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Girls: some advice please! watch

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    Hey everyone,

    I was just looking back at my last 'relationship' (if it ever got properly to that point) and i honestly think i didnt do enough. This was partly because i was scared that if i did anything too *wow* then she would think i was making too much of an effort, or being patronising, or 'moving too fast', etc.

    So basically, i'd just like to know what all the young ladies out there think is acceptable/nice/sweet behaviour from a guy during the first month of a relationship and what isnt, because i honestly dont have a clue!

    so good or bad:

    1) Bringing her choclates and flowers on the second date?

    2) Not returning her kiss on your neck after coming bsck from the cinema (i was so shy!)

    3) Taking her to a park and laying down on the grass for an hour or so for a third date?

    4) Not going back to her house when shes offered you to come and you know no ones in.

    5) meeting up only 4 times in a month.

    6) Can't think of anymore at the moment! mayb ill put more down later
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    6) The fact that you remember these things indicates that there was some degree of pre-meditation of the wussiness on your part. You are a bad man.
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    a "bad man" is a bit harsh me thinks
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    Im a guy but anyway, youre allowed to be shy at the start, especially if its like your first girlfriend or something. I think the only downfall was the 5th point, if you dont meet up with a new gf quite frequently at the start and get a real relationship going I suppose the beginning spark can be lost pretty quickly. Anyway just be yourself and if the other person isnt compatible with that then theres no point going out anyway.
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    to be honest, I'd expect if I kissed a guy for him to return it. I'd feel a bit rejected if he didn't. Also, if I was in a relationship (and not a LDR) I'd expect to meet up more than 4 times a month... that just doesn't seem enough, somehow. However, it is only through long and bitter experience I have learnt these things, so take it as a learning curve.
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    (Original post by uz_master)
    Hey everyone,

    I was just looking back at my last 'relationship' (if it ever got properly to that point) and i honestly think i didnt do enough. This was partly because i was scared that if i did anything too *wow* then she would think i was making too much of an effort, or being patronising, or 'moving too fast', etc.

    So basically, i'd just like to know what all the young ladies out there think is acceptable/nice/sweet behaviour from a guy during the first month of a relationship and what isnt, because i honestly dont have a clue!

    so good or bad:

    1) Bringing her choclates and flowers on the second date?

    2) Not returning her kiss on your neck after coming bsck from the cinema (i was so shy!)

    3) Taking her to a park and laying down on the grass for an hour or so for a third date?

    4) Not going back to her house when shes offered you to come and you know no ones in.

    5) meeting up only 4 times in a month.

    6) Can't think of anymore at the moment! mayb ill put more down later

    Sounds like you need some advice from the guys as opposed to the girls.


    (1) And (3) Led you to the point of (4) [some like the romantic crap but some would send you straight to (5) because of (1) and (3) so be careful when you use that!] but in this senario (5) Is a direct result of what you decided in (4) and that is now why its your 'last' relationship.

    If you move to fast, a girl will tell you and will move your hands : )

    I remember some sound advice my friends dad once gave us.

    "Women are never happy, so the best thing to do is please yourself"

    and thats the principle you should work by : ) Quick as a flash she'd tell you if you were doing something wrong so no use worrying about it yourself!
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    (Original post by uz_master)
    Hey everyone,

    I was just looking back at my last 'relationship' (if it ever got properly to that point) and i honestly think i didnt do enough. This was partly because i was scared that if i did anything too *wow* then she would think i was making too much of an effort, or being patronising, or 'moving too fast', etc.

    So basically, i'd just like to know what all the young ladies out there think is acceptable/nice/sweet behaviour from a guy during the first month of a relationship and what isnt, because i honestly dont have a clue!

    so good or bad:

    1) Bringing her choclates and flowers on the second date?

    2) Not returning her kiss on your neck after coming bsck from the cinema (i was so shy!)

    3) Taking her to a park and laying down on the grass for an hour or so for a third date?

    4) Not going back to her house when shes offered you to come and you know no ones in.

    5) meeting up only 4 times in a month.

    6) Can't think of anymore at the moment! mayb ill put more down later
    1: sweet, would make me think you liked me very very much. would hope you meant it though.

