Turn on thread page Beta

Feel pressured into keeping baby (6 weeks pg) watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I'm about 6 weeks pregnant and i'm feeling very distressed and devastated. I told my boyfriend on the day i discovered i was pregnant and he's very excited, he really wants me to keep this baby. I am just about to start university and i know i can't deal with a baby alongside a rigorous course if i am to do well.

    We've spoken about abortion and he's solely against it. He wants to be a dad, but i don't think he knows that he's not ready. He's 19 and i'm 21, this is not how i wanted to bring children into this world; unmarried and in an unstable relationship, plus i think i'm far too young. He said he's not going to physically stop me from getting an abortion but if i do then that would be the end of us, for good. I don't want that to happen. I was hoping we could both get counselling if i do decide to abort.

    He's promised me that everything will be ok once the baby arrives. He'll buy everything the baby needs, he'll be there 24/7 and he won't think about leaving me. I don't believe him for one second. Our relationship has been quite rocky and i don't know if i want him to be the father of my child. He doesn't even have a job. He intends on using his inheritance money to pay for everything, which won't last long.

    I really don't know what to do. I feel so stressed out. I'm not eating properly and i've been crying a lot.

    Please no bible/quran verses, calling me a murderer. I'm an atheist.



    Offline

    7
    ReputationRep:
    If you want an abortion then I say go for it.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by PinkyQT)
    Why didn't you use a condom... or the pill.
    We've always used protection. The condom split a couple of times in June, that's when it must have happened.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    It sounds like your boyfriend isnt listening to you or what you want. I know the child is his, but you too have a say.Uni and babies can be done provided you have a good support network around you.It's still early days and I can totally understand how you feel

    It's not fair that you should be feeling pressured into keeping a baby when you dont want one.Are you in a posisition to get some counselling or to speak to someone on your options ?.

    Good Luck with what ever happens
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by PinkyQT)
    Why didn't you use a condom... or the pill.

    Look, just shut the BLEEP up, she doesn't need your disgusting rhetoric.

    Look OP, this is your choice, YOU are the person going through the burden, YOU are the person thinking logically.

    If he was a caring boyfriend he would respect your decision, I'm afraid if you are not ready to have a baby then please, don't bring the child into a world where he may or may not see his father or with other complications.

    Perfect your life OP, then raise a baby into a world that you are happy with.

    This is not his choice, it's yours.
    And if abortion is the only the way, it's the only.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    If this guy isn't supportive of your decision then he's not the right guy for you to be with.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    This is not his choice, it's yours.
    That's a ridiculous statement. It's both of their choices. That baby is as much him as it is her.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by MichaelB6)
    That's a ridiculous statement. It's both of their choices. That baby is as much him as it is her.
    No. Currently it's in HER body. So it's HER choice.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Annie72)
    It sounds like your boyfriend isnt listening to you or what you want. I know the child is his, but you too have a say.Uni and babies can be done provided you have a good support network around you.It's still early days and I can totally understand how you feel

    It's not fair that you should be feeling pressured into keeping a baby when you dont want one.Are you in a posisition to get some counselling or to speak to someone on your options ?.

    Good Luck with what ever happens
    I plan on seeing a counsellor before and after the abortion. I know my family would shun me and feel disappointed in me i did keep the baby. They wouldn't support me emotionally and financially. They expect more from me and i'm actually ashamed that i'm in this situation.

    (Original post by Lord Frieza)
    Look, just shut the BLEEP up, she doesn't need your disgusting rhetoric.

    Look OP, this is your choice, YOU are the person going through the burden, YOU are the person thinking logically.

    If he was a caring boyfriend he would respect your decision, I'm afraid if you are not ready to have a baby then please, don't bring the child into a world where he may or may not see his father or with other complications.

    Perfect your life OP, then raise a baby into a world that you are happy with.

    This is not his choice, it's yours.
    And if abortion is the only the way, it's the only.
    I know, i feel like abortion would be the way to go. The end of our relationship would just kill me though.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    In my opinion, you have a right to override what he wants because at the end of the day it is your body and it is you who will be pregnant for nine months. You should never be pressured into carrying on with a pregnancy when you don't wish to.

