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Is She Messing Me About?
Ok Been dating this girl for a month. I've fallen in love with her and according to her words she loves me to. It was our 1 month anniversary today and at 1am she said it her self for the first time she loved me.
Its a long distance relationship so she came down to be with me yesterday and we had the most amazing time and then today we had a great time as well all until we went to a park.
Basiclly theres a guy who calls her every day as she has been arranged to marry him. SHe used to like him and he constantly calls her every day to keep in touch and according to her she only talks to him to keep the peace towards both familied. He flirts with her and she flrits with him in the convos and she cant change that as hell get suspcious.
She says she has no feelings for him and I have to belvie her.
Anyway she did tell me about this guy from the day we met and got close but today I found out shes actually engaged to him. Last eyar he came down and proposed to her and according to her she just said yes because she went through a rough time with an accident and stuff and was in avunerable situation.
She says she doesnt have no feelings for him what so ever and she didnt know what to do but she wants to be with me.
When she returned to her city, he called as she left and then as she arrived he called again and I told her to call me before she ogt off the coach but she didnt until she got home and then she said another guy friend called to ask for advice on food before exam (who she was really close with in the past) and then she said she was going as she was texting another mate whos a guy and said she will call back. Since then shes come online and hasnt called or messaged me online.
Before she left she told me she loved me but I just cant read her.
When we spoke for the lengthy 2 horus today she did have tears in her eyes and the teras did fall 3-4 times. She also said at onew stage when she saw how bad I took the engagement to just walk away but she didnt want that for herself, she wanted it for me for her happiness.
What should I do, as ive fallen for her?
Its a long distance relationship so she came down to be with me yesterday and we had the most amazing time and then today we had a great time as well all until we went to a park.
Basiclly theres a guy who calls her every day as she has been arranged to marry him. SHe used to like him and he constantly calls her every day to keep in touch and according to her she only talks to him to keep the peace towards both familied. He flirts with her and she flrits with him in the convos and she cant change that as hell get suspcious.
She says she has no feelings for him and I have to belvie her.
Anyway she did tell me about this guy from the day we met and got close but today I found out shes actually engaged to him. Last eyar he came down and proposed to her and according to her she just said yes because she went through a rough time with an accident and stuff and was in avunerable situation.
She says she doesnt have no feelings for him what so ever and she didnt know what to do but she wants to be with me.
When she returned to her city, he called as she left and then as she arrived he called again and I told her to call me before she ogt off the coach but she didnt until she got home and then she said another guy friend called to ask for advice on food before exam (who she was really close with in the past) and then she said she was going as she was texting another mate whos a guy and said she will call back. Since then shes come online and hasnt called or messaged me online.
Before she left she told me she loved me but I just cant read her.
When we spoke for the lengthy 2 horus today she did have tears in her eyes and the teras did fall 3-4 times. She also said at onew stage when she saw how bad I took the engagement to just walk away but she didnt want that for herself, she wanted it for me for her happiness.
What should I do, as ive fallen for her?
Scroll to see replies
Reply 1
From what you say in the above post and have in other posts, it seems she has been honest with you, thus it depends won what you want and think, i.e. do you want this type of relationship?, do you think it has a future?
Reply 2
Anonymous
She says she doesnt have no feelings for him
She says she doesnt have no feelings for him
Did she say it like that... if so the double negative might have been a sneaky ploy!
Either way, don't let yourself be messed about. Make it abundantly clear that she can't have her cake and eat it and that you need to know where you stand. Be firm but kind basically.
Some people will quite happily string you along until it doesn't suit them any longer...
Reply 3
I dont know how to read her or any gal no more, Before I was so confident until my last relationship I got it so wrong after in a 1 year relationship.
She just got on msn and said she was sending a reply to my email but she didnt.
Then she said she texted her guy mate when she was comming home asking about some flats and he texted back asking where she was and she told her she was comming home so he texted back aksing her to come over for dinenr but she refused and she told me this - GF says: I said No (a) (angel face)
GF says:
ill go over tomorrom
No why is she telling me these kidn of stuff as well?
