How can you tell?

How do you know when a relationship has past its sell by date as it were? I think I'm still in love with my boyfriend, I still want to see him and can't imagine life without him, but I don't feel the same as I used to when we're together. The 'spark' isn't quite the same. But it's a long-term relationship, and I don't want to through it all away because I might be going through a 'weird patch', if you get me? I'm just so confused at the moment, because I don't WANT to end the relationship, and I can't imagine doing so or picture being without him, but I don't know whether I should carry it on either. Is there any way to work through these feelings and try to recreate that spark? Or do relationships naturally just turn the corner into a different kind of relationship, and it takes you a while to get used to it?

I'm not sure if any of that makes sense, I can't get anything clear in my own head at the moment (not good with exams and everything) and I hardly know what I mean or what I'm thinking, so I wouldn't be suprised if nobody else could. But if you can make even some sense of it all then any advice would be appreciated.

Reply 1

Eb

1

When you stop feeling butterflies when you see him.

Reply 2

peaches_and_cream

I'm in a very similar position, I love my boyfriend but at the moment I feel like things have got too comfortable so we don't feel we have to make an effort with eachother any more. I wish we could start from the beginning again when everything's new and we want to be with eachother all the time, now sometimes I just can't be bothered with it all. What's more I'm off to Thailand in a month's time for five weeks, after which I'm off for another month on a dig so I don't know when I'll be able to see him. It's all very confusing so I feel for your situation, I would stay with him if I could, but things just aren't going right and I don't see things changing so I don't really feel I don't have a choice but to break up, but I still don't want too!! Does it feel like a bit of a vicious circle to you too? I guess this hasn't really helped your problem, but it's good to know it's not just my relationship that's like this.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Konstantine

Chances are you've just settled into such a routine with each other that you don't see the excitement anymore. That doesn't necessarily mean it's over...more that you have fo find something new to keep the interest.

If all else fails, check this video guide to knowing when it's really over.

:p:

That's pretty much what my Mum said (I just spoke to her, good old Mothers), and also that my emotions are pretty haywire at the moment, with exams and everything, so I'm not really in a position to make a decision about anything. Thanks for the advice :smile:

And cheers for the video link, I might have to check it out later :wink:

To the person above, it doesn't feel so much like a vicious circle, more like everything's just changed. Which I think has confused my feelings because the relationship isn't as exciting as it used to be. I've been reading around the Internet a lot, and most of them said that 'comfort' is the sort of final 'stage' of a relationship (not the beginning of the end, just how long-term relationships end up), and it's the transition from the loved-up stage to this which is the kind of make-or-break time. God knows how accurate all the information is, and I'm obviously not the best person to give advice, but I think I'm going to try actually going out on 'dates' with my boyfriend again, rather than just doing the same old thing of going to each other's houses. Like I said, I'm obviously no expert, but it might work??? Hope it works out for you either way anyway :smile:

Reply 4

Anonymous #2

Yes! Dates will work! I had the exact same problem with my boyfriend. Just do new things. We played scrabble.

Reply 5

beanie

1

Hey... I'd try your idea of going on dates and doing couple-y things again with your boyfriend. I'm in a similar position with mine, we've been together for nearly 2 years and we've just got in a routine now so the fun has gone... but we've started doing the dating thing again recently and its really nice. When you're long term you seem to loose out on the dating thing, which is a shame as its cool to get dressed up for each other, if nothing else! I wouldn't break up with your boyfriend, as like, I know how you feel not being able to be without him even though it doesn't feel quite right anymore... I feel like I'm married sometimes! Also, I don't know how you are, but we share all of our best friends as we're in the same "group" at college, so we usually hang out and do things with other couples/friends, but recently we've started doing more on our own without the others, which has bought the spark back too :smile:

Good luck x

Reply 6

Sophdoph

1

Just like to add that I'm in a similar situation. Stil love my bf of 3 years but seem to need a bit of time and space at the moment and not sure whether the spark is still there. Still enjoy seeing him and spending time with him, can't picture us breaking up or being apart but I don't know whether the relationship has run its course.

We've been spending time apart to try and cool off and stop bickering, which worked, we never argue just bicker but it had got irritating so it's better now as we are genuinely more happy seeing each other. Also we'll be apart for 6 weeks as I'm working in my uni town and he'll be at home so I think then we'll really know what we want and if we miss each other and its worth it.

It's definitely good doing couple things and we're going to do stuff when we see each other at weekends while I'm working that are special. Even little things like a nice takeaway and going to the park for a walk help. Just talking again properly helps as when we haven't seen each other for a few days we have loads more to discuss which is nice :smile:

Reply 7

zain88

1

eblurvesu

When you stop feeling butterflies when you see him.

bull****

that's when the initial stage is over (honeymoon stage?) not when the relationship has gone past its sell-by date.

most married people don't get butterflies when they see their partners. should they all get divorced?

to the OP: like every long term relationship, including marriages, it takes effort to keep that spark alive, it doesn't stay alive of its own accord. if you are bored of your bf then put some effort into doing new and interesting things. do things that make you see a different side to each other. or do something required teamwork. play a game of badminton?

the sell by date comes when you don't love your bf anymore IMO. or when you think they aren't attractive.

Reply 8

Glory

1

Maybe you need to spice things up, try new things when your together. I dont mean in the bedroom either, go to new places start having dates like its the first time youve gone out. Experience new things neither of you has done before. I think the spark may of gone becuase youve ran out of things to do together or to talk about.

Reply 9

Anonymous #3

zain88

the sell by date comes when you don't love your bf anymore IMO. or when you think they aren't attractive.

I don't quite agree with that. You can still Love your boyfriend/girlfriend, but fall out of love with them. You love them as a person but are no longer IN love with them.
That's what happened to my relationship of 2 and a half years. I love the person that he is and always will do, but in terms of relationship, it had come to its natural end.
If you have more doubt about the relationhsip, that is when you know it has come to its end.

Reply 10

zain88

1

Anonymous

I don't quite agree with that. You can still Love your boyfriend/girlfriend, but fall out of love with them. You love them as a person but are no longer IN love with them.
That's what happened to my relationship of 2 and a half years. I love the person that he is and always will do, but in terms of relationship, it had come to its natural end.
If you have more doubt about the relationhsip, that is when you know it has come to its end.

i actually agree with what you're saying, i knew what i wrote didnt sound quite the way i wanted it to! yeah i think sell by date is when you don't love them as in in-love with them. but you still love them as a person.

How can you tell?

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