Guys who can't 'finish' from sex

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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 7 years ago
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My boyfriend and I have been together over a year. We have had sex plenty of times but he has never ejaculated. The only time he can is when he does it himself. Even through oral sex he can't come. He says its because it feels different and it's not 'enough' to make him orgasm. I find this a bit insulting like there's something wrong with me, this has never happened before with any other guys I've been with.
It's not like he is inexperienced either as he's had 5 sexual partners before me, and says it was the same with all of them too.
We don't use condoms so it's not that (I'm on the pill, both free from STIs before someone points it out!)

Anyone have any advice? Any similar experiences? I know sex tips aren't allowed but I just need to know that this is a resolvable problem!
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Anonymous #1
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Kabloomybuzz
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I think he needs to stop masturbating until he is used to the different feel of sex. If he leaves it long enough, and you have sex often enough, it'll happen eventually. And he can't just go back to masturbation the first time it happens. The problem probably is that his grip when masturbating is too tight and fast, so he needs to lay off it an learn to gethis main source of release from sex
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unprinted
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Yes, masturbation - especially done 'hard and fast' feels very different compared to oral and vaginal sex.

I think stopping entirely would be somewhat cruel (and rather difficult) but doing it differently, in a way that feels more like other forms of sex, would help a lot.
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Beardbrah
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(Original post by Anonymous)
We have had sex plenty of times but he has never ejaculated... I find this a bit insulting like there's something wrong with me... he's had 5 sexual partners before me, and says it was the same with all of them too.
what the **** is wrong with your confidence that you would take that personally? Some guys find it difficult to ***, he even said that it was a problem with not 1, not 2, not even 3 or 4, but FIVE other ****ing partners he'd slept with. How can you take that personally with all the eivdence he has difficult with cumming?

His problem is likely both physical and psychological - he believes that he can't ***, and it's a self-fulfilling and self-propagating prophecy. Vicious cycle - can't ***, won't ***. Masturbating with a death grip is a well-known cause of difficulty in coital ejaculation. He should try to modify his masturbation habits and/or technique, and needs to relax during sex.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by HFerguson)
what the **** is wrong with your confidence that you would take that personally? Some guys find it difficult to ***, he even said that it was a problem with not 1, not 2, not even 3 or 4, but FIVE other ****ing partners he'd slept with. How can you take that personally with all the eivdence he has difficult with cumming?

His problem is likely both physical and psychological - he believes that he can't ***, and it's a self-fulfilling and self-propagating prophecy. Vicious cycle - can't ***, won't ***. Masturbating with a death grip is a well-known cause of difficulty in coital ejaculation. He should try to modify his masturbation habits and/or technique, and needs to relax during sex.
His other partners were all ONSs. I've had an ex that said he'd never come with anyone during sex apart from me because he had only ever been drunk/not into the girl much. So I kind of took it that if a guy is really into it he will come.

My boyfriend doesn't really want to discuss it. So there doesn't seem to be a solution.
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Beardbrah
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(Original post by Anonymous)
His other partners were all ONSs. I've had an ex that said he'd never come with anyone during sex apart from me because he had only ever been drunk/not into the girl much. So I kind of took it that if a guy is really into it he will come.

My boyfriend doesn't really want to discuss it. So there doesn't seem to be a solution.
Maybe he doesn't want to discuss it because it doesn't bother him or affect his enjoyment of sex - maybe he doesn't need to *** to enjoy sex? It obviously bothers you, but not because it bothers him - you're just projecting your own insecurity. If he enjoys sex and doesn't need to *** to have great sex, and you two aren't trying to get pregnant, why does it affect you?
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Kabloomybuzz
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(Original post by HFerguson)
Maybe he doesn't want to discuss it because it doesn't bother him or affect his enjoyment of sex - maybe he doesn't need to *** to enjoy sex? It obviously bothers you, but not because it bothers him - you're just projecting your own insecurity. If he enjoys sex and doesn't need to *** to have great sex, and you two aren't trying to get pregnant, why does it affect you?
Or maybe he doesn't want to discuss it because it DOES bother him but he doesn't know what to do, and talking about it makes him feel bad. If it doesn't bother him, he should be able to discuss it to openly say so.

I suppose the question is, does he.might he want children in the future... if so, its going to be a problem, and needs sorting sooner rather than later.

How does he act when you bring up the conversation?
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kunoichi
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Ive known 2 guys that couldnt do it. I was with one guy for three years and he tried to stop masturbating for a while to see if that would change anything and it didnt.

Some girls cant orgasm, some guys cant. All are completely normal.
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kunoichi
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(Original post by paprika1)
No its not normal, especially for guys. For girls is a different story, it depends on the guy .

