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    so if he was talking to women it would be ok?? who cares about his sexuality, hes cheating on you. i would have probably strted throwing his stuff out of the window by now
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    (Original post by bunthulhu)
    Are you saying it's okay that he cheated on her? :confused:
    Are you saying it's ok either to repress his sexuality during a fragile time of his life or to dump her for it?

    I'm not saying it's ok. But it's understandable. I'm sure he didn't choose to do it, especially if he's never 'come out' to her before - he's probably just discovered it (or it's a phase) and repressing it or getting rid of her would be too painful for him. Of course, cheating on her isn't nice - but if she doesn't find out, no one gets hurt. You see the logic? I'm not condoning this at all - but if he does either of the other two she will get hurt, if he does this she may not get hurt.

    Even if he's being an idiot about it, he has her best intentions at heart.
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    (Original post by high priestess fnord)
    so if he was talking to women it would be ok??
    Well done, that's absolutely not what I said.
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    (Original post by ciara)
    Wow. Ok, you need to get serious. Sit him down and tell him you are seriously suspicious that he is gay and you really just want him to be honest. Admit to snooping and maybe apologise as you did slightly invade his privacy by looking at his personal messages, but say that since he lied about the membership to those websites you have become increasingly worried. Be prepared for the worst: there might be a reasonable explanation but it sounds like he is definitely hiding something.
    I agree.
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    (Original post by generalebriety)
    Are you saying it's ok either to repress his sexuality during a fragile time of his life or to dump her for it?
    yes 0_o

    or he could just try being honest
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    (Original post by high priestess fnord)
    yes 0_o

    or he could just try being honest
    Justify this please.

    Imagine you thought you were homosexual (I'm assuming you're straight, so just understand me if you're not :p:), had a girlfriend for about a year, then suddenly had a revelation and thought you were straight and no longer were sexually attracted to girls. What would you do? "Sorry but I'm straight"? Just pretend you're not?
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    (Original post by generalebriety)
    Justify this please.

    Imagine you thought you were homosexual (I'm assuming you're straight, so just understand me if you're not :p:), had a girlfriend for about a year, then suddenly had a revelation and thought you were straight and no longer were sexually attracted to girls. What would you do? "Sorry but I'm straight"? Just pretend you're not?
    No. I would just sit her down and tell her it had to end. That's the only ethical thing to do. This is of course, if he's gay.

    No matter if he's gay/bi/straight he shouldn't be telling other people he wants to "service" them.
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    (Original post by generalebriety)
    Justify this please.

    Imagine you thought you were homosexual (I'm assuming you're straight, so just understand me if you're not :p:), had a girlfriend for about a year, then suddenly had a revelation and thought you were straight and no longer were sexually attracted to girls. What would you do? "Sorry but I'm straight"? Just pretend you're not?
    if my partner no longer satisfied me i would be honest, dump him/her and move on. anything else just isnt fair on them.
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    (Original post by generalebriety)
    Are you saying it's ok either to repress his sexuality during a fragile time of his life or to dump her for it?

    I'm not saying it's ok. But it's understandable. I'm sure he didn't choose to do it, especially if he's never 'come out' to her before - he's probably just discovered it (or it's a phase) and repressing it or getting rid of her would be too painful for him. Of course, cheating on her isn't nice - but if she doesn't find out, no one gets hurt. You see the logic? I'm not condoning this at all - but if he does either of the other two she will get hurt, if he does this she may not get hurt.

    Even if he's being an idiot about it, he has her best intentions at heart.
    It's understandable to be gay, it's not understandable to cheat! And of course he chose to cheat! If she doesn't find it, he is taking her for a fool. If he really cared about her he would be honest with her about it instead of going behind her back and basically trying to have his cake, eat it, and hope she doesn't find out. If it was some sort of love affair (not sex) with a man where he was wrestling with his emotions, trying to come to terms with his feelings, I could understand that. But going on gay sex websites, and generally being quite explicit - including actually meeting up for gay sex in his girlfriend's apartment - seems much less like he's trying to protect his girlfriend and much more like he needs a good kick up the butt!
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    (Original post by generalebriety)
    Justify this please.

    Imagine you thought you were homosexual (I'm assuming you're straight, so just understand me if you're not :p:), had a girlfriend for about a year, then suddenly had a revelation and thought you were straight and no longer were sexually attracted to girls. What would you do? "Sorry but I'm straight"? Just pretend you're not?
    There is a massive difference between trying to pretend you're not gay and diving headfirst into it by inviting a man off a gay sex website to come and be serviced by you in your girlfriend's apartment.
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    Even if the above happened to me, which it wouldn't as I'm quite happily bisexual, I wouldn't brazenly cheat on my girlfriend (in her apartment, no less), and I can't see how this guy could justify it to himself.

    Realising you're gay doesn't make it okay to betray someone who loves and trusts you.
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    I would seriously consider dumping him, he is cheating on you
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    Dump him, never keep a cheater.
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    He is clearly cheating. He probably didn't tell you because he is ashamed. Many people are ashamed that they are homosexual/bi whatever
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    (Original post by bunthulhu)
    It's understandable to be gay, it's not understandable to cheat! And of course he chose to cheat! If she doesn't find it, he is taking her for a fool. If he really cared about her he would be honest with her about it instead of going behind her back and basically trying to have his cake, eat it, and hope she doesn't find out. If it was some sort of love affair (not sex) with a man where he was wrestling with his emotions, trying to come to terms with his feelings, I could understand that. But going on gay sex websites, and generally being quite explicit - including actually meeting up for gay sex in his girlfriend's apartment - seems much less like he's trying to protect his girlfriend and much more like he needs a good kick up the butt!
    you're spot on here.
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    (Original post by chloeprice)
    telling him that he wanted to "service" this man
    Well have you ever considered that maybe he has named his car a guys name! "Dan, i want to service you" :p:
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    (Original post by bunthulhu)
    It's understandable to be gay, it's not understandable to cheat! And of course he chose to cheat! If she doesn't find it, he is taking her for a fool. If he really cared about her he would be honest with her about it instead of going behind her back and basically trying to have his cake, eat it, and hope she doesn't find out. If it was some sort of love affair (not sex) with a man where he was wrestling with his emotions, trying to come to terms with his feelings, I could understand that. But going on gay sex websites, and generally being quite explicit - including actually meeting up for gay sex in his girlfriend's apartment - seems much less like he's trying to protect his girlfriend and much more like he needs a good kick up the butt!
    I did say I didn't condone what he did. But it's understandable over the alternatives.
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    (Original post by generalebriety)
    I did say I didn't condone what he did. But it's understandable over the alternatives.
    What, like, of not cheating? :confused:
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    Er, guys. Have none of you considered that this topic may well be a load of crap - considering the fact that the OP's story changed dramatically and entirely inconsistently in 3 days, as I pointed out on the previous page...
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    (Original post by bunthulhu)
    What, like, of not cheating? :confused:
    Eh? Bunthulhu, with all due respect, you don't seem to understand that there are two people in a relationship, and while dedicating himself to the other person might be nice, the OP's boyfriend may well be too weak-minded to do so, especially in something as world-shattering as "hold on a second, I think I might actually be gay". Sometimes that's just not possible and this seems like a perfect situation for that. And if he's too weak-minded to repress his sexuality (not that I'm sure anyone here would ask him to), then dumping his girlfriend with the excuse "I think I'm gay" wouldn't go down well either, would it?
 
 
 
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