So I have found out recently that my parents are splitting up, Sine Ive gone to Uni Ive noticed that they seemed to be drifitng apart, and at holidays and all they didnt talk but I didnt realise it was this bad. Its really hard to be there while Im at Uni, and Evertyime I talk to my mum I worry so much about her because she is not the best at dealing with bad situations, and I think shes depressed.
The problem is this is all because of my dad, We have found out recently He has been having an affair (Something I suspected around 3 years ago but then thought I was wrong - no idea how long it has been going on). I want to hate my dad so much for what hes done to Mum, and to me and my brother.. I really do but I cant because hes still my Dad. I just dont know what to do, I was shopping today looking for cards and stuff and I just couldnt bring myself to be around all the Fathers day stuff.. and broke down in the shop. He has text me today about picking me up (I go home on Friday) and said he knows that Im not happy with him (He actually said he was worried I would hate him) but hed always be my dad. Its hard to try and hate him which Is what I feel like alot of the time, and ignore the fact I still love him.. I just dont know what to do. He's never been a bad father, But I just cant beleive he could do this to us.
I suppose It was just nice to get that off my chest, as I havent told anyone elese because I just dont want to burden them. I just dont know How to act when I go home because I dont want to hurt my mother, or my father.
Thanks for listening.
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- Thread Starter
- 13-06-2006 18:20
- 13-06-2006 19:17
Ahhh, same thing has just happened to me. Slightly different situation though. But we're moving out of our house and moving into a flat elsewhere, my Dad will get another apartment. This is because my parents have mortgaged and remortaged out damned house that often.
There are many issues involved none of which I'm going to discuss here but I'm not that upset. Is that really weird?
I just want to get on with life with less hassle and I just want everyone to be happy and everything. My mum seems to be okay now, I think it might sink back in when we've moved again. I kinda take the attitude of 'its a bad situation, you just deal with it'
I'm a bit emotionless at the moment, its weird, it was slightly surreal, but I'm really alright.
I hope you're bearing through it all okay, and I hope things look up for your Mum.
- 13-06-2006 19:30
So sorry to hear that Hanzing. Just be you when you go home. Don't try and act one way or another. Your mum needs someone to be the same they always have been. Try not to take sides. The best thing you can do is be around for your mum.You probably both need to have a good vent.
- Thread Starter
- 13-06-2006 20:48
- 14-06-2006 00:34
I just wanted to say how sorry I am - it must be a completely difficult time for your family and especially you. I'm glad that you feel better having said all that - feel free to PM me if you need somewhere else to vent!
It's always difficult when someone we love does something totally out of character, like your dad having an affair. I wouldn't try to understand why he did it or anything, just accept it as something he did, and perhaps try to come to terms with it so that you can get on with loving him. It's good that you're exploring your feelings - all the good psychologists tell us that this is the way we get better. Perhaps you could try to make yourself feel angry with him rather than hate him completely?
No one is completely faultless, and it's no one's total responsibility. It's just something that happens, sadly, sometimes, and you have to accept it and move on. If your mum's feeling depressed, perhaps you could try to be really supportive of her. It would probably be difficult for her to talk about her feelings for your dad to you - because she may not want to upset you or hurt you. But show your awareness of her sadness - I don't know, give her some extra hugs just to show you understand that she's unhappy and that you're there for her completely.
You say you don't want to burden anyone - that's very selfless of you, but sometimes it is good to talk to someone. Of course you can talk on here to us - and I know we'll all be sympathetic and understanding, but in my experience there's nothing like blurting out everything you're feeling to a person sitting right there next to you. Have you got a really close friend who would be there for you? Perhaps you could talk to someone totally separated from the situation, like a school counsellor. There's also the Samaritans and Childline if you really need to talk.
Good luck with everything - I really hope it works out for you and your family, and that you can get your lives back on track after this. You seem like an understanding, sensitive and emotionally-strong person, and I'm sure you'll be just fine in the long run