She just got on msn and said she was sending a reply to my email but she didnt.
Then she said she texted her guy mate when she was comming home asking about some flats and he texted back asking where she was and she told her she was comming home so he texted back aksing her to come over for dinenr but she refused and she told me this - GF says: I said No (a) (angel face)
GF says:
ill go over tomorrom
No why is she telling me these kidn of stuff as well?
Reply 4
Mkae you jealous?
Reply 5
oops.. I meant make you jealous
Reply 6
Anonymous
I dont know how to read her or any gal no more, Before I was so confident until my last relationship I got it so wrong after in a 1 year relationship.
She just got on msn and said she was sending a reply to my email but she didnt.
Then she said she texted her guy mate when she was comming home asking about some flats and he texted back asking where she was and she told her she was comming home so he texted back aksing her to come over for dinenr but she refused and she told me this - GF says: I said No (a) (angel face)
GF says:
ill go over tomorrom
No why is she telling me these kidn of stuff as well?
She just got on msn and said she was sending a reply to my email but she didnt.
Then she said she texted her guy mate when she was comming home asking about some flats and he texted back asking where she was and she told her she was comming home so he texted back aksing her to come over for dinenr but she refused and she told me this - GF says: I said No (a) (angel face)
GF says:
ill go over tomorrom
No why is she telling me these kidn of stuff as well?
you seem to be over analysing everything she does
Reply 7
Anonymous
you seem to be over analysing everything she does
Yeah I am deeply analysising everything as im scared what happened in my last relationship will repeat. Last one I spent over a year in one where my g/f didnt give me the love I gave her and she coudlnt deal with pressue down to family so she finished it.
She told me in person today she would send me chat conversations with her fiance to proove and make things easier on my mind. So hopefully after shes off the phone she will send it and then I can see whats going on.
Reply 8
Anonymous
Yeah I am deeply analysising everything as im scared what happened in my last relationship will repeat. Last one I spent over a year in one where my g/f didnt give me the love I gave her and she coudlnt deal with pressue down to family so she finished it.
She told me in person today she would send me chat conversations with her fiance to proove and make things easier on my mind. So hopefully after shes off the phone she will send it and then I can see whats going on.
She told me in person today she would send me chat conversations with her fiance to proove and make things easier on my mind. So hopefully after shes off the phone she will send it and then I can see whats going on.
but is that necesarly a good thing? wouldnt tht give u mre to worry about, for example what she means by a word may not be what you mean
Reply 10
zain88
tell her that you will wait for her while she clears things with family and her fiance then you will be in a proper relationship with her. back off for now and just be her close friend. you're making yourself extremely vulnerable to hurt.
Update -
Last night I asked for the chat log but she instead asked me to call. When I called she was chatting to the guy shes enaged to. He was having at a go at her for always being busy and not having time or making effort with him no more. She said we just dont click and mayb we should end things to him and speak to the family but she asked him what to do (as she didnt want to be the one breaking it off, family would blame her as shes tried before to end it).
So now all the truth is fully out and im in love with this girl and she told me on our 1 month anniversary that shes in love with me.
Shes calling her fiance up tonight to discuss what was left today, I want to stay about but im just hoping she sorts this nonsense out with her fiance.
Her fiance was ocmplaining yesterday on the phone about another guy who keeps contacting her (he was the friend who she got close to when she was out of hospital and he was there for her. SHe developed feelings for him but they died in 2 weeks and now she just feels the friendship has to stay as he done so much for her). I was kind of uncomfortable with this earlier as he contacted every day to say somthing or the other but now I trust her about this one.
I think I need to change some parts of myself as I feel sometimes insecure too easily but I live in a total different environment then she does (im at home, shes at halls) so naturally it will be different. Like she told me she was going to this guys house for a meal he is cooking for her as she liked it last time, and when she told me I felt a bit weird but when I thought about it, I was ok.
