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    Ok. So where to start.

    I suppose that i should start out by saying that my boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half.

    The problem is this. Recently I realized that my boyfriend has been clearing the history on our computer (we live together) so I got worried and checked his email. I find that he is a member of several gay sex websites.

    When I confronted him about all of this he said that there was a time his in his uni years when he was curious - but he never acted on it and it went away. (Yes my b/f is a good few years older than me).

    The problem with this is that I know that he joined all those websites within the past 3 months. And most of them from my computer. His yahoo messenger is full of guys names and I never even realized he used that thing until i checked my history and saw that he had been logging on. And just today I had an instinct to log in to one of his sex sites and saw that he had emailed another member telling him that he wanted to "service" this man and that he could "host" (in my apartment, I pay for it actually i just let him stay with me). All this happened on the day I left my apartment to go visit family for the easter holiday. In fact, It happened less than a half hour after I left. I have already tried to talk to him about this.

    I am bisexual and he knows that so I dont understand why he cant tell me. I am so hurt by him hiding it from me and I feel like he is slapping me in the face with it by using my computer and my apartment while I am away. And recently we have had a serious decline in our sex life. We have always had a very active sex life and now we only have intercourse anywhere between once a week to once every three days. Like I said, I know this is normal for some people but we have always had sex at least twice a day.

    How can I confront him about this and let him know that he can be honest with me? what is the best tactic? The last time I tried he turned it around so that I was at fault for checking his things. And he lied to me. I have proof of most of it. I dont know if he has ever actually met one of these men or if he has ever had relations with another man in the past but I do have proof that he is approaching them.

    I know its an essay, but please help me!
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    I think you know the answer.
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    OK OK the title is kinda wrong.
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    This is a difficult one, but you need to tell your boyfriend that you know he's joined these websites in the past three months, so you know it's very much not a thing of his 'past'.

    Maybe he's bisexual - I mean, did you ever suspect anything before seeing this material? Whatever you do, you need to find out if he's gay or bisexual.

    You just need to talk to him and insist that you're not happy with the stuff you have come across - make it clear that it's a serious issue that needs immediate discussion.
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    (Original post by Indus1986)
    I think you know the answer.
    ditto. He's also cheating on you, never mind his lies to you regarding his sexuality.

    You should obviously dump him.
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    Wow. Ok, you need to get serious. Sit him down and tell him you are seriously suspicious that he is gay and you really just want him to be honest. Admit to snooping and maybe apologise as you did slightly invade his privacy by looking at his personal messages, but say that since he lied about the membership to those websites you have become increasingly worried. Be prepared for the worst: there might be a reasonable explanation but it sounds like he is definitely hiding something.
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    (Original post by ciara)
    Wow. Ok, you need to get serious. Sit him down and tell him you are seriously suspicious that he is gay and you really just want him to be honest. Admit to snooping and maybe apologise as you did slightly invade his privacy by looking at his personal messages, but say that since he lied about the membership to those websites you have become increasingly worried. Be prepared for the worst: there might be a reasonable explanation but it sounds like he is definitely hiding something.
    He's also cheating...
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    Hmm. Thanks for the replies so far you guys. The thing that bugs me the most in what he wrote in that email, especially "I want to service you", and in my apartment as well!

    I've never thought that he'd be gay. I mean when we met we were honest with each other, with me telling him how I was bi-curious and I guess that must have been a good cue for him to tell me he's the same but he didn't hence i assumed he wasn't.
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    You've been together for a year and half and you can't tell eachother everything? :confused: It's not real love then (or at least not from his side)? Then I say break up with him. Well, talk to him first.

    Oh. And looking through his email is rude.
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    If I was in your shoes, I'd trial-separate immediately, Minnale.
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    Surely the fact that he's pretty much cheating on you is worry enough??
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    (Original post by Duck and Cover)
    Surely the fact that he's pretty much cheating on you is worry enough??
    Haha, thats the thing, "pretty much" cheating.
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    In my opinion, what he's doing in cheating. (I realise that may not be your opinion though) I couldn't forgive cheating. You sound sure that he is gay or bi, so I think you need to have a big heart to heart with him after you've sat down on your own and figured out what YOU want to do.
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    (Original post by Minnale)
    Haha, thats the thing, "pretty much" cheating.
    He IS. Even if he has intentions to cheat (even not yet wholly embarked upon), 'servicing' this bloke in the future, that constitutes cheating. It's 'as good as', IMO.
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    Don't know why I spotted this, but inconsistencies really get to me.

    11th June 2006:
    (Original post by chloeprice)
    I suppose that i should start out by saying that my boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half. ... Like I said, I know this is normal for some people but we have always had sex at least twice a day.
    But, in this post the story is quite different: http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=239667

    8th June 2006:
    (Original post by chloeprice)
    Thankfully, as i have only met him recently, this was the only time we actually had sex...
    Care to explain?
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    He definitely loves the ****.
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    (Original post by hugatree)
    You've been together for a year and half and you can't tell eachother everything? :confused: It's not real love then (or at least not from his side)? Then I say break up with him. Well, talk to him first.

    Oh. And looking through his email is rude.
    I hate it when people say that. Like him "servicing" some guy in her apartment isn't rude?! Seriously, get some priorities! :rolleyes:
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    If he's bisexual then surely he wouldn't have a problem telling you since you're bisexual yourself?
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    Er, just to throw this back into reality, I'm sure the guy has probably just realised himself within the last 3 months and if he had a choice he wouldn't do anything to hurt his girlfriend at all, whether he is sexually attracted to her or not.
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    (Original post by generalebriety)
    Er, just to throw this back into reality, I'm sure the guy has probably just realised himself within the last 3 months and if he had a choice he wouldn't do anything to hurt his girlfriend at all, whether he is sexually attracted to her or not.
    Are you saying it's okay that he cheated on her? :confused:
 
 
 
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