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Boyfriend still sees his ex...
Ok, so I've been with my boyfriend for almost 6 months, and things are going really well. 5 months before we got together, he broke up with his girlfriend of 3 years..I say 'he' but it was actually a mutual agreement, they both decided they weren't getting anything out of the relationship anymore. Anyway, they still see each other as friends, maybe once a month or every couple of weeks they meet up for a chat and a quick drink during the day on campus (despite breaking up, they ended up at the same uni).
She is in a new relationship too and seems happy with her new boyf. However, on a few occasions, I've seen the way she acts with my boyfriend and I don't like it...we were at a club once and she wouldn't leave him alone...she also seems manipulative and despite seeming happy in her new relationship, she often shouts at her new boyfriend. From my perspective, she still has feelings for my boyfriend and is having trouble 'letting go'. I imagine her new boyfriend is just there to keep her busy and if she could, she would have my boyfriend back.
Basically, I don't like the fact that my boyfriend still meets up with her. I would never tell him not to or give him an ultimatum, but he knows I feel uncomfortable about it. We've chatted about it a few times and he says there's nothing to worry about - he doesn't have feelings for her anymore, and it's just like a normal friendship. I just can't seem to understand how someone can suddenly 'switch off' from being in a long term relationship to just being friends. I do trust him 100%, I know he wouldn't mess me around or cheat on me - but surely it's just natural for me to feel annoyed and upset that he still sees her? What do you guys think? Not looking for an answer, just some general perspectives really.
Thanks.
She is in a new relationship too and seems happy with her new boyf. However, on a few occasions, I've seen the way she acts with my boyfriend and I don't like it...we were at a club once and she wouldn't leave him alone...she also seems manipulative and despite seeming happy in her new relationship, she often shouts at her new boyfriend. From my perspective, she still has feelings for my boyfriend and is having trouble 'letting go'. I imagine her new boyfriend is just there to keep her busy and if she could, she would have my boyfriend back.
Basically, I don't like the fact that my boyfriend still meets up with her. I would never tell him not to or give him an ultimatum, but he knows I feel uncomfortable about it. We've chatted about it a few times and he says there's nothing to worry about - he doesn't have feelings for her anymore, and it's just like a normal friendship. I just can't seem to understand how someone can suddenly 'switch off' from being in a long term relationship to just being friends. I do trust him 100%, I know he wouldn't mess me around or cheat on me - but surely it's just natural for me to feel annoyed and upset that he still sees her? What do you guys think? Not looking for an answer, just some general perspectives really.
Thanks.
Reply 1
trust me you can be in a long-term relationship and then go to just being really good friends. especially in my case or as you've said above it was a mutual decision
yes, it is natural for you to be annoyed and upset- when i was dealin, she had a close male friend (opefully nutin there) but that did piss me off none the less
yes, it is natural for you to be annoyed and upset- when i was dealin, she had a close male friend (opefully nutin there) but that did piss me off none the less
Its def natural. My boyfriend stays in touch with a girl he once went out with, their familys are always in touch. You just gotta accept. I just figure he's with me and that's enough. Trust me theres nothing wrong you can trust him 100% so no prob. Its just instiinct to get a teeny bot jelouse
Reply 3
I was in the same situation (only my girlfriend was seeing her Ex) for a long time. I felt the same as you, in that i was really uncomfortable with it, but didnt want to stop her seeing him. I felt really paranoid about it, although i really did trust her. At first i just delt with it, but it kinda gets worse over time. So i asked if i could go along with her, which gave her two options. She could have said no, in which case i would have known something was up. Or she could have said yes (which she did) and i would be more at ease. So, after a few outtings with her and her Ex it became apparent that her Ex did like her and seemed to rather riled about me being with her while he was around :/ it got to the point where he just got so annoyed with it that he stopped seeing her totally.
Maybe your situation isnt exactly the same, but you could give it a try. See what happens. And keep me posted
Maybe your situation isnt exactly the same, but you could give it a try. See what happens. And keep me posted
Reply 4
He didn't just 'switch off' his feelings, they broke up 5 months before you guys started seeing each other...people's feelings can change a lot during that time. If he didn't want to be with you, i'm sure he would've said something. But it is perfectly natural to feel like that, just remember he's with you now and if neither of them were getting anything from their relationship, its likely that they wouldn't gain anything from trying again. Keep your chin up, he's still with you
Reply 5
Anonymous
I was in the same situation (only my girlfriend was seeing her Ex) for a long time. I felt the same as you, in that i was really uncomfortable with it, but didnt want to stop her seeing him. I felt really paranoid about it, although i really did trust her. At first i just delt with it, but it kinda gets worse over time. So i asked if i could go along with her, which gave her two options. She could have said no, in which case i would have known something was up. Or she could have said yes (which she did) and i would be more at ease. So, after a few outtings with her and her Ex it became apparent that her Ex did like her and seemed to rather riled about me being with her while he was around :/ it got to the point where he just got so annoyed with it that he stopped seeing her totally.
