Wish I was white/Caucasian
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Being a black female I can understand how sometimes you can feel disadvantaged because of your skin colour and there are plenty of people out there that will add to this but you shouldn't let it get to you.
It's usually the less educated that make ethnic minorities feel inferior because there are also plenty of people out there that embrace the fact that people are different.
There are many advantages to being black i.e being more resistant to sunburn etc, aging slower, being part of a black community etc.
Just like there are many advantages to being white.
Every race has it's advantages and disadvantages.
It's not as simple as white people get it so much better, it's just that being a predominantly white country it can sometimes feel like that.
It's usually the less educated that make ethnic minorities feel inferior because there are also plenty of people out there that embrace the fact that people are different.
There are many advantages to being black i.e being more resistant to sunburn etc, aging slower, being part of a black community etc.
Just like there are many advantages to being white.
Every race has it's advantages and disadvantages.
It's not as simple as white people get it so much better, it's just that being a predominantly white country it can sometimes feel like that.
Original post by im so academic
No one gets in a relationship for "diversity" or "equality" reasons.
What does 'Diversirty' and 'equality' mean?
Are they good words or bad words (meaning you shouldn't talk about it to people)
Original post by HopefulMidwife
It's one of my top pet hates, let me tell you! I have depression and anxiety, and I stopped talking about my feelings to people a long time ago because they always judge, give this same rubbish 'advice' (I don't need advice. If I need it, I ask for it! In most cases, I know what to do but I just need support and comfort!) and never understand.
If you're anything like me, thinking about the other misfortunes in the world will make you even more depressed. Besides, pain is relative and should not be compared. It's not a bloody competition!
As for being thankful for what you have, having parents, a job, a house doesn't matter when you feel empty inside. Of course, I'm grateful for it but its not a cure for mental health conditions.
I even had a 'friend' tell me that I don't have a right to be depressed and that depression doesn't exist. According to him, I haven't 'had a bad life' and 'others have it worse than me'. This guy hasn't the faintest idea what I've been through in my childhood and teen years. Don't people listen to themselves and realise how hurtful it is to be told that? As if your feelings mean nothing.
People are just ignorant.
If you're anything like me, thinking about the other misfortunes in the world will make you even more depressed. Besides, pain is relative and should not be compared. It's not a bloody competition!
As for being thankful for what you have, having parents, a job, a house doesn't matter when you feel empty inside. Of course, I'm grateful for it but its not a cure for mental health conditions.
I even had a 'friend' tell me that I don't have a right to be depressed and that depression doesn't exist. According to him, I haven't 'had a bad life' and 'others have it worse than me'. This guy hasn't the faintest idea what I've been through in my childhood and teen years. Don't people listen to themselves and realise how hurtful it is to be told that? As if your feelings mean nothing.
People are just ignorant.
Omg I agree. People come across as such idiots when they say that. When someone says things like that then clearly they are ignorant.
I also suffer from anxiety and I have had bouts of depression all my life. I don't ask for attention or pity but if I ask for advice, the last thing I want is for someone to tell me that people have it worse than me (therefore implying that I have no right to complain.) I'm not the kind of person to sweep my issues under the carpet - if I have an issue, I need to talk about it, seek advice, and deal with it. And yes, telling me about other misfortunes makes me even more miserable. I agree with you on the point that pain is relative - someone in the 3rd World may not have the material goods that someone in the 1st world has, but they might be much happier than that person in the 1st world, you never know. It's all subjective and really should not be compared.
Having parents and a house has not necessarily made me any happier, and having family problems and feeling alone in my big family is one of the worst things I have ever gone through. One lesson I have learned is that family is not everything. Biology is not everything when your family choose to make you suffer and ignore your plight. Having a family in my life hasn't stopped me from having psychological issues, in fact it has made me worse.
It's funny how you mentioned this so-called 'friend' of yours. The exact same thing happened to me. When I was having family problems I had a mentor at school when in year in Year 12. I told her all about my childhood trauma and initially she was sympathetic, but then she told me that I hadn't had a bad life and that I had no right to complain about my life because I live in a nice area, wear nice clothes, have nice things, books, have a home and I am able to eat.
Then she compared me to other people in my school, others who had ripped clothes, had no breakfast and ripped shoes. She was basically saying that because of my less-deprived background, I had nothing to complain about, and my childhood wasn't as bad as I made it out to be. Then she said that all men are as bad as my dad and that I'd have to just accept that and put up with it. Considering that when I much much younger I hated men and was trying to get out of this mentality, it didn't help to hear that.
