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Considering an escort. Will I regret it?

Hi all,

OK, just to explain my situation to you all.
I'm a 23-year-old male virgin who has never had a girlfriend or been romantically intimate in my life. This has got me slightly depressed in the past and I do have confidence/shyness issues which I am working on, but that's a separate issue to this thread, as I hope I'll explain.

I have recently began considering whether seeing an escort would possibly be beneficial for me. I'm not too bothered about being a virgin, or even about the physical act of sex (in fact I probably wouldn't want to have intercourse with the escort, just intimacy, poss. receive oral etc)

I just feel that my fear of intimacy and lack of experience is holding me back. I had a chance last year to possibly lose the 'V-Card' when a girl (attractive, too) in a relationship was willing to cheat on her partner with me. I did nothing, partly because I knew it would be wrong but also because I was paralysed with fear at the prospect of intimacy with her. I actually declined a chance to kiss her due to this. Eventually, after she lost interest I started regretting my action and was torn the whole time when she was interested between wanting to and not wanting to.

I'm over this girl now, but feel when someone I care about actually comes along I wouldn't have the 'bottle' to initiate anything and would miss out on a good opportunity.
This is the main reason I have for wanting to see an escort, the chance to experience intimacy and physical touching with a woman, without the pressure of it being someone I care about. In a sense, to 'de-mystify' women/sexual contact I suppose.

But on the other hand a strong part of me says this could have a detrimental impact upon my confidence, knowing I 'paid for it.' And also, with me declining the other girl out of partly a moral reason, this may make me something of a hypocrite doing this, although the morality is a lesser reason for me being cautious. I'd just feel like I could have had an experience with a girl without paying and would feel even more regret for having paid.

Other factors like cost, STDs are other minor issues for me really and I would be careful on who the escort and to minimise risk. But I believe the confidence dent may the

I'm just constantly going through this internal conflict in my head. Sometimes I feel like I should do it and that it may help me practically (if I don't expect anything too special) whilst I work on my shyness etc. But at other times the other side of the argument comes out on top and I endlessly go through this wondering. I'm starting to think just going through with it would be the only way to truly end this conflict.

Basically, I'm just putting my thoughts into words and would appreciate any constructive answers which may help me make the right decision for me or put things in a clearer light for me.

(I'd appreciate honest thoughts/answers rather than "Don't see a prostitute - you'll get STDs, "that's pathetic etc" - believe me I've been through these enough in my head!)

Thanks for reading, this post turned out longer than I thought.
Cheers :smile:

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Reply 1

joker12345

Look, you'll find someone you like some time and you'll get to know them and if you sense that they feel the same, I'm sure you'll be able to tell them somewhere in the time you spend together. Or you never know, they may make the first nice.
Someone with genuine relationship potential is very different to a kiss with a girl that already has a boyfriend, in the latter you have very little to gain and have to moray compromise yourself.

Reply 2

Apocrypha

Do what you want, the whole STD thing is a bit stupid if you ask me, use a condom for everything (everything).

Some of my friends lost it to a brass, some of them even chipped in and bought one for another person for their 18th.

Reply 3

Party55511

My advice is don't do it. I know 3 guys who paid for it the first time and they all regret it.

Reply 4

silverbolt

depends on how you view sex tbh

if you see at something special, to be savoured yadda yadda yadda - then dont bother as you wont be happy afterward.

If you view sex as sex, something fun, a release of an urge then go for it

Reply 5

Zechs

I would advise against doing this at any time, this is not something I would ever want to do. Also, paying for sex for your first time is quite sad. All you need to do is get yourself out there perhaps clubbing & socialising and get yourself confident through talking and interacting with women. The more woman you meet the higher the chance. Furthermore, try not thinking so much about sex when communicating with a woman. When you meet a woman it should not be simply about sex because you are viewing her as on an object and it would come off as desperate and creepy. I also feel the courting of a woman is almost as fun as the sex, actually makes it better to know you made an emotional connection and progressed the relationship to a different level.

Anyway in the end we all have our own moral compass, for me paying would be a no, plus it may become a habit for you. Just get some experience with woman and you will eventually get there naturally.

