It sounds warped to say I trust my boyfriend not to cheat but I don't trust that if he meets somebody better than me then he'll think about leaving me.

    He's never once said im more pretty than her or he prefers me and he'd cancel on me to go to the pub with her so im just asking how can I stop being so paranoid how can inot care about this woman at work because ive never been like this before but I feel like im going mad. Does anybody else get like this? or can you give me some advice?
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    I'm not sure what advice I can give really. Insecurity is horrible, I know it, and it can eat you up inside. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and hope for the best. Why don't you try discussing this with your boyfriend? Tell him what you just told us, maybe toned down a bit just so he knows how you are feeling? Communication is key to a healthy relationship. Sorry I can't be of more help but after reading that I felt I had to at least reply.
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    Person above me said it all
    That communication is important. If things go down the drain then you'll have to make a choice whether to go on with it or to end it ;(

    I can relate to your story by a bit, because my boyfriend is always busy with work ever since he got out of hospital. We don't see each other as much because he works from day to night, and then his mates like to drag him out to the pub when all he wants to do is sleep. He's not the most romantic person, and he certainly won't change himself to be one. Most of my friends say I'm being too lenient and stupid, but knowing my friends, they all want their boyfriends to be with them 24/7.
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    I'd just like to add to what the above guys said and say that the alarm bells start to ring when he compares you so much and cancels on you to go to the pub with her.

    It's insecurity to be worrying when he goes on nights out because he should be within his rights to go clubbing with his friends, but telling you she wears those skirts he likes you in is going a little bit further than just talking about her to you.


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    Yeah it's horrible and I think you should talk to him, otherwise it'll get worse and worse and...... Over time. Sorry I can't help more, best of luck


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