TSR DECISIONS DROP IN Q and A NOW OPEN - GET FREE ADVICE HERE >>

Used as a confidence boost

I feel like guys keep using me, and i don't know how to stop it.

I was with my first boyfriend for a year. I thought I loved him, but now i can see that i was manipulated into feeling that way so that he could get experience (We were young... both 16). Anyways, after he'd got enough of what he wanted, and bragged to his friends enough he broke up with me. I later found out that he'd been cheating on me for a couple of weeks with a close friend of mine, who is absolutely gorgeous. I am not the most attractive person in the world, i'm a bit overweight - i don't think i'm hideously ugly just not someone guys are instantly attracted to. The moral of this story was that he'd used me to get experience and gain confidence so that he could go for the girl he really wanted - my friend.

In time i got over this, and i vowed i would never let it happen again. I waited more than 2 years before i felt like i could trust a guy again, and then i got with a guy. We were together for a month before we went to uni at opposite ends of the coutry, and we decided we wanted to try and stay together. When we started dating he was a virgin, and had very little confidence in himself even though he is really fit! (and no not just to me!!). I was a bit worried that he would use me to gain experience before he went to uni so we made a point of deciding to not sleep together til we felt like we were in love so that i didn't feel used again. We stayed together for a year and a half which was really hard, but i trusted him implicitly and then he dumped me. Very very suddenly, for some very iffy reasons which don't make sense to anyone i've told.

6 weeks after we broke up i found out that he's with his housemate from uni. Who is again stunning and annoyingly quite a nice person. If i could change my looks i'd look like her. I was always worried that she liked him (women's intuition) but he assured me there was nothing going on, and that he found her a bit annoying and that she was too thin!!!

Basically i feel used again. He had no confidence when we got together, and now he's flying high with a fantastic girlfriend, and i'm alone again.

I'm terrified that it will happen again. How can i stop it? My confidence was at an all time high when i was with him, i mean ppl were jealous of me cos i was with him, and now i just feel rubbish. Why do guys keep using me as a stepping block to something better? I don't want to seem paranoid with my next guy, (there WILL be one!) but how can i not be?

I don't need a guy to make me feel confident. Even after we broke up i retained the confidence level i'd achieved whilst with him, it's just since i found out he was with her that i've become shattered.

Am i being completely stupid here?

P.S. Sorry it's an essay...

Reply 1

harrietrf

bstasiad

Why do guys keep using me as a stepping block to something better?

Don't think of yourself as that! When people are young they change a lot and part of growing up is exploring people and finding your type of person. Most relationships have a natural end and instead of focusing on this 'rejection', try to think about what you have learnt about men and being with somebody, which will make your next relationship better. And just because this flatmate is prettier, doesn't mean she is better!! There are so many things that guys prefer, and if he really does regard this girl as 'better' then he is an arse quite frankly. Sounds to me like he wanted convience....

Enjoy your youth! How bring would it be if you found your life partner at age 18/19?

Reply 2

icedout

bstasiad

Why do guys keep using me as a stepping block to something better?

That's how most guys see most girls to be honest.

Reply 3

Ethereal

icedout

That's how most guys see most girls to be honest.

Don't put your own way of thinking on to all guys. Some of us actually have integrity.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

bstasiad

Am i being completely stupid here?

Yes. You've been mixing with some unconfident but "fit" guys. Inevitably, you keep getting owned by everyone of them.

Reply 5

icedout

Ethereal

Don't put your own way of thinking on to all guys. Some of us actually have integrity.

I was talking from experience, not from my own way of thinking. If everyone only went out with their perfect match, then breakups and affairs would never happen. The fact is that most people settle for something until they can find something better.

Reply 6

Fluent in Lies

Guys just want it and they want it now. I'm surprised you found one of the few who is intelligent enough to work out how to manipulate you. They don't care about your feelings, only how much feeling they can do.

Reply 7

Mercer

Sounds like you're interpreting stuff in that way: it may not be what's in their head?

@FluentinLies: way to generalise!

Reply 8

puppy

Got paranoia?

Of course your relationships aren't going to last, you're too young- tbh I'm impressed you've had two relationships that lasted more than a year when you were a teenager- that's more than I've managed.

I think this is a problem with you, not the guys. You've been unlucky with them cheating on you but I'm not sure I'd trust a young guy not to, especially in a long distance relationship. You need to realise that people haven't used you, you can't blame people for changing and not wanting to be with you anymore, it sucks but that's how life works.

What's any relationship is it's not to 'gain experience'? The experience of knowing you and going out with you maybe? If you have such a negative take on all this then you'll struggle to find a new relationship and be happy.

Reply 9

Zerforax

Ill probably get slated for saying this but :p:

you got with 2 guys (and had fun while it lasted?) and the way you've written everything, sounds like you think they would normally 'be out of your league', surely thats a plus? why not use that as a confidence boost for yourself? i mean :p:

you got with 2 hot guys, sure they moved on but that happens at this age

Reply 10

wojewodztwo_pl

icedout

That's how most guys see most girls to be honest.

i dont think thats true. im 19, and ive only gone out with one woman before, we broke up a 3 months ago. all my friends are 'playas' and alot of them just look for the usual quick relationships, i think u kno wat i mean, so i wont elaborate.

but ive only ever kissed two girls in my life, ive done nothing more. all my friends took a long time to believe it, because they said from their first impressions they would have seen me as a guy who has done more. but i wouldnt do anything to a girl that i wouldnt want to happen to me. and im sure there are plenty of guys out there that are like me.

so maybe you ladies should think twice before generalising. because with both sexes, there are alot of good and bad poeple out there.

ohh and for the girl that started this post, stay strong. n remember:

A broken heart is what makes life so wonderful five years later, when you see that special guy in an elevator and he is fat and smoking and saying 'Long time no see'”

Reply 11

Unregistered

Original post by Fluent &#953

You're not the person I thought you were! :bawling:

Reply 12

Barny

Don't go out with virgins.

Also don't go out with ugly ducklings that become swans :wink:

Reply 13

*Fliss*

wojewodztwo_pl

but ive only ever kissed two girls in my life, ive done nothing more. all my friends took a long time to believe it, because they said from their first impressions they would have seen me as a guy who has done more. but i wouldnt do anything to a girl that i wouldnt want to happen to me. and im sure there are plenty of guys out there that are like me.

If only there were more guys in the world who took this attitude and didn't go out specifically with the intention of 'pulling'. They're either all in hiding, or they already have wonderful girlfriends.

To the thread starter, i too was in a situation where i was completely terrified of being hurt again, until i met this guy who to me, is perfect. So i thought things may be different with him so let my guard down. He hurt me but we remain excellent friends. Unfortunately, there's no sure way of stopping this happening to you again, there's no way of knowing what will happen in the future of a relationship so just try to enjoy it while it lasts. If it doesn't work out, move on. Most importantly, you're young. We still have most of our lives ahead of us so we should just have fun right now and not worry too much about relationships as we've got plenty of time for that when we know exactly what we want from life.

Chin up hun :smile:

Reply 14

Fluent in Lies