Reply 6

Mikeortolan

Join match, don't have sex with a prostitute! You'll always remember your first, and you don't want it to be some STD riddled hooker.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Not worth it IMO

If you're paying for sex you might as well not have it at all. Half the fun is 'The grind' you do to get a girl there.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 9

Amtrac

I wouldn't do it to be honest with you man. It seems a bit nasty.

I understand the male sex drive, I couldn't last till 23 myself so I appreciate you just want to get laid.

Reply 10

username607202

So go onto a forum full with kids and ask a pretty personal question? When most kids here don't have much life experience. Funny guy... :biggrin:

Reply 11

Sole7

Personally I wouldn't do this, I too thought about this in the past but instead waited and it payed off.
You'll meet a girl soon enough just be sociable and forward, take risks and don't be shy.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 12

Sophieml

Don't do it mate. Even if you do use a condom there's still a chance of stds including HIV (probably more common in escorts) which you'll have for the rest of your life (it's not curable), also it's just contact with the skin which passes these on not necessarily intercourse (making them harder to prevent than you think).

Just be confident and social you'll meet the right girl who doesn't care if you're a virgin!

Reply 13

tooosh

Original post by Sophieml

The only real risks with a condom are those that are easily curable except herpes, but most people have herpes anyway. Oh and HPV I guess but even more people have HPV.

Depends on who you are OP. My first time was a bit crap but it gave me confidence for the future. I can't imagine it would have been too different with an escort. If you tend to think on a practical level rather than that wishy washy "you'll remember it forever" crap, it'll be fine.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 14

rac1

It doesn't matter that you are a virgin.

You could probably find a woman on TSR that's posted about the same thing...

and you might even get married and live happily ever after with them :biggrin:

Reply 15

Swanbow

Having your first intimate experience with an escort is not healthy in my opinion. Call me old fashioned but the person you lose your virginity to should be someone who meant something. But that is just me. If you think having sex with an escort will help you stop putting sex on a pedestal and help your confidence then who I'm I to judge?

Reply 16

The Empire Odyssey

Cba to read the whole of your thing, cause it was just TOO long.

An escort is a person you pay to HANG out with you; so go cinema, shop, basically paying someone to be your friend, not to suck your balls. That's a prostitute!

It doesn't matter about experience and whatever. Don't give in. You should be proud that you haven't lost your V yet. I would hold onto that. And if you do approach a girl and tell them you haven't lost you V and they walk away, then you simply do the same cause she's a hoe!

Just wait until you have a girlfriend. Why throw it away because your hand isn't doing a good job? Get a flesh light?

Reply 17

@LCGiuran

I wouldn't personally do it and I'd advise you not to do it too. However, I feel this needs a bit of a clearing up.

I do not know from experience, but my following argument will go on the basis of what I consider rational:

The statement that you're more likely to catch an STD from an escort is inaccurate. Girls from escorting agencies practice prostitution legally, and as such the agency is required (this much I do know) to ensure the health of their models. Additionally, girls that work in the industry are most likely more sex savvy than the great majority and are perfectly aware of how to best protect themselves which in turn means you are protected too.

Without meaning to sound disrespectful, there is no particular difference between an escort and a girl who likes to partake in sexual intercourse very frequently with different people. With this I am referring specifically only to the side of the potential risk of catching an STD, not the moral and self-respecting parts. Hopefully this doesn't get misunderstood.

So yes, it is more a myth that you're more likely to catch an STD from a legal, agency provided escort. As a matter of fact, you do technically have a better guarantee than meeting a random girl in a club one night, who themselves may be unaware that they actually have something.

Of course, the whole argument falls if you consider a private escort, then you're on your own.

Reply 18

Ben Kenobi

There is nothing wrong with it and you shouldn't feel ashamed if you proceed with your plan of hiring an escort. Perhaps, it would even help with improving your confidence as you will not be a virgin anymore.

Reply 19

Will's mum

Bear in mind that an escort will be pretty well practiced at doing whatever it is you ask her to, then when you start having relationships everyone might seem inexperienced by comparison...?? Do you want your first bj to be a professional job and for others afterwards to seem less exciting as a result?

Not judging by the way, if this is what you want and you use a condom then go for it!