Reply 12
pumpkin7
can you fall in love in a month?
mm.
mm.
I don't see why not?
Reply 15
HagerVor
wasn't there a thread like this the other day???
Oh well I think its all over now. She was actinging all cold with me today so I asked her why, and she feels shes amkign the wrong decissions and she has too much to juggle to worry about emotions and she cant give me the love and care as shes too emotionally drained. So she said tommorow she will discuss the enagement thing with parents and try to end it and if not me and her will be finished.
I feel so ****ing stupid, I was aware of the **** before hand but she kept choosing me and now that we got even closer she just pushed me off.
Yesterday she promsies me she will be with me when she gets back 3 months back and today shes saying we might have to end things on wedneday. I told her if u did end it with me, it has to be in person. She was saying that would be really hard and stuff, like shes already planning to do that. She said shes not sure but it sure seems like it.
Reply 16
Just forget it and her, were all too young to get wrapped up in that kind of ****. I know it sounds a bit lame but there are plenty more fish in the sea and you sound like an alright guy so just get going.
why are you wasting so much time and energy on her? im sure she's lovely and im sure you like each other a lot, but you're taking it sooooo seriously! you're young, stop taking it like you're going to marry the girl. realistically, you're not. when you have feelings for someone its sometimes hard to differentiate between lust/infatuation/love/crush. if you were in love with her you wouldn't be so doubtful and analytical. you spend more time being upset and worried than you spend being happy. why are you in this relationship if it doesn't make you happy? it's not like a marriage where you have to work hard to make it work sometimes. you can let go you know. chill out, have fun!!!!!
Reply 18
zain88
why are you wasting so much time and energy on her? im sure she's lovely and im sure you like each other a lot, but you're taking it sooooo seriously! you're young, stop taking it like you're going to marry the girl. realistically, you're not. when you have feelings for someone its sometimes hard to differentiate between lust/infatuation/love/crush. if you were in love with her you wouldn't be so doubtful and analytical. you spend more time being upset and worried than you spend being happy. why are you in this relationship if it doesn't make you happy? it's not like a marriage where you have to work hard to make it work sometimes. you can let go you know. chill out, have fun!!!!!
The reason is its Lon Distance. In person were always happy but on phone it just gets complicated.
your girl is asian right? im an asian girl. i know lots of asian girls. i want to tell you that there are some similar traits between some of them. they (we!) can usually be very manipulative, ie mess with people's minds. it's the reason i'm not close with a lot of asian girls, lots of them are so cunning and just plain b*tches! i know scores and scores of asian girls personally who mess a lot of guys about. or at least chase them, lead them on then ditch them. its a common scenario that they have pressures from family and use a bf as a scapegoat and a release, sometimes they do it to be rebellious. no this is not generalising no this is not stereotyping blah blah blah, it's just what i see commonly among asian girls. steer clear from the mess she is dragging you into for no reason. have some dignity and say to her that you are not going to get involved in her messy business because really you don't have any responsibility to. tell her to sort it out. be her friend through it. it will take A LOT for her to stand up to her family because this probably means they will no longer accept her and they will make life difficult for her. it's already obvious she won't do it. therefore in my eyes the chances of her giving up her fiance for you are slim. the fact you have only been dating one month and its an LDR makes those chances even slimmer.
having said all that, it's very difficult to comment on an individual situation because it could be different from the way i'm perceiving it. i can only comment as far as my judgement of your posts allows me to. so i apologise in advance because in no way do i mean to say i am perfectly right. it's what i see commonly and therefore i am only assuming your case is similar to those.
having said all that, it's very difficult to comment on an individual situation because it could be different from the way i'm perceiving it. i can only comment as far as my judgement of your posts allows me to. so i apologise in advance because in no way do i mean to say i am perfectly right. it's what i see commonly and therefore i am only assuming your case is similar to those.
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