Was my boyfriend happier with his ex?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 8 years ago
#1
Well my boyfriend and I have been together about a year. He was with his ex for abit less than a year,and he broke up with her due to all the fights they had,this was about 8 months before me and him began liking each other.

Anyway we've talked about his ex a few times like why it ended, and what he learnt from the relationship etc. He doesn't diss her or anything and he seems to respect her since he was with her for a long time. Which is a good sign to me as it shows he holds no bad feelings or anything over their relationship. We had a talk recently about first loves which I brought up(she was his, he is mine). I asked because of that would he always love or care for her in some way. He said he deffo doesn't love her anymore, but would still like her in a friend way if they ever saw each other or talked. The conversation went on and I asked about getting over it and all that. He said it was very hard and when she got with her new boyfriend it was a shock to him to see her with another person. I stopped him straight away as I knew she got with new boyfriend just a month after me and him began dating. At this point we weren't anything serious or even official but we had feelings for each other. This made me doubt all that and I was like why did he get with me I he still had feelings for her(if it shocked him,he still had have something for her?) He said he was over her at that point but it was still a shock to him as it never happened before.

Anyway the conversation ended, but I've been going crazy over them. Like it's actually making me feel sick. I know it's stupid though because they don't talk at all now, they've seen each other once like last month and that was it. But I've went through his Facebook timeline to when they were together, she posted on his wall like everyday and I'm not sure if he did back to her. But he rarely posts on my wall and I would sometimes on his. That's stupid but it annoyed me. Seeing them posts proved to me how happy they were together.

Then he opened this account on Ask Fm where you can ask questions on anon. Someone asked 'best relationship?' And he answered a long answer with 'no relationship is the best or worst. All have pros and cons,and have something special in them no matter how they end' This wasn't too bad, as it's true. But why didn't he just say me. He's with me now and quite happily and he could have said me. Then the same person asked 'well you where you happier with?' (He's only had 2 serious relationships,me and the ex) He said none of your business. And they replied with 'you must not want to say the truth then' so he said 'no, maybe I just don't want to answer thing about my personal life to a stranger'.

He delete it after this. But it annoyed me because its quite obvious we're together. So he should have said me when asked who was he happier with? It's like he was trying to hide the truth(he was happier with her) or he didn't want to hurt her by answering me. I just don't know how to feel about this.

He constantly says I make him happy l, how much he loves me etc. But I've got so paranoid now that I'm doubting him and I'm overthinking about they're relationship. I think now, that because she was his first that he was happier with her than me. I just don't know anymore. I have nothing against his ex at all,she seems so nice and she seems over my boyfriend completely. I think I just hate the idea of him loving someone and being with someone the way he was with me?

help me please! I feel sick and crazy right now.
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meilan990
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#2
Report 8 years ago
#2
(Original post by Anonymous)
Well my boyfriend and I have been together about a year. He was with his ex for abit less than a year,and he broke up with her due to all the fights they had,this was about 8 months before me and him began liking each other.

Anyway we've talked about his ex a few times like why it ended, and what he learnt from the relationship etc. He doesn't diss her or anything and he seems to respect her since he was with her for a long time. Which is a good sign to me as it shows he holds no bad feelings or anything over their relationship. We had a talk recently about first loves which I brought up(she was his, he is mine). I asked because of that would he always love or care for her in some way. He said he deffo doesn't love her anymore, but would still like her in a friend way if they ever saw each other or talked. The conversation went on and I asked about getting over it and all that. He said it was very hard and when she got with her new boyfriend it was a shock to him to see her with another person. I stopped him straight away as I knew she got with new boyfriend just a month after me and him began dating. At this point we weren't anything serious or even official but we had feelings for each other. This made me doubt all that and I was like why did he get with me I he still had feelings for her(if it shocked him,he still had have something for her?) He said he was over her at that point but it was still a shock to him as it never happened before.

Anyway the conversation ended, but I've been going crazy over them. Like it's actually making me feel sick. I know it's stupid though because they don't talk at all now, they've seen each other once like last month and that was it. But I've went through his Facebook timeline to when they were together, she posted on his wall like everyday and I'm not sure if he did back to her. But he rarely posts on my wall and I would sometimes on his. That's stupid but it annoyed me. Seeing them posts proved to me how happy they were together.