    If you really feel this way you should have an abortion. If your boyfriend does end things then so be it, he's not listening to what you want and doesn't sound like the right person to be with if he's putting so much pressure on you.

    I hope things end up ok in the end


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    You do what you want. If he's not willing to stay with you through thick and thin, and doesn't respect your decision and even wants to break up with you because of it, then he's not worth being with in my opinion.

    Of course, it's super easy for us not in your difficult position to say it through a computer screen. I personally would have ended it as soon as I realised he put his happiness above your own. He doesn't seem to realise your university career, at least for the time being is going to go completely down the ****ter...or maybe he does, and is just being selfish.

    It's your body and it's your choice. That baby might be his but he hasn't got to deal with the short term repercussions like you would have to. And if your relationship is rocky like you say, I would abort that baby and that relationship.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I plan on seeing a counsellor before and after the abortion. I know my family would shun me and feel disappointed in me i did keep the baby. They wouldn't support me emotionally and financially. They expect more from me and i'm actually ashamed that i'm in this situation.



    I know, i feel like abortion would be the way to go. The end of our relationship would just kill me though.

    Dont be ashamed to be in this situation, it can happen to anyone regardless of anything. I'm sorry your family isnt more supportive though, I know I would be if I had a daughter in your shoes.I am with you though, your BF needs to act like a man, not the little boy he comes across as giving you ultimatums and forcing you into becoming a mum when you just arent ready.
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    I think to have a child you should both want it. And saving a relationship isn't really a reason to have a baby. So abort, talk to him and explain that you do want this but surely it would be better later in life when you both want it.
    • PS Helper
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    PS Helper
    OP as much as he says he may be there for you, at the end of the day you will have a huge responsibility. It's your body, and therefore your choice. Don't feel pressurised into it - if he truly cared about you, he wouldn't force you to do something that you don't want to do, and he'll stick around after that. If he doesn't, then you know you've made the right choice anyways! Best of luck to you - and despite what anyone says, it's not murder*** - do what you think is right. You have a right to your body and therefore a right to make your own choices. Using a child as a band-aid baby is not a good idea and doesn't make sense. You have so much ahead of you, you are so young, and you'll have plenty of chances to conceive again when the time is right and when you are comfortable with such a decision

    *** in MY opinion anyway - and in the opinion of the British law. My previous simple statement of 'it's not murder' seems to have upset someone... but everyone's entitled to an opinion and a right to their own body. Have a read of Judith Jarvis Thompson's 'A defense on abortion'

    http://spot.colorado.edu/~heathwoo/P...02/thomson.htm


    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm about 6 weeks pregnant and i'm feeling very distressed and devastated. I told my boyfriend on the day i discovered i was pregnant and he's very excited, he really wants me to keep this baby. I am just about to start university and i know i can't deal with a baby alongside a rigorous course if i am to do well.

    We've spoken about abortion and he's solely against it. He wants to be a dad, but i don't think he knows that he's not ready. He's 19 and i'm 21, this is not how i wanted to bring children into this world; unmarried and in an unstable relationship, plus i think i'm far too young. He said he's not going to physically stop me from getting an abortion but if i do then that would be the end of us, for good. I don't want that to happen. I was hoping we could both get counselling if i do decide to abort.

    He's promised me that everything will be ok once the baby arrives. He'll buy everything the baby needs, he'll be there 24/7 and he won't think about leaving me. I don't believe him for one second. Our relationship has been quite rocky and i don't know if i want him to be the father of my child. He doesn't even have a job. He intends on using his inheritance money to pay for everything, which won't last long.

    I really don't know what to do. I feel so stressed out. I'm not eating properly and i've been crying a lot.

    Please no bible/quran verses, calling me a murderer. I'm an atheist.



    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)

    I know, i feel like abortion would be the way to go. The end of our relationship would just kill me though.

    Why must it end?

    Is he not willing enough to listen to his girlfriend's justifications for abortion?

    In which case, you may want think if he actually is the right guy. You said yourself, the relationship may be 'unstable'
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by SmallTownGirl)
    No. Currently it's in HER body. So it's HER choice.
    It's both their choices.