    2: would make me feel a bit silly if you didn't return a kiss and i would wonder why

    3: awesome. takes the pressure out of arranging a specific activity and is just relaxing and you can both just talk and chill. would rather do this on any date than go to the cinema

    4: would assume you had your own reasons. no problem. if you invited me to your house and i said no i wouldn't expect you to mull over it so same goes the other way around.

    5: hmmmm. unless you had extremely good reasons like it was a LDR or there were just some circumstances like exams. otherwise i wouldn't like that very much.


    2 and 5 are your bigger mistakes but even then they aren't that bad.

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    1) Chocolates good, although if shes watching her weight maybe not, flowers are ok providing she doesnt have hay fever

    2) Not too bad, but not returning a snog or peck on the lips however *tut tut*

    3) Sounds nice, weather should be good though, picnic and drinks too?

    4) Mistake, spending time with her is good you have a voice if you dont wanna do anything "dirty" open your mouth and say.

    5) Big mistake, i saw my bf everyday for the first month, its important to know each other really well. Cant do that if you dont see each other.

    On the whole your attitue towards her is acceptable, but something you could of done differently. Just cos the house is empty doesnt always mean shes going to jump you. She'll understand if your nervous or not ready to get intermate yet, especially after such a short time. If she doesnt then she probabily isnt the girl for you.
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    1) Bringing her choclates and flowers on the second date? I think most girls wouls like this
    2) Not returning her kiss on your neck after coming bsck from the cinema (i was so shy!) Not so good - you need your man to be a man!
    3) Taking her to a park and laying down on the grass for an hour or so for a third date? Nice!
    4) Not going back to her house when shes offered you to come and you know no ones in. Not so great - she'll think you don't want to be alone with her or that you're scared.

    5) meeting up only 4 times in a month. Hmmm, could do with twice a week.
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    Wow, I had no idea guys mulled over this kinda stuff like girls do. Mate, stop over-analysing and move on.
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    i wouldnt say you messed up but you didnt exactly do too well either. the chocolates and flowers are sweet, i love the date in the park but you need to be more outgoing. you should have at least given her a kiss on the cheek if not a peck on the mouth, if she then wanted to go further then she would probably carry the kiss on. if she asked you to her house you should have gone you dont have to go to the bedroom you know! and even if you did it didnt mean things were going to happen. also you should have seen her a lot more than 4times a month at least twice a week if not more. apart from that yeah well done, im guessing it was your first proper relationship?
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    I still think the chocolates and flowers make you look clingy. What's she done to deserve them? Why should you bring her things like that unless she's done something similar to you? It's 'sweet' I admit, but 'sweet' makes you a good friend, rather than boyfriend imo.
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    hey everyone! well, thankyou very much for the advice, have learnt quite alot!

    Lessons ive learnt:

    always return a kiss on the neck! (i think thats what really did kill our 'fire')

    Chocolates and flowers seem 'clingy' - you're right, maybe later in the relationship is better for them

    go back to her house if she offers you to come.

    parks are goood! (i love walking!)

    4 times a month is bad - thought in fairness that was because she didnt have enough time for me, not the other way around

    Thanks alot everyone! I think the main issue i have to get over is being overtly shy even after i start 'going out' with someone, because not returning a kiss and not going to her house can only really be blamed on shyness imo.

    Anymore helpful comments on how i could be a better bf during that 1st month will be warmly appreciated!

    Thanks
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    As you're already going out I'd say you've done the hard work. Enjoy the rewards.

    Kissing, touching, holding hands, hugging and all that are perfectly normal. Think how you feel if she does those things to you. She'll feel the same when you do those to her, so do them!

    Good luck.
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    ooops! did i make it sound like we were still going out?! we aren't - thats kinda why i started this thread, just to find out where i "went wrong"

    Besides that, i do feel that i have genuine intimate issues, not with hugging or holding hands or anything like that, or even kissing, its just anything more than kissing on the cheek/lips and suddenly i go all shy. its wierd, part of me wants to go for it, and the other part is saying no.

    I think its how ive been brought up, when i was younger (and even now because i have younger bros) my parents would change chanels if we were watching a film and there was anything including kissing going on.