She became so rude and patronizing and tried to dismiss my ambitions. I had told her that despite my bad childhood I was ambitious and wanted to make something of myself, starting with going to university. I told her I was determined to go to university and she said "Well everyone's determined, but they can't all go!" insinuating that I would never be able to go to uni. I have wanted to go to uni since I was 15 and I'm at uni now, aged 20, whereas she has never been. Then she had the nerve to tell me that she feels as though all young people are far too complacent and that we all don't care about the world and about our futures, and she felt the same way about me, so she was generalizing and making assumptions about me. I have always been an articulator, I have always been ambitious and I have never been complacent. I don't live recklessly and I actually care about my future.
I was so hurt that I stopped talking to her after that. She made me feel worse (as if I wasn't depressed enough) by making me feel like an idiot for complaining about my bad childhood. She turned out to be a patronizing idiot, who made me feel as though my issues and feelings did not matter.
I actually can relate to how to OP feels - when I was a child I hated my ethnicity; race wasn't the issue for me - and telling me to get over myself would never have helped. For me though my issues were more deep-seated, so maybe the OP needs time to learn to accept and embrace who she is - which is NOT easy by any means - or maybe needs to go for counselling/therapy - something I have done.
Edit: another thing that's worse is when people say things like "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger." That does not make me feel better! What does kill me messes me up mentally.
(edited 10 years ago)
"Loving yourself can be difficult" probably the best thing I've heard in a while! Thank you all for your encouraging words, I truly appreciate it x
Posted from TSR Mobile
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by nepeneptune
TSR, I wish I was white. I'm black but being white appears more appealing in my eyes. Literally everything just seems so 10x better when your white down to the kind of clothes you wear!
I don't HATE being black but sometimes I get upset knowing its something I can exactly change. It's not like getting a nose job or anything.
I guess I can dream though, can't I?
Posted from TSR Mobile
I don't HATE being black but sometimes I get upset knowing its something I can exactly change. It's not like getting a nose job or anything.
I guess I can dream though, can't I?
Posted from TSR Mobile
Wish you were white? Because it is more appealing? (The only advantage I see is concerning racism, etc. especially in some areas, but looks
)Contra arguments:
- Getting totally red after ten minutes in the sun.
- Sometimes allways have this unhealthy yellow-white-green look, because your skin only knows white and suburn. (Can't see any advantage, really.)
- Very difficult to do something with your hair.
- No contrasts, yellow on black looks way better.
- On white you see anything.
- Being white and being a white blonde with a "perfect body" isn't the same.
Thus: A lot of people are extremely dissatisfied with their bodies and the grass on the other side seems allways greener. I think a lot of white people could give you thousands of reasons, why white is not exactly the colour to have.
Very hard to be a white person in Africa. Very rare to be a white person in Asia.....you get my point.
i am immigrant stock myself to the west and I say to all the insecure people, or anti white racist people. Just go to part of the world where you feel comfortable. If you feel African I am sure Africa is in much need of intelligent western trained africans to help build it up.
i am immigrant stock myself to the west and I say to all the insecure people, or anti white racist people. Just go to part of the world where you feel comfortable. If you feel African I am sure Africa is in much need of intelligent western trained africans to help build it up.
Original post by scapepower
So what you're saying is white people look better during their youth than black people, but the roles reverse when you're both old?
Yeah it's a known fact
Original post by Nathanielle
Wish you were white? Because it is more appealing? (The only advantage I see is concerning racism, etc. especially in some areas, but looks )
Contra arguments:
- Getting totally red after ten minutes in the sun.
- Sometimes allways have this unhealthy yellow-white-green look, because your skin only knows white and suburn. (Can't see any advantage, really.)
- Very difficult to do something with your hair.
- No contrasts, yellow on black looks way better.
- On white you see anything.
- Being white and being a white blonde with a "perfect body" isn't the same.
Thus: A lot of people are extremely dissatisfied with their bodies and the grass on the other side seems allways greener. I think a lot of white people could give you thousands of reasons, why white is not exactly the colour to have.
)Contra arguments:
- Getting totally red after ten minutes in the sun.
- Sometimes allways have this unhealthy yellow-white-green look, because your skin only knows white and suburn. (Can't see any advantage, really.)
- Very difficult to do something with your hair.
- No contrasts, yellow on black looks way better.
- On white you see anything.
- Being white and being a white blonde with a "perfect body" isn't the same.
Thus: A lot of people are extremely dissatisfied with their bodies and the grass on the other side seems allways greener. I think a lot of white people could give you thousands of reasons, why white is not exactly the colour to have.