Then he opened this account on Ask Fm where you can ask questions on anon. Someone asked 'best relationship?' And he answered a long answer with 'no relationship is the best or worst. All have pros and cons,and have something special in them no matter how they end' This wasn't too bad, as it's true. But why didn't he just say me. He's with me now and quite happily and he could have said me. Then the same person asked 'well you where you happier with?' (He's only had 2 serious relationships,me and the ex) He said none of your business. And they replied with 'you must not want to say the truth then' so he said 'no, maybe I just don't want to answer thing about my personal life to a stranger'.

He delete it after this. But it annoyed me because its quite obvious we're together. So he should have said me when asked who was he happier with? It's like he was trying to hide the truth(he was happier with her) or he didn't want to hurt her by answering me. I just don't know how to feel about this.

He constantly says I make him happy l, how much he loves me etc. But I've got so paranoid now that I'm doubting him and I'm overthinking about they're relationship. I think now, that because she was his first that he was happier with her than me. I just don't know anymore. I have nothing against his ex at all,she seems so nice and she seems over my boyfriend completely. I think I just hate the idea of him loving someone and being with someone the way he was with me?

help me please! I feel sick and crazy right now.
Wow... Bloody mary.

Okay. Breath in. Breath out. Calm......Zen

Right. Okay it looks like you've asked to many questions for your own good and you didn't like the last answer. I always think don't ask what you don't want to know, remember he's in a relationship with you not her. Sometimes it is quite intriguing know what they were like with their exs but you got to keep it minimal or your gonna have an over thinking frenzy that will get worse.

Its normal to have abit of a shock into the system when you see an ex with someone knew especially if you deeply cared about them. But it doesn't mean he wants to be with her.

He seems into you from what you said here. But if you need to let it out. Talk to him but don't blame it on him this is your feelings, just address your concerns friendly and calmly, and hopefully he will understand and makes sure he doesn't make you feel like that again. Rationalise...it is soo easy to get caught up with emotions so be careful or it could take over.

He wouldn't be with you if he wasn't into you, remember their relationship ended because they were incompatible....or they wouldnt have ended.

If he doesn't show much in your interest then question is it worth fighting for, possibly having these insecure feelings along side.

Look after no. 1

I hope you be alright.


Hey at least your boyfriend( now my ex) doesn't mention he has a fallback girl and I didn't even want to know in the first place. -__ - there's difference between stupidity and honesty.......



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member327593
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#3
Report 8 years ago
#3
(Original post by Anonymous)
Well my boyfriend and I have been together about a year. He was with his ex for abit less than a year,and he broke up with her due to all the fights they had,this was about 8 months before me and him began liking each other.

Anyway we've talked about his ex a few times like why it ended, and what he learnt from the relationship etc. He doesn't diss her or anything and he seems to respect her since he was with her for a long time. Which is a good sign to me as it shows he holds no bad feelings or anything over their relationship. We had a talk recently about first loves which I brought up(she was his, he is mine). I asked because of that would he always love or care for her in some way. He said he deffo doesn't love her anymore, but would still like her in a friend way if they ever saw each other or talked. The conversation went on and I asked about getting over it and all that. He said it was very hard and when she got with her new boyfriend it was a shock to him to see her with another person. I stopped him straight away as I knew she got with new boyfriend just a month after me and him began dating. At this point we weren't anything serious or even official but we had feelings for each other. This made me doubt all that and I was like why did he get with me I he still had feelings for her(if it shocked him,he still had have something for her?) He said he was over her at that point but it was still a shock to him as it never happened before.

Anyway the conversation ended, but I've been going crazy over them. Like it's actually making me feel sick. I know it's stupid though because they don't talk at all now, they've seen each other once like last month and that was it. But I've went through his Facebook timeline to when they were together, she posted on his wall like everyday and I'm not sure if he did back to her. But he rarely posts on my wall and I would sometimes on his. That's stupid but it annoyed me. Seeing them posts proved to me how happy they were together.

Then he opened this account on Ask Fm where you can ask questions on anon. Someone asked 'best relationship?' And he answered a long answer with 'no relationship is the best or worst. All have pros and cons,and have something special in them no matter how they end' This wasn't too bad, as it's true. But why didn't he just say me. He's with me now and quite happily and he could have said me. Then the same person asked 'well you where you happier with?' (He's only had 2 serious relationships,me and the ex) He said none of your business. And they replied with 'you must not want to say the truth then' so he said 'no, maybe I just don't want to answer thing about my personal life to a stranger'.

