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Why is marriage still such a rite of passage in our society?

I'm 24 and a lot of my mum's friends kids are around my age or younger and a lot of them are getting engaged. That's fine, it's nice that two people want to get married but what I object to is this kind of notion that it's expected.

The amount of times I've been asked "will you and X be next then?" is slightly getting on my nerves. It's almost like a competition.

It seems that marriage is still regarded by many as a mandatory rite of passage, and that until you've achieved it you're failing. Those that get engaged are treated like they've achieved some great feat, and I don't get it! I can understand in olden times when women got married to leave the family home but nowadays when women have their own lives and careers why is is still such an expected event?

Marrying for love is fine, but why does that necessarily have to happen at any particular period in your life? What's wrong with marrying in your 30s,40s or 50s. Surely it all depends if you find the right person.

Just wondering what your opinions of this are? Has anyone also had these slightly irritating comments from family/friends. Or does anyone not agree with me?

Edit: I'm not really taking religious beliefs into account here. I can understand in that case.
(edited 10 years ago)
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Reply 2
I've never understood why people still look up to marriage. If you're in love, you don't need to be married, so marriage itself means very little. I myself don't want to ever get married or have kids, but when people hear that from me they always say "Oh, I'm sure you'll change your mind one day". It's so patronising.

I would only ever get married for the financial benefits, but if you do want to get married at some point but just not right now, tell them that to their face when they say it again. Be honest and blunt about it, and maybe they'll listen.
My friends are always shocked when I tell them my parents aren't married and never have been.
Original post by Treeroy
I've never understood why people still look up to marriage. If you're in love, you don't need to be married, so marriage itself means very little. I myself don't want to ever get married or have kids, but when people hear that from me they always say "Oh, I'm sure you'll change your mind one day". It's so patronising.

I would only ever get married for the financial benefits, but if you do want to get married at some point but just not right now, tell them that to their face when they say it again. Be honest and blunt about it, and maybe they'll listen.


I don't ever want to get married either. When I tell people they look at me like I'm insane and say things like "oh you will when you meet the right person".. Um no I won't because I don't see marriage as a necessary requirement to have a functional relationship.
Reply 5
Original post by LavenderBlueSky88
I don't ever want to get married either. When I tell people they look at me like I'm insane and say things like "oh you will when you meet the right person".. Um no I won't because I don't see marriage as a necessary requirement to have a functional relationship.

Exactly :-) even if I did want a long-term relationship, there's no way I would be under the delusion of marriage affecting the relationship in any way.
Reply 6
Original post by LavenderBlueSky88
I'm 24 and a lot of my mum's friends kids are around my age or younger and a lot of them are getting engaged. That's fine, it's nice that two people want to get married but what I object to is this kind of notion that it's expected.

The amount of times I've been asked "will you and X be next then?" is slightly getting on my nerves. It's almost like a competition.

It seems that marriage is still regarded by many as a mandatory rite of passage, and that until you've achieved it you're failing. Those that get engaged are treated like they've achieved some great feat, and I don't get it! I can understand in olden times when women got married to leave the family home but nowadays when women have their own lives and careers why is is still such an expected event?

Marrying for love is fine, but why does that necessarily have to happen at any particular period in your life? What's wrong with marrying in your 30s,40s or 50s. Surely it all depends if you find the right person.

Just wondering what your opinions of this are? Has anyone also had these slightly irritating comments from family/friends. Or does anyone not agree with me?

Edit: I'm not really taking religious beliefs into account here. I can understand in that case.


Cultural beliefs. They are almost never rational.
Reply 7
I'm neither for marriage nor against it. As people have mentioned if you truly love someone then you don't need a big fancy ceremony to prove it. However if my future life partner is adamantly for marriage I will go along with it for her sake but of course I would let her know its entirely for her sake.
Reply 8
Well if you remain unmarried for the rest of your life and have no children, it's expected by some that you'll grow old all by yourself and be lonely with noone to look after you. Companionship is a big part of humanity you may buck the trend though and there's nothing wrong with that

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Original post by ElChapo
Well if you remain unmarried for the rest of your life and have no children, it's expected by some that you'll grow old all by yourself and be lonely with noone to look after you. Companionship is a big part of humanity you may buck the trend though and there's nothing wrong with that

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Fair enough though having children isn't dependent on marriage, neither is having a long term partnership. Plus, if it were about not dying alone why would there be the rush to get married during your 20s.
Reply 10
Original post by LavenderBlueSky88
Fair enough though having children isn't dependent on marriage, neither is having a long term partnership. Plus, if it were about not dying alone why would there be the rush to get married during your 20s.


My family aren't originally from Britain so maybe that's why but none of us really marry in our early 20s it seems early to me

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Reply 11
Yeah, it seems odd to me. The average age for marriage has shot up in recent years, yet there still seems to be an expectation of young people in relationships to get married. However, I don't think there's so much of a "find someone to get married to" pressure for single people anymore, it's just to find someone to be in a relationship with. If that makes sense. It's probably because, as someone mentioned, young people years ago got married early because it was the only oppurtunity to move out of their parents home, but now half of us go to university and it's much more common to live alone before getting married.

I am getting sick of people asking me if my boyfriend and I will marry (interestingly, my boyfriend never gets asked). We've been together three years, but it still seems way too early to think about anything like that :lolwut: I'm pretty sure I don't want to get married anyway. A few of my old school friends are engaged or married, and now my older sister is, so there's the constant "ooh it'll be you next!" from friends and especially relatives. Hmm, yeah, no it won't mate.
I don't see marriage as a necessity, but there is a tradition behind it and if done for the right reasons, marriage is a really nice idea.

I want to get married to my current partner because when we choose to have children, I would like our family unit to be traditional. I would like to have the same surname as my children and my partner. I want to provide my children with stability and a consistent set of parents who teach teamwork even through the hardest of times, and while this is possible without marriage, the concept of 'togetherness' is far more visible through a legal bond. I want the financial and legal benefits of a marriage - if one of us gets sick, visits to the hospital and any monetary issues are far more easily explained and sorted. I want my identity to be as that of a couple, because marriage means that I have entered a lifelong union, thereby changing my identity as an individual. I want to promise my partner that I will be with him 'forever' because I truly believe that spending my life with him is a privilege.

Of course some people may not agree with me, and they do not have to. But I do want to get married despite it becoming an increasingly outdated trend. I would never judge someone for not wanting to get married. The divorce rate is far too high because many people do not get married for the right reasons and do not respect the sanctity of marriage.

I think some people tend to expect marriage because we have been taught about its past existence in society. It isn't a rite of passage in the slightest, it is purely something that people want to do!

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