True say I like how I don't get sunburn and just chill in the sun with no repercussions.
Original post by nepeneptune
TSR, I wish I was white. I'm black but being white appears more appealing in my eyes. Literally everything just seems so 10x better when your white down to the kind of clothes you wear!
I don't HATE being black but sometimes I get upset knowing its something I can exactly change. It's not like getting a nose job or anything.
I guess I can dream though, can't I?
Posted from TSR Mobile
I don't HATE being black but sometimes I get upset knowing its something I can exactly change. It's not like getting a nose job or anything.
I guess I can dream though, can't I?
Posted from TSR Mobile
aww , don't feel this way , black is beautiful too , its not generally a bad thing , I grew up in a small town in linconshire , where in a population of 75000, my family where the only black family ( its true !)so at times I used to wish I was white just to fit in (I was quite weird ,5 year old black girl with a Scottish accent), but soon I realised that every race has its good points , there are so many black people who can make you proud such as ,Usain Bolt , Obama , Oprah , so embrace what you are and work with it !,
I will admit, I'm black and I used to feel jealous of white and Asian people for having "better" hair (ie, stronger, smoother, silkier, easier to brush, easier to grow long). Then I discovered many online resources for caring better for my hair, now I like it more and embrace its uniqueness that most people of other races can't achieve 
. Other stuff I've not been as bothered about, and even skin colour I'm generally quite indifferent to, though it does make me feel a bit uneasy when people tell me that being black and having a foreign name makes it harder to get jobs in western countries 
.
But I dunno, I think it's not that bad for us, and society is progressing, as it used to be much worse in the past, remember that. But if these feelings are really negatively affecting your wellbeing, then like someone said, look into getting some therapy.
. Other stuff I've not been as bothered about, and even skin colour I'm generally quite indifferent to, though it does make me feel a bit uneasy when people tell me that being black and having a foreign name makes it harder to get jobs in western countries . But I dunno, I think it's not that bad for us, and society is progressing, as it used to be much worse in the past, remember that. But if these feelings are really negatively affecting your wellbeing, then like someone said, look into getting some therapy.
Original post by nepeneptune
TSR, I wish I was white. I'm black but being white appears more appealing in my eyes. Literally everything just seems so 10x better when your white down to the kind of clothes you wear!
I don't HATE being black but sometimes I get upset knowing its something I can exactly change. It's not like getting a nose job or anything.
I guess I can dream though, can't I?
Posted from TSR Mobile
I don't HATE being black but sometimes I get upset knowing its something I can exactly change. It's not like getting a nose job or anything.
I guess I can dream though, can't I?
Posted from TSR Mobile
You need to learn to love yourself.
If you were white you would still have a lot of other 'problems'. Now you may reply "Oh but I wouldn't face racism and people would be less hostile towards me and oh there is a chance I would look better" but is that really true?
a) White people get racism from other ethnic groups so you couldn't necessarily say that you wouldn't face racism
b) As for people being less hostile towards you. That maybe true but in the type of world we live in people are going to be hostile towards you due to anything e.g. religion, weight etc
c)" I would look better." Not necessarily. There are pretty people and ugly people in all races so you might just be an ugly white girl and I'm sure that comes with its problems too
. Remember beauty depends on perception so of course not every guy is going to find a black girl beautiful but undoubtedly some will. My friend, just appreciate what you are and what you have rather than trying to change yourself or wishing you were somebody else to try and fit some 'idealism'. Stop hating yourself. You have so much potential so please tell me why you're sitting here getting depressed over something you have no control over just because you think your skin colour somehow makes you inadequate or not as good?
(edited 10 years ago)
Original post by CherryCherryBoomBoom
I will admit, I'm black and I used to feel jealous of white and Asian people for having "better" hair (ie, stronger, smoother, silkier, easier to brush, easier to grow long). Then I discovered many online resources for caring better for my hair, now I like it more and embrace its uniqueness that most people of other races can't achieve . Other stuff I've not been as bothered about, and even skin colour I'm generally quite indifferent to, though it does make me feel a bit uneasy when people tell me that being black and having a foreign name makes it harder to get jobs in western countries .
But I dunno, I think it's not that bad for us, and society is progressing, as it used to be much worse in the past, remember that. But if these feelings are really negatively affecting your wellbeing, then like someone said, look into getting some therapy.
. Other stuff I've not been as bothered about, and even skin colour I'm generally quite indifferent to, though it does make me feel a bit uneasy when people tell me that being black and having a foreign name makes it harder to get jobs in western countries . But I dunno, I think it's not that bad for us, and society is progressing, as it used to be much worse in the past, remember that. But if these feelings are really negatively affecting your wellbeing, then like someone said, look into getting some therapy.
