How do you cope with the guilt of leaving your parents?

Watch
This discussion is closed.
emptyfield
Badges: 10
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#1
Report Thread starter 8 years ago
#1
Hi everyone!
I'm from Italy but I moved in London two years ago, and lately I've been worrying about something I never truly considered before, perhaps cause I'm going to start Uni this fall and my life is heading more and more far away every day from my country, as I really don't want to go back.
Long story short, as the thread's title suggest, I feel guilty for leaving my parents. They're still relatively young (55 and 64) and healthy, and I understand it's normal to leave the nest at some point; I don't know if it's the distance making it worse or what, but lately I'm really having a hard time dealing with it.
I'm wondering how Americans deal with it (as far as I understood they easily move several states away from their parents with no big fuss) for example.

Anyway, sorry for the long message; the question still stands: how do you deal with the guilt of being far away?

Posted from TSR Mobile
1
LetsTorIt
Badges: 0
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#2
Report 8 years ago
#2
Why would there be guilt? As long as you are happy they are happy and if you are happy being else where they will be happy for you.
3
Jam'
Badges: 15
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#3
Report 8 years ago
#3
They did the same thing to their parents. They found it acceptable; why shouldn't you?
1
Wattsy
Badges: 19
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#4
Report 8 years ago
#4
Unless your were like their carer or something which it appears that you are not, I can't understand a feeling of guilt. Parents want their children to leave at some point, they're quite prepared for it. I can't see there being a great variance in this between Italy and England, your parents if they're in good health should cope just fine without you, they'll be sad when you leave of course but they'll get used to it.
0
username1221364
Badges: 5
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#5
Report 8 years ago
#5
I'm planning on moving to England and then Italy within the next few years. My Mom will be completely alone without me. I feel terribly guilty, especially since she sometimes tries to make me feel that way. But I'm well past the age that I should be out of the house and she has to let go sometime.
1
kaypc
Badges: 13
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#6
Report 8 years ago
#6
I feel the same and im not even moving countries, only 4 hours drive away. I feel bad when my mum says she'll miss me terribly and she says she wants to work more hours to let the time pass. Everyone has to gain independence at one point so don't feel bad. Plus they're only a phone call away.
1
DDT10
Badges: 7
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#7
Report 8 years ago
#7
Short answer: It will be fine.

Long answer: it's natural to feel like you want to go back. But this will pass. It will be saddening for your parents but to them it's the end of a chapter and they'll just have to turn over for the next page in life. Besides, there's no excuse not to stay in touch what with Skype and various IM apps available (unless....you don't have internets)
0
thestrongbow
Badges: 0
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#8
Report 8 years ago
#8
Its normal and happened with me as well, my partents are old and I feel guilty of leaving them even at one momment I thought to quit my studies and go back to my country but do you know how I encouraged myself ? Just try to talk with them on phone or do skype video chatting...tell them what you did in a wekk and ask them about theirs,,, you will definitely feel better
0
apple32
Badges: 13
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#9
Report 8 years ago
#9
As someone mentioned already, you are only a phone call away. Plus if you wanted to, a short plane ride and rather inexpensive plane ticket away (Americans studying in Europe don't have that luxury).
1
klika89
Badges: 5
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#10
Report 8 years ago
#10
To be honest, it does not matter if you move 2 hours away or a few countries away from home, but it is a part of growing up process, so you will get used to it.
0
PerArduaAdAstra
Badges: 9
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#11
Report 8 years ago
#11
"relatively young"
0
ollienbert
Badges: 11
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#12
Report 8 years ago
#12
As someone who moved country and left my parents behind ( i left them in the UK) over 30 years ago I will comment... You can do lots to keep in touch. You can do much more than we did in the old days when we had to put 10 p coins into the phone box. Of course your parents will miss you but they encouraged you to study and take opportunities so now it is time for you to make them proud.

I am in the student room because I am now a student again, back at Sheffield university as a distance learner. I can visit when I come across for my study weekends. They would have seen more of me and their grandchildren if I had lived in the same town but hey life does not always work like that. If the human race had never wandered think of the way our globe would have looked!

I have my own children who are studying in UK and to be honest I felt it was my responsiblity as a parent to make sure that they did not feel guilty to leave me at home. I picked up my studies and I use their rooms while they are away . When they come home they know I am delighted, but they also know that I have a life beyond them. Maybe it was my own experience that shaped the way I planned for them leaving once I realised they were heading for university.

So even though your parents miss you I am sure that their life continues and you will find ways of keeping in touch - Skype, phones, the odd postcard if you go out for the day and occasional weekends will remind your parents that you are thinking about them and that you appreciate them. Good luck with your life choices.
0
Ella10092
Badges: 7
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#13
Report 11 months ago
#13
Visit them if you miss them. Also you can live with your parents if you stay in Italy
0
Shahrzad.al
Badges: 1
Rep:
? You'll earn badges for being active around the site. Rep gems come when your posts are rated by other community members.
#14
Report 10 months ago
#14
Hi! Im from Iran and i want to study for MA in Italy..i have same feelings like you tho im still in my country and haven't even done my apply!
0
X
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

How would you describe the quality of the digital skills you're taught at school?

Excellent (19)
8.6%
Okay (65)
29.41%
A bit lacking (83)
37.56%
Not good at all (54)
24.43%

Watched Threads

View All