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Brother's party
My 15-year-old brother has just had a party, and despite assuring me that none of his friends would get drunk, there was some damage to the house, people were sick which I cleared up and someone had to be taken home. I can't work out why I'm so upset about it but it's made me self-harm again which I hadn't done in a long while. I just don't know where my feelings of being angry and sad are coming from.
Firstly dont listen to the ass above me.
you are probably angry because he betrayed your trust and as your brother that means a lot to you, I know it does to me and the same thing has happened to me.
Sit down and talk to him and tell him what you feel, and that you feel betrayed. Try to make him apologise for his behaviour, then sit down on a game console and play a fun game together, nothing to competitive, preferrably in co-op to help rebuild your bond.
As for the self harm, I can only suggest that if it doesn't stop after you have rebuilt your relationship with your bro, you get serious help.
Edit: Post above mine was removed.
you are probably angry because he betrayed your trust and as your brother that means a lot to you, I know it does to me and the same thing has happened to me.
Sit down and talk to him and tell him what you feel, and that you feel betrayed. Try to make him apologise for his behaviour, then sit down on a game console and play a fun game together, nothing to competitive, preferrably in co-op to help rebuild your bond.
As for the self harm, I can only suggest that if it doesn't stop after you have rebuilt your relationship with your bro, you get serious help.
Edit: Post above mine was removed.
*gasp* What happened to free speech?
(wtf? did someone tell the op to kill him/herself?! )
Hi.
I don't really know what to say, I'm torn between thinking two things so I'll say them both and you can ignor whichever you don't like.
I kinda think that you need to lighten up. For various reasons, partly because stuff like that isn't a big deal and not really your business - my bro's done a lot worse you just have to learn to take a step back. Also, think about how he'd feel if he found out? People who are close to self harmers do feel incredibly guilty and scared when those they love hurt themselves, and here you are saying that he's directly responsible. This is going to sound harsh and everyone will hate me, but he is only 15 and it's actually a hell of a lot for him to deal with if his sisters is coping with her problems in such an outwardly damaging way. I don't know how old you are, but he is very young for those pressures. He should be able to make the normal teenage mistakes without having the fear that his sister will kill herself if he upsets her. (Yes, i know you said nothing about suicide, but self harm will always be assossciated with it). So basically, you MUST stop his mistakes upsetting you - even slightly. You just have to learn to distance yourself from him, he's just a kid.
But then at the same time there's always the possibility that this self harming is just a sympton of bigger troubles and your bro isn't really anything to do with it, in which case you should probably try and figure out just what exactly it is that is bothering. But then you say that you don't know where they're coming from so I guess you just gotta find another way of dealing with them. Talking to friends is traditional.
This feeling down thing might just be a faze though. Remember, just because you've slipped once, doesn't mean that you will continue to self harm again. This doesn't have to be repeated. I'm sorry you're feeling so down i hope you feel better soon, I really do, for your sake.
It must be hard not knowing exactly what to do to make yourself better but you've got to know that everyone feels rubbish sometimes and the chances are that your friends (if you have friends i mean) will have time for you if you need to talk to them.
Oh, and it doesn't matter how small the thing that is bothering you is, you should get it off your chest even if it sounds silly. Most people get upset about tiny things now and again and noone really minds if they freak out about nothing occasionally. Try it. You may stop feeling the need to self harm.
Hope you feel better soon
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hi.
I don't really know what to say, I'm torn between thinking two things so I'll say them both and you can ignor whichever you don't like.
I kinda think that you need to lighten up. For various reasons, partly because stuff like that isn't a big deal and not really your business - my bro's done a lot worse you just have to learn to take a step back. Also, think about how he'd feel if he found out? People who are close to self harmers do feel incredibly guilty and scared when those they love hurt themselves, and here you are saying that he's directly responsible. This is going to sound harsh and everyone will hate me, but he is only 15 and it's actually a hell of a lot for him to deal with if his sisters is coping with her problems in such an outwardly damaging way. I don't know how old you are, but he is very young for those pressures. He should be able to make the normal teenage mistakes without having the fear that his sister will kill herself if he upsets her. (Yes, i know you said nothing about suicide, but self harm will always be assossciated with it). So basically, you MUST stop his mistakes upsetting you - even slightly. You just have to learn to distance yourself from him, he's just a kid.
