The Student Room Group

Is he or is he not?

Okay. first off, this post is not intended to recieve responses from gay bashers who have too much time on there hands. That said, I'd like to introduce myself. Im a closeted bi male, 17 years old, and thats about as much as you need to know (except, i only just realised im bi because of this one guy im going to tell you about). I don't honestly intend to out myself any time soon, or ever, since i am bi.

So, lets get to the real reason for this thread. A few weeks back we had this concert in which a guy i know of has played for awhile. So, anyways, I don't actually know him. He's a year ahead of me, and is going to leave highschool forever in a few weeks. Now, i dont want to outright out myself, at all. But, i have this huge crush on him. And its not exactly the same type of crush that i've ever developed for the girls in the past. This time its different from those previous things. Despite not knowing him much, i feel hugely infatuated with him, unlike the times i liked someone gradually after having known them for awhile.

Okay, so whenever we pass by each other, which is infrequent, or i pass him by when he's eating lunch outside, our eyes meet for about a split-second. And then, me being the closeted bi that i am, i avert them. But once i actually had the nerve to grab my girl (not exactly girlfriend) and sit across the lawn from him. A distance of about 10 feet. But, anyway, i occasionally directly glanced in his direction, but still had my attention directed towards him. So, then his group of friends comes along and i begin to flirt somewhat with the girl next to me. So, eventually i think hes also flirting with this girl that sits down next to him. Or maybe its not exactly flirting, and im getting just, well, paranoid about things. Anyways, my big question is, is he possibly gay or bi? And how would i be able to get to know him in the course of a week? We don't have the same lunch (i skipped to work outside - with permission, of course:rolleyes: ) But, anyways. i need to know how i can get to know him. How i can ask around for his e-mail without looking suspicious, etc.

I am really infatuated with this guy, and am freaked out hes going to be gone in a week. Like, forever. So, i need help ASAP.

Thanks loads.

Reminder - didn't even know i was bi until i saw this guy. and probably not going to like any other guys. I've tested it by looking at other "hot guys" as some girls refer to them, and no response from me. So, it seems hes the only one. Thanks, again.

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Reply 1
erm...honestly, any help will be appreciated. thnx
Reply 2
Unfortunately ( or maybe fortunately when I think about it ) it is not possible to tell if someone is gay or not unless he is rather open about it. People who claim otherwise quite frankly don't know what they are talking about.

I'm afraid I can't help you much with your situation. On the one hand, its probably going to be rather difficult to find out if he has any interest in you without simultaneously revealing your own sexuality, on the other hand, you don't know him so letting him know could very well mean that the whole school will find out, which you may or may not be ready for.
Reply 3
Jonatan
Unfortunately ( or maybe fortunately when I think about it ) it is not possible to tell if someone is gay or not unless he is rather open about it. People who claim otherwise quite frankly don't know what they are talking about.

I'm afraid I can't help you much with your situation. On the one hand, its probably going to be rather difficult to find out if he has any interest in you without simultaneously revealing your own sexuality, on the other hand, you don't know him so letting him know could very well mean that the whole school will find out, which you may or may not be ready for.


Ah, thanks for the insight. But, well, since im not terminally gay, and not even bi really (hes the only guy that i like, at all), i dont think that'll really be much of a problem. Of course i dont want to admit to him that i like him or w.e, but still, seeing as he'll be gone soon, i want to at least get to know him, and then, maybe we'll be able to keep in touch once hes gone? At least i'd still be able to talk to him and e-mail, etc.