He delete it after this. But it annoyed me because its quite obvious we're together. So he should have said me when asked who was he happier with? It's like he was trying to hide the truth(he was happier with her) or he didn't want to hurt her by answering me. I just don't know how to feel about this.

He constantly says I make him happy l, how much he loves me etc. But I've got so paranoid now that I'm doubting him and I'm overthinking about they're relationship. I think now, that because she was his first that he was happier with her than me. I just don't know anymore. I have nothing against his ex at all,she seems so nice and she seems over my boyfriend completely. I think I just hate the idea of him loving someone and being with someone the way he was with me?

help me please! I feel sick and crazy right now.
As if i read all that to get to this.

OP stop overthinking things or you'll ruin whats sounds like a good relationship
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Climbontoyourseahorse
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#4
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#4
I think you've posted about this before, haven't you, OP? Ok, I can kind of sympathise in some way as it can be quite unsettling having your first relationship with someone who has already had one. But you need to think rationally about this.

You asked for that information. I'd actually go as far as to say that you probed for it. On whether he still loves her - I don't think he could have given a more reassuring answer. About getting over her - he was just being honest. About him being shocked when she got with someone else - again, he was being honest, but he could perhaps have spared you that detail considering that you and him were seeing him by that point. Then again, it's likely you probed him for that information.

You can't judge the happiness of a relationship on respective Facebook walls. 'They're always posting on each other's walls so they must really love each other' - how ridiculous does that sound? People tend to adopt the habits of their partners so it's likely that she was just a huge Facebook user and he just followed suit. Or didn't. You can't know. And you should know that Facebook is full of deception. Most people want the rest of the world to think that their relationship is peachy. They'd hardly broadcast an argument on it, would they?

Were you going through his Ask FM account? And I do not see what's wrong in him saying that both his relationships have been good.
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LavenderBlueSky88
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#5
Report 8 years ago
#5
Feelings don't stop for one person the minute you start having them for another. A bit of overlap is normal. I'll always 'love' my ex, but not in the same way I love my boyfriend. If that makes sense.
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Anonymous #1
#6
Report Thread starter 8 years ago
#6
Well guys thank you for the advice!) was very helpful, but the situation was resolved yesterday as my boyfriend talked about the ask fm account without me bringing it up and reassured me that our relationship is 100x better than anything they ever had..but that that's no ones business and he didn't want to disrespect his ex or the relationship they had in public which proves to me how much of a good guy he is. I love him so much and now know that my insecurities are just crazy and I'm working on them. Thank you again tho everyone who replied!x
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meilan990
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#7
Report 8 years ago
#7
(Original post by Anonymous)
Well guys thank you for the advice!) was very helpful, but the situation was resolved yesterday as my boyfriend talked about the ask fm account without me bringing it up and reassured me that our relationship is 100x better than anything they ever had..but that that's no ones business and he didn't want to disrespect his ex or the relationship they had in public which proves to me how much of a good guy he is. I love him so much and now know that my insecurities are just crazy and I'm working on them. Thank you again tho everyone who replied!x
Remember don't lose yourself!!! Keep yourself happy with hobbies. Make sure happy with yourself most importantly!!! Then the insecurities wouldn't bother you as much.

Your boyfriend is a part of your life not your whole life!!!

The reason I'm saying this is because I made that mistake of making him my whole life. I turned ugly needy clingy person. It destroyed me. It wasn't who I was. Now I'm crying for him because I miss him

I want you to have the longest and loving relationship you can x


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jenniferxhughes
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#8
Report 8 years ago
#8
stop comparing yourself. Every relationship is different.

Focus on what your relationship is like. Not what its like in comparison to others. You'll end up ruining your relationship.
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Suzanne mary
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#9
Report 6 months ago
#9
I've had this twice now what they say never goes away it will always be there I've wasted Yrs on two ppl like this this won't be the end of he'll start to treat other women better than u this will hurt so much I'm in my seventys I am not young but I've wasted 35 yrrs on ppl that prefer their ex and am so much kinder loyal and caring a better person by far but not in their eyes so I'm done now pay attention to the rest of your relationship how does he treat u that tells u all need to know don't ignore things you r unhappy about he's already put doubts in your head making u feel second best and insecure
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