But then at the same time there's always the possibility that this self harming is just a sympton of bigger troubles and your bro isn't really anything to do with it, in which case you should probably try and figure out just what exactly it is that is bothering.
But then you say that you don't know where they're coming from so I guess you just gotta find another way of dealing with them. Talking to friends is traditional. This feeling down thing might just be a faze though. Remember, just because you've slipped once, doesn't mean that you will continue to self harm again. This doesn't have to be repeated. I'm sorry you're feeling so down i hope you feel better soon, I really do, for your sake.
It must be hard not knowing exactly what to do to make yourself better but you've got to know that everyone feels rubbish sometimes and the chances are that your friends (if you have friends i mean) will have time for you if you need to talk to them.
Oh, and it doesn't matter how small the thing that is bothering you is, you should get it off your chest even if it sounds silly. Most people get upset about tiny things now and again and noone really minds if they freak out about nothing occasionally. Try it. You may stop feeling the need to self harm.
Hope you feel better soon
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
[QUOTE=Anonymous
your friends (if you have friends i mean) will have time for you if you need to talk to them.
I just re-read that and it sounded wrong. i didn't mean that to sound cruel - i'm sure you do have friends but i didn't want to make any assumptions. don't take it the wrong way please.
your friends (if you have friends i mean) will have time for you if you need to talk to them.
I just re-read that and it sounded wrong. i didn't mean that to sound cruel - i'm sure you do have friends but i didn't want to make any assumptions. don't take it the wrong way please.
(Actually, i'm a she)
I couldn't not be there, he'd asked me to and yes I am over 18 and things would have been bad if I hadn't been there.
My brother knows he's upset me but as he is 15 all his aplogies are very hollow, cos he knew he'd upset me before he had the party and that didn't matter enough to him to call it off. I won't load him with my baggage but I'm not sure I can go on saying, 'no, no, don't worry about it, I'll clear it up, I don't mind' etc etc
I couldn't not be there, he'd asked me to and yes I am over 18 and things would have been bad if I hadn't been there.
My brother knows he's upset me but as he is 15 all his aplogies are very hollow, cos he knew he'd upset me before he had the party and that didn't matter enough to him to call it off. I won't load him with my baggage but I'm not sure I can go on saying, 'no, no, don't worry about it, I'll clear it up, I don't mind' etc etc
harrietrf
(Actually, i'm a she)
I couldn't not be there, he'd asked me to and yes I am over 18 and things would have been bad if I hadn't been there.
My brother knows he's upset me but as he is 15 all his aplogies are very hollow, cos he knew he'd upset me before he had the party and that didn't matter enough to him to call it off. I won't load him with my baggage but I'm not sure I can go on saying, 'no, no, don't worry about it, I'll clear it up, I don't mind' etc etc
I couldn't not be there, he'd asked me to and yes I am over 18 and things would have been bad if I hadn't been there.
My brother knows he's upset me but as he is 15 all his aplogies are very hollow, cos he knew he'd upset me before he had the party and that didn't matter enough to him to call it off. I won't load him with my baggage but I'm not sure I can go on saying, 'no, no, don't worry about it, I'll clear it up, I don't mind' etc etc
of course he didn't call off his party because he'd upset his sister. that would be bad, and that would be him bottling stuff up and taking a similar attitude to you which as you can see is a pretty painful way to go about things.
and you don't have to say you don't care, you just have to say 'you caused a mess, you deal with it.' don't fix his mistakes, make him sort them himself. Obviously if there was a serious problem then call an ambulance and whatever, but you aren't some sort of slave for him to boss about.
do you not like standing up to him or do you feel like you'd be letting him down or something? Sorry to make judgements but you don't sound very self confident.
have you been feeling ****ty anyway, was it just that this tipped you over the edge? Or is this party thing really upsetting you? sorry if it's a stupid question.
