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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#1
I am female and my 'best friend' is male. We have been friends for about 5 years. Whilst we have messed around briefly we decided long ago that if anything should happen between us it would ruin our friendship and he is now in a relationship anyway.
The problem is that he is very volatile and loses his temper easily. When he does that he gets completely irrational and acts like a small child having a temper tantrum. He is not violent, never has been but he says really hurtful things when he is throwing his toys out of his pram.
We never used to argue but basically over the last year or so I have got sick of his self absorbed ways. I have noticed that most of his other friends appear to somewhat hero worship him and I used to do the same but I am a bit of a feisty person myself having been walked over in the past by so called friends and refuse to be taken advantage of by anyone. No one else ever disagrees with him but when I feel something is not right I tend to speak my mind, maybe a little too readily if I am honest.
However it has got to the stage that I am sick of the insults. There is seriously no disagreeing with this guy. The world revolves around him. This is fine if all is well in my world but if I have a problem I am being depressing or a drama queen, if he has then he needs me to be 'there' for him.
Two weeks ago I was not 'there' enough and I came back to my phone (after daring to go out without it for an hour) to a page of texts, each one more insulting than the last. Really cruel stuff. And then he effectively ended our friendship as I hadn't replied and apologised for this misdemeanour! This time I had had enough and just didn't text back. He is now acting like nothing ever happened. I am being cool with him but want to know why I can't just walk away.
For the sake of my own self respect I need to either create some distance or somehow let him know that he can't just fire off at me, call me all sorts and then just act like it never happened. I don't understand why I keep going back. Yes I do love the man. I am maybe even a little bit in love with him but honestly would never want to be in a relationship with him even if he was single.
I just don't understand why, as a relatively intelligent human being, I allow myself to be treated like this and don't just walk away?!

TLDR- friend treats me like crap. I just take it and go back for more and I'm not normally a doormat. How do I cure myself?!
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Delph123
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#2
Report 5 years ago
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It is easy to get into the habit of being walked over and to become used to unacceptable behaviour even if it is totally against your usual way of thinking. It's not so easy to stand up to people like that- been there and walked away in the end. I don't regret losing the friendship but do regret not having my say and just hiding from the problem. I guess it all depends how much you want to keep this guy in your life- you say you love him. It would hurt in the short term but might be easier long term not to be emotionally battered by someone you think the world of? Can you not talk to him when you two are getting on well?


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