How many days did he abstained? Guys who can reach orgasm should abstain from masturbation and p*rn for 30-90 days to see results. The days depend on the frequency of masturbation and p*rn.
I think he abstained from masturbation for about two months. No change.
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diamondsky99
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(Original post by kunoichi)
Some girls cant orgasm, some guys cant. All are completely normal.
It's not normal if you are unable to conceive a child due to not ejaculating. Yes I know that these guys are unlikely to be trying but realistically a woman would never fall pregnant if the guy was completely unable to ejaculate inside her.
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kunoichi
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(Original post by diamondsky99)
It's not normal if you are unable to conceive a child due to not ejaculating. Yes I know that these guys are unlikely to be trying but realistically a woman would never fall pregnant if the guy was completely unable to ejaculate inside her.
The solution to this is to have them masturbate until they are close then finish inside.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by diamondsky99)
It's not normal if you are unable to conceive a child due to not ejaculating. Yes I know that these guys are unlikely to be trying but realistically a woman would never fall pregnant if the guy was completely unable to ejaculate inside her.
Haha. No we're definitely not trying to conceive. If anything that fact he can't ejaculate is a bit of a blessing as I don't have to worry about pregnancy. Even if we did want to conceive there are other ways around it, how do you think surrogates do it? Or sperm donors?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by paprika1)
Make sure you still use a condom, you can get pregnant just from pre-ejaculation (its that transparent fluid).
I'm on the pill
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Thetino
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When a guy jerks off, in he's head he can be experiencing any scenario with any person, and if a guy has certain likes that he has not told his missis about... Means he gets a lot more turned on by himself.

At a guess I'd say:

A: he's hiding what really turns him on. (If so then see if he's got any fantasies or fetishes)

B: he's so used to playing out the fantasies in he's head when he's alone, that normal sex just doesn't get him going as much. (In which case he needs to think about what usually turns him on during sex too)

C:he feels awkward around you. ( least likely, as he would probably get erection problems too)


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kunoichi
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(Original post by paprika1)
Yes that could be a solution, but how will the girl feel about that?

Depends on the individual i guess, i was fine with it.
IF he still did'nt ejaculate after 2 months of abstinence, that means: he either lied about not masturbating or he needed a much longer time-frame especially if those orgasms are on p*rn with a tight grip, I would go as far as 180 days especially if he's young and been on p*rn and masturbation for 10 years.
Maybe so.
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diamondsky99
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Haha. No we're definitely not trying to conceive. If anything that fact he can't ejaculate is a bit of a blessing as I don't have to worry about pregnancy. Even if we did want to conceive there are other ways around it, how do you think surrogates do it? Or sperm donors?
My reply was to the person who said it was "normal" and I don't think it can really be classed as normal because of the whole natural way you are meant to make babies. Just like infertility isn't "normal" - it's a medical problem.

Obviously the baby making bit doesn't apply yet and of course there are ways round these things!
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tooosh
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It may be worth getting checked out by a urologist.

But I pretty much guarantee it's too much porn or too much ****ing if it works by himself. Could also be anxiety but doesn't sound like it..
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The Empire Odyssey
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#19
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(Original post by Anonymous)
My boyfriend and I have been together over a year. We have had sex plenty of times but he has never ejaculated. The only time he can is when he does it himself. Even through oral sex he can't come. He says its because it feels different and it's not 'enough' to make him orgasm. I find this a bit insulting like there's something wrong with me, this has never happened before with any other guys I've been with.
It's not like he is inexperienced either as he's had 5 sexual partners before me, and says it was the same with all of them too.
We don't use condoms so it's not that (I'm on the pill, both free from STIs before someone points it out!)

Anyone have any advice? Any similar experiences? I know sex tips aren't allowed but I just need to know that this is a resolvable problem!
What does he ejaculate off when his alone? His thoughts or does he watch pornography?

For me, when I'm with a guy I find it hard to *** without pornography because I'm just so used to cumming from porn. But when when I'm masturbating without porn it's harder to visualise.

Maybe try watching porn whilst having sex? Don't know how unethical this is whilst being in a relationship but ya know, change it up a bit! Oh and I can't *** when someone's giving me head cause it just doesn't stimulate me enough! Maybe he's penis isn't that sensitive so he finds it harder? I could get sucked off for 20-40 mins and still not ejaculate simply because it doesn't do anything for me. But when I have oral sex I can ejaculate because of the feeling perhaps. It's because mouth oral doesn't release the hormones to make me ejaculate like other oral does.

Guys will just experience different sensations - whether it's the mouth, vagina or anus. They all give different sensations.
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toukolou
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Too much ****ing and too much porn. He finds you boring, he has become accustomed to seeing many different chicks getting ****ed many times a day. He needs the variety in much the same way unfaithful men need the variety. Seeing the same red eye staring him in the face provides negligible titillation in his porn saturated daily experience.

I've known two ponces who suffered from this problem, both said the same thing.
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