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Separation to go to uni
im leavin to go to university in september, but my boyfriend (of two and a half years) is going somewhere else. we met in school and we both carried on in the 6th form there, so i see him nearly everyday for a long time. part of me cant wait to get out there and gain some independence again so to speak. but im also really worried about it, almost to the point i dread going, he means so much to me and i dont want to lose him. i know we both need to go our separate ways and do what we both really want to do. but i feel very regretful sometimes i didnt go with him.
help me! am i bein immature/insecure? can i do anythin?
help me! am i bein immature/insecure? can i do anythin?
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I personally do think that it is really important to gain indepedence at uni - i visited my bf every weekend when he was at uni and then joined him at uni and moved in with him (not my choice looong story!). And I feel as if i missed out on a lot of independence by not having my own space etc. If its ment to be it will be! It might be hard but you havnt said about the distance, you can always visit each other! XXX
You're not being immature or insecure! If one part of your mind's telling you to gain some independence - go for it! Whether you like it or not, you're going to be separated (sorry!) at least for a while, so why not cool it off for a while? There's nothing saying you can't meet once or twice while you're both at uni, but you can definitely see each other in the holidays, just like you can see your friends. Why not just be friends - you won't lose him completely!
unfortunately, im goin to nottingham, hes goin to durham. not the longest away, but i dont think its very easy to travel inbetween.
everything is hard at the mo cos he wont talk about it! he deals with things as they come.
everything is hard at the mo cos he wont talk about it! he deals with things as they come.
I completely understand how you're feeling. I know it's difficult but I really think it's important to gain independence at Uni (and you seem to acknowledge this too). I guess the way to look at it is that neither of you are disappearing, you will still see each other because you care about each other and won't want to lose something good (whether that's only a friendship, or something more). If you both go through Uni after splitting up and realise that actually what you had was good, then you'll find each other again. It's better to have the experience of independence and maybe other relationships because you'll either realise that actually what you had was good but not what you really want, or you'll realise that your relationship was exactly what you wanted.
It'd probably be good to talk about it with him (although I understand that can be difficult, especially if he doesn't want to).
Hope I've helped (somehow!) and let me know what you decide/how it goes (just cos I'm interested hehe!)
It'd probably be good to talk about it with him (although I understand that can be difficult, especially if he doesn't want to).
Hope I've helped (somehow!) and let me know what you decide/how it goes (just cos I'm interested hehe!)
I totally understand how you feel, I've been going out with my boyfriend for the same amount of time, so it will be weird to be apart from him. It's hard to talk about it now because you don't know what your work load will be exactly, how you'll feel etc. PM me if you want a chat/rant 
Don't throw the towel in yet least give it a go.
It good to know that some people understand! none of my friends seem too, which i suppose is because theyre not in my situation, which is fair enough.
Im postin as anonymous because he actually goes on the student room lol.
Im postin as anonymous because he actually goes on the student room lol.
my boyfriend went to york in septemeber and kind of expected me to follow him but my heart was set on reading. So, he basically said come to york or it wont work! mean i know, any way luckily for me York rejected me and he understands that. Getting through him being at uni was hard and we still do have little tiffs over insecurity, but if i would have gone to york i wouldnt have felt like it was my own thing that allowed me some independance. You have to put yourself first when it comes to uni x
Hey if you relationship is strong enough and you balance communicating frequnently with letting each other lead their own life you'll probably come out the other side a stronger duo!
My girlfriend of two and a half years and I are going to be in the same situation the gap is likely to be almost the length of England or thereabouts!
hmm everyone has been going out the same length of time... conicidence? I think not!
My girlfriend of two and a half years and I are going to be in the same situation the gap is likely to be almost the length of England or thereabouts!
hmm everyone has been going out the same length of time... conicidence? I think not!
To be honest, all you can do is try and make it work. People seem to make too big a deal about it and overthink everything. Me and my bf are 2 hours apart on the train. First term we agreed to only see each other a couple of times so we could settle in. We always said we'd see how it went. I mean, of course, we argue sometimes over mainly insecurities but it still works. Our relationship is great, i have a great time with my friends here and have a great time when i see him. All you can do is try, and if it doesnt work, then at least you tried.
Anonymous
It good to know that some people understand! none of my friends seem too, which i suppose is because theyre not in my situation, which is fair enough.
Im postin as anonymous because he actually goes on the student room lol.
Im postin as anonymous because he actually goes on the student room lol.
My boyfriend has posted in this thread and not as anon!
lol! so doubt youll have a discussion at least!
If hes sees this he could probably guess by the info youve given. How about seperate while you go and get it on when you get back. And then if you still like each other when youve both finished then you can carry on where u left off
i just couldnt do that, its not an option!
Anonymous
i just couldnt do that, its not an option!
We've already talked about it so it's not so much on an issue! I think you should give it your best shot. The way I see it is that there is no point giving up a good relationship for no reason. You might be seperated, but that doesn't mean that there will instantly be a problem with your relationship. You need to make sure that you communicate and know what's going on in each other's life, but also that you don't feel that you're being clingy etc. It's probably best to arrange to see each other a minimum number of times each term and then try your best to do that, even though it might not always be possible.
hello saccerZD... i havent yet, i thought i would wait until our exams are over- i dont want to get in a fight! i agree with you, you would think he would be able to talk to me if he knew i was desperate too. which he does btw! i have tried a few times, but all he says is he wants to give the long distant thing a try... and thats it. the rest of it he cant discuss because he has no idea what comin or what to expect. now am bein insecure or petty? i dont know. all i would want is an elaboration on this.
Anonymous
hello saccerZD... i havent yet, i thought i would wait until our exams are over- i dont want to get in a fight! i agree with you, you would think he would be able to talk to me if he knew i was desperate too. which he does btw! i have tried a few times, but all he says is he wants to give the long distant thing a try... and thats it. the rest of it he cant discuss because he has no idea what comin or what to expect. now am bein insecure or petty? i dont know. all i would want is an elaboration on this.
Ask him then, just talk about how you want to communicate (email, text, phone MSN etc.) and whether you would rather not talk too often or whether you would like some contact everyday. You can talk about how often you want to try to see each other. How does he expect it to work/what is he willing to do to make it work?
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