So, how do i get to know him? We haven't formally met, ever. So..the situation is difficult. But i REALLY want to know him. I have a friend who knows him, but how do i get to know him w.o looking weird?
Reply 4
oh, just thought i'd also mention, im not trying to get him to think i like him yet. for the moment i need to make his aquaintance, and then friendship.

but i have to do this before hes gone forever. :frown:
Reply 5
to find out his email/msn address you could search friend sites Hi5/myspace for groups and find him/ send him a message... alternatively you could find out the address of one of his female friends then find out his addresss by looking at the 'CC or Bcc' of e-mails she sends you..... you'd need a lot of luck but there are some ideas.
Reply 6
thanks for the suggestions. the e-mail idea seems promising, well, slightly. but the hi5 thing wont go over very well. he, like me, is an artist. and we dont tend to do things like that. and before people suggest we compare art, hes a musician and im a visual artist.

oh, god. life sucks sometimes.

any other suggestions? (hopeful)
Reply 7
has anybody started to sign farewell books? ask someone who knows him a lil bit to write a message and get them to tell him to write down his e-mail address... find out if he has a website.... every musician should have some internet address... try googling him???
Reply 8
oh, believe me, i tried. good idea about the yearbooks. any others?
Reply 9
i'm all out of ideas right now dude.... soz :redface:


good luck with it though :smile:
Reply 10
thanks.
Reply 11
anybody else? its alrady monday, and still no progress..

only 4 days left to befriend him.
Erm why don't you ask him to take a quiz?

You could say there's a rumour going round that he's gay and you could ask him if it's true I suppose, or say some girl likes him and test his reaction.

I think that before you go wondering about other people's sexuality you need to be comfortable with your own and come out into the open. You will only find a partner if people know how you feel about yourself.
maybe just get closer to him but not in a flirtatious kind of way. then you can find out of he's gay/bi or not. you can also maybe find out if your infatuation was just admiration or i don't know. pie.
Reply 14
Anonymous
anybody else? its alrady monday, and still no progress..

only 4 days left to befriend him.


Uhm, ok, you might think that this is a really bad idea, and maybe it is, but how about you simply tell him you like him? No, really, I'm serious. Worst thing that can happen is that you get rejected and that everyone will think you are gay. Tho I suppose you could argue that that would be a complete disaster, it might just work out rather well. Hey, I'm not claiming to be an expert on these things or anything, but have you actually considered just talking to him about it? Maybe I'm completely nuts right now seeing that I probably had just a little bit too much to drink, but well, its not that crazy , is it ?
Reply 15
GeneralOfTheSuperSubSquad
Erm why don't you ask him to take a quiz?

You could say there's a rumour going round that he's gay and you could ask him if it's true I suppose, or say some girl likes him and test his reaction.

I think that before you go wondering about other people's sexuality you need to be comfortable with your own and come out into the open. You will only find a partner if people know how you feel about yourself.


you see. i still need to become friends with him before anything happens. to answer the question of the other individual, well, maybe one day i'll find out it was just admiration. Though i dont think its just admiration, at this point. BUT, its really quite confusing since im not gay or bi, really, unless you include him.

He's the exception.

I've honestly tried to see if i am gay or bi, but i actually like girls. So, that rules out gay. But, if i was bi, would i not like other hot guys too? I mean, there are guys out there that i've been told are hot, yet i see nothing. Not even those male models or celebrities really float my boat.

Argh, he truly is the exception. But, before i make any move, as you have suggested, i really need to actually become one of his friends. Again, problems with him being a year ahead, and leaving in four days.
Yea some ppl. might not even know themselves. Closet or not. Especially at your age.
Reply 17
nope. im pretty sure im not gay or bi.

I love girls. And images of guys, etc., are a major turn-off. But, as i said before, he, for some reason, is unique.

Maybe, in this case, i didn't fall in love with the body exactly, but instead, i became attracted to his persona. Whatever the case, i need to know how i can make his aquaintance, and fast.

i.e - how do i get his e-mail w.o seeming weird? and how do i talk to him w.o really knowing him?
Reply 18
It sounds like an infatuation, and you might not want to hear this but I suspect if you got to know the guy it would dissipate into friendship.
Reply 19
Anonymous
nope. im pretty sure im not gay or bi.

I love girls. And images of guys, etc., are a major turn-off. But, as i said before, he, for some reason, is unique.

Maybe, in this case, i didn't fall in love with the body exactly, but instead, i became attracted to his persona. Whatever the case, i need to know how i can make his aquaintance, and fast.

i.e - how do i get his e-mail w.o seeming weird? and how do i talk to him w.o really knowing him?


How can you be atracted to his persona if you don't know him?