    Its cos my parents are strong muslims (i quit islam) and that sort of thing isnt allowed. so i think thats why i freeze whenever things get more than kissing, and i seriously have to deal with that because i think it really does put the other person off
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    1) Bringing her choclates and flowers on the second date? I think that'd be sweet... It depends where you're going and how the first date went though.

    2) Not returning her kiss on your neck after coming back from the cinema (i was so shy!)... That'd put me off, purely because I'd think you weren't interested. But it can easily be sorted by you kissing her some other time!
    3) Taking her to a park and laying down on the grass for an hour or so for a third date? Aw, a picnic would be nice- in summer.
    4) Not going back to her house when shes offered you to come and you know no ones in. Unless you had a genuine reason not to, I'd again think you weren't interested.
    5) meeting up only 4 times in a month. I've done this in past relationships... They didn't work out. You'd need to see her more often, perhaps twice a week?
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    (Original post by uz_master)
    Hey everyone,

    I was just looking back at my last 'relationship' (if it ever got properly to that point) and i honestly think i didnt do enough. This was partly because i was scared that if i did anything too *wow* then she would think i was making too much of an effort, or being patronising, or 'moving too fast', etc.

    So basically, i'd just like to know what all the young ladies out there think is acceptable/nice/sweet behaviour from a guy during the first month of a relationship and what isnt, because i honestly dont have a clue!

    so good or bad:

    1) Bringing her choclates and flowers on the second date?

    2) Not returning her kiss on your neck after coming bsck from the cinema (i was so shy!)

    3) Taking her to a park and laying down on the grass for an hour or so for a third date?

    4) Not going back to her house when shes offered you to come and you know no ones in.

    5) meeting up only 4 times in a month.

    6) Can't think of anymore at the moment! mayb ill put more down later
    1) A lot of girls would love this (I certainly would!) But maybe if you wanted to be cautious, just some chocolate - perhaps not even a fancy box, just a big bar of something you know she likes, maybe something that you can eat together, in the cinema say?

    2)You're allowed to be shy, that's ok.

    3) I did this on my first date with my current bf (been together 18 months!) It was lovely, very romantic, and gave us an excuse to cuddle up, as it was the middle of December. Maybe not such a good idea if you're still getting to know the girl, but if you've been friends with her for a while, tis a fairly romantic gesture!

    4) I don't think that's bad. Might embarrass her a little, but its better than rushing in to anything, which most girls would appriciate. If she asked you again, at least go with her, doesn't necessarily mean you have to do anything.

    5) Depends on your reasons. If you're busy with uni/school/work etc, then its fine to only see each other on weekends or whatever. Or if you both only want to see each other a few times, that's fine. If you can't be bothered to see her more, then its not so good.

    Don't be scared of being too romantic :P
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    The only thing I'd say is what others have said.. if she invites you in to her house then go, and if you don't wanna do anything then just say

    Trouble with all of this is that it depends whether the girl's into the whole mind games thing! Personally I don't think chocs and flowers on the 2nd date are too clingy, I actually think it's really sweet and a nice idea. Same with the park.. I'd love that as a date. But it depends on the girl cos some of my friends, for example, would think it was maybe too clingy. But to be honest, I'd say just try and be yourself, take it as a learning experience, and you're not going far wrong... from what you've said you're a far better guy than many I've been on dates with hehe!
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    Hi, I agree with what people have said about most things, apart from 5, at the start of relationships I like to space it out a bit, maybe that's just me though!
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    Thanks for all the comments! This has been really helpful.

    I think Girlie has a good point, that it did come across that i wasn't really interested. That wasnt what i was intending to show, because i genuinely was interested in her... was just overly shy!

    Thanks aswell shinnyhappy, i think i was treating it a little too much like we had been out for a year or something, thanks for saying the things i did werent so bad!

    mellow-yellow, you've made alot of sense to me because reading all these posts, some girls think i was a bad bf to my ex, whilst others think i did ok! So i think you're right when you say it really depends if the girls into "the whole mind games thing!". hopefully i will find someone who finds me sweet and not uninterested!

    Thanks everyone! x
 
 
 
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