    I'm gunna get negative reps for this, but I don't personally understand this idea that the guy is worthless and his opinion has no say in the matter. It *is* her body, but it is *his* baby too. The decision making should go with a 50/50 split, and I think it's horrible that people sprout **** like 'he doesn't matter. As a guy, if I was with a girl who had absolutely no regard for what I wanted with *our* child, I would be so disheartened with the relationship that I would probably leave the girl.

    As it is, the OP listed many reasons for abortion so abortion is clearly the path they should go down (young, want a better life before children, he seems immature etc etc), but I can't stand it when people just automatically rule the guy out just because he isn't giving birth to the baby. A guy has just as much love for the baby as the girl, so why should his opinion be ignored entirely? o.O
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm about 6 weeks pregnant and i'm feeling very distressed and devastated. I told my boyfriend on the day i discovered i was pregnant and he's very excited, he really wants me to keep this baby. I am just about to start university and i know i can't deal with a baby alongside a rigorous course if i am to do well.

    We've spoken about abortion and he's solely against it. He wants to be a dad, but i don't think he knows that he's not ready. He's 19 and i'm 21, this is not how i wanted to bring children into this world; unmarried and in an unstable relationship, plus i think i'm far too young. He said he's not going to physically stop me from getting an abortion but if i do then that would be the end of us, for good. I don't want that to happen. I was hoping we could both get counselling if i do decide to abort.

    He's promised me that everything will be ok once the baby arrives. He'll buy everything the baby needs, he'll be there 24/7 and he won't think about leaving me. I don't believe him for one second. Our relationship has been quite rocky and i don't know if i want him to be the father of my child. He doesn't even have a job. He intends on using his inheritance money to pay for everything, which won't last long.

    I really don't know what to do. I feel so stressed out. I'm not eating properly and i've been crying a lot.

    Please no bible/quran verses, calling me a murderer. I'm an atheist.



    It's YOUR body and it's YOUR choice. Your boyfriend has no right to make you keep the baby, he's not the one who will be carrying it and giving birth. You also say that your relationship is rocky, and so you could potentially be left with the baby if something happens. Your boyfriend should care for you no matter what, regardless if you keep the baby or not.

    Also on a side note, it does look like you've been going through hard times so :hugs:
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    Though to all the people accusing him of 'not being a real man' and saying he's an awful boyfriend for not accepting her decision - well he's in a very difficult situation. If he doesn't believe in abortion he's not going to want his child to be aborted and he's trying his best to stop this. The guilt he feels is kind of comparable to the guilt women feel after having an abortion.
    • Welcome Squad
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    Welcome Squad
    If you want an abortion, you go get one. End of. If he can't deal with that, then he's an immature brat - which to be honest he sounds anyway. Unemployed and wanting a kid at nineteen? Give me a break.

    If you think an abortion is the best thing, then that is what you should do. Saving a crappy relationship is a **** reason to have a kid.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by MichaelB6)
    It's both their choices.

    I'm gunna get negative reps for this, but I don't personally understand this idea that the guy is worthless and his opinion has no say in the matter. It *is* her body, but it is *his* baby too. The decision making should go with a 50/50 split, and I think it's horrible that people sprout **** like 'he doesn't matter. As a guy, if I was with a girl who had absolutely no regard for what I wanted with *our* child, I would be so disheartened with the relationship that I would probably leave the girl.

    As it is, the OP listed many reasons for abortion so abortion is clearly the path they should go down (young, want a better life before children, he seems immature etc etc), but I can't stand it when people just automatically rule the guy out just because he isn't giving birth to the baby. A guy has just as much love for the baby as the girl, so why should his opinion be ignored entirely? o.O
    This is the point. It isn't his body so he has no choice. It's like saying my friend should choose whether or not I get a transplant if I need one. In this country we have body autonomy and so **** him. Like he'd be the one to give up his future for the child. She's right to do what she wants because the likelihood is that if they break up she's be left holding the baby. Anybody who believes anyone should have a choice of anyone else's body is a ****.
 
 
 
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: August 9, 2013
The home of Results and Clearing

2,524

people online now

1,567,000

students helped last year
Poll
A-level students - how do you feel about your results?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.