Same here, though I hated my ethnicity due to personal reasons.
Posted from TSR Mobile
As a white male, I find the look of black/darker skin absolutely beautiful.
Imagine a world where we were all the same colour! and how boring that would be.
'Literally everything is 1oX better when you're white' This is a massive generalisation.
Take pride in the colour of your skin. There are many people who wished they look like you.
Imagine a world where we were all the same colour! and how boring that would be.
'Literally everything is 1oX better when you're white' This is a massive generalisation.
Take pride in the colour of your skin. There are many people who wished they look like you.
I agree with so many people on this thread- despite you struggling with this issue, you are not alone and should not feel bad about the way you feel- I am white and wish I had darker skin for sure! ( anything where I can tan or dont go tomat-coloured under the sun). Its harder said than done when people say accept who you are and what you look like! I dont think superficiality is a bad thing as we all have it to some degree and it can't be controlled in an image-obsessed society. Just know that when people look at you they are not looking at your skin but almost always your eyes- then second of all probably your conversation. I am always trying to lose weight- however it doesnt bother me too much as I know it can ultimately happen. However my scoliosis will never go away and can never be changed unlike weight/nose job etc and this feels a bit trapping/ suffocating sometimes so I can understand what you mean. By the way- I sound like some fat deformed person but I look perfectly normal if you saw me on the street.
Though people say be proud of your skin- maybe also focus more on your character- be proud of your ability to be amazingly compassionate & a good friend/ hilarious & witty/continuously creative& full of ideas/ disciplined and motivated in your studies or a sport- Everyones got something-i genuinely want to know whats your most defining quality? because while you should be proud of your skin -so should we all!-potherwise it starts to become one of those things said only to black/minority groups. But we should all be proud of our looks! But back to the beginning- thats a really hard thing to do! So be kind on yourself.
Lastly there will always be the legacy of racial segregation and still remnants around today. No one should ever dismiss hints of everyday racism as paranoia on the black person's part (e.g. my mums friend ( shes got very deep dark skin and is incredible beautiful (from Sri Lanka) has in the past picked up on hints of racism in the work place but was told by bosses she was just being 'paranoid'!) . It could well be easier in some respects being white-but I think often its how you present yourself and how common/proper your accent is that can have a huge affect. Basically is classism the new racism..? (i.e. apparently its ok to call people chavs/ common and look down on their dress sense or the fact they live in a council house. Assume they are all on benefits and have loads of kids/ assume they take from the state and give nothing back. You are allowed to mock chavs as its 'just a joke' and my dad openly says stupid stuff about people on benefits not bothering to find jobs- its like errr this remind you of any other type of prejudice that was once the norm not too long ago..?)
Anyway if you ever feel like you're being side-lined then the best thing to do is surprise the idiots with your capabilties and personality- you might also change their small little brains around to a more healthy way of looking at people.
Though people say be proud of your skin- maybe also focus more on your character- be proud of your ability to be amazingly compassionate & a good friend/ hilarious & witty/continuously creative& full of ideas/ disciplined and motivated in your studies or a sport- Everyones got something-i genuinely want to know whats your most defining quality? because while you should be proud of your skin -so should we all!-potherwise it starts to become one of those things said only to black/minority groups. But we should all be proud of our looks! But back to the beginning- thats a really hard thing to do! So be kind on yourself.
Lastly there will always be the legacy of racial segregation and still remnants around today. No one should ever dismiss hints of everyday racism as paranoia on the black person's part (e.g. my mums friend ( shes got very deep dark skin and is incredible beautiful (from Sri Lanka) has in the past picked up on hints of racism in the work place but was told by bosses she was just being 'paranoid'!) . It could well be easier in some respects being white-but I think often its how you present yourself and how common/proper your accent is that can have a huge affect. Basically is classism the new racism..? (i.e. apparently its ok to call people chavs/ common and look down on their dress sense or the fact they live in a council house. Assume they are all on benefits and have loads of kids/ assume they take from the state and give nothing back. You are allowed to mock chavs as its 'just a joke' and my dad openly says stupid stuff about people on benefits not bothering to find jobs- its like errr this remind you of any other type of prejudice that was once the norm not too long ago..?)
Anyway if you ever feel like you're being side-lined then the best thing to do is surprise the idiots with your capabilties and personality- you might also change their small little brains around to a more healthy way of looking at people.
(edited 10 years ago)
