"Where are you from originally?" - Ugh! Not that question again!

But why's it bad? Someone's background is a talking point. My own parents are white immigrants, admittedly not very interesting ones (English speaking). I wish people would ask me

Instead they occasionally ask about my first name, which isn't very English, and I have to sadly admit that it is for no interesting/exotic reason, my parents just liked that name

.

http://therearenoothers.wordpress.com/2011/12/28/othering-101-what-is-othering/

The point is, every time you treat an ethnic minority differently (even if just because you honestly think they might have an interesting background) it's giving the impression that you think they are actually different. It's like they're defined by their background (or it's somehow so important that you must bring it up as the first thing in a conversation). They become "that Indian girl from Mumbai" or "that Arab boy with the exotic background" instead of just "that girl/boy." That other person.

An interesting first name is totally different... people haven't been treated differently due to their first name for eons on end. Nor is there still an issue with "first-name-ism" today* and people don't have to worry about it. I'm sure you can see where I'm coming from.

*Unless you're Katie Hopkins

I understand the concept and see where you're coming from.

But don't get the wrong impression - it's not like the first thing I ask people, I would wait until there is rapport.

Some people "other" ethnic minorities by awkwardly ignoring their background, name, accent, family, cultural references, languages etc because they feel embarrassed that someone isn't white - surely that is a worse case of "othering"?

This question completely infuriates me!

I've just been to a formal black-tie event where I was the only "dark" guy there. That's not out of the ordinary - that's been common throughout life, being born and bred here of course.

Yet, today, the question "where are you from originally" kept on popping up. I couldn't tell if the person asking it was a "white liberal" or a "white non-liberal". I was asked this question more than 5 times by 5 different persons.

With the first person, I continued smiling politely and replied "Well, my parents (with a verbal stress on "my parents") are from Nigeria, but I (verbal stress) was born here." I believe the verbal stresses sent the message across that I was irritated by a pointless question.

With the second person, I began to get slightly irritated. I now grinned, but replied with the same response as above, but through slightly gritted teeth. My annoyance was successfully conveyed.

Then I milled around again, mixing with the crowd. The question came up again "Where are you from originally then?" My patience was wearing thin. I answered tersely: "From Africa. I'm obviously from Africa." I also rolled my eyes. That conversation ended almost as quickly as it began.

Then came the fourth. I'd lost all patience and I just decided to play with the silly question-askers, whether they were well-meaning liberals or non-liberals. This time, I answered with a question, thereby visibly embarrassing the asker (he actually blushed): "Why? Where are you from originally?" He replied (after much spluttering) "Eh..well, Britain." But I didn't stop there. "And before that?" I asked? He frowned, confused. Others also frowned, mostly in embarrassment. I answered for him - "Maybe from somewhere in mainland Europe, perhaps? And before that? Maybe from somewhere a bit further south? Oh look, now we get to Africa. So, it seems that, should you subscribe to the "Out-of Africa" theory, we're both originally from the same place." I rolled my eyes and shook my head. Conversation over, I walked away.

Patience completely gone, I ripped apart the last person. First came the question. Then my prepared answer - "From my father's testicles. Why, were you originally from somewhere else?"

In short

Why do people ask these irritating questions? I know nothing about the little West African country that my parents came from (for the purposes of business expansion by the way, not for "honey and streets paved with gold") and care little for it. I was born and bred here. I can give you nothing on the country's history except some Wikipedia regurgitations or the like from history books. Little knowledge about the culture and little interest in the food (strict "health-freak" diet doesn't permit such indulgence). So why the pointless question? It's irritating and is a great affront to my very core.

The question doesn't even make scientific sense - I can't originally be from somewhere that I've never even set foot in (even whilst in the womb), unless of course, the asker clearly means to ask "So what country did your parents originate from?" To ask "Where am I from originally, immediately seems to almost demote my citizenship status, which is greatly outrageous. And I cannot tell whether it's well-meaning liberals seeking an answer or trying to make conversation or a non-liberal with an agenda.

I know what you mean OP I get that question every now and again, and its not the question as such. Asking where I'm from is just small talk, and I'll answer with I'm from Britain, I was born here etc. What I find annoying is when they act surprised by it, and when they keep going
Where are you from?
Britain
Oh well where are your parents from?
Britain.....
Grandparents?
and it just keeps going until they find something ethnic and go, "oh that's interesting!" (or saying some bull**** like "oh yes I could tell by "insert stupid reason like my non exsistant Caribbean accent")
I also get annoyed when I tell them my grandparents are from the Caribbean, the conversation is just dropped after that. When there's no follow up of "have you ever been there......I was wondering if this i true about......I know someone from there....I've been there myself" Type of thing, when they just find out and then drop it, I get annoyed, because it's just like why did you ask then? When I'm met with that its hard not to take it as the person saying "Hi, Iv'e noticed you're not white, but you don't have the right accent, care to explain that to me? It doesn't help when your the only black person in the room at the time,because you do feel signalled out, and some people are ********s about it when you don't immediately say you were born in Africa (Iv'e been called a liar several times when I insisted I and my parents were born and bred here). Some people are generally curious for the right reasons and want to maybe talk to me about a holiday they took in the place they assume I'm from that's ok to a certain extent, but when they pry an innocent question can suddenly turn into an interrogation about whether your British (or ethnic) enough for them.

I work at a fast food restaurant in the Slough area and someone asked me if I spoke Polish the other day. I was mega confused - and one of the guys who is Polish and works in the kitchen was like 'don't be silly, just because she's white doesn't make her Polish''

I'm British but I think we have Italian Jewish heritage.

+repped for truth.

I speak with a normal British accent (RP, actually) and don't dress in an "ethnic" way at all. Yet the first question I am always asked is "Where are you from?" And then when I answer my home city - "No, where are you ORIGINALLY from?" like they're trying to insist there is something weird about me.

It may sometimes be well meaning but sometimes, frankly, it just feels like someone's trying to treat you differently based solely on your race. Otherisation.

Even if someone is just trying to make polite conversation, the way to do it is not to make a big deal about "OMG UR SKIN COLOUR IS DIFFERENT 1111" for ages. If I want to mention my ethnicity I'll bring it up. It shouldn't be such a major thing that it's a talking point. ​Why does it matter which country my parents were born in?