Haven't been feeling great anyway, a bit lonely.
I can't bear his apologies at the moment which is why I don't want to talk to him about it - they just seem really insincere to me. And I do want him to have a nice time. And I just feel compelled to sort things out. I don't know why I keep saying I don't mind.
I can't bear his apologies at the moment which is why I don't want to talk to him about it - they just seem really insincere to me. And I do want him to have a nice time. And I just feel compelled to sort things out. I don't know why I keep saying I don't mind.
Anonymous
Haven't been feeling great anyway, a bit lonely.
I can't bear his apologies at the moment which is why I don't want to talk to him about it - they just seem really insincere to me. And I do want him to have a nice time. And I just feel compelled to sort things out. I don't know why I keep saying I don't mind.
I can't bear his apologies at the moment which is why I don't want to talk to him about it - they just seem really insincere to me. And I do want him to have a nice time. And I just feel compelled to sort things out. I don't know why I keep saying I don't mind.
tbh, he probably doesn't feel he needs to apologies to you because you're his sister, not his mother. And to me (although i don't know him & could be wrong) if he's being insincere then it doesn't sound like talking to him would be much help. Not sure though, don't take my word for it.
i get what you mean about feeling compelled to sort stuff out though. Brothers can be a right pain. All the same, a brother-sister realationship really shouldn't be broken by stuff like this. my older sibling has always encouraged me to drink and do drugs lol. I highly recommend that you don't go to his next party, or if you do make sure you're one of the drunk ones so it doesn't bother you.
why are you feeling lonely?
is it just a bad time of year - exams and **** like that?Just got to the end of my two year course and realised that I genuinely couldn't stand the people I'd been friends with...and I'd magaed to cut myself off from all my old friends too. Plus there was this guy who really treated me badly 6 months ago (sad I know) but that's still bothering me.
Anonymous
Just got to the end of my two year course and realised that I genuinely couldn't stand the people I'd been friends with...and I'd magaed to cut myself off from all my old friends too. Plus there was this guy who really treated me badly 6 months ago (sad I know) but that's still bothering me.
ah that's bad luck. i realised i missed my old friends not long ago and so i texted this girl i hadn't seen in, like, 4 years. she was pleased to hear from me. I think. You sure you can't find some way to kinda get back in with your old friends? It's important and you've nothing to lose from trying. Do you know what you're doing next? like university or anything? If you are then then hopefully you'll make real friends that you do like. *
and the other thing isn't sad! it's normal - guys can be total ******s at times, it's only to be expected that every so often they do something wrong lol. Try taking revenge. Might help you move on.
*you don't have to answer - i'm not going to try and stalk you if youre worried that i'm being too inquisitive. This is just stuff for you to think about.
Wo some of you really are such nice people. In fact, most of your replies I would delete for sheer callousness, or total ignorance
Whilst I cannot begin to imagine what has caused you to self harm in the first place. i need to ask you one thing. Where are your parents/legal guardians?
And were you expected to clean up the ****?
You need to get a job in my eyes, a hobby or something that just gets you in with a group of people. I know it can be hard when you look at someone and instantly thing two faced cow, but the only way to break out of self harming is to build new bridges.
You do need to see your GP for referral to a counsillor, self harming is not good for you at all
Whilst I cannot begin to imagine what has caused you to self harm in the first place. i need to ask you one thing. Where are your parents/legal guardians?
And were you expected to clean up the ****?
You need to get a job in my eyes, a hobby or something that just gets you in with a group of people. I know it can be hard when you look at someone and instantly thing two faced cow, but the only way to break out of self harming is to build new bridges.
You do need to see your GP for referral to a counsillor, self harming is not good for you at all
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