My friend is driving me crazy! Is it wrong to distance myself? Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#1
Broke up with my ex 10 months ago and I was in a pretty dark place. Eventually all the boys got sick of me talking about it and so I started getting close to a girl in my group who I wasn't particularly close to beforehand. She had supposedly just gone through a break up with a guy she loved and was struggling too. At the time her best friends were telling me she was ridiculous for saying she was in love because she wasn't but I just thought they were being *****y as obviously I was hurting too and was empathetic.

The arrangement worked well in all fairness. We made plans and supported each other and tried to get over it together.

So fast forward 10 months. I haven't spoken to my ex once and have moved on, I have new hobbies and interests, I have made big life and career decisions, I have seen a therapist and dealt with personal issues. I feel a lot happier.

She carried on slyly seeing the boy. Then moved onto another guy instantly - didn't she love the other guy? New guy cheats and lies to her continuously. She keeps lying and saying she's over him but keeps slyly seeing him. Postpones her degree because of extenuating circumstances (perhaps reasonably considering her family life isn't ideal), starts a dead end job.
All the while slyly sleeping with the old guy, she dates about a million different guys (not sleeping with). They generally don't go further but I get sick of hearing about every new guy she's talking about.
She told me she was seeing a therapist but she hasn't gone back since.

She talks about herself the whole time (we've told her before) and so she has ostracised everyone, even her female best friends. She's noticed and always moans about having no friends and I can't even reassure her.

And now the last straw. I've been encouraging her to go travelling for a bit and get her head straight, make some new friends etc. And she says no, she wants to put a deposit down on a house. WHY? What the hell is that going to change? Arghhh.


So what do I do? It's no longer tit for tat at all. She's an absolute burden on me. I don't want to distance myself because she obviously has issues but she never does anything to make things better for herself whereas I've come a long way.

Is it wrong to distance myself and leave her on her own?
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CC23
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#2
Report 5 years ago
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In my opinion, I dont think its wrong to distance yourself in order for her to understand that the way she is acting is not cool. If you give her the cold shoulder she may realise that maybe she should change some things in order for her relationships to improve. If shes still acting like this after you repeatedly told her to change and have given her some space, maybe it isnt the best to be as close as you were.
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Anonymous #2
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Report 4 years ago
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The above poster is completely wrong! OP just talk to her, she obviously has some troubles and probably pushed everyone away because she didn't want them involved, try talking to her again maybe the is some other things she is dealing with.

You just distancing yourself is cruel especially if you haven't explained your reasons and if you are her only friend left. As a friend just try and be there for her she probably feels alone and maybe she is probably sorry for the boyfriend thing, if you feel like she is still the same then explain to her how YOU feel so she can make a mends.
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