Maybe your situation isnt exactly the same, but you could give it a try. See what happens. And keep me posted
Maybe your situation isnt exactly the same, but you could give it a try. See what happens. And keep me posted
I did think about asking if I could go along...but then thought better of it. Hearing them reminiscing about 'old times' could be more damaging than just knowing he's meeting up with her for a chat.
Reply 6
trust me im in the same place here, but i am the ex girlfriend. well, i was with him 3 and half years and i can reassure you now, you can just be good friends. if my ex got with another girl id be happy for him, but we wouldnt stop seeing each other for her! and just because of the way she acts with him does not mean she still likes him. Just feel reassured, you can just be friends with your ex, especially when you have been with them so long!
Reply 7
This is why it's not a good idea to get with someone 5 months after they end a 3 year relationship.
He's with you, not her, you'll have to get over it else it'll ruin your relationship with him.
He's with you, not her, you'll have to get over it else it'll ruin your relationship with him.
Well one ex I still meet up with and sleep with him, while another I still meet up with but we really are just friends...so it is possible!
You're right, after such a long relationship you can't just turn feelings off. This is exactly why they are remaining friends. They made a mutual decision, clearly they knew what they wanted, but you still care about the other person. It doesn't mean they want each other back, but you must accept that after 3 years together there is still a bond there. I know it must be hard, but try to see it as any other kind of friendship - be confident. Even if she does want him back, the feeling clearly isn't mutual or they'd probably have worked it out and be together now. If you'd been with someone for that long you'd probably know if you were getting an 'I want you' vibe from them!
Trust your boyfriend and be honest with him about how you feel, and expect the same in return. It's a hard situation but it's all you can do really - don't let something like this ruin what you have with your boyfriend.
You're right, after such a long relationship you can't just turn feelings off. This is exactly why they are remaining friends. They made a mutual decision, clearly they knew what they wanted, but you still care about the other person. It doesn't mean they want each other back, but you must accept that after 3 years together there is still a bond there. I know it must be hard, but try to see it as any other kind of friendship - be confident. Even if she does want him back, the feeling clearly isn't mutual or they'd probably have worked it out and be together now. If you'd been with someone for that long you'd probably know if you were getting an 'I want you' vibe from them!
Trust your boyfriend and be honest with him about how you feel, and expect the same in return. It's a hard situation but it's all you can do really - don't let something like this ruin what you have with your boyfriend.
Reply 9
Well i would let him know of your concerns but i am sure if he truely loves you he would ignore any advances his ex would make and brush it off
Reply 11
Anonymous
Ok, so I've been with my boyfriend for almost 6 months, and things are going really well. 5 months before we got together, he broke up with his girlfriend of 3 years..I say 'he' but it was actually a mutual agreement, they both decided they weren't getting anything out of the relationship anymore. Anyway, they still see each other as friends, maybe once a month or every couple of weeks they meet up for a chat and a quick drink during the day on campus (despite breaking up, they ended up at the same uni).
She is in a new relationship too and seems happy with her new boyf. However, on a few occasions, I've seen the way she acts with my boyfriend and I don't like it...we were at a club once and she wouldn't leave him alone...she also seems manipulative and despite seeming happy in her new relationship, she often shouts at her new boyfriend. From my perspective, she still has feelings for my boyfriend and is having trouble 'letting go'. I imagine her new boyfriend is just there to keep her busy and if she could, she would have my boyfriend back.
Basically, I don't like the fact that my boyfriend still meets up with her. I would never tell him not to or give him an ultimatum, but he knows I feel uncomfortable about it. We've chatted about it a few times and he says there's nothing to worry about - he doesn't have feelings for her anymore, and it's just like a normal friendship. I just can't seem to understand how someone can suddenly 'switch off' from being in a long term relationship to just being friends. I do trust him 100%, I know he wouldn't mess me around or cheat on me - but surely it's just natural for me to feel annoyed and upset that he still sees her? What do you guys think? Not looking for an answer, just some general perspectives really.
Thanks.
She is in a new relationship too and seems happy with her new boyf. However, on a few occasions, I've seen the way she acts with my boyfriend and I don't like it...we were at a club once and she wouldn't leave him alone...she also seems manipulative and despite seeming happy in her new relationship, she often shouts at her new boyfriend. From my perspective, she still has feelings for my boyfriend and is having trouble 'letting go'. I imagine her new boyfriend is just there to keep her busy and if she could, she would have my boyfriend back.
Basically, I don't like the fact that my boyfriend still meets up with her. I would never tell him not to or give him an ultimatum, but he knows I feel uncomfortable about it. We've chatted about it a few times and he says there's nothing to worry about - he doesn't have feelings for her anymore, and it's just like a normal friendship. I just can't seem to understand how someone can suddenly 'switch off' from being in a long term relationship to just being friends. I do trust him 100%, I know he wouldn't mess me around or cheat on me - but surely it's just natural for me to feel annoyed and upset that he still sees her? What do you guys think? Not looking for an answer, just some general perspectives really.
Thanks.
Well they did go out for 3 years, how can you expect her not to have any feelings for your boyfriend? They've experienced many things together I suppose during that time. No one can ever 'switch off' as such but maybe there just wasn't a spark anymore between them anymore. It happens.
I still talk to a few of my ex's but they look out for me and vice-versa. Theres still feelings - but not sensual feelings like fancying them, or wanting to be back together or anything like that, but feelings of wanting to be there for them and to look out for them. Anyone in my opinion who has been in a relationship and mutually break it off are always more than just friends to the people involved, whom can feel like they can confide in one another and usually it does strike their new partners to feel annoyed and to be jealous but they have no need to be, and you'll learn this along the way.
I can come across like his ex girlfriend sometimes when out because I'd see someone who I would have went out with and go over and talk to them with their new girlfriend beside them and it wouldn't phase me in the slightest and I could even end up sitting on their knee or something and having a laugh, but its unintentional to annoy their girlfriend if you know what I mean. Or you could look at the perspective of the ex girlfriend maybe shes not used to seeing him with another person not meaning she fancies them again but 3 years was a long time. I've felt like that and I'm sure plenty other people male and female even on this board has felt it at one point.
But I do wish you and your boyfriend all the luck in the world
Don't let her attitude get between you, maybe attempt to become friends with her yourself - you could gossip about your boyfriend 
hehe - but seriously don't let it get to you x
Ok, so I've been with my boyfriend for almost 6 months, and things are going really well. 5 months before we got together, he broke up with his girlfriend of 3 years..I say 'he' but it was actually a mutual agreement, they both decided they weren't getting anything out of the relationship anymore. Anyway, they still see each other as friends, maybe once a month or every couple of weeks they meet up for a chat and a quick drink during the day on campus (despite breaking up, they ended up at the same uni).
She is in a new relationship too and seems happy with her new boyf. However, on a few occasions, I've seen the way she acts with my boyfriend and I don't like it...we were at a club once and she wouldn't leave him alone...she also seems manipulative and despite seeming happy in her new relationship, she often shouts at her new boyfriend. From my perspective, she still has feelings for my boyfriend and is having trouble 'letting go'. I imagine her new boyfriend is just there to keep her busy and if she could, she would have my boyfriend back.
Basically, I don't like the fact that my boyfriend still meets up with her. I would never tell him not to or give him an ultimatum, but he knows I feel uncomfortable about it. We've chatted about it a few times and he says there's nothing to worry about - he doesn't have feelings for her anymore, and it's just like a normal friendship. I do trust him 100%, I know he wouldn't mess me around or cheat on me - but surely it's just natural for me to feel annoyed and upset that he still sees her? What do you guys think? Not looking for an answer, just some general perspectives really.
Thanks.
She is in a new relationship too and seems happy with her new boyf. However, on a few occasions, I've seen the way she acts with my boyfriend and I don't like it...we were at a club once and she wouldn't leave him alone...she also seems manipulative and despite seeming happy in her new relationship, she often shouts at her new boyfriend. From my perspective, she still has feelings for my boyfriend and is having trouble 'letting go'. I imagine her new boyfriend is just there to keep her busy and if she could, she would have my boyfriend back.
Basically, I don't like the fact that my boyfriend still meets up with her. I would never tell him not to or give him an ultimatum, but he knows I feel uncomfortable about it. We've chatted about it a few times and he says there's nothing to worry about - he doesn't have feelings for her anymore, and it's just like a normal friendship. I do trust him 100%, I know he wouldn't mess me around or cheat on me - but surely it's just natural for me to feel annoyed and upset that he still sees her? What do you guys think? Not looking for an answer, just some general perspectives really.
Thanks.
If it helps at all i was with my ex for 3 years before geting together with my current boyfriend and I have no feelings for my ex what-so-ever, infact i can't believe i wasted so much time on him. But i understand where you're coming from, even if she does still have feelings for him, it seems quite obvious to me that he doesn't have feelings for her still, if he did why don't they just get back together? You know what blokes are like, she could wear a big banner around her neck saying "i love you" and he probably still wouldn't realise she liked him!
I just can't seem to understand how someone can suddenly 'switch off' from being in a long term relationship to just being friends.
It depends how it ended i suppose. As I'v already said i have no feelings for my ex what so ever, but i knew that I'd stopped loving him a long time before we split up, after 3 years sometimes it's more of a routine things, you're just used to being together and it's too much hassel to break up, you're not actually together because you want to be.
In all I don't think you have anything to worry about, I don't know what his ex is like but maybe you could talk to her? Explain that you understand that they're still friends and they've both moved on but you want to be sure that she doesn't still have feelings for him?
Reply 13
I would tell the bitch to lay off my man...tell her to make like a tree and leave.
if you know that he would never cheat on you then you shouldnt be worried. 5 months is a long time to get over someone and if they hadnt been getting much out of their relationship then perhaps he got over her way before then. you should trust your boyfriend, if you dont then why are you with him? me and my boyfriend both talk to our exs and we are completely comfortable with it as we know that we wouldnt get back with them or cheat on each other.
Reply